Hey again, everyone. Sorry for the late update, no one really reviews, so I felt rather discouraged. After reading some of my older work, I realized something. My humor is at its best when it's backed up with narrative support. As such, I'll try to up the funny while still tagging along with the plot. No, I didn't just decide to crunch up a bunch of different universes just for the hell of it, there IS a plot. In fact, you'll be seeing some of it in this installment of Link.

Also: Adding another universe into the fray. Watch out for Half-life and Half-life 2 related things.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

Chapter III : Life Goes On and On

The Universe.

How did it come to exist? What was the cause? The purpose? Will it ever end? These are questions that many, many people have asked. Scientists, Philosophers, Poets, Teachers and Students alike. Anyone who's anyone has always questioned existence.

But there once was a race that had stopped their questioning. A philosophical race, wise and mystical in its own right. It was because of this race alone, that the balance of the universe continues to exist, that the end is not near, and that there are Gods who understand mortals, only because they are mortals.

Please, allow me to elucidate.

In a time when our world was not our own, there lived a race that, never having named themselves, was given the title of The Ancients. The Ancients were a race of wise, peaceful people, not encouraging violence, but ready for it nonetheless. Philosophers were abundant in their populations. Their entire society was based on the worship of the Gods of Light. This religion had been around far before any time period that their race could remember. It was during this time, that a man named Li'nau had come to be. You see, there was something special about this man.

He was an accident.

He was born as a normal Ancient child, and he grew up like a normal Ancient citizen. However, there came a time in his mid 50's, which was the Ancient equivalent of a human's 30's, when a siege was laid upon his home. The Ancient Capital, Ai Shi'lau, had been ravaged by a force of complete darkness. A horde of pitch black creatures, symbolized entirely as they would have been in the Ancient religion, just as the Gods had told them.

Li'nau was an incredibly powerful, full-fledged warrior at this time, a one man army that had been readying himself to join the Zealots of Ai Shi'lau. His strength was far above that of any average Ancient, he wasn't even sure of his own limit, and was hoping to find it in the ranks of the Ancient Zealots. However, the attack had been a complete surprise to the city, the once majestic capital was thrown into ruins, only the center of the city remained untouched. The Zealots were pouring out of their stations as fast as their legs could carry them. They were the first to hit the frontlines, as well as the first to die. Many had perished, for when Li'nau had arrived on the battlefield, all he could do by himself was slow the attack.

All his comrades were already dead.

The center of the city was guarded by a defensive mechanism that was nearly as old as the race itself. The horde was ripped apart in beams of energy that had always been described as 'The Wrath of the Gods.' The battle had been won, yet with horrible losses, and it seemed as though the Gods were to be thanked again.

However, Li'nau had lost his memory.

Somehow, during the battle, a creature had managed to land a critical blow to his head, and he was thrown into a pile of rubble, where he managed to remain unseen, in his sleeping state. When he awoke, and returned to the city, he re-discovered his people, and their principles. Now that he was without his undying faith for them, he began to openly question the Gods. Asked them why they had let the beasts attack. How they could be all knowing if their only answer was "We did not know this would happen." He had feigned belief in them, biding his time, trying to understand this world, until his memory would return. And when it did, he had learned of something that had caused him to lose all belief in the Gods.

His entirely family was dead.

His wife had been ripped apart by the creatures, whilst she helplessly clutched her 11 year old daughter in her arms. His son, even younger then his daughter, had been hiding in a building, where Li'nau's older brother, the boy's own uncle, murdered him. The decision had become final. He had lost all faith.

The Gods were fake.

He refused to accept their existence. And began to chase his brother, whilst also scouring the globe for the dark demons that had slain the rest of his family, trying to at least seek out his family's vengeance, before he let his spirit break down and die, so that he could join them.

It was during his search that he discovered latent energies in his body. Psionic abilities that he did not know he had come to posses. It was also interesting that his psionic abilities always sparked the same sort of energy in others of his race. Yet the most intriguing thing about this little quirk was that it resembled an energy he had seen before. One that he was quite familiar with, one that was used over and over again in his world.

The Light of the Gods.

Wondering of what this could mean, he visited a smaller city not too far from his own home, where the greatest temples had been built. Although he had been disgusted by the place, this was his only lead, and he had come to ask the Gods of the truth, hoping to an entity greater than these false deities that they would tell him the truth. And they did, but it came with a cost.

The entire city was burned to the ground.

A 'Divine Being' visited Li'nau in the city, to tell him that it was true. The Gods were false, this entire catastrophe was their doing, from the creation of their religion, to the siege of Ai Shi'lau, it was all for their cause. But he knew too much, they said. This information could not be passed on, they said. At the cost of his enlightenment, Li'nau would have to give his life.

The Angel had wrecked everything, but Li'nau had survived again. For whatever the reason was, the so-called 'Wrath of the Gods' could not harm him. Li'nau used his abilities to strike down the Angel, showing for the first time, a true hatred for the Gods. Although there was still one problem. He knew the Gods were the ones causing all this chaos and destruction…

Yet, he didn't know why.

