Author's note: spoilery for the end of the series.
Rating: T (for language, though there isn't really that much of it)
#22 Cradle
Jounouchi pulled the zipper closed on his battered red suitcase and pulled it over into the corner of his room where his carry-on duffel was already packed and waiting. He would leave early in the morning while his father was sleeping off his usual hangover and walk over to Anzu's with Honda. From there, Anzu's mother, who thought the trip was school-related, would take them to the airport where they would catch Yugi before he got on the plane. Yugi, of course, didn't know they were coming. He thought this was something he should do alone, but they knew he wouldn't say no if they were already at the airport, tickets in hand, so the three of them had planned their trip in secret. There was just no way they were going to let him go alone.
There was just no way they were going to miss their chance to say good-bye.
Jounouchi sat on his bed, trying not to think about it, but with the packing done and nothing left to do, it was impossible not to think about it. They'd been granted a reprieve, he knew, because of the trip to California. He didn't really want to think about that trip, either, especially not about Mai and the fact that the only contact he'd had with her since their duel was a letter she'd sent him shortly after his return to Japan; an apology for what she had done and a promise to apologize in person after she'd taken some time to own up to everything she'd done. It figured; now that he finally wasn't afraid to contact her or to admit how he felt about her, he had no idea where she was.
But even with all that, California had been a reprieve and he was grateful for it; by the time they'd returned to Japan after the Kaiba Corp Grand Prix, the Memory Stone had been removed from the museum in Domino and returned to Egypt. With school starting again after summer break, Yugi's grandfather had told him he would have to wait until winter break to go to Egypt, so while they'd all pretended to be disappointed on the other Yugi's behalf, they were secretly relieved to gain another few months.
And now, those months were over. Tomorrow, they would fly to Cairo. Tomorrow would be the beginning of the end.
Balling his hands into fists, he cast his eyes around his room, trying to think of something else he had left to do, anything that would take his mind off of tomorrow, but there was nothing. His bags were packed, Anzu had printed off all their e-tickets, and he'd even laid out his clothes for tomorrow. There was nothing left to do except the one thing he wasn't looking forward to doing: calling Shizuka.
It wasn't that he didn't want to talk to her. It was just that he couldn't help but remember what a disaster it had been telling her he was going to America. When everything had started going to hell and it was all on the news, she'd worried herself sick—literally, he found out later—and he didn't relish the thought of giving her another reason to worry. Not that he expected a lot of danger on this trip, but still, danger tended to follow them when they weren't expecting it and he had no doubt Shizuka would be anxious. But it couldn't be helped. She would be expecting to see him over winter break unless she knew he was out of the country, and an unexplained disappearance would worry her more than an explained one, so he didn't really have much of a choice. All he had to do was figure out how to keep everything light and fun-sounding.
"Well, Sis," he said breezily when he had her on the line, "you're never gonna believe this, but tomorrow I'm off to Egypt with Yugi, Honda, and Anzu. The cradle of civilization, baby! How cool is that?"
"Egypt?" she asked, her voice instantly wary. "Why are you going to Egypt?"
"For moral support for Yugi. He…" Jounouchi felt his throat tighten. "He's going to find the other Yugi's memories."
"And exactly how dangerous is this going to be?"
Jounouchi sighed. "Hopefully not at all. He's just gotta wave the god cards in front of this stone tablet thingy and then, I dunno, I guess he gets his memories back." Never mind that the last time he'd tried it, living Duel Monsters had appeared all over the world, a giant eye in the sky almost ate them for lunch, Mai went evil, and he temporarily lost his soul. But other than that, should be perfectly safe.
"If that's all there is to it, why do you have that tone?" she demanded.
"What tone?" he sniffed. "I don't have a tone."
"Yes you do. You sound like you're going to be spending the night in a graveyard."
"Well, it is Egypt we're talking about. Ever stop to think about all the mummies?" He shuddered.
