Thanks to reviewers, I'm still waiting for constructive criticism waits.
On with the Fic.
Disclaimer: JK u are my god! I love the word sod! I own nothing not even a pod! I hope u like the sound clod! And I will kiss your mod? I own nothing if you didn't get my song.
Moony would call it: Oh Merlin Really James!Padfoot would call it: James's head in the mind!
Wormtail would call it: MMMMM Rita Skeeter!
Prongs would call it: Never smell like a squirrel in front of EvansLily would call it: Potter IS NOT Head Boy!
Alex would call it: Oversized Slughorn boobs Piper would call it: FoOOOOD FIGGGGGGGGGHHHHT!Kathryn would call it: OMG my nail broke!
I would call it: Demented Names addlements (you pick your title)"Just walk through the wall."
"Lean against it!"
"No muggles are watching."
"No you're just to scared in case you ram your head onto the wall like you did in third year!"
"That was the dick of a head Potter he caused me this scar!"
Lily Evans isn't proud to announce her fatal mourn and fear of the barrier between platform 9 and 10. It all started with balloon boy Potter who was had a certain obsession of hexing Lily so when she attempted to walk through the barrier in third year WAM, the rest of the trip was painful… for Potter as Mrs. Potter had healed Lily on the spot added with a had thwack on James's head.
Then Lily had to deal with him… and James nearly became that castrated monk in his Lily-filled dreams.
"Would you like me and Piper to go in before you?"
Lily took a step back and held her hands out as if presenting the noble award for wild imagination.
"Be my guest."
Alex rolled her eyes and lunged right into the wall without a trace of suspicion. And
GLOOP it ate her up like a BIG pudding pie.
"Go on Lils!"
Lily rubbed her eyes. "Fine."
Lily pushed her and her trolley into he wall and felt like a great BIG pudding pie as she walked through it; but really she felt nothing.
"C'mon guys we've got to get good seats, you know the ones with pretty soft cushiony feels to them?" Piper said emerging from behind Lily, she pushed Alex and Lily forward but before they could move a step three people had pulled them into a deathly hug.
"Dearest Lilykins, Douglas and PIPPY!"
Sirius Black; tall (6'3), mysterious (I'll tell you only if you pay me), handsome (OMG doesn't Sirius look so much more handsome then a warthog?) and… hyper in the times of a good squealing was pulling off a death hug as his arm engulfed Lil, Alex and Piper ALL IN ONE!
"Ow Sirius geroff us or you'll squeeze my eyeballs off!"
Sirius let go.
"Aw, Lily you know you like it!"
"Like. My. Arse."
Piper smirked.
"Sirius I swear your arms will be stretched into skinny sting beans! (lol my friend Brad uses that word a lot!) Sirius good-naturedly shrugged off the comment.
"These are beautiful muscles; not beans!"
Alex snorted loudly.
"Must I cut out the beautiful bit?"
As if spotting Alex just all of a sudden Sirius gasped excitedly as if he was suffering from a bad case of alopecia (baldness).
"Must I point out that you didn't cut out the muscle bit?"
Lily and Piper exchanged a look. Not any normal look. The look. The exchanging look. The ones friends gave to each other when they were either:
a) Annoyed
b) Here-we-go-again
c) Hungry
But they just ate a really big breakfast so it was either a or b!
"Must I add in that I have a good urge to kick you in your—Sirius?"
Happily saving Lily's ears of hearing the aka. gonad word… again, Remus Lupin was smiling behind them with a decent look in his eyes… unlike Geoffrey's perverted look on Piper's arse.
"Moony! Haven't seen you in a long time!" squealed Sirius delightfully.
Remus rolled his eyes. "What was it? Er…3 seconds ago?"
"5 but close enough!"
Lily smiled; Remus had always been Lily's favourite marauder. He wasn't arrogant or to keen on groping Lily's arse. Like Geoffrey was. But Geoffrey wasn't a marauder. Sirius had to be second, yes he WAS a little demented and hyper, but in a way it was cute! And he had always been a great friend… better then Geoffrey would always be. Next coming third was Peter Pettigrew who Lily could never remember talking properly to but she was sure he was better then Potter. And in last place and probably proud he was even on the list James Potter. Known as Potter, annoying Potter, prick Potter if you want an alliteration or 'arrogant toerag' if you wanted an insult!
"So Lily! Your Headgirl this year?" Remus grinned.
"Yeah are you Head Boy Remus?"
