Disclaimer: I don't own nothing so don't sue, its all the property of CBS and whatnot.
Chapter 3: Airplane Musings
Charlie's POV:
I know Julio and Christian are staring me, I can't blame these guys, they're worried about me. If only I could tell them that I'm not scared, I terrified. Every time I close my eyes, I see their faces, the men I killed, all of them, just staring at me. But, what else is new, this has been going on every since I was recruited at nineteen. What am I going to do when I see my family again? How do I live with what I have done? With all the lives I have taken? What if they found out? What if they found out that I've been lying to them for so long, even if it was to protect them?
It is so hard to live a life like mine, I haven't told a single soul about it save one, Mom, but, I didn't even tell her the whole truth, and now she's gone. If I think about it, I had to tell her, she was the only person who truly had any idea of the burden I carried then, and still carry now. Another secret I keep, I did go to see my mother before she died, exactly three hours before her life ceased, death taking away my one true confidant.
How do I live with myself? That's the question I ask myself most often. The truth, I have no idea. It's a paradox of sorts, I kill to save lives, but in return feel like I'm dying instead. When I close my eyes, I not only see the faces of those I have killed, but also of those I protect by doing so. My father, Larry, Amita, Megan, David, Colby, my students and Don. Don, oh Don, what would you do if you ever found out I was a killer, cause that's what I am, a killer, a murderer, with the blood of countless men on my hands, husbands, sons, uncles, brothers…
How do I live with myself? I haven't figured that out yet.ButI know I'll have plenty of time to think about it. My new Pvs NP...