My Other Worldly Harem Curb Stomp is Wrong as Expected (SNAFU)

Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru is created by Wataru Watari and published by Shogakukan.

Familiar of Zero is made by Noboru Yamaguchi and is published by Media Factory (though I only know the J.C. Staff production).

Neither is owned by me nor do I have any power over them.

With that, Siesta announces her presence.

I wish to make a quick recap of a day that I will never forget. I talked to the number three and four on the list of people important to me about what our relationship would be (number one is, of course, Komachi and number two is the holy grail known as Totsuka) and proceeded to be ripped away from my reality and instead take on the form of my dream job.

That all being the case…

Why am I sleeping on a small pile of hay?

Now, I am not one who has lived a life of luxury… oh who am I kidding compared to everyone here I lived like a king. The bed Louis sprawled on was one much less comfortable than my own, their heating units were nonexistent, and they had no electricity to speak of! What world had no computers?!

I am sorry Isekai gods, but I wish to return to my homeworld, despite you granting my wish of being a househusband now is not the time given my current situating back home. Maybe ask me after I have been brutally dumped by a woman who then proceeds to enter into a relationship with our mutual best friend, but for now, I wish to be home.

Wow, am I becoming Iroha?

That is twice in as many days I have summoned her speech.

Scary…

Through the small window (that this stupid girl left open despite not giving me a blanket; I will catch a cold you know! Louis I demand better compensation!) a pair of moons dance in the sky.

Looks like we are not in Kansas anymore Toto.

I wonder if they have Africa here…

"Stupid familiar shut up," the small voice of my master calls in the night. Hey, I was not even speaking, and you sleep like the dead. How can you even hear me? Are you a mind reader or something?

"Fireball," hehe lucky for me you have no weapon. It is nicely tucked upon your dresser table. Your foul sorcery has no power here. Maybe I should crawl in bed with her, not to do anything that Yukinoshita would accuse me of, but just to get some warmth. That bed is giant, and she barely takes up any space. For my safety, I should be allowed in. Right?

I can smell the bad end from here. I doubt I have a stupid power like, 'Every time I die, I get brought back to a certain point in time,' and even if I did, I would hope to never use it. I very much like the idea of not dying thank you very little. Maybe I will have powers like an RPG or stupidly overpowered magic. Can I at least get a Digimon or something?

Despite going full chuuni in the bathroom before I entered this cold hell with the tiny bitch, I failed to unlock anything that could hope to be considered special.

I knew it, I was summoned only to be a househusband. There is no other explanation.

I feel bad for writing it now.

Is this the universe telling me no matter what path I choose I would be unable to seduce any woman to fulfill the role for me, and only by forcing me upon a child could I get a similar experience?

Dear universe, I

Hate you so much. You gross me out

Die in a fire

Hachiman.

Hmm.

That might have worked... constructing a haiku really does help one enter a relaxed state. Well here goes nothing cold, I will deal with you tomorrow.

"SNORE"

GODDAMNIT!

LINEBREAK

Stupid sun and your stupid light. I live in a world with curtains that should always be shut to keep your evil touches away from me. The sun is a constant reminder of a 9 to 5 job, or the most evil thing to exist. Add to that the sleep I got last night was… negligible, and we get a Hachiman with dead fisheyes which have also rotted out and fallen to the floor.

She asked me to wake her and to do her chores. I decided to sleep instead. What is the worse she can threaten me with? The couch? Please it would be an upgrade.

But perhaps…

If I do what she wishes maybe, just maybe, I can get a bed or at least a blanket.

I gather up the cloth from around the room into a small wicker basket. It is like doing Komachi's laundry, I feel absolutely nothing grabbing this small piece of cloth, just as seeing her lay in bed I feel absolutely no amount of lust for her. She is even 1,000,000% less cute than my wonderful Imoto. Ah, I bet that gained me a lot of Komachi points.