Sirius gave a gender confused look. Remus followed the gender confused look. Alex rolled her eyes concealing her pupils for two seconds. Piper raised an eyebrow.
"Er…Lily didn't you get the owl about James?"
"YEAH you two are CHUMS!" Sirius clapped.
"He is NOT my CHUM!"
"Oh face it Lils he is!"
"No he's NOT!"
"She's in denial," whispered Alex hoarsely but audibly; Sirius and Remus made an 'o' shape with their mouths then simultaneously tilted their head like water aerobic people!
"I am not in denial! Potter is NOT Head Boy!" Lily knew that she knew that everyone new (besides Geoffrey) that they knew that the marauders knew that she knew that they knew that she knew that James Potter was ABSOLUTLEY NOT! Head Boy. The thought of that was preposterous and not to add faint- able.
"Physiological denial!" Piper added in an Alex copy hoarse voice. Alex crossed her eyes and twirled her finger around her ear mouthing 'c-a-ra-zy'!
"You know Lily a lot of girls would like to work with James," commented Remus with a small but scared smile. Piper frantically pulled a no-no look as she waved her had like a bird across her neck.
"Nuh-uh! Denied Lily angrily. But this was of course true, James was the hottest eligible bachelor plus it was rumoured that 'it' was BIG!
"Oi Hadfield do you want to work with James," Alex yelled out to a random Hufflepuff who had a serious case of… a large bum.
"Yeah Douglas what's it to you?"
…and a serious case of bitchiness…
Alex grinned giving a small side shrug to prove Remus's point.
Lily crossed her arms. Remus glanced at Sirius, Sirius glanced at Alex, Alex glanced at Piper, Piper glanced at Remus, Remus glanced at Lily, Lily glared at all off them and that killed the glance-a-thon.
"That's it Lillers Prongs isn't Head Boy!" Sirius gave a pat on the back. "So Douglas what were you going to kick?"
A good subject change!
"Your banana," Alex answered lamely.
"My banana I don't see any banana!"
"Look down!"
Not a good subject change!
"Er… how was your holiday Piper?" asked Remus pointlessly as he had spent time with her in Peru the whole time. Pity there was no snogging part of it…
"But Remus you were there…" Piper frowned not getting the fact that it was a subject change.
"Pip you told me there were a lot of hot boys in Peru! A particularly hot guy," Lily smiled mischievously.
"I had to apparate to Peru in the holidays with Prongs! Maybe you glimpsed me!" Sirius flicked back his hair in an attempt to look sexy (not that he needs it! ).
"Your sexiness is killing us Sirius!" Lily said sarcastically.
"Aw shucks Lils didn't know you thought that way!"
"By the way where is Potter, not hexing a first year I hope?"
"Lily he stopped that ages ago!" Remus pointed out obviously.
Lily shrugged.
"Lily…are you missing James?" Alex asked Lily cautiously scared of a mad redhead blow. But hell, she didn't know an 'Alex' blow.
"Pff, no!" False alarm
"Well frankly I think he needs to get rid of those glasses!"
They all turned to Sirius who was the center of attention again! The lucky booger. He put on his best confused face which was obviously real because Sirius Black was a HORRIBLE actor in front of… a person.
"Aren't we bitching about James?"
Everyone burst out laughing. Aw…priceless Sirius Black,
"Tsk, tsk Sirius I'll have to tell James you said that!" Piper shook her head and waggled her finger. Remus looked at his watch that was analogue!
"Well we've got to go and find good seats with squishy chairs for Sirius AND I need to go to the Heads Department?" Remus said with a small smile. He glanced a look at Piper. It was the glance girls! Does anyone hear 'love is in the air'?
"Er…do you wanna come with?"
Piper gave a small smile. If she hadn't had a cool and calm reputation she would of squealed. Alex smirked at Sirius who smirked back. Then they realized they were smirking at each other and decided to direct their smirk to Lily. And she gave a small awww 'look'.
"Sure."
,.' '.,.' '.,.' '.,.' '.,.' '.,.' '.,.'
James lounged on the head department's seat with an aura of 'I'm almighty' and a smell of dead squirrels mixed with heavy cologne. Now the aura of almighty was because he KNEW he was almighty. The cologne was understandable seeing as he would look like Santa Claus if he didn't shave and the cologne made him smell nice. But the dead squirrel smell mixed with the cologne wasn't nice as this made him smell like botobur pus being farted out of someone's arse.
