Disclaimer: I own nothing. Send the BBC heaps of money.
She was tired of that look in his eyes.
Tegan Jovanka stood in front of the mirror in the TARDIS bedroom she shared with Nyssa. Her uniform was on, her hair was groomed, her makeup expertly applied. Now she ran her hands over her cap, making sure it was fresh and neat before putting it in place on her dark curls: the final piece of armor.
"He said he'd get you to Heathrow in time for your flight, girl. Best be ready to go to work." Tegan put her brave smile on and watched it crumple in the mirror. Her face turned dark and sullen. This expression would draw that look she hated into the Doctor's blue eyes, the anger and frustration. Of course, he wouldn't have to look at her face any more if he would just return her to where she belonged. She turned away from the mirror and marched determinedly out the door and towards the console room.
On entering, she saw first the tall figure of the Doctor leaning over the hexagonal console. He showed no reaction to her arrival. Nyssa and Adric were looking at the view screen. They looked back to her, then furtively at the Doctor, then back to the view screen. Tegan couldn't help but notice that it didn't look like Heathrow unless they'd put in a jungle-themed lounge and had gone crazy with the potted plants. She stared accusingly at the Doctor. His fair hair had strayed forward slightly obscuring his face that would have looked boyish but for the grim set of his mouth. He was comparing a handheld instrument to some panel on the console. "I'll need to take a few readings outside. The atmosphere should be safe for all of us. Shouldn't take long."
"And then on to Heathrow?" Tegan asked. She had wanted to sound like she was giving him the benefit of the doubt. Any air hostess was used to layovers. But her voice was taut with resentment.
"Indeed," the Doctor snapped. He pulled the lever, which unlocked the Tardis doors and went out. Nyssa and Adric hurried to follow.
Tegan felt like she was going to choke on unshed tears. She refused to cry. It wasn't her fault the Doctor couldn't seem to land the Tardis where he wanted. Off course again and she was angry and none of them wanted to be anywhere near her. She hugged herself then dabbed at her face with the edge of her sleeve to dry two tears that had gotten past her defenses. She walked to the door, the tap of her heels a strangely artificial sound: alien in an alien place.
The sunlight was directly in her eyes as she exited. She shielded them with a hand and looked around for the others. She could hear their voices but not see them. The plant life was so abundant that the Tardis seemed to have been popped into an arrangement of greenery like an exotic blue flower. In one direction the plants seemed thinner and she saw a flash of blue sky. She moved that way, glad that it was away from the voices. They didn't want her there anyway. Adric was at that awkward age where he was too old to be cute and too young to disguise his condescension towards people less bright. Nyssa was a sweet, gentle girl, but Tegan knew that Nyssa was deeply troubled by Tegan's frequent clashes with the Doctor. And the Doctor… he kept failing to land her at Heathrow then presenting her with these alien landscapes as some kind of consolation prize and having the gall to look disappointed when she complained. And argue with her, politely. She hated that, it always made her feel put in the wrong and she didn't know why that should be when obviously she was right.
Tegan was careful to touch the plants around her as little as possible. She'd lived in some pretty wild parts of Australia and she knew that plants could defend themselves in nasty and unexpected ways there and figured that went double for alien plants. She carefully ducked around a bush