"Don't give me that crap, Katsuya," she said in a tone that sounded alarmingly like their mother's. "What are you dreading?"
"Nothing," he insisted, but when she wouldn't relent, he sighed, "Okay, nothing dangerous. It's just…" He closed his eyes, feeling his throat tighten again. "It's nothing."
"It doesn't sound like nothing," she said, and he realized he was going in the total wrong direction, alarming her more with everything he didn't say.
He swallowed. "It's just… dammit," he swore softly. "It's the end, Shizuka. When the other Yugi gets his memories back, it's over. He goes back to wherever he came from, wherever he belongs and it's over. No more magic. No more monsters. No more saving the world. No more other Yugi."
Shizuka was silent for a moment, then softly she said, "Big Brother, don't you think that's a good thing?"
"He's our friend!" Jounouchi shouted, surprising himself with his own vehemence. "He's our friend and we're gonna have to leave him behind!"
"I know," she placated, her voice soft and soothing. "But it had to happen eventually, right? I mean, Yugi can't spend the rest of his life with a spirit living in his head."
"I know," Jounouchi bit out. "I know. We're going, aren't we?" He balled his fist up again, his knuckles turning white. "I… shit. I can't do this. I gotta keep it together. Yugi and Anzu, they're both gonna be wrecks before it's all over, so Honda and me, we gotta keep it together. That's our job here. But… dammit, Shizuka, it's hard, you know? You don't know… you don't know much everything changed because of him. Well, I mean, it wasn't really him, it was the regular Yugi who made the difference. He's the one that changed everything. But still, who knows what would've happened after if the other Yugi hadn't been around? Who knows if I woulda slipped back into all the old ways if all the weird stuff hadn't started happening? I mean, I got to help save the world.
"But what happens when it's over? Yugi… he'll always be Yugi. He'll always be a hero because he always was a hero, long before the Pharaoh ever showed up, so he'll still be a hero when he's gone. But me? What will I be when it's all said and done? What if without all this stuff, the duels and the monsters and the magic and everything, what if without it all I am is who I was before?"
"I don't understand, Big Brother. What's wrong with who you were before?"
He laughed, a brittle mirthless sound. "You have no idea, Shizuka, no idea." And then it all came spilling out. He told her everything about those six years between her moving away and the day everything changed when he dove into a canal behind the school. He told her about his old friend Hirutani, and about the gang and the stealing and the violence. He told her why he'd been too ashamed to contact her for two years, and about getting drunk and how much he'd liked it and how much it had scared him. He told her about the Puzzle and its riddle—something seen but not seen—and how he and Honda had taunted Yugi, taking it from him and tossing a piece of it away, and about how Yugi had defended them to an even worse bully, calling them his friends when they didn't deserve it.
"That's who I was, Shizuka. That's who I am. But then all this other stuff happened; Duelist Kingdom and Battle City and California and I got to be something different. But tomorrow, that's over, do you understand? Tomorrow we get on a plane and we go to Egypt. His birthplace. The birthplace for all of it. And we kiss it all good-bye forever. We say good-bye to him forever. And Yugi's gonna lose it, but in the end he'll be okay because he always was to begin with. And Anzu's gonna lose it, but she'll be okay, too, because she's eventually gonna figure out that what she really wants has been right in front of her the whole time. And Honda, well, Honda was always a good guy. He'll be the same as he always was. But me, Shizuka? I'm nothing. I've always been nothing, but for a while, with all this stuff, I got to be something. And I don't wanna be nothing again."
There was a long silence and he almost thought maybe she'd hung up on him in disgust when she finally spoke. "Big Brother, do you understand the riddle from the Puzzle?"
"Say what?"
"The riddle. 'Something seen but not seen.' You told me that riddle once before, remember? You said it was like us, that no matter how long we went without seeing each other, we would always see each other."
"I remember."
"But that's not all it means, you know."
"I know that!" he said irritably. "It's mine and Yugi's friendship. You can see us, me and Yuge, but you can't see our friendship."