The squirrel smell was from the sweat that clogged up in his hairy armpits. The sweat was from one and only one person, a person with red hair, a person who smelt like a flower, a person who had sparkling emerald eyes AND a girl who was about to see how mature he had turned into!
Be smart, don't be immature and DO NOT James DO NOT WHATEVER YOU DO ask Lily Evans out! Wait…isn't Moony suppose to be telling you this I'm suppose to be encouraging abnormal immaturity defects… MOONY MOONY!
And that was what James would do.
Mature. Smart. Funny. Polite!
He ruffled his hair he knew in a few minutes Lily would find he was Head…soon enough she would! James gazed around at the heads compartment. It reminded him of one and one only thing. Dumbledore's office. But this was only due to the fact that there was an abnormal artifact lying on the table.
What happens if Lily doesn't like the new me?
James suddenly grew pale. What happened if the teeny-weeny voice in his head was right?
No worries you know you're a good person deep down inside!
James flinched in an odd sort of manner. "Moony was that you?"
Er…hate to break it to you but you haven't changed one bit!
James look changed from shocked to really shocked. "Padfoot are you in my head?"
Eh…no er…I am your conscious listen to the voices!
James frowned. "Voices? You sound more of a hippo!"
Don't dis your conscious it's against law!
Padfoot the day you become a conscious is the day you go out with Snape
"Shut-up" Brain smack
Brain smacks weren't normal smacks thwy were makes given to people through brain waves so of course Remus felt this and received a dizzy shock but since it was James they were infesting James received a horrible blow of headaches.
"OW ShIt! You stupid Bugger what are you doing in my brain anyways?" asked James quite annoyed. Stupid twats James thought irritabily.
Prongs we can hear what your thinking!
Screw… what are you doing in my head!
Padfoot placed the talaplathathic spell on you in the morning when you were asleep, that's why you saw him standing in front of you cramming your snitch up you nose.
Prongs you have big nostrils!
James ignored that. Many Hogwarts girls said that he had wonderful Nostrils in the matter of snogging. James hit Sirius telepathically.
Ow! Twat! Bugger that hurts!
Suck it up!
Grr…!
I'd like you out of my head now guys.
WHY SHOULD WE?
Because Remus needs to be at the heads department…
Oh Bugger I Forgot!
And if you don't get out I'll unleash Alex on you!
Hell No you stupid twat she kicks like a mad Rhino!
Padfoot…
FINE FINE I'm out.
James heard no more of the annoying voices that strangely bickered to him about nostrils so James set his mind staring at the door to the heads department. Lily Evans topic on his mind of course seeing as she couldn't be more… fantasy-able! (HAHA I hope you got the crack arse joke there!).
How exactly would she react seeing him as head boy instead of Remus, Amos or heck…Snape…but that was a little low because Severus Snape a.k.a. Snivellus the wonder-granny-pants, was a greasy mudblood repeating obsessed with scribbling in books and saying I AM THE MIGHTY HALF-BLLOD PRINCE git…
Maybe Sirius was right he did he did have big nostrils…but then again Sirius thought many things including why girls would bunch up together like the dirt in his feet.
SMACK HEY!
SIRIUS I TOLD YOU GET OUT OR I'M GETTING ALEX AND LILY!
Okay Jesus!
"Lily!" Remus yelled like a wailing toilet seat when he spotted the redhead. Who was ambling slowly towards the prefect compartment as if she was suffering some horrible piles.
"Hello Remus." Lily bunched up a forced smile that looked like she was baring her teeth at Geoffrey… receiving an almighty staring from Remus…a stare of absolute sacredness.
"Er…Lily…"
"Yes Remus?"
"Prefects compartment is that way!"
Lily looked at the direction she was going to in front of her was the official snoggatory compartment.
She heard a bunch of banging and Moaning.
"Oh…hahaha!"
Remus gave her concerned look…was Lily's brain…squashed into…bubbles?
"Er…Lily…"
"YES Remus?"
"Er…are you okay…?''
Lily pulled another HorrIble smile with a capital 'I'. It reminded Remus of the scary clown that went around impaling balloon knives into random people.
"Yes Course!"
There was moment of silence. Horrible silence. Slightly demented silence…
But silence anyways…
"Remus…" Lily used a low…not a man tone because it was hard for a girl to impersonate them but a …low…soft tone…
"Yes?"
