HELLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOO Porcupines! I give you a Chinese bow to symbol light for you reviews, but it didn't get to! I hope you like this Chappie JUST as much as the odder CHAPPIE or else you get the finger! … I'm sorry according to my friends I'm just sexually frustrated…whatever that means, those 'rear'tards!
Disclaimer: I On NOTHING nothing n.o.t.h.i.n.g I say stop looking at me like that I own NOOTHHHHHIIIIINNNGGGGGG! Well I do own a sleeping bag…
SpAzZzZzAtTaCk Darn you spazzo and Your superly dooperly lloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooonnnnggggggggg review ge-hees! And I do not have bad grammar it's just… my er…bladder! Sorry LoL You Crack My ButtOckS up ya know? Darn homework such a horrible curse I say! Catches all of yoouuu! And no I have no idea either what willering moons mean…maybe it's some sorta latin? You keep updating too!
Why Black Hairs the New Blonde: Ar! I Thank you with all the flutter in my heart for you reviewing my ficcy! TIS AN HONOUR MISSY! LOVE YA! Yasies! Hope you like this Chapter!
And noww the fic!
The edited title: Head boy and head girl
The real title: Hit by a Gong and Plonked to the ground
Sleeping is a delicacy in most peoples life and at the age of 17 you usually have to have at least eight hours of sleeping otherwise you get these dull black hideous rings around your eyes which look like you just spilled permanent ink over your eyes and spent fritting-less amounts of hours trying to wipe it off with water when you could be sleeping thus there are more black hideous rings around your eyes.
Dreaming is also a nice sensation when you're in the stage of sleeping especially if the dream is about chocolate land and you have a large obsession with it. If woken purposefully the person is highly likely to clog the room up with steam or there many bruises would be laid on a certain object.
These two facts are completely useful; especially you were about to wake your beloved sister up with a loud gong.
"GONG!"
Lily shot straight up as if a loud gong just woke her up. And it did so lets use another example. As fast as Sirius Black could laugh at a cow having it's udders squeezed. Which was pretty funny as milk comes out of it, which is largely similar to sperms.
"OW!"
"Get up freaky, freak, because fricken mum told me to get you a freak up because the friken freakiness of you can't get anymore freakafied!"
Was Petunia a person who had a tape inside her…yes other wise why would she always have the word freak in it? Or maybe she had an obsession with the word freak around Lily.
"Okay Petunia I'm up!"
Petunia glared at Lily.
"Oh did I just hear the freaky wind freaking in freakiness?"
Lily stayed silent. Half the time she had no idea what Petunia was on about. Well except for the word freak. Maybe if she looked at Petunia in a weird way, smiled and nodded as if she new everything Petunia said, made her self look better then Petunia because Petunia was much uglier then Lily she would go away.
Petunia narrowed her eyes at Lily; she looked down at her boobs (yes Petunia loved perving on herself) then looked a Lily's. Lily felt very, very disturbed, was Petunia comparing her boob size with herself just like guys did with their… wieners? Petunia smirked mumbling. Mine are bigger! Then walked out of the room…clutching her boobs. Which isn't the most normalest thing in the world.
"Pervert…" muttered Lily under her breath as she got out of bed while yawning, boy did she have good morning breath, lucky sod she was, of course maybe she just chewed a mint while she was asleep. But anyways…
Lily rummaged around for some clothes of course first she needed to take a shower which you don't really want to hear about unless your some major pervo who looks up porn everyday of your life but since you don't lets skip Lily's shower!
Lily quickly slipped on a pair of jeans (which does not mean that she wore two jeans at the same time) and a green halter-neck top before she took the stairs by twos. She emerged into her kitchen.
Petunia screamed shrilly like a cow and a duck, which was a very constipated sound, Lily rolled her eyes, really what was so scary about her? Petunia hid under the table.
"Yes Petunia Hocus Pocus!" Lily commented sarcastically, of course she knew nothing was going to happen. The house next to them fell down, a cat ran past on fire and Mr Parker knocked on the door.
Petunia screamed again.