"Yes, but it's so much more than even that," she said, her voice thick with emotion. "It's each of you. The other Yugi, he's something seen but not seen, right? You can't really see him, you just see Yugi? But you know he's there.
"And Yugi, the regular Yugi, from what I've been hearing from you and Honda and Anzu, no one ever saw him until the other Yugi came, right? You said he was always a hero, but I'll bet you never saw it until all of this… stuff happened. And I'll bet he still doesn't see it at all."
"Yeah, I guess," he said, not sure where she was going with this.
"And Anzu, you said she'll eventually figure out what she wants is what's always been in front of her the whole time, so she's seeing and not seeing, too. And Honda, no one ever sees Honda because he doesn't duel like you and Yugi and he doesn't look cute in a mini-skirt like Anzu." Jounouchi snorted at that. "But he's always there when you need him, isn't he? So all of your friends, they're all seen and not seen, right? The question is, what does that mean for you?"
"I…" he started, then stopped. "I don't know what you're getting at."
"You don't see yourself, Big Brother," she said with an intensity that surprised him. "You see all this stuff, all these stupid choices you made a long time ago, and you think that's who you were and who you are because you don't see. You compare yourself to Yugi over and over again and you think you come up short because he wins the duels and everyone knows he's the King of Games and you think that means something because you don't see. You don't see the way I see. You don't see the boy who's going all the way to Egypt just to say good-bye to a friend, or who went all the way to America to fight something so big and so scary I still have nightmares about it and I wasn't even there and I still don't know what really happened. You don't see the boy who won back his Red-Eyes from the best duelist in the world and who dueled Kaiba for third place just to remind him it was supposed to be a game. Or who… who withstood an attack from an Egyptian god and woke up by sheer force of will just to be there for his friend. Or who kept fighting to save a girl in a coma, or who let an anchor drag him into the ocean because he wouldn't let his friend drown, or who sat by my bedside when I was too afraid to give up the little niche I'd made for myself as the poor little blind girl. You don't see the boy who didn't care if he won or lost so long as I got my operation or the boy who jumped into a pool just to fish out a puzzle piece when he could've walked away instead.
"And that's just all the things you've done since meeting Yugi. What you really don't see, what you've never seen, Jounouchi Katsuya, is they boy who saved his sister over and over and over again before he'd ever even heard of such a thing as a Millennium Puzzle or Egyptian god cards or even Duel Monsters. You don't see…" she stopped, and he could tell she was crying. "You don't see the boy who was the one thing that stood between a mean drunk and a little girl who would've thought it really was all her fault… except for you."
He closed his eyes, gripping the phone. "Shizuka…"
"You, Katsuya, you're seen but not seen. And… when it's all over, when there's no more magic and monsters and saving the world, that's what you'll be. What you've always been. Nothing you just told me, none of those things you've done can change who you are."
"You don't get it, Shizuka. You make it all sound bigger than it was. I just… I did what I had to do."
"What do you think it means to be a hero? You do what you have to do, no matter what. You always do what you have to do. It's why you're going to Egypt with Yugi tomorrow, too. No matter how hard it'll be."
"Yeah. Yeah," he nodded. "It's what I have to do."
"I know. Tell him… say good-bye for me, too." She paused again. "Will you be home for New Year's?"
He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand and took a steadying breath. "Should be, yeah. I'm still planning on coming to Tokyo. We'll see the sunrise and visit the shrines together, okay?"
"Yeah, that sounds good. Stay safe, Big Brother, okay? I know you don't think it will be dangerous, but…"
"I know," he said. "And you, don't catch cold."
She snorted. "You're such an idiot."
"Yeah, but it's why you love me," he couldn't help but grin.
"Yeah," she agreed, "it pretty much is."
"Okay then. I should get to bed. We're leaving pretty early tomorrow. Thanks, though. For everything. You're the best, you know that?"
"No, I'm not," she replied. "It's just what I have to do, too."