"Is James Potass I mean…er…" Lily blushed when she realize she called James Potter, Potass a nickname that she invoked rightfully his in some time when she was angrily rambling ON and ON and ON about Potass.
It was lucky she didn't say Potcuteass.
"James really head boy? AND DON'T LIE TO ME!"
She pointed a horrible finger at Remus, which could of groped Remus's eyeball. Remus sighed. For a top Newt student Lily sure did like to put her poor brain in denial.
"Yes Lily, James Potter or Potass if that what you want to call him," Lily went as red as a snotty runny nose, "Is the new and official Head Boy with you…"
Lily looked lamely at Remus.
"Is your prefect arse of a brain shitting me?"
Lily was happy she hadn't slipped in the word cute again seeing as the marauder's all had cute arses…even Peter…even Peter…?
Remus shrugged. "No… as weird and off rocker it is his head boy…"
"He didn't swap his letter with your or…" remus shook his head as Lily held onto the last piece of denial...
Lily groaned an. "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr."
"Lily you'd be surprised his changed a lot."
Remus crossed his hands behind is back. The only thing James had changed was his love for Lily into an !obsession! with Lily.
"Er…I find that somewhat hard to believe…"
Remus did his best to be the good great grand happy maraudering marauder friend of James Potter he was and chipped in some fat load of lying flattering dung about James.
"He has, he isn't as immature as he use to be his a grown up man with…er…"
Lily raised an eyebrow, as she and Remus were standing in front of the Prefects compartment door. Instead of a giant slate with the words
"Prefects Compartment"
it read:
"James Potter's Compartment kiss my hairy balls if you aren't a marauder or Lily…"
"I think the only thing that has changed with Potter is… he isn't afraid to word the fact that he has a hairy penis…" Lily looked at the sign amusedly.
Lily cringed at the mental thought of bushes of hair…
"E-h-e-w-w-w-w-w…" She shivered.
Remus tried his best not to think of what he would say in his friend's funeral while ignoring the sign…ALL IN ONE! HE turned the doorknob.
James saw the doorknob turn a little, he knew with his brain, heart and balls that it was Remus and Lily.
And then…
She emerged.
It was Lily! A drool-worthy girl walked through the door with Remus.
James contained the drool making his cheeks bulge. He swallowed the drool. With a sauve and I am SO COOL! Tone he said in a low 'mature' voice.
"Hey Evans!"
He expected hyperventilation, he expected 'OMIGOD I THOUGHT THAT LETTER YOU GAVE ME WAS A SHIT ARSE LETTER' or plonk But Lily said this:
"I'm happy being a Lily, Potter seeing as I don't have to suck your balls."
She quirked a finely waxed eyebrow.
James didn't see this coming so he stumbled on a snail that got onto the train but regained his HAHA I AM SO COOL SO GO SCREW THE WHOMPING WILLOW composure.
"Hairy balls, Evans, Hairy."
Remus took Lily's place of an OMG POTTER look and slapped his head with his hand multiple times. He walked over to talk to Ollie, the Ravenclaw Prefect.
Slappity slapper slap
Lily looked a little disturbed.
"Look here Potter I really don't like you and I know you er…have an obsession with me and would grasp at the opportunity if I allowed you to grope me."
"…Can I?"
"No, you perverted lump of saggy fat."
James looked a little disappointed seeing as groping was one of hid 'best' traits. Lily simply rolled her eyes showing her funny white bits.
"So get this clear Potter, while being Heads, believing that you will leave me all the work and duties I will say this: If you dare you I will condemn you to Satan."
James put on a confused face.
"Who's Satan? Piper…?"
Lily sighed as she let go of James's collar something she didn't even notice she was doing but that was a little silly because James had gone a horrid green colour which could clearly resemble Petunia's face.
"Let's just get this over with."
"Okay Evans cool!"
James conjured two thrones and put the paper crown he made last night on his head and the other on Lily's. Lily looked up at it slightly overwhelmed.
James placed his arse on the chair in one of his NOW I'M REALLY COOL composure leaning horizontally one side of an arm rest and swinging his legs over the other.
"Oi! Species similar to Remus!" bellowed James.
"Prefects please gather around!" Lily sat uncertainly on her chair when they did like little itty-bitty tetchy creatures obeying the top dung beetles Lily continued.
"Okay, glad to see you all again, I'm Lily Evans and this is James Pot…"
Potass
A name popped up in her head.