Lily frowned, maybe hocus pocus DID do something.
Lily's mum walked into the kitchen with a disturbed look.
"Mr Parker just told me… the proportion and capacity of his…" Lily's mum pointed down blushing.
"Did he tell you how wrinkly it was?" Lily asked grinning.
Mrs Evans gave her 'the look'. "No he told me it looked like a pin! I swear last time that old man told me it was 10 inches long!"
Yes, Lily really did love hocus pocus!
"Probably sags and sags of skin covering it up!"
"Lily!"
No, if you're wondering Lily didn't like Mr Parker, he was a grumpy man who was always measuring his body parts. Lily was worried about his serious pervertion problems…with himself, so she refined into teasing him.
Lily's mother decided to ignore Lily's comment and went to cooking, Lily's mother loved to cook, cooking was her life, she knew how to say cook in 15 different languages, including pig Latin!
Lily smirked to herself and looked under the table where Petunia was shaking.
"Pet what are you going to have for breakfast?"
Petunia flicked a giant hairball at Lily, which only got a few millimetres, Lily shrugged.
"Fine get anorexic for not eating and shake under the table!" Lily said still staring at Petunia. Petunia continued shaking Lily shrugged to herself and emerged up from the shaking Petunia and she bit into her toast. Crumbs spurted everywhere. It was strange, whenever Lily ate toast she would ALWAYS spurt crumbs everywhere, it was a common fact of life.
"When are Piper, Alex and Katherine coming?"
Ahhh, Piper, Alex and Kathryn Lily's best friends if you minus-ed her teddy, Sammy, they had been friends since year one which was the only time they could be friends from seeing as they didn't know that each other existed before this.
Alexandra Douglas, no please don't mistaken her as a guy because of the names, Alex had sleek black shoulder length hair, googly brown eyes and 'the right sized boobs' according to the marauders. Alex was sportish which doesn't only mean she did gonad kicking, no she played quidditch, beater to be precise. Alex had a scary-ish-ly perfect aim that if she chucked something aiming at a certain place…she get it…hard…in the middle.
Then we have Piper Joanie, well Lily does at least, hair in the middle of blonde and brown, now this was good because whenever someone would tease blondes she could say, 'cool I'm not blonde' and when it was a blondes only group she'd say 'yeah I'm blonde!' thus her hair killed two birds with one stone! Clear hazel-blue eyes and a cool personality. Prone never to panic and definitely a Hogwarts loved by the boys.
And last and probably least Kathryn Koleen, platinum blonde girl, now don't get Lily (and me) wrong for having a ditz for a group. Yes maybe she did want a 'nose job' and wore skirts ten inches from her knees but the point was…she completed the group, kinda. Well Smart Lily, Sporty Alex and Cool Piper don't we all need a ditz in the group? Er…she was good at stalking…Sirius Black…that's all lily can think of currently
"Er…I think sometime dunno…" Lily looked at her watch. "They're coming by floo!"
Petunia screamed…loud…and ran to her room scared of floo's. Or maybe she confused it for flu…?
An owl hooted for the window, Lily grinned, Pierre had come back from his flight with a…nose looking like thing in his beak. Lily petted the owl.
"Hey Pierre! Watcha got there?"
Pierre lifted up a leg, blinking. Lily unattached the letter, she bit into her toast spurting more crumbs around the room.
There was total of four letters.
"Thanks!" The owl hooted and flew up to Lily's room.
Lily tore open the first.
Hey Lils,
Borrrreeedddd come on can't you mail me more what can I do confined in my room staring at old men mug babies? Gees I'm bored Lils not much is happening my dads chucking a spaz because he broke his toe. He blamed it on me coz I was there at the time. Meh I say I always thought the man was disallusional. Well I'll be at you house tomorrow (thank god).
See ya then
Alex –xoxo
Lily grinned, she always, always received bored mail from Alex, no Alex wasn't boring she just got bored easily such as the fact that a crocodile was trying to bite her foot off and Alex immobilised it. She sent many-bored mail to her friends and then at the end of the holidays they saw she was in a cast.