Quietly opening the door, I start down the stairs. Where oh where would a washroom be? I suppose I could wash them in the bathroom, though I doubt that would do well on the cloth.

Hmm, where oh where should I go.

Maybe I can find the help?

This is the time to use one of my 108 skills, Compass Hikki, years of searching for manga and other things of the like have allowed me to find completely pointless things by wondering in the correct direction. This is a skill even I don't know how I developed.

Dressed in the odd robes I was given yesterday by Hayato 2.0 I entered into another of the Skills: Stealth Hikki, the ability to blend seamlessly into my surroundings as to never be singled out: WARNING this skill does not work when someone is actively seeking me out, source: Yuigahama.

By stacking these skills, I am now able to seamlessly slip past the help and into the open grove of the previous day's summoning. There in the morning light, an angel sits doing laundry. What a looker she is, with beautiful black hair and soft blue eyes as well as an impressive bust.

Oh, she saw me.

How do I know that?

She looks like she is going to be sick.

Hey, I don't look that bad, right?

"Can I help you?" Hey, lady, what's with that harsh look? You will make me cry you knnoooww. Have it in your heart to not look at me like a villain from a time long ago. I am not the demon lord I swear. Do you delight in the pain and misery of others? Are you a sadist?

Wait. Another Iroha moment. These are getting more frequent.

Scary.

"Sir?" She questioned me again.

"Sorry," I bow my head. Proper respect gets you a long way in life, source: my parents. "Could I borrow some soap and do this laundry?" Eyes down Hachiman. Be prepared to grovel until victory is assured.

"What?" Her voice was harsh. Geeze lady, I know I have fisheyes and all but what did I do to deserve this?

Glancing up I see her face resembles more shock than it does fury at my suggestion. "To do this laundry," I point at the offending basket, "I need some soap. I do not know where to buy this soap and thus would like to borrow yours," I explain like I am talking to a Yuiga… child, yes a child. I meant that to be sounded like I meant a child and not a child hiding in a well-developed teenage body. Nope, not one chance.

"I guess," she continued to watch me with a suspecting eye. Hey, I did nothing to deserve this woman. Stop looking at me like I am a known felon. I'll have you know my record is clean.

"Thank you," I give her another bow, deep and low, there you go. How many laces do I have today… and done. Still her eyes bare surprise at my action. Squatting a bit away from her at the fountain I make short work of the chore I was tasked, copying the motions of the maid on my left I did away with the soot which covered the cloths of my kidnapper. Hey, that is right. I was kidnapped.

Eh, it would be too much work to file a formal complaint, especially with my job position all but secure.

Seriously how is everything she owns covered in soot?

After the grind, I wash my own clothes that I arrived in, being extra careful in the regions where offensive actions had taken place. Wow, me, wait to go, pissing yourself in the new world. What a sight I am. Isekai gods kindly execute yourselves.

"Those are some strange clothes," the maid points to my clothes. Eh, I have strange clothes. Coming from the person wearing fetish clothing I don't see the leg you are standing on. Jeans a blank shirt and a hoodie are normal items that everyone should have you crazed creation intended to increase sales by hitting on fetishes.

"They are normal where I come from."

"Where you come from?"

"Yep." Why is she talking to me? Stop, please. I was not prepared for this moment. I cannot handle encounters of this level.

"Where is that."

"Japan, its- "

"Where my grandfather is from!" Wow, those clothes are quite a ways in the fountain missy, maybe you shouldn't throw them that far. What, what is this new attack, too close move back, let go of my hands, stop looking at me with those eyes. Look fisheyes here, scary right, look away. One of my many skills is the fisheye loner look: one glance causes all eye contact to break.

She is still looking into them. What? I am too under-leveled for this? This even beats final bosses like Haruno-Maou-san on occasion. What metal is this girl made from? Are you the hero of this story?