"James Pot…"
Potecuteass
James Pot…"
Pervcuteass
James gave Lily a significent your-hot-but-are-you-okay look and I swear it looked scarier then a dandelion.
"Er…Evans its Potter…"
"Yeah…" Lily finished lamely.
The old Prefects thought that Lily and James were off their rockers that tiny little sparks were flying out of them. The new Prefects just thought they needed there rockers replaced.
"Anyways, um, we're your Heads for this year and we hope to do our best even is I have Potarse…er…" Lily blushed as the Prefects smothered giggles or did a Ginny by stuffing knuckles in the mouth. "With me here…"
James felt flattered.
Lily Evans had given him a nickname.
Maybe it did contain the word arse in it but a name anyways. He smiled like a stupid pansy that just had manure covered on it.
"Firstly I'd like to start with-"
"THE NAME GAME!" yelled James making Lily to jump out of her seat, knock over the throne, drop the crown and squash the snail that James tripped on earlier. That was said because this snail was pregnant!
"Name game…?" asked Lily.
"Yeah!"
"But…er…Potter…" Lily looked a little confused/ worried/ stupefied/ blundered and christful seeming to beg for a giant bolt to strike James and castrate him,
"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm?" James thought all of Lily's mingled lookes was a look of delight and take-me-now-James-you-god.
"You learn the name game in Kindergarten…" James gaped… but he loved the name game…
"So…?"
"It's irreversibly pointless and odd…"
"EMAG EMAN EHT!" James attempted.
"What…"
"You said it irreversible!"
"Potter I meant…gah…you know what? I can't handle your random immaturity right now!"
"I just want to play the name game!"
"No it's pointless Potter!"
"All in favor of the name game raise your hand!"
No one rose their hand. In fact the prefects were attempting to stuff there hands underneath the ground getting it to as low as possible.
"See HUH EVANS majority R-U-E-S… er I mean R-U-L-E-S!"
"Prongs and Lily why don't you just ask every ones names?" shouted Remus in fear that Lily might break his nose or worse get Geoffrey to grope him…
They both shrugged.
James pointed at random hobo-look-alike.
"You…what's your name and what house are you prefect for?"
The mousy boy looked a little bit overwhelmed. "My names…Ollie…Tabooger…I'm Ravenclaw prefect…"
James stared at him.
And in
T
E
N
Seconds
"Ollie Tabooger?"
He
Did
A
"Ollie Tabooger?"
Horrible
Thing
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OLLIE TABOOGA? I'll… eat … a … bogga! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
(A/N: Say it slowly Oll...ieat… a…bogga)
Lily looked at James in disgust. "I think er…Ollie Tabooger is a wonderful name."
Unfortunately Lily said this very, very s…l…o…w…l…y so she sounded as if she wanted to eat her booger. This sent James on a brink of more hysteria.
"Er… whats your name?" She asked the other Ravenclaw prefect.
"You wanna suck cock…"
She answered loftily looking superior. Lily looked offended as she heard a barbaric word come out of the girl's mouth.
"Excuse me?"
"You wanna suck cock…"
"I'm sorry you're a Ravenclaw Prefect!"
"You wanna suck cock is her name Lily…Yvonna Sukok…" Remus cut in tiredly looking a bit scared at Yovonna cracking her neck…
Lily blushed like a red hungey panda man… "Oh er..hahaha…" The girl cracked her knuckles, James burst out laughing as his conjured throne tipped over.
"I really don't think the head boy should laughing!" blurted out the Hufflepuff prefect looking angry as the Slytherin Prefects sniggered amongst eachother.
"What your name?" James asked as he caught the word Head Boy.
"Seymour…Buttocks…"
James this time didn't know wgat wa funnir the fact that buttocks was his last name or if he want James to look at more arses.
He giggled like a stupid Poppy brain.
He Blushed angrily. "Well he names Anita Bath!"
The Hufflepuff covered her face as James banged gis head on the chair it looked as if he was trying to molest a chair…
Lily looked frightened at James hysteria, not to mention angry.
"Shut up you crack, I suppose you'd find it funny that The Slytherin Prefects are called Mike Rotch?"
Lily could find a single joke to this. But James was going giddy with Laughing. "Mike Rotch FREELY! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA good Merlin HAHHAHA!"
"What?" Lily asked hotly. "What's so funny?
James giggled. "Say it slowly Evans!
"WhatMy…Crotch?"
James gasped for air. "I can't believe you fell for that HAHAHAHAHA!"