Lily ripped open the second, but only the envelope, pointless to rip up the letter!
Lily,
Hey what's up? Get bored mail from Alex too? Yeah that girl's crazy isn't she? Well I know I don't need to write seeing as I'm seeing you soon. Peru was wonderful there was great food, scenery-no Lils not just the guys! But speaking of guys, I met Remus Lupin; I know what are the odds? But he gave me a small smile and said his father had work in Peru so we basically hanged together in Peru. He's really nice and I enjoyed his company. Gees I sound as if I have a crush on him don't I? Well I don't…I think. Well, I'll see you at 10 Lils!
Love you
Pip
Lily laughed, poor Piper, not knowing if she liked a guy or not. There were to many yes, a bit to many for her liking! Hey and they were coming at ten that was in…
5…4…3…2…baloney is good with cheese…1
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!
Lily stood up grinning, 'right on time!"
Alex coughed her face covered in soot and poo; well at least it looked like poo… she walked out of the fireplace while bumping into the fireplace wall.
"HOLY $h!t F8K&NG F#K… Lils you should upgrade your fireplace!" Alex rubbed her head, which was turning a pretty colour of florescent pink!
"Alex!" Lily ran to hug Alex. Alex toppled over with an unpleasureable weight and swelled head,
"Lils…ow…I love you too but you bone is digging into me!"
Yes, implying that Lily is really skinny. Lily broke her hug from Alex who was now gasping for breath.
Wheeeezzzeee, whhhheeeeezzzzzeee whhhhheeeeezee like a grumpy old man I say!" Lily raised an eyebrow.
"Har. Har. Alex!"
"Well I do think I have permanent liver damage Lils!" Alex groaned back hobbling to her seat clutching her stomach.
"Drama Queen." Lily mumbled.
"And the best," replied Alex picking out a yellow banana from nowhere and biting into it, it was brown and unripe…like Lily's bag after it fell into the lake!
"Summer been good? Is Pip here yet?"
"No you're the first," answered Lily. "Wow Al' what'd you do to your hair?"
Yes, maybe that is a question to ask when you have badly styled hair but Alex had just put eccentric blue streaks in her black hair.
"I streaked it, d'you lik-"
"AAAAAAARGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Petunia somehow emerged from the top of the stairs she looked from lily to Alex to Lily to Alex to her giant teddy to the talking couch to Lily to Alex. She screamed again.
"Petunia!" Lily said carelessly. "Remember Alexandra Douglas…? No? Well she's the one who turned that fruit bowl against you remember? You know fruitbowl, MUNCH MUNCH?"
Petunia just ran back to her room yelling one simple thing: 'FREAK!" but it sounded like "FannanaFoof."
Alex shrugged lazily. "I don't think she remembers me. Oh well I don't really remember her either just the word 'freak' again and again and again and then I thought she was a tape recorder."
Lily scratched her chin. " Oh yeah and then Pet thought we'd turn her into a tape recorder so she started smashing her hockey stick around! I remember that! Good times!"
Alex grinned.
BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMM
Piper Joanie emerged from the fireplace banging into the wall to ducking so she didn't have a fluorescent head that was now beginning to throb on Alex's head.
" Hey guys whets up?"
"PIPIPIPIPIPIPIPIPIPIPIPIPIP!"
Piper was hit flat on the ground where Alex hit.
"GuYs!" Piper laughed giving them hugs back, smiling.
Lily Yayed.
"YAY! Now where's Kathryn?"
"Right here guys!"
Everyone boomed up to her like giant elephants in giant stampedes in giant waterholes… but where stop and much kitchen scratching was engraved on the floor.
"Not the hair guys," she said warningly, "And I just manicured my fingernails."
Lily, Alex and Piper stopped, looked at her, shrugged and got back to what they were doing.
"So Al' been wasting alotta paper and sending me and Lily bored mail?" asked Piper giving a small grin to Alex who moodily crossed her arms.