For the time being, Li'nau had put his brother aside, focusing on his rebellion against the Gods. His companions, who had been at his side since the siege of Ai Shi'lau, had half-heartedly been forced to return to the city. The Angel that Li'nau had killed was the one who had been ruling over Ai Shi'lau, and now with him gone, there was no one to manage the city.

Li'nau's companions, Sai and Osu, were higher ranked officials in whatever remained of the Order of the Templar, the home of Ancient Zealots. The Order had now become more of a military organization, rather then a warrior following, and religious enforcement. They took on the roll of defending the city and managing whatever they could.

Whilst this was going on, Li'nau had encountered his brother, to his immense distaste. Before assaulting his older brother, Li'nau wanted to know just why he had killed his own nephew, Li'nau's only son. He had replied by saying he had to do it to save the child's soul. He said that if he had not killed the boy when he did, the Gods would have taken his soul, and used it to strengthen them. Just as they used his wife and daughter, and just as they would have used Li'nau.

Li'nau had nearly reached his limit, he was about to kill his brother. What shocked him most that his brother accepted it. His brother accepted his sin, and held nothing against Li'nau's bloodlust. Li'nau had pondered this over and over again, away from his brother. Finally, he returned to his brother's abode, and asked if he knew of the Gods' treachery. And he had.

He had known ever since he was born.

Yet, never had he voiced his opinion, for he knew the consequence. Heresy was awarded with death. So he kept silent, knowing there was nothing he could do. Then, the siege came. This was his only chance to run, so he did. His brother no longer held his old name, for his race had branded him with a new one.

Shi'tanni, The Lost One.

To his people, he had finally become the very thing he was trying to avoid. A Heretic.

Now that Li'nau knew the truth, he and Shi'tanni discussed all that they knew. Apparently, in his years of hiding, Shi'tanni had been researching the latent energies of a trio of crystals he had found hidden in temples and tombs across the lands. They represented 3 types of energy. A pitch-black Dark energy, a white colored Light energy, and the chaotic form of blue Psionic Energy. The Dark and Light Crystals did nothing when put near each other, but each crystal glowed brightly when put near the already-glowing Psionic Crystal, although the Psionic Crystal slowly dimmed until it also ceased to glow, after which, the crystal near it followed suite. And when they were brought together, they all ceased to glow immediately, even the Psionic Crystal.

Li'nau finally understood. Thanks to his brother's notes, the intense discussions they had about each other's experiences, and the very lives that they had both come to regret, both Li'nau and Shi'tanni had finally learned the truth behind truths.

They were being harvested.

His entire race was worshipping creatures that sucked their own powers away from them, controlling their lives, stealing their natural born gifts, conning them into believing they were making it alright.

Li'nau was now filled with extreme disgust and a typhoon of anger that swelled in his very aura. He would slaughter them. He would slaughter them all. No false God would be left standing.

Li'nau had prepared a plan, one Shi'tanni was against, but regretfully accepted as the last option. They had traveled to one of the last remaining Cults of Chaos. There, they asked the cult master to kill Li'nau upon the shrine of Chaos. This was the only way, the very last option.

In order to defeat the forces of Heaven, Li'nau would have to command the armies of Hell.

When Li'nau's life had been ceased, his soul emerged from his body. And his was easily ten times the size and strength of any average man's. You see, whenever an Ancient died, a mass of blue energy was released from their body, and usually flowed into whatever shrine was nearby. If there were no shrines, it would go wherever it felt attracted to, and if it felt no need to move, then it would dispense into the earth where it had died.

However, Li'nau's soul was unique. He had retained some form of existence whilst he was a puff of energy, and in this state, he confronted the Lord of Devils, the Ruler of Hell, Ri'Kashi. Yet, what he came across was… unexpected.

He was expecting a horrid monster. He was expecting a twisted creation that had fallen from all forms of grace. What he found was an Angel.

An Angel with broken wings.

Ri'Kashi was an outcast of the self-proclaimed Gods. It was explained to Li'nau that the kind hearted being had felt sympathy for Li'nau's people, had seen how they were herded like lost lambs, and had their energy sucked from their bodies as they went about their everyday life, depending on the very thing that was killing off their ability to thrive. He wanted to set them free.

But, as all things were, the other Gods did not agree. They did not kill him, for that would give birth to a martyr. They felt that it would be better to torture him, twist his image towards the populace into the very thing that he had also been trying to avoid becoming.

Ri'Kashi went on and explained how the energy was drained from the Ancients' souls. The shrines they had built for their 'Gods' long ago were made with specific designs, handed down from the Gods themselves. At the core of each shrine, a gigantic crystal charged with Light energy would be placed, and various smaller crystals would be placed around Temples, should the shrine be built in one. With such a large pull radiating from so many shrines located across entire cities, it was no wonder that the energy was drained so easily.