Lily's face went from boiling point to really boiling point. James pointed at the other Slytherin.
"Oi! You, other Slytherin Prefect what's your name?"
The Slytherin smirked. "Irene Parker Freely you stupid Head Wanker find something to laugh out of that!"
James looked blank for a second.
And
Then
He
Found
Something
Funny
Out
Of
It
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA IRENE PARKER FREELY! HAHAHA! I.P Freely! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I.P FREELY! Hee Heeee Heee!"
The girl looked disgruntled. "You Mudblood lover!"
James chucked her out of the train for saying the 'M' word which wasn't Motherfucker.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
But this still kept James Light in mood. Seeing as he discovered all his little midget Prefect buddies all had demented names.
"Oi Ivana!"
The Gryfindor Prefect besides Remus (Sixth year) faced James. "Yes?"
"Is your last Name tinkle?"
He was getting ready to giggle but really he was going to act like a real asshole.
"No it's Hump…"
"Not timkle but AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA anyways. HAHAHAHAHA hohohohho hehehehehehe! AHAHAHAHA! Oi is there no Prefect with a weird name?"
Remus raised an annoyed eyebrow. James looked at Remus.
"Er...besides Remus."
All the Prefects with demented names that was all out of the simpsons, futurama looked at there feet. The Slytherin that managed to climb back onto the train, glared at James with detest.
Lily, new it was time for the name game to finish and major castration.
"Potter shut your bloody face or I'll hex you so you grow moobs!"
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THEY HAVE SUCH WEIR NAMES! What you say Lilykins?"
"Moobitto!"
Lily swished her wand with pure rage that she now looked like some type of loony along with Potter which she WASN'T as she didn't finf any name hilarious…except for I.P Freely…. But that was ONLY because she was a Slytherin!
James's chest started poking out.
"What The Bloody hell?"
His nipples began to sag that it reached all the way to the floor and everyone saw it.
"Ewwwwwwwwww!"
Remus smothered his face from laughing. Oh how funny it was going to be when he told and showed Sirius?
"Who's got a Camera?" Lily yelled.
"I do!"
She held the camera up to catch the Moobing Potter who was saying an assotment of swear words including "Ah I have mobs like Geoffrey!"
"Say cheese Potter!"
CLICK FLASH!
"DO you think there dead?" Sirius asked Piper who was the only one in the compartment who was talking to Sirius seeing as Peter had gone to Rita Skeeters (Ravenclaw) compartment (his new girlfriend) and Kathryn would just giggle…
"Well judging by the number of yells we heard er…yeah!" Piper answered a little wearily. "Where's Remus?"
"At the Prefects Compartment…I swear I just heard the word Moobs!" Alex said seeing as she had super sensitive squealing hearing that all Mary-Sues writers give their character.
"Nuh-Uh Douglas it was the word tubes!"
Alex raised an eyebrow.
"What does Tubes have anything to do with it?"
Sirius looked at her shocked as if she was the bimboest and dumbest person that laid foot on Earth.
"Are you a crazy Bimbo? Think of Boob tubes?" Sirius grinned as he thought of his horrible fetish to see one.
"Erm… Black I'm a girl…so yes…and how do you even know what a boob tube is? Do you use it to hold in your Moobs?"
"I don't have moobs! Jesus Douglas your touché! You just spoiled the thought of me seeing your boobs!"
"Does your mind revolve around groping, feeling, eating and well … Sex?"
Piper decided to stay out of this argument seeing as if she pointed out and helped Alex with the fact that Sirius was a sexually frustrated perving tensioned person who's mind was corrupted by hormones he would bite her…
"Of course it doesn't look Alexandra if Siri says that their he doesn't have moobs and heard the word boob tube then he did!" Kathryn squealed in her high-pitched unnatural squeally voice which peeves me off everly so.
Alex's eyes twitched. She hated the name 'Alexandra' and if she had a beaters bat with her she would knock Kathryn out and give her a lump ontop of a lump and a covered with a bruise and a tiny flag on the top of the lump?
"Er…" Piper tried to avert the subject to something else.
"So when did Skeeter and Peter get together?"
"Skeeter is a lump of fat and baked potatoes and she would go well with Black here!" Alex said off-handedly.
"SHE DOES NOT! TAKE THAT BACK YOU HOBO BUMMY HOBO! I Will Keeeeelll you!"
