Heidecker's explanation that the kids were castaways and orphans didn't make things any better. There were still children on the plane that were going to be used for scientific experiments and testing. That was more than wrong. It was abominable. And it couldn't continue. Regardless of the information Michael and Nikita wanted from Heidecker, he had to be stopped immediately. Those kids needed to be brought somewhere safe, and the atrocities had to end. The scientist and his men guarding the plane couldn't live another second.
The agents didn't hesitate. Michael and Nikita killed Heidecker and his men, then rushed to the kids on the plane. They were so scared; they had been for who knew how long. While Michael convinced (forced) the pilots to work for them instead, Nikita tried to calm the kids down. The language barrier alone made things difficult, but the amount of confusing things the kids had to face all at once made them extremely overwhelmed. The only thing that remotely settled them was the promise of sweets and Nikita discovering how to play a movie on the plane. The kids at least became quiet, yet they were still terrified.
Ryan and Birkhoff contacted child welfare after Michael and Nikita informed them of the situation. Nikita wasn't a fan of that. The kids came from welfare. Who was to say that they wouldn't be sold to the next person looking to abuse them. Birkhoff swore that he had found someone who'd keep the kids safe; they were on the up and up- they had to have been if they passed his extensive background check. The kids would be alright. Nikita didn't quite believe it, nor did the kids. But they went along with it. It wasn't as though they had any other option.
After the kids were taken someplace far safer than the plane (and given sweets) Michael made the pilots take him and Nikita home. Division agents would be waiting for them once they landed. They'd interrogate the pilots for information on Heidecker and the group he worked for, and they'd scour the plane for evidence. In the meantime, the married couple could spend the long flight talking. They needed to. And they would've, had exhaustion not hit Nikita hard. She spent most of the flight dozing in and out of sleep. Michael wouldn't wake her. He just laid his jacket on her like a blanket and waited for a real chance to talk.
Once the two returned to Division, Michael pulled Nikita into Medical. Alex and the Alpha team could handle the briefing with Ryan, and Birkhoff and Sonya could review the evidence that had been pulled from the plane. Michael and Nikita had other issues they needed to focus on. The gash covering her eyes and cheek needed to be checked out and finally taken care of, and he had to talk to her. He at least waited until the doctor had finished patching her up before he initiated a conversation. A Medical room wasn't the best place to talk, but they couldn't wait any longer. He had to close the door and turn to his wife, "We have to talk."
"I know. I know. I fucked up. I shouldn't have lied to you. I shouldn't have gone to Kosovo. Keeping things to myself was stupid. I shouldn't be overprotective of your feelings," Expressing everything she had quickly realized when things went south on her mission, Nikita hung her head. She remained on the cot, unwilling to meet Michael's eyes. She didn't want to know how he thought about her actions. Obviously, the two needed to talk. However, she didn't want to face the fear and pain she had made him feel with her stunt. She kept hurting her husband no matter what she did. She hated it- she hated herself.
"You put yourself in danger, alone. I could've lost you. Why didn't you tell me about Heidecker and Bechiraj? I could've helped you," Michael remained standing. Hopefully that would make Nikita look at him. He wasn't angry with her. Scared, absolutely. Upset, yes. But he wasn't angry. He could understand her motivations to go on a dangerous and risky mission alone- even more so if she would talk to him. However, Nikita had to understand that there were consequences to her actions. It affected more than just her and Michael, but also the team and Division. Nothing about what had happened was simple. The repercussions were long lasting.
"I didn't want to give you false hope again," Barely loud enough to hear, Nikita admitted. She felt lame admitting it to Michael aloud. Given the full information on a situation, he could be realistic about the outcomes. He had hope. Yet as their war went on, he wasn't one to get his hopes up so high that taking them away would be devastating- except one time. False hope wouldn't kill him. Protecting him from that was ridiculous. Lying and keeping him distant caused far more problems than giving him potential false hope.
"False hope again? What were you thinking?" Although his words could've been sharp and degrading, Michael talked to Nikita as gently as he could. He finally sat down in a chair so close to her cot that he could've reached out and touched her. He didn't just yet. She seemed too worked up for physical contact. He wished he could actually read her mind. Not simply guess what she was thinking based on her expression, eyes, or body language, but really know what she was thinking. Michael wanted to understand his wife completely. It'd help him comfort her. And it'd make building on their relationship so much easier.
Nikita shrugged somewhat. She lifted one shoulder as she fidgeted in her seat and continued to not look at her husband. She wasn't sure why she was so shy to confess her thoughts to Michael. It wasn't as though he'd yell at her if they actually communicated. Maybe because it had just been so long. Talking was so hard. It required vulnerability and letting someone in. After being closed off for so long, being open again took too much effort. It was easier to stay vague, less heavy and difficult emotions were involved, "I just wanted to give you this. You deserve a new hand, especially after all I put you through."