But it was not enough, Ri'Kashi said. The 'Gods' had grown too powerful, they were beginning to run low on energy, and if they did not act quickly, their weakness would show, and Ri'Kashi would have a chance to strike. So they did the only thing that could have sucked up enough energy to keep them strong for a while. A mass killing. They created the horde of Darkness. They sent it upon their own followers, so that the corpses of the dead would release all of the psionic energies in their bodies. Doing this would grant them a centuries worth of energy from just that one city, so that they could go on as Immortals. So that they could continue to be 'Gods.'

Ri'Kashi would have attacked long ago, but he had few followers, few who would donate their strength to him, few who chose Hell over 'Heaven,' few who knew the truth. While he retained enough followers to survive, he was still weak. That was when Li'nau offered his services. He asked Ri'Kashi to re-generate his body, so that he could lead whatever forces there were left in Hell in an attack against the Gods. Ri'Kashi admitted that he had been watching Li'nau, and hoping that he would come to this decision, however, he also warned Li'nau that beneath all truths lies a single genuine truth, the only one Ri'Kashi's kind has ever known for sure, and that once he has learned it, Li'nau will have to use his gifts to take responsibility for this truth and all its repercussions.

Unsure, but not unwilling, Li'nau acknowledged the warning, and readied himself to be returned to life. His body was back, just as wished, though he was still in Hell. Ri'Kashi handed him a specially crafted sword that was surging with Dark energy. Ri'Kashi told him that the only way he could gain any sort of strength, was to kill. The sword would take whatever energy lingered around it, and would send it to the well in Hell. This was the only way the forces of Hell could strengthen, the only way he could strike back. And he was prepared to sacrifice his own soul to do it.

And thus, he was transported back to the living world, or more specifically, the surface of the planet. Apparently, Hell was just a huge carving under the planet's surface, something that had rather surprised him, for this was not explained in the texts of his religion. Then again, trusting those would be idiocy, he reminded himself.

But he continued on. Reuniting with his older brother, Li'nau and Shi'tanni assaulted Heaven. Every foe that was slashed down by the duo was collected by Li'nau's sword and sent to the underworld, where it would have to be put to temporary use before being released after the fight was all over, be it success or defeat.

With his newfound strength, Ri'Kashi summoned as many demons as he could, generating the most feral of beasts possible, and sending them off to Heaven. The future looked bright; Li'nau commanded his forces strategically with great prowess and much gusto. However, he did not command from the rear, on the contrary, he was way ahead of all of his troops, shouting out commands from the front lines, leading as a true leader should. They had torn through many of the angels, when finally, Li'nau had reached 2 gigantic chamber doors. He gave command of the armies to his brother, having him finish up, so that Li'nau could proceed to confront the Gods on their home ground. What he found came as another shock to him.

Machinery. Bio-engineering facilities. Genetic samples. Test tubes, cloning facilities, DNA samples, a bio-engineer's dream world. It was here that he had learned the truth of all truths. The Gods were just a tiny group of survivors from another race, technologically advanced, and possessing genetic strains from various other races across the Universe, a universe that had once existed before the one they currently lived in now. It was explained to Li'nau, that after a certain period of time, a very long period, that is, the Universe implodes on itself; slowly, but surely. For in the center, a great black hole is located, incredibly humongous, and it is around this that all the bodies of space circle around. Once enough matter reaches the center and enters the singularity, however, the force of the matter contained in the black hole becomes too strong to hold, and it explodes, letting out a huge flash of light, and sending energy rocketing outwards in all directions, where it forms into matter, and re-establishes the Universe. This event is called "The Cataclysm," and it has happened many times before. No one has ever been sure what really began the universe, or if there even was a beginning, but this event has happened many times already, and so many have simply given up.

The Gods, however, chose to use this new world to their advantage. They created a race that they could harvest energy from, a race that would allow them to live forever, and because of their technological advancements, they could enhance themselves as well, to appear as Gods. The genetic enhancements granted them incredible energy manipulation abilities, and thus, they could perform actions that were first believed to only be possible through nature. And to enforce their existence, they created 'Angels,' clones that were engineered to be weaker than their predecessors, but stronger than Ancients, and just as loyal.

However, there was one small thing that backfired in their plans. One of the clumsier 'Gods' had, in his ignorance, accidentally dumped a complete combination of all the possible manipulation genes into one family strain. The combination, a possible but extremely chaotic and risky genetic formula, was originally headed for the waste dump, the Gods' way of hiding the evidence and decreasing the risk of their lambs striking back, should the Ancients ever evolve beyond their masters' wishes. The extremely rare gene had run through Li'nau's family line for many millennia until finally, he, The Accident, was born.

Finally, Li'nau understood everything. Finally, he understood what responsibilities he had to take over, what he was meant to do all along. Surviving through the next Cataclysm… it all depended on his genes, his Accident. That was why he was here.

It was time. He had nearly charged into the group of Gods, without a second thought, when they had once again poked at his weakness. There stood in front of him, the very things he had ever truly been fighting for all along, there they stood, right next to the Gods, smiling.

His wife and daughter were holding hands with the Monsters that had mercilessly slaughtered them.

'Join us,' they said. 'Come, Father. Come, Dear, Come,' they said, luring him in closer and closer. He had almost fallen for the trick, when one last line from his wife reminded him just why he was out slaying these Monsters.