The girls gave him a weird look. "Er…"
"Er…" Sirius didn't like unwanted attention it made him go red, redder the redheads with red hair. "I Vant to suck you blood?"
Kathryn giggled.
Alex gave him a lame can-I-kick-your-arse-now look.
Piper shrugged at why she ever considered Sirius Black as one of her friends and shoved on her stylish reading glasses which, made her look (as James and Sirius say) professionally hot and took out the latest Witch Weekly edition.
"Close your eyes Black and hold out your hand…"
Thinking automatically that Alex was going to give him a lolly and the sawing sweet tooth in his back left mouth. Seeing as the fat and strangely wrinkly lolly lady who was only ever heard saying 'anything off the trolley dear' had not came back he automatically agreed.
"Okay well that's cool I always liked-OW!"
Alex gave him a pigeon slap.
"You poo!" he wailed.
Alex shrugged. "You achieve the weird limit every day Black."
Sirius quickly switched his place from Alex to Piper.
"Pipe!"
Piper turned to barely darted her eyes away from the magazine.
"What do you want Sirius?"
"Seeing as you're the nicest and the smartest girl in the school I'm going to complain to you."
Piper put down her magazine as a smile tinged slowly on her lips.
"Hate to break it to you but the reason why I don't so many guys was because they always whined and couldn't hold an intelligent conversation with me."
"Wait…HEY!"
"Actually that's true Piper is the worst listener in the world! She doesn't listen!"
Kathryn who gave a flirtatious smile. Then Sirius gave Piper a scary what type of look seeing he thought Piper was Perfect…then again anyone who could pull of professionally hot was perfect in Sirius's eyes seeing as visually disordered people were usually nerds…well with the exception of James.
Then again James was pretty nerd-a-holic when it came to Lily.
Piper shrugged trying her best to keep her facial expression straight as a rock can. But she failed making her look like a laughing stone monkey.
"Well I'm suh-orrrryyyy! I have a small attention span!" Piper said very uncharacteristically like. Think Sirius mixed with Peter.
But suddenly there was another castration like sound.
BANG or SNAP
And there were raging people who were running around the school corridor. Alex stood up and opened the compartment door. "What the-"
"GIVE IT BACK LILY!"
Lily run as if she was attempting to fly with James tailing her like shit, I mean sheep. Her face was as red as an over-sneezed red nose. She chucked a pile of what looked like cards at Remus who was walking straight to the compartment.
"Run, Remus take it and run go show it to the schools biggest gossiper."
'Moony." Complained James moaning like a long-tongue Giraffe. Remus strolled casually up to the compartment where Piper reserved Remus a small smile.
"Hello Remus…"
Remus gave a jittery smile.
"Hey Piper."
Sirius was thinking along different lines as he saw Remus breathing hard and short.
"Did you just have sex Moony? You dirty son of a gun! With who Ms what's-her-last name-here?"
He pointed his ugly non-French-manicured finger at Piper. Alex rolled her eyes at Sirius's stupid idiotic plastered grin-ness. She killed a few of Sirius's brain cells.
"OW."
"Sirius you retarded Mork!"
Sirius stuck his tongue out at Alex. Being smarter then Sirius and the rest of the grade Remus raised been an eyebrow with a witty comment.
"Sirius…? Piper has sitting right in front of you while I was at the prefect meeting."
"…Oh-ses…"
Alex rolled her eyes. Piper bit her lip to prevent laughter. Kathryn hoped that Sirius's head was okay. Remus gave an I'm-so-much-better-then-you look.
"LIL-EEEEEEE! MOONY GIVE IT HERE NOW!"
Lily ran in puffing making Sirius think along the lines of what Remus had just been doing.
"HEY you guys had Firewhiskey without me!"
"Lils!" James whined running in and spotted the photos in Remus's hand.
"Remus!" He reached for the photos when Remus chucked the batch to Piper, James dived for it but she chucked it to Alex.
"Al' I-Petrificous totalus"
James froze as Lily shot a quick freezing charm on him she turned the photos around. James's eyeballs darted around scarily like the mono lisa which followed you.
"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM."
The sound of moan or lust, it was hard to tell.
"WHAT THE HELL?"
Alex skimmed her eyes through the moving pictures of James with oversized Moobs growing bigger and bigger and then him doing a certain moob jig dance.
Sirius whipped over like a 'twinkle-toes' while his eyes enlarged like he was on steroids. But he wasn't…was he?
…NAH!
