The mission Owen and Nikita hurried out on went as expected. The agents were on a desperate hunt for anything they could get on Amanda's whereabouts or plans. As soon as they had a lead on some black market sales, they rushed out to intercept the information. There were some hiccups as Owen attempted to distract the criminal courier. He couldn't keep her attention while Nikita stole the intel they needed. He stumbled on simply talking, and the whole operation was almost ruined. Fortunately, Nikita was able to think on her feet and pull it all together. The two secured the intel and returned to Division.
For a brief moment, Michael was irritated with Owen for his performance. He had given the agent the right things to say and do, but he blew it and almost got Nikita killed. However, all his irritation lifted when his wife consistently repeated that everything was fine. She didn't sound like it was okay. Her voice was hollow and she wouldn't say anything else about the mission- just that they should focus on the new information they had on Amanda. Michael couldn't focus on Owen when Nikita seemed far more troubled. So instead of yelling at the man when he saw him again, Michael asked, "Did Nikita say anything to you?"
"You guys still not talking?" Owen looked at Michael in surprise. Not only would he have never expected the married couple to not seriously talk for so long, he also never thought Michael would turn to him for help. The two men hadn't gotten along as much as the others on the team. They just never really clicked. But if the former analyst was running to the former Cleaner, he wouldn't hesitate to help. Owen couldn't leave him hanging, begging for any information on his wife. He should know what was occurring, "No. She didn't say anything."
Slowly, Michael expelled his breath. He probably should've asked Alex that question instead of Owen. Although Nikita did confide in him from time to time, her best friend would've been the one to hear the majority of her troubled thoughts. Michael simply hoped he could finally know what Nikita was thinking. The longer he couldn't read her mind, the more concerned he became. He didn't like that she was hiding something so potentially harmful from him. Whatever it was, he wouldn't be upset with her. He only wanted to help, to pull her back from the deepend she was diving for.
But if Nikita wasn't talking to him, or Alex, or even Owen, then what could Michael do. He could get her alone and make her listen to him, yet there wasn't a guarantee that she'd talk back. There used to be. From the moment she told him about Division, she had always kept her husband in the loop; he always knew her thoughts and emotions and what she was going through. Until the miscarriage. Since the horrible news she had kept him and everyone else at arms length. Michael couldn't let that be any longer. The space he had given her to adjust on her own needed to end. He had to bring his wife back.
"Thanks anyway, man," After thanking Owen for at least trying, Michael went to search for Nikita. She must've been debriefing with Ryan if she wasn't unloading the mission equipment with Owen. It was unclear what kind of intel they had gathered on Amanda. Techs were pouring over every last piece of data that was received, searching for at least one helpful crumb. Ryan and Nikita were more than likely thinking of ways they could utilize the information. Finding and stopping Amanda was the priority. If Division could do that, the horrendous attacks they faced would end.
Whereas that was incredibly important, Michael couldn't care less about Amanda at the moment. His only concern was his wife and how she was fairing. He hurried to Ryan's office in the hopes to pull her aside and talk. The others could manage on their own for a while. The married couple deserved to take a day to focus on themselves. That became more apparent once Michael reached the hallway outside the office. Nikita just stood outside the door, head hung low,/ Her husband didn't hesitate before reaching for her. He pulled her into his hold and instantly tried to comfort her, despite not knowing what her shift in moods was all about, "Hey."
Although he held her hand, and she had stopped moving away, his wife didn't look at him. Her brown eyes were locked on the ground just at their feet. Michael was tempted to gently lift her chin and smile down at her adoringly. However, he had a feeling that wouldn't work like it normally did. She wasn't stressed from work (well, no more than usual). She wasn't feeling down about herself (at least, she hadn't expressed any self-deprecating jokes aloud). She didn't need comfort in the typical way. More was going on in Nikita's mind, so Michael had to do more to make her open up. God, he really needed her to just talk to him.
Her hand was loose in his. He tightened the grip and tried to close the distance between them. Moving physically closer to her didn't nearly have the desired effect. Michael stared at his wife, rubbing soothing circles into the back of her hand with his thumb. Yet he continued to feel as though Nikita was pulling away. She didn't take a step back when he moved into her, nor did she yank her hand from his. She simply wasn't there with him. Her mind was completely elsewhere. And she wouldn't let her husband into wherever she was.
Michael didn't know how much of that stemmed from the miscarriage. Was she pulling herself away because she blamed herself for the heartbreak. The two had talked about that. He had told Nikita that she couldn't accuse herself of losing the baby. Miscarriages happened. She hadn't done anything wrong. But no matter what he said, she continued to carry that weight on her shoulders. It was potentially one reason why she had stopped talking about what happened. She couldn't not carry all the blame.