"Come Dear, join us! Come, be happy, the Gods are our Friends."

This was not his wife. That little girl was not his daughter. No, they had both died, their souls had been sucked into the grasp of the Monsters, they were no longer who they used to be.

With a howl filled with pure rage, Li'nau unleashed the fiercest round of Psionic energy he had ever let out before. It drained him of everything, but it was exactly what he needed. The Gods, though genetically enhanced, were no match compared to the legendary figure before them.

The war was over, the Ancients had won. But in the end, Li'nau had to kill the very people he was out fighting for. In the end, the Gods had still cursed him, and they would still haunt him, just as always.

After the war, Li'nau and Shi'tanni returned to their home. Shi'tanni's name was cleared and everything was explained to the rest of their Ancient kin. All the Shrines that had ever existed were razed, and Li'nau's race thrived. Li'nau, somehow, was appointed leader. Under his leadership, there came to be a society formed to help prevent damage caused by the Cataclysm.

Members of this society were known as the 'Kais.'

As time went on, those who had found that they had the ability to manipulate energy were dubbed as 'Channelers.' As for Li'nau, he knew that no matter how much energy he recycled, and no matter how much he slowed his body decay, he could not run from death. So he decided to make the ultimate sacrifice. During a time where the technology of the ancient race was one again incredibly advanced, Li'nau and his team of Scientist-Channelers developed a special gem. One that could store enough energy to out-do a decent-sized black hole. Afterwards, the gem would be placed in a socket on the hilt of a blade from the strongest known material in the universe, Kashin. Then, before his death, Li'nau would transfer all his energy manipulating knowledge into the gem, so that it would not be lost in the future for those who would really need it.

In the end, when the society had finally been created and more or less full-functional, Li'nau had been given the title 'Link,' for he wasn't just a Channeler. His abilities linked everything in existence together, and for this reason, he had been dubbed 'The Link.' More then that, he was the first 'Perfect' Link ever. Others that came after him did not have all the gifts he did. The second perfect Link was a man named Felix S. Telzir, whom had been selected as Link after the 7th known Cataclysm, during a time when the Otherworld dimension had been established.

The Link's responsibility revolves around 3 things. Keeping the existence of the world in-tact, making sure that enough of a race survives to continue on in the next world, and ensuring that knowledge and history from past races is recorded, so that one can continue to learn what the world is made of.

The recent most-likely candidate for the next Link was a young demi saiya-jin boy by the name of Son Goten, who had been hand-picked by Felix S. Telzir himself, and his assistant and former associate, a woman named Genesis. Recently, Goten was sent on his 4th mission to establish alliances with other worlds, where the residents of Otherworld could run to, incase their plans to survive the Cataclysm seemed likely to fail. There was another problem, however.

He had not been heard from in 6 months.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

(A/N: 'Nuff with the history crap, lets return to the some-what funny story!)

A man stood in an elevator, clad in a blue suit, holding a briefcase. His face was pale, wrinkles around every corner. His eyes were an eerie tint of green, and he was frowning. As the elevator came to a halt, this man took a few steps out of the now open sliding doors, and made his way across a dark hallway that looked as eerie as he did.

Finally, reaching what looked like a conference room, he stood next to a glass wall, watching the teleportation center that was situated on the other side. He was just on time, as always, to see his guests stepping out of a glowing green ball of light, with an inner yellow glow. A man with black, spiky hair that stood up and pointed back, with a few bangs going down the front of his face. His eyes were also black, and he was wearing an odd set of clothing. Decorating his leather jacket was the symbol of a modified cross, with 2 ends under it, rather then one, both pointing out diagonally in the opposite direction of one another. The cross also adorned 2 pairs of wings, a set of angel wings, and a set of devil wings. He also adorned a pair of black jeans.

Accompanying him was a lavender haired boy with blue eyes, who had on similar apparel, except his jacket was blue, and he wore blue jeans. And next to him was a woman with dark violet hair, and emerald green eyes. She was wearing a white robed cloak of sorts, and had it wrapped around her body, obscuring anything from detail. If anything, the man in the suit could say she was a bit jumpy.

Down in the other room, a rather odd scene was taking place.

"So tell me again, why the hell you had to bring that huge-ass robe of yours, Genesis?" The black spiky haired man spoke.

"I thought you remembered, Felix. This is the first time I've left home since…since…oh, God, the memories…"

"Since what, Gen?" Felix asked, a bit concerned.

"Since… since…" she hugged herself a bit, trying to support herself from the horrid memories "Since Gohan…" the named, followed with a shudder, instantly caused her friends to remember the strange and rather disturbing incident. Genesis had almost gotten a bit teary-eyed, even the mentioning of the word bringing back unwanted memories…

"Oh… oh wow. Does it still affect you?"

"Yes! Yes, of course it does! He scarred me for life, Felix! You hear me? Life! That's why I have this robe on…" she sobbed "I don't want a single man to ever touch me again! You hear me? Never EVER again!" She sobered up a bit after that last part.