"Nikita, I'm perfectly fine with my prosthetic. Yes, this Division one is more of a struggle to work around than my old one. And I constantly have to change how I do things and adapt. But, I'm still capable. I can still be your partner," Taking Nikita's hand in his, Michael spoke gently. Although he had to admit that a new hand would be amazing, and he would jump at a good opportunity to have one, it wasn't vital. He was completely fine with having a prosthetic for the rest of his life. The CIA and a psychiatrist helped him come to grips with that fact (and so many other things. Nothing would change that.
"I know. And I want you to be my partner. But I don't want to lose you too. I wasn't there at the crash. You could've… I need you to be as safe as possible," Staring at their interlocked fingers, Nikita confessed a fear she had been holding onto for too long. It was always terrifying when one of them was in danger and the other wasn't there to save them. But Michael barely saving himself from a fiery explosion shook Nikita to her core. She could've lost him as well as everything else that day. If only she had been there, and if only he wasn't at a disadvantage. He needed to have everything he could to be as safe as possible. She needed him alive.
Michael knew Nikita was holding something back. She had been keeping something from him for months. And it wasn't the new hand. He had a feeling that she was still carrying around the trauma and guilt of the miscarriage. He was still upset about it too, yet miscarriages happened. That didn't devalue how much it hurt; it simply meant that there was a way for them to heal. It wasn't anyone's fault, so they should attempt to heal and move on together. Their first step had to be them talking, "Please talk to me."
There was no point in Nikita hiding her guilt and pain from her husband. She wasn't saving him from pain; she was adding to it. After all, she had managed to tell Birkhoff her motivations. And Michael had always been so much easier to talk to than the nerd. He deserved to know what she was thinking and feeling, no matter how terrible it was. He was her partner. He was her husband. Michael wouldn't run from her. As long as Nikita was honest, he'd always be right there, "Since I couldn't give you what you wanted most, I thought I could give you a new hand. But apparently I can't do that either."
"What I wanted most? Are you talking about the baby?" Michael ignored her frustrations about how the mission went. They could deal with that later. As he brought his chair closer to Nikita, she nodded. The guilt of the miscarriage had been plaguing her for months. It drove her to unexpected places in a misguided attempt to make him happy. But he didn't need a new hand or his own safety to be happy. He didn't even need a baby. Michael just needed Nikita, "Oh, Nikki. The miscarriage wasn't your fault. You didn't make me lose anything. I should've been there with you. I shouldn't have let you go through that alone. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
Tenderly, Michael caressed Nikita's uninjured cheek. He gently lifted her chin, forcing her brown eyes to finally meet his green. There were tears in her eyes. However, she was fighting valiantly to not let them fall. There were plenty of opportunities for her to cry during the mission- getting captured, seeing the kids on the plane, realizing that she had failed Michael again. But she had constantly managed to compose herself and keep going. Talking to her husband shouldn't have been what broke her. Those emotions weren't the worst she had faced that night. She just felt so awful, "You wanted a family so bad. More than I ever did."
"A family can be just the two of us. It can also be us and all our friends out there," Continuing to caress her cheek, Michael replied. He had never needed a baby with Nikita in order for them to be a family. Although he would love to raise a child with his wife, they didn't need to have kids. The two could be a perfectly happy family with just themselves or with their team. As long as there was love and devotion, they didn't need much of anything else. Their war would end, and they would be together. That was more than enough- more than perfect.
"Don't you want more?" Nikita wondered, pulling back slightly from Michael. She had never been enough for a family before. Although he loved her, that fact couldn't have changed. He had had more before, after all. He had had a wife and daughter, and they had lived a blissful life. Nikita couldn't give that to him, definitely not then and who knew if their war would ever end. More horrors sprang up everyday. There was always just one more bad guy they had to take care of. Michael couldn't have been content with that. No sane person would.
"I just want you. I love you," Placing a kiss on Nikita's knuckles, Michael confessed. What could've been more than a life with his love. The two could be on the run forever, and he'd still be happy with just her by his side. He was beyond willing to spend forever with her, for better or worse, till death did them part. Choking back her tears, Nikita embraced her husband tightly. He secured his arms around her, despite the awkward position, and cradled her head in the crook of his neck. The two stayed like that for a long time. They gently rocked back and forth, and breathed one another in.
"I love you too. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry,," Lifting her head from his shoulder and pressing her forehead against his, Nikita breathed. Michael kissed her softly. When she kissed him back, he deepened the affection. Her arms wrapped around his neck, and he placed his hands on her waist. After a moment, he pulled her down into his lap. It wasn't a better position, but the married couple was closer. They kissed languidly yet deeply, arms keeping each other in a warm embrace. Medical wasn't the place to talk, which meant it definitely wasn't the place to kiss. However, neither cared. Nikita and Michael just needed to feel each. They had to be close.
"Hey. Sorry. Ryan wants to talk to us," The sound of Birkhoff opening the door and entering the Medical room eventually broke the married couple apart. It was probably a good thing. They should go home before they proceeded to kiss the night away. They should also talk more- and get real sleep and food. The fallout from the Kosovo mission simply had to be dealt with first. Birkhoff led the way to Ryan's office where he and Alex were already waiting for them. Michael and Nikita held hands the entire way.