A/N: This is just to fill up time not doing homework. Squee.

Disclaimer: Yeah, I'm not Snicket, in case you haven't guessed, it's all been said, big whoop, wanna fight about it? -family guy

The Penultimate Peril. Yeah, It's the same title. Big Whoop. Wanna fight about it?

Here lyeth a long paragraph about the randomest thing that you find out actually has to do with the story. Let's just use the enter key.

Okay. Keep in mind that whole thing was one paragraph. I KNOW.

"So, Baudelaires," Kit began. "Oh wait—no. Yes. Well, anyway, I give you clues and enhance the mystery. Poison darts. Opera. Esmé. Enhance. Meh.

"Oh and by the way, I'm pregnant, which is the only touch of realism in these books. Isn't that funny?"
"Ha. Ha." The Baudelaires looked around, wondering what was happening to their deteriorating, beloved story.

"Now, Baudelaires, this person said this, and that person said that, and anyway, for this brave stunt, I ask you—please take off your seatbelts. We are being followed."

"How do you know?"
"Eh, paranoia?"
At this point the Bauds were very scared not only of their driver, but where they were going. Let's take a few hundred sentences in one paragraph to think about this and make an odd analogy.

Had enough? Great.

Suddenly another analogy appeared and Sunny popped it with her four sharp teeth. Oh by the way, the Baudelaires were talented at: Inventing, researching, and…erm…what was that? Biting? No. Oh, cooking. Got it, got it. Cooking.

Anyway, where was I? Ah, yes. Popped analogy. Baudelaires almost got killed and Sunny flew toward the windshield. Kit grabbed her calmly by her head (which is ¾ of her body) and put her down, as if this happened every day.

Violet and Klaus exhaled.

"I shouldn't have done that," Kit said, Hagrid-style. "Ah well, who cares if my baby's completely deformed?"

She leaves and orders them to clean up after her even though she would be doing things much harder as a volunteer than carrying folders and books.

"Oh yeah. And she is completely trustworthy cause she saw an opera with our momma."
"Yeah."
"Yeah."
"Yeah."
"Yeah."
"Uh, should we go?"
"Yeah."
They do.

HINT HINT.

OPERA.

POISON DARTS.

NARRATION.

I WAS THERE.

ESMÉ.

CERTAIN WOMEN.

HINT.

HINT.

--------------------------------------------

Thank you for reading and thank you for reviewing! Yes, you. No, don't ignore me. I'm watching you!

Jk, jk. No seriously, review.

Oh yeah, I know it's a sucky first chapter, but it'll get better.