To her right, Trunks sighed and shook his head in disappointment. "That's too bad. Oh the dreams I've had to get to touch a body like that…" Trunks never seemed to have learned what it meant to let others know too much.

"Actually, he's right. You know, you're looking much more curvier than usual, Gen. Especially your ass, I mean, Geez! That thing is just sticking itself out there! It's like it wants to be touched, so round, so soft, so alluring… so…" he paused for a sec, then turned to his companions "Am I the only one having an odd sense of déjà vu here?" No replies were heard, for Felix's Gohan-inspired trance had somehow returned Genesis to one of the more frightening moments in her life, and all huddled up in a corner, shivering, with Trunks trying to comfort her while also unsuccessfully attempting to score points with her. "Aw geez…"

"Hey, that reminds me Felix, how exactly did you know Genesis's ass was soft?" Trunks questioned him with a suspicious tone. For a moment, Felix was rather discomforted.

"I, uh, well, you know, assuming she's…and naturally, well, she's just looks… and squishy you know, and…well, its just the idea that got me thinking…hey, wait a sec! How did you know her ass was soft?"

"Right… So, this conversation never happened?"

"Agreed." Luckily, by this time, Genesis had gathered up her wits and was ready to face the world again, albeit with shaky legs and the support of the wall of course. It was a good thing too, because the reason they had even come here was making his way out of the doorway in front of them.

"So I see you have gotten… comfortable." his voice had an odd tone to it, almost as if he had a speech impediment. Some parts of his speech were slightly higher pitched, while others lower pitched, some words were quickened, others were slowed, even when it was not necessary to make any sort of emphasis whatsoever.

Trunks frowned a bit at the statement "Well, I wouldn't exactly use the term comfortable…"

"No matter, it is time we got down to… business." Again with the god-damn speech impediment! "You must be Mr. Briefs, is that right?" Trunks nodded "And this woman with you…Genesis, correct?" the man nearly hissed her name, but even with her disgust in the way he said her name, she nodded nonetheless "And you… the one with the black hair…Mr. Telzir, correct?"

Felix nodded, prepared to greet the man with a hand shake and some small talk "That's right, Mr. Fucker! I'm Fe-Oop!" Felix covered his mouth the moment he realized what he had just said.

"…Mr. Telzir?"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Fucker! I don't know what came over me! Really, Mr. Fucker, I'm sorry! I don't mean it that way; the words just keep coming out! Wait, Stop Mr. Fucker! Sto-Oop!" This time, Trunks clasped a hand over Felix's mouth, shutting him up.

"Oh no… I knew she would do something, but I didn't think she'd resort to this…"

Genesis, though still trying to sort out the situation and convince the blue-suited man that everything was alright and Felix truly didn't have any control over his actions, managed a quick question "What? Who and Why?"

"Pan. Last year, during her birthday party, Me, Goten and Felix went over to visit. During the party, Felix accidentally slammed into the table the cake was on while Pan was standing in front of it. Needless to say, the cake practically rocketed off the table and slammed into Pan. It was a huge thing, ya know. Covered her entire face and upper body. It's too bad really, I would have liked to lick it off, that 13 year old body of hers is surprisingly…"

"Alright, stop! I don't want to hear the rest of that train of thought… ugh"

"Right, sorry. Anyway, after that incident, she was pissed beyond belief. Started developing an interest in Baba's magic. Went searching through her archives, looking for a way to get revenge. I knew she was planning something bad, but to do it to him here and now? She's got guts, if she really decided to pull off this stunt."

"I see. Perhaps we should discuss this… some other time." There it was again. The speech impediment. God, it really did annoy him. Felix felt like ripping the man's face off and using it to wipe the floor clean. His fists clenched, no way was he scheduling another meeting! Everything had been messed up enough already as it was. He wasn't going to leave anytime soon. Sensing his anger and remembering what horrible things could happen when Felix was mad, Genesis decided to take action.

"Um, actually, Mr. G-man, sir, we could still continue the meeting, just without Felix." to this, Felix frowned.

"I… suppose. Very well, you have been given another chance."

"That's great, Mr. Fucker. Please accept my deepest apologies for my actions." Felix, who had somehow managed to break free of Trunk's hold over him, had stepped forward to try and make up for his mess-up.

Unfortunately, this didn't go quite as planned. The G-man looked as enthusiastic as an overweight kitten that'd just been told to move. And as we all should know, telling just about any cat to move was a rather idiotic notion, as most would just sit there and stare at you as if to ponder if you had a functional brain, coughing up long overdue hairballs at the same time.. And while the G-man was not coughing up hairballs at the moment, "I'll accept them with as much pleasure as I had when you I had to listen to you insult me, Mr. Telzir" He was certainly questioning the functionality of Felix's brain. Noticing this, Felix retaliated.

"Well then I suppose your pants have gotten really wet from that verbal arousal, right Mr. Fucker?" The last two words were intentional, of course. The G-man frowned with disgust. The situation had gotten much worse in a matter of moments, and sadly enough, Gen and Trunks were helpless to stop it, for G-man struck back, with more of a disgusted tone than an actual insult "You kiss your mother with that mouth?"