"Everyone always said he was crazy. But now someone else knows of Japan. How can I get there?" Wow, she is Yuigahama, even speaking at her insane speeds. What monster are you, woman? And given the iron grip on my hands, her strength is unparalleled.

Maybe her intelligence stat is lower than a useless goddess. That is the only way to balance such a dangerous foe.

"I don't know."

"How do you not know? You got here." Sound logic.

"I don't know how I got here."

"How."

"I was kidnapped by an extra-dimensional portal and forced into a slave-like relationship with a little girl who has hyper aggression issues," my reserves are running low. Lack of sleep and such a difficult encounter so early in the morning is wearing thin on my already stressed mental state.

"What?"

Oh right. I am dealing with Yuigahama here. No big words. "I was summoned from another world." Middle finger Isekai gods. Middle finger.

"What?"

"Japan is not on 'this world,' it exists on a different world."

"That is what grandpa always said as well." She pondered it for a moment. Maybe now I can escape.

Oh Hikki, you dummy. You forgot you were still afflicted with the [grab] condition. "Cool," secret technique, one mastered via the teen-child, one-word responses to clear conversations quickly.

"I always wanted to see the Japan he spoke so highly of. With its strange magics and whatnot."

"Ya."

"But he always said I couldn't go."

"Right."

"And now you have to marry me."

"Of course."

"And do the chores."

"Absolutely."

"And take me to Japan."

"Righto."

"Thank you for your time."

Ah, the conversation ender. With that, my mind clicks back into consciousness from its semi-sleep of before. Overpowered ability am I right. It breezes through dumb dialogue tags easy peasy.

"Thanks for the soap."

"I'll see you at breakfast."

"Sure, sure," really this conversation is still happening. Leave woman. Be gone.

"Bye," she quickly collected the rest of the clothes she was washing. Strange even the one is in the fountain was in the basked. When did she retrieve them? What power does this creature have? With a sly smile, she left.

Wait. What was that smile?

That was an Iroha smile.

No worse.

A Haruno-Maou-san one.

A final boss indeed.

At least it sounds like a dining hall exists, so one of my many chores of [cook] as a househusband is already done by someone else.

Nice.

Using Stealth Hikki I arrive back to the room without incident. Especially odd was the large knocker woman patrolling the hall outside my kidnapper's room. I wonder why? Maybe they were really good friends, kinda like how Yumiko would tease Yuigahama. Although she seemed to be teased by her more aggressively, like me in middle school against anyone with a pulse.

Oh well, not my problem.

Slipping in the door the gremlin still sleeps. Must be nice. Setting a line, I hang the clothes to dry. Midmorning. Grab her some clothes and wake her probably. My ancestors bless me she has presorted outfits hung. Wait, that means I need to assemble outfits when I put them away. I revoke my praise ancestors, like always, you give me a bad deal. Welp, grabbing some panties and a bra (they are advanced enough for breast support here?). I place the outfit on her near bedstand and take the wand to the other one. Given her… peculiar habit of exploding me, this is probably a good idea so that I make it to breakfast unscathed.

"Good morning sleepyhead," and with that, I learned my blunder.

She is dangerous even without a wand.

Welp, a congradulations is in order. You all did something I never thought I could imagine given how little effort I put into chapter one. You made me feel bad.

Let me explain. The overwhelming support I had for chapter one was amazing, I loved it so much. Everyone favoriting and following and reviewing it was more than I could imagine. But, I have gotten nowhere near the same buzz (maybe that is the right word) around my other story which I put a ton more effort in. This is not your guyses fault but it is my time to advertise for something I am actually proud of (that being my other work which requires no prior knowledge on Harry Potter, WARNING: It is a dark and adult story).

As said, I have not put a lot of thought or effort into this, but you people did do a good job on motivating me to write this chapter. So there it is. If you dislike it let me know, as I doubt it lives up to expectations that may have been set by the previous chapter.

Special thanks to Wicked.A for pointing out my incorrect verbage. I thank you deeply.