"Holidays are boring! Same house, same street, same purple mushroom in my shower…"
Piper rose a finally and newly waxed eyebrow and turned her attention to Kathryn. "
"So Kath how have you been doing?"
"I dunno, I guess I have been writing some mail (she blushed…very, very red… as red as the red balloon at my birthday party!) to…er…Sirius."
Alex snorted loud and clear, to the world, very unladylike actually.
"Black? Kath that's a whole bunch of Paper, think of the poor trees!"
Kathryn glared at Alex. "Well at least he actually likes me, he hate you!"
No, Kathryn wouldn't allow and Sirius Black dissing…it was a policy when it came to Sirius Black, the constellation Sirius the colour Black or anything else Sirius Black she'd go all protective and act all…protective when there was any Sirius Black dissing. Well, that's what happens when you join the Sirius Black Fan Club!
Alex did her snort again.
"Like I want him to like me?"
Piper rolled her eyes. "We all know you do Lexa!"
"WHAT!" whichever yelp was louder, it was hard to decide you see Alex didn't get along with Sirius Black but it wasn't as Lily and James. Boy, no, Lily actually would hex James but Alex only resolved to one thing. Gonad Kicking. And Kathryn was very protective. But I think the winner of the loudest yelp was…LILY!
Heads turned to Lily.
"OH. MY. GOD!"
Lily was shaking, her arms were shaking, her legs were shaking, boy, even her eyeballs began to shake.
"Lils…"
Piper quickly snatched off the piece of paper she shook with. She read…she shook. Kathryn, who was the second closest, snatched the piece of paper, read it and began to shake. Alex took the piece of parchment and…
"HEAD GIRL! WOW! YAYSIES LILS!"
And there was a funny tribal dance going around the room.
"OH. My. God!"
"It was expected!"
"Yay NOW I GET TO GO TO THE HEAD TOWER!"
They looked at Lily, she grinned sheepishly, okay, maybe she did want almighty power of the school and reasons to go to 'head only' privileges but…oh…who wouldn't?
"Heh heh Ahhhh, go back to celebrating!"
"Oh My Merlin who do you reckon head boy will be?"
"Amos…Diggory?"
"No, No it's that guy who has a serious pervertion problem!"
"Sirius Black it's gotta be him!"
Lily frowned head boy, she had hoped a lot that he wasn't a Slytherin or he had to be decent and non-pelvic thrust-ish. There was a last letter.
"Andy Norman?"
"Sally Badwick?"
"Sally's a girl!"
"Oh…then, Nickola?"
"Er… Nickola is a…um…"
"Sirius Black!"
"Hey look Potter sent me a letter! Gees this guy is really obsessive!"
Lily rolled her eyes she had received many numerous letters from James over past holidays one with a wedding rind and a giant pop out sign saying, well more like asking WILL YOU MARRY ME? Lily's owl such a shock he fainted thus Lily hit James for Owl abuse. But this holiday she had received none and this was her first.
"OMG Sirius might have written a message!" Kathryn died. Well died in love!
"Hey," Alex grinned as Lily opened the Letter. "Maybe he's head boy!"
"Right…yeah…sure that would be the day, James Potter: head boo-PLONK!" Piper stopped mid way to find Lily on the ground looking very scared.
"Lils?" Piper grabbed the letter she skimmed it. "Oh My Mar-PLONK!"
Kathryn snatched for the letter and read it…guess what? PLONK! She fainted.
Alex picked up the plonk-making letter she examined it, what did it read? It was a short but frightening message it read:
Hey Lils,
I'm missing you heaps and I thought it might interest you that I'm head boy.
See you at Kings Cross!
Yours always
James Potter
And Alex did this:
"WHAT THE HOLY F&K?"
…And PLONK!
Yeah long but waaaaaahhhhhh I got so many hits but only three reviews this calls for drastic tantrums! IT MAKES ME MAD!
Sigh
Woah 9 pages I'm on a writing…thingo. Stupid homework, detention, after skool activities plus other society meetings are so effing ANNOYING so it's hard 4 me to fit in updates every eek!
Oh well plz review!
Takes to seconds!