But Felix's response was a bit more unconventional… "Actually, I've gone so far as to kiss my assistant with this mouth," At the mention of this, Gen blushed "but that's beside the point."

"Waitwaitwait! Hold the phone for one damn second! You kissed Gen?"

"On the lips, actually…" Felix responded as though everything was still normal. Gen, however, was transforming into a human tomato.

"What the hell! Why didn't you tell me about this!"

"We're getting off the subject, Trunks."

"Screw the fucking subject!" at the mention of the words 'screw' and 'fucking,' Genesis blushed even more, in fact, she was beginning to wonder if her cheeks could take all the pressure. "This is big news! You two have been making out! Hell, even I haven't gotten to fondle the girl yet, and here you are, having already pressed lips with the girl! I mean, really! Romance before Sex, who would have that thought?... Unless…wait, you two haven't already gotten down and done the funky-chicken dance, have you? Oh God, this is even bigger news! When can I expect the baby? You're not even married! Oh wow, just wait till Mom n Mrs. Son here about this! Planning the wedding is going to be so much fun, Tee-hee! I feel so warm and tingly inside thinking about it that I could just let myself wiz all over this place, oh that would be so cool and…"

As Trunks went on with his disturbing monologue, Felix's face twisted in horror as he realized that the G-man and Genesis would probably leave Trunks out here too, leaving Felix to soon question his sanity, possibly even his sexuality if Trunks ended up loosing control of himself…

After a moment of blankly staring at Trunks in a disturbed stupor, she quickly turned towards the equally disturbed G-man, shaking her head as if to try and shake away the urge to vomit that Trunks had so skillfully instilled in her. "I suppose I'm going to be the only one entering that meeting with you, sir?"

"If I can retain what's left of my sanity until then, then yes, I suppose you will." Genesis sighed. She doubted sanity was even an option when you lived with someone like Felix.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

"Ah, I see that they've arrived. That's good. Hopefully, we might be able to get a lead on our lost-cause of a savior." Said a purple skinned Kai clad in godly apparel, while trying to appear optimistic, though failing horribly. Moving his left hand to a small button on the earphone of the one-sided walky-talky headset, Shin spoke "Kibito, please come to my office. It's urgent, over."

About 5 feet away from him, standing on plain green grass, situated on the edge of a cliff, Kibito turned around to look at his master as if he'd grown a second head, possibly even a third. He sighed, even if his master was an eccentric fanboy that ended up with a different obsession every couple of months, he was still his master, and he would have to put up with every ridiculous whim that sprouted out of that intellectually questionable brain of his. Pressing the little black invisible button on his headset, he responded in an exasperated reply "Affirmative, Master Shin, over."

Again, Shin pressed the button. "Ah, glad you could make it, Kibito. I was worried that they might have gotten to you, over."

"Erm, no need to worry, sir. I was too, uh, too quick for them, yeah…. It was almost like I was, uh, already here… over."

Finger on the button again, what a good relationship they had… "Affirmative Kibito. Come, join me here in my office." And Kibito did as told. "Now Kibito, we've got to recap on the situation, understand? Over."

"10-4, Master Shin. But, why? We already know what's going o–" He was cut off by the clasping of Shin's hand over Kibito's mouth.

"Be quiet, you fool! Can't you see they can hear us with our headsets on? No doubt they're suspicious…" Taking off the headset, Kibito looked at Shin oddly.

"But sir, why did we have them on in the first place?"

"To keep them convinced, you buffoon! Those damned conspirators are everywhere, we have to make it all look pretty for them! And if they get too suspicious…. If we end up getting caught in a secret meeting…whilst hiding, away from the public eye… they would truly think we were talking about classified information… so in a worst-case scenario like that, we'll have to be prepared to make the ultimate sacrifice in order to preserve this organization…"

"Sir?"

"Kibito, my good man… I'm not exactly going to enjoy saying this, but… Have you ever felt like being a homosexual?"

Kibito's eyes had bulged out, and his jaw promptly found it's way to the ground "SIR!"

"It won't be easy… and it won't be fun… but by the end of the week, we may have to learn how to be gay, my dear friend. It is the only valid excuse we could come up with. Why else do you think there are so many political sex scandals? How LUCKY of them to be caught doing THAT when they could have just as easily been plotting world domination, wouldn't you say? These conspirators… they're very cunning… but they can't do a thing without a proper reason… and there is no greater weapon of defense to use against them then the very one they created! GAY SEX SCANDALS!" Shin yelled out, triumphantly. "That's right, you fools! Just try and catch us, we'll be at each other's butts before you can lay one of your filthy conspiring hands on us! Right, Kibito? …Kibito?" Shin looked a bit disappointed to see his partner in crime fleeing from the scene. Sighing, he went back to his spot on the cliff, and stared across the wide open plains.

"Dende was right…" He thought "I need a girlfriend…"

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

"Phew… I think I lost him" Kibito had run as fast as his large bulky legs could carry him. In all utmost honesty, he knew his master was a nut case, but really! Gay sex? What was the man thinking! "What could have possibly happened to make Master Shin act this way? Looks like I'll have to recap anyway…"

Right-O.