"WOAH HO! HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Sirius watched James-in-the-picture stick a finger at Sirius as his mobs jiggled with effort.
"EUGH! Eww!" Kathryn shivered. "That is so not you!"
Lily roared in maniac laughter, Piper gaped in a smirk-a-tive type of way. "Okay Lily spill on why you enlarged James's nipples…
"HAHEHEHAHAHAHEHEHE!"
Lily was out of breath. Alex, Piper and Sirius glanced at each other in a 'er…' sort of way.
"Prongs here was laughing at well…prefect's names!" Remus responded for Lily as she was still in her hysterics range.
"Oka-WHAT WERE THEY?" Sirius cut through Kathryn with a slight confuzzlement look on his face quirking his eyebrow again and again and again.
"Well…er…" Remus knew that Sirius would burst in hysterics if he told him what the names were.
"Ollie tabooger…" James responded the hex seemingly wore off, wait, it took at least 30min for that hex to wear off…so that meant. Kathryn smirked as she took the hex of James.
"Ollie…Ta…Booger…" Sirius's eyeballs bulged again with is steroid look. "Ollie…tabooger! GOOD LORD! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I'll eat a booger! WOW!"
James smirked! "You haven't heard it all Padfoot! Think Yvonna Sukok!"
There was a ten second maraudering silence…then!
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
James and Sirius burst out in pysocopathic laughing!
Lily rolled her eyes as she obviously found this unentertaining.
"Really! There names!"
"JUST gasp NAMES! YVONNA SUKOK! HAHAHAHAHA! It's AS FUNNY AS YVONNA HUMPALOT!"
Remus sighed. "Oh not this Yvonna sequence again!"
Piper had a tiny smile hanging on her mouth. But It probably was the rain of spit Sirius and James were pouring on each other as they laughed, not the names.
Lily shook her head as they burst in a hysterical more laughter.
"Immature! The lot of you! Weird pooping immaturity have got to your heads!
"Er…so what happened to his." Alex jerked a hand over at James, "over enlarged Professor Slughorn version of Moobs?"
"Remus took the spell of him, really it suited him I don't know why he did!"
James stopped laughing like a bumbling mad hyena.
"Lil-eieieieie!" James used his over-powering tone changing complaining voice."
She rolled her eyes and imitated him with no difficulty.
"Poh-terERERERereRER!
James pouted.
"Any thing of the trolley dears?"
The hysterical chatters of talk stopped for a bit. The granny who could only say anything off the trolley dears came in view. Sirius and James looked at eachother.
"Oh Lord!" Remus said with slight horror in his voice.
"What?" asked Piper warily!
"Remus…it's not gonna happen is it?" Alex and Remus glanced at each other (seeing as Alex knew James since James couldn't even remember. It was this odd pureblood interrelating thing and seeing as James's mother accidentally spilt pumpkin juice on Alex's thus they were good spilling motherly drink friends.
"What?" asked Lily noticing the scary shock of a twittchitated voice.
"UH OH!"
"Can someone tell us what happening?" cried Kathryn!
"$H!T $H!T $H!T $H!T $H!T!" Sweared Alex meaning it was something bad!
Lily noticed James's malicious glaring at the food. A sudden relisation dawned on her face.
Piper glanced at Lily who was looking shocked. "What? Wha-a-a-a-t?
"Are we going to die?" asked Kathryn.
"Remus? What's happening?"
"HIDE!" HE yelled at the exact moment James and Sirius squealed in an unnaturally high voice.
"FOOD FIGHT!"
Remus, Lily, Alex, Piper and Kathryn dawned in shockness…you didn't was to see Sirius and James in a food fight mode.
"OH NO YOU DON'T POTTER!"
SPLAT
James cheered in happiness as he splatted the girl of his dreams! She gaped in a revengeful sort of way!
"YOU ARE SO PAYING FOR THAT!"
SPLAT
"KEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLL!"
It's easy to say that the lady who could only say anything off the trolley dear zoomed away with her trolley. It was easy to say that the compartment was going to be hyperactively messy as you hear.
"OMG I BROKE A NAIL!"
It was easy to say that this was the year! The year that was last! The differetional year where things were going to change…
Long ship me I know! I was rambling on and on! It's all from Simpsons and Futurama the names? Lol! Geoffrey is a perverted dipshit in my school. Welll review!
I'm looking for a beta coz of my horrible writing.
BETA UP FOR GRABS!
And u have to be dedicated and obsessed with Lily and James!