Chapter 12

Oh wow, the penultimate chapter to the penultimate book. Eeesh. How long have I been working on this now? Don't answer that. Anyways, here is the chapter, chapter 12, for your viewing pleasure. Forgive me if the line breaks don't work, they usually don't…

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The sinister duo have just been discovered and backgammon has been referenced to many times……many, many times.

"The Baudelaires have done it again!" drawled a French accent, belonging to the man with beard but no hair.

"GUILTY! GUILTY!" shrieked the Southern accent that belonged to the woman with beard but no hair and facial ornaments and shit. She was a lot dumber than her accomplice in case you hadn't noticed. "CONTEMPT OF COURT! CONTEMPT OF COUURTT!" The woman screamed, and people threw tomatoes at her and rotten cabbage.

"Peek, you worthless fools! Peek, damn you!" Sunny whined but nobody moved.

"LISTEN TO THE 1-YEAR-OLD BABY! SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE'S TALKING ABOUT!" yelled Jerome Squalor. Silence.

"Why haven't you taken off your blindfold?" asked a quiet voice.

Silence.

"How do you know?"

"AAAAAAAAAH! She has the sixth sense!" Jerome took off his blindfold and ran screaming from the room like a little girl.

Pan right to Dr. Evil. "I'd like to point out he's the only one in our gene pool who runs like a girl."
"I used to think you were crazy, but now I see you're nuts," joked Humpty Dumpty very…very badly.

"You suck!" people screamed and threw cabbage at him, the facial ornament person of the female persuasion included.

"Giggity giggity goo!" Quagmire hollered from the side of the room, just to be random and piss off those non-parody worshippers.

"HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM," Justice Strauss said, desperately trying to get on with the story, cueing the judges up.

"She's talking in Hmmms because she's mouth-blindfolded," admitted the male judge.

"Oh damn you," Olaf said nonchalantly and kicked him out the window.

"They're true!"
"They're false!"

"They're true!"
"They're false!"

"They're true!"
"They're false!" screamed random people who had decided to sit in and watch the show (talking about the Baudelaires).

"Let's head for the basement," Klaus said loudly, and the people responded brilliantly.

"Let's go look for them," shouted Poe.

"Should we try the basement, or room 752?" asked Ernest.

"Let's take a vote," suggested Frank.

"Let's take off our blindfolds," suggested Dewey, who disappeared in a flash of TRIPLETS (cough) twinsish.

They disappeared down into the elevator and Olaf screamed at them to open the lock for him.

"No! Nevah!" the Bauds said simultaneously.

"Fine," Olaf said, and whimpered like a child. Pause. "Pwease?" he turned around with tears in his eyes.

"Fine….," Violet said.

"Fine…." Sunny said.

"Fiona," Klaus said, and quickly covered his mouth. Luckily, no one noticed. DID I JUST SAY LUCKILY? (smacks self)

Please dear reader, forget that the word l was in this story. Ignore and continue on with your life. By the way, stop reading.

"Here is the answer," Klaus told him, opening a big book called 'The Baudelaire Book of Answers,' which had been used in books 2-11. He jabbed his finger into chapter twelve's first page: Honesty and Openness.

"You're allergic to honesty and openness?" asked Olaf, with tears gleaming in his eyes. "You really are growing up. You'll be planning evil plots before you know it. Just like your Uncle Olaf."
"Who's he?"

"Never mind." They typed it in. "What was the weapon that left you an orphan, Olaf?"

More tears. "Well, please don't tell anyone, but—your parents!"

"WHAT!"
"They beat my parents to death with…your parents!" Olaf started sobbing now, and the Baudelaires joined him. "It killed your parents too, tragically."
"I thought you started the fire that killed them," said the intellectual reader.

"SHUT UP! NO BEING SMART!" and Lemaniel smacked him across the room.

Justice Strauss meanwhile, had her mouth wide open, staring. "You are crying together and that is unacceptable! In the name of justice! How dare you! Baudelaires, I'm beginning to think you're not as noble as I once thought you were! I'm going to report you for th—" And Olaf kicked her out the window too.

"I wonder if she died?" asked the inquisitive readers in the audience.

SMACK!