First, back when Son Goten had first arrived in Otherworld at the Purgatory level to be trained in some unimportant Combat Academy, Kibito didn't like to concern himself with the lower ranked officials, Master Shin was still in his Star Wars phase. It had been a just your average, not-too-freaky line of obsessions from there on, Godzilla, King Kong, Donkey Kong, Mario, Austin Powers, a brief Jennifer Lopez fetish, that whole Bruce Willis thing, and then there were those wonderfully vivid dreams Shin had had of him and various beautiful women in rather…intimate moments with him. Sometimes Kibito had been lucky enough to stumble into those dreams…

"Ack! Get back to the issue, you idiot!"

All in all, they were relatively normal weird-outs, for Shin that is. But the time when this whole "conspirator" thing started was back when Goten had left them on his last known mission. When they had lost contact with him, Shin immediately suspected foul play. It was subtle enough, at first. Just simple interrogations, a little investigative detective work. It was almost like he was actually working! But alas, that was not the case. After a couple of weeks, he had gotten so into it that the current Supreme Kai had developed another obsession. Each day, he would come down to King Yemma's office and accuse him of being the one who had rigged Goten's mission. He said it had something to do with chewed up pencils, edible mouthwash, and poison-tipped eraser shavings.

Kibito had honestly considered quitting his job back around that time. Until he realized that his job as the Kai's servant was more like his life sentence as the Kai's slave. He could not quit it, sadly enough. He would have to live with this insane moron until the day he died. Or Shin died. He was more pleased with the second possible outcome.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

Down on Earth, the Son home was full of chaos. Carrots, mushrooms, eggs, apples, oranges, drum sticks, fish, even a few snack bars were being flung across the kitchen. Tien and Yamcha had been asked to look after the house while Goku, Chi Chi, Gohan and Videl visited one of Hercule's beach houses for a summer-time vacation. It had seemed like a good idea to trust the house to a couple of friends that had been around since before Gohan was born…

A watermelon crashed on top of Yamcha's head. His defenses had been breached! How could he have missed it?

Not all ideas are as good as they sounded, though. Yamcha re-stacked the pot's and pans he had been using as a wall, grabbing Chi Chi's treasured Frying Pan of DOOM, feeling a chill run up and down his spine as he held the unholy object in his hands. He may have had to sacrifice a part of his soul to the harpy's cruel weapon of destruction to survive, but there was no other choice. He couldn't allow Tien to win this war! Especially not after he bet his girlfriend on it!

On the other side of the grocery stained battleground, Tien and his clones were making good timing, with one Tien sending salvos through the center, one flanking from the right with a trio of Tomato catapults, and another flanking Yamcha's left, wielding mighty French bread sticks and burnt biscuits. The war would be won soon, Yamcha's girlfriend would soon be his… Oh yes, yes she would.

As the men with the extra eyes stepped closer and closer, making their ominous presence painfully clear, they slowly tilted their bodies over the shoddy stainless steel barricade, the bread-bearing Tien in front.

Unbeknownst to the trio, Yamcha was laying flat against the barricade, wielding the pan in hand. When all 3 heads tilted over, Yamcha's arms flung the frying pan in an arch, hitting the head of each of the bald men. The searing pain that had shot into their jaws, cheeks, and nose for the bread-bearing Tien, had caused them to loose focus long enough for Yamcha to pelt them with their own rotten tomatoes.

As Yamcha's foes fell to the ground, bathed in their own munitions, the victor hopped over his make-shift defenses and slowly crept over to the fallen triclopses. Smirking in triumph, he decided to rub in his victory a bit more, literally. Grinding a few of the rotten tomatoes into the faces of the Tiens, Yamcha grinned as they coughed and blew tomato juice out of their noses. One of them actually blew out half a jalapeno pepper, to the dark haired man's amazement.

"Unn…" the shiny-headed man in the center of the trio began to groan and slowly stand up.

"I win" Yamcha had an obnoxious grin on "So my girlfriend stays with me, and your ass belongs to Vegeta for…a month, was it? I think I'll visit and see how you're doing often, Tien… to see how… creative Vegeta can be… Mwuahahahaha!" Yamcha's evil laugh rang clear as all 3 Tiens groaned thrice as hard.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

The Son family was enjoying their stay at the luxurious Satan Beach house, Chi Chi especially. Well, most of them were anyway. Gohan was troubled once more. Why? He did not know. But it was there, the troubled feeling was there. He had suspected that it was because he may have been losing interest in his wife. After all, the sex was great, but boobs were about all Videl really had to offer…

Instead, he had begun thinking back towards a moment in his past, when he had met a woman that was beyond his wildest dreams. A perfectly sculpted body, incredibly attractive face, a certain aura of 'cuteness,' a headstrong, but reasonable personality, and an easy-going attitude. She also seemed quite intelligent, and nearly as strong as him. And to boot, she was a Goddess. Hell, she was his Goddess!