He wished he could take that all away. He wished he could think of all the right things to get through Nikita's dour thoughts and make her smile and talk. Yet all the words seemed to die out on Michael's tongue. He didn't know how else he could assure her. He also didn't know how to discuss the miscarriage without his own heavy emotions choking his voice. He had wanted the baby too; he had wanted that future with his wife- a house on the beach with a dog and a family. It hurt that their chance at such brightness was harshly taken away. Their war continued on, and there was no hope for something better.
However, that didn't mean the married couple couldn't have a baby or a family in the future. The miscarriage didn't completely steal away their chances. It was just the first instance that hurt so much. And the only way to successfully move on from the pain was to talk- actually really talk with expressed feelings and thoughts. If only that wasn't so difficult. For a married couple, it shouldn't have been. Surely they had faced worse and discussed it. They had been rogue together. They had uncovered Division's conspiracies together- especially the one regarding Hayley and Elizabeth's deaths. They should've been able to get through that as well.
One, or both of them, simply had to start talking. Michael knew he had to at least start the conversation. Maybe he could suggest that they move somewhere more private than the hallway leading to Ryan's office. They could meet in the old target range. Or possibly her old recruit room. Nikita had been comfortable enough in those rooms of the bunker to talk to her husband freely. The two could have a deep conversation, finally expressing the words they needed to say but just haven't yet.
Unfortunately, when Michael tried to move Nikita, she stayed absolutely still. Her feet were rooted to their spot, and her hand gripped his. She was going to stay right where she was. Whatever he had to say to her, he should say it there. He couldn't understand what had prompted her to make that decision. As open and shameless as she was about their relationship (specifically their sex life) and other light and fun topics, she was extremely closed when it came to something even remotely serious. She normally wouldn't be okay with them talking in such a public place. Unless she planned on stopping the conversation before it even started.
"Hey, listen. You've been great at running Ops. You're the best person to lead a mission- far better than I've ever been. So I talked with Ryan, and I… we think you should stay in the position permanently," Her eyes moved in an attempt to meet his. But, Nikita only managed to look over Michael's shoulder. Her voice was quiet and broken as well. She wanted him to hear her- and to not argue with her- but it was almost as if she couldn't bring herself to admit her new plans. She didn't want to hurt her husband, even if she refused to engage in a discussion that could save them both from further pain.
"Then who'd be your partner?" Michael matched her hushed tone with a whisper. It was the only surefire way he knew how to respond. How else was he supposed to take hearing that his wife wanted him out of the field; she wanted to replace his presence by her side with someone else. His skills leading missions from Ops didn't matter. That wasn't what Nikita's proposal was really about. She didn't want him as her partner anymore. She didn't need him with her. She really was pulling away from him.
"Alex. And when she's busy, Owen. Or even Ryan," Nikita shrugged. It was the obvious choice. She had helped train Alex to become the agent she was. The two women worked exceptionally well together. They also trusted one another with their whole lives. Alex could watch Nikita's back just as well as Michael had. Owen could be a great partner too- he simply needed more practice working with others. If all else failed, though, Nikita could team back up with Ryan. They had been partners in Division. He had trained her. The two could fall back into their easy rhythm. They had been protecting one another since they met, after all.
Despite knowing that there were tons of other agents that could help Nikita in the field, Michael wasn't okay with the thought. Alex was capable, but she had been so busy and distracted lately; the same went for Sean. Owen really needed to know how to work as a team member before he went on another mission. And Ryan had been acting so strangely since taking over Division. Michael should still be able to fight alongside his wife. He was the best partner for her, and she was the best for him, "Are you sure that's what you want? I can still help."
"I know. And you are helping. This is just where you need to be," Taking hold of her husband's prosthetic, Nikita admitted quietly. She was well aware that once he got used to his new prosthetic he would be just as formidable as he always had been in the field. Yet he had been greatly trained in intelligence and analysis before ever becoming a rogue agent. Those were Michael's strengths. With the way things were going in Division, they needed his nerdy abilities more than anything. He could successfully lead the agents through all their missions. They wouldn't have to worry about any more death and destruction.
While Michael just stared at her, trying to comprehend everything she was saying, Nikita finally let go. She stepped away and moved to leave the hallway. Yet as she did, she finally looked into Michael's eyes. There was so much emotion brewing in the depths of his green eyes, that the breath halted in her lungs. He looked so hurt, so betrayed, so confused, and so scared. She hadn't intended to cause all that. She hadn't wanted him to feel that way- never in a million years. However, as she opened her mouth to try and fix it, Birkhoff found the two. Their alone time was over, "Oh… Uh… Sorry. New Dirty Thirty op."
Nikita attempted a smile. She glanced at Birkhoff with a very small grin, attempting to assure him that nothing was wrong and that he hadn't interrupted anything. Michael picked up on her tactic and tried to copy it. Yet it was all so fake. The hacker saw right through the married couple. The pained expression in their eyes said everything. Regardless, Nikita pushed forward. The conversation needed to end, and another mission had to be prepared for. Futures were at stake, "You ready?"