He remembered her name as if he had known it forever. "Genesis…"

Ah, the fond memories of how he had gotten to take hold of the forbidden fruit of a sex-goddess's body… even if it was for only one solitary moment, before reality came crashing down on him in the form of his mother's frying pan.

He sighed. Life was empty without her…

Inside the Beach House, Chi Chi and Goku had situated themselves in the kitchen, where both of them could perform their most-skilled arts. Chi Chi was making her husband something to keep his stomach satisfied, as it could never be full, which usually meant she was making extremely long subway sandwiches. As Goku proceeded to atomize a 20-footer, Chi Chi tried to strike up a conversation.

"Dear…have you noticed how odd Gohan has been acting recently?"

"Hmf? Oyuh! Hef faz saffing ifoo fafe" Goku gulped down the food that he had momentarily forgotten in his mouth in order to better respond to his wife "It was kinda like he was in deep thought… or he was trying really hard to find something on that lady's butt… who knows?"

Chi Chi pondered on that butt theory for a moment, but shrugged it off with an amused shake of the head. Completing another sandwich the length of an average sized living room, she walked over and took a seat by her husband, wiping a few crumbs off of his cheek with a napkin. Pausing to examine her husband for a moment, she remembered just how lucky she was to have a man like him at her side…

"Dear?"

"Yeah, Chi?"

"…You'll never leave me right?"

"Are you insane? With a wife like you, the kids that we have, and food like this! I'd be even more of an idiot if I did that!"

Chi Chi smiled, slightly teary eyed. "Oh, Goku… that was so sweet.."

"Yeah, it was! I'm surprised you put that much sugar into that last one, Chi… I think I'm hyper!" The glee in his voice could only be matched by the expression of sheer surprise on Chi Chi's face.

"Uh, dear…you're always hyper… all the time…"

"Oh yeah... Oh well!" And there went another sandwich that could have kept a man alive for more then a week…

Chi Chi just shook her head again with more hopeless amusement that the last time. She would never get tired of that man… But Gohan…he seemed to be getting tired of his wife. Chi Chi wondered what was on his mind? He had always been different ever since the day Goten had to leave them…

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

"Achoo!" Hero sneezed. "Oh no… don't tell me I caught cold from when.." 'I fell into the water...' He frowned and scratched the back of his head. "Nah.. probably just some dust in the air, that's all." He was in the living room, sitting on the couch from before. A TV stood in front of him, its respective remote lying their on the table in front of him. So strange.. the objected beckoned for him to touch.. to hold it..to use it… Hero felt rather confused.. how could such a small object hold such great power as to manipulate him into such things? He had no idea, but his concerns fell down the crap hole as soon as he grabbed hold of it. Somehow, he felt more complete… but even so, what should he do now? 'Oooh…a shiny green button.. I wonder what it does…' The button clicked, and the television came to life. Unfortunately, the first thing to flash on screen was the thundering roar of Godzilla. Hero's eyes grew wide, his mouth fell open. He hopped over the couch and cowered behind it, flinging the remote away in fear. The object hit the wall, and clicked again. The channel changed, and on came a commercial.

"..Goldfish! The snack smiles back…" Hero looked at the screen in horror. Food that smiles back? What was wrong with these people! He turned to the little remote with malice. "Evil cur! How dare you set loose such horrors! Raaahhh!" He rushed at the object with all his might and crashed into the thing, doing more damage to the floor than his actual target. Hero wrestled with the little remote before realizing his efforts were futile. "Blasted monster! What is your shell made of! It's impenetrable!" Alas, even Hero's mighty strength could not fight through the remote's indestructible plastic carapace. "Wait a second.." he turned to the evil window of doom, that shined through images of horrors from the nether. It was currently displaying a talking green gecko. Hero swore he saw hell burning in the creatures beady little eyes. "Aha! So that's your source of evil! Well, little beast, consider yourself dead!" With a mighty battle cry, Hero flung the control at the television set. The projectile sent the TV through the wall on impact. Hero pumped his fists in the air. "Yes! Good wins again!" Amachi walked in at that moment.

"Hero, how about you come to beach with us? We're going to..go…swi..ming……."

"Uh.. Amachi? Why are you looking at me like that? Wait, what're you gonna do with that lamp? Amachi? Amachi! Ahhh!" and they proceeded to run 'round the house, tearing apart wallpaper and knocking over many precious vases as they did so.

Down in the dark depths of his room, Manaka brought his palms before him, tapping his fingers together. "Soon… Soon, Amachi will feel my revenge… Sweet, sweet revenge… Muahahaha!" The maniacal laughter echoed throughout the house, causing shivers to be sent down many spines. Then, Aya walked in.

"Manaka-san? What are you doing?"

"Ah.. uhm.. er.. uh….. How… about.. we go out and get some ice cream?"

"Eh? ..Okay!"

'Muahaha…soon, Amachi, soon…'

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

Yup. So, that's that. Hope you enjoyed that whopping ride of strangeness. It's gonna be the last update in a long time though, sorry. I'm focusing on my Warcraft III fic right now, called Wolven, check it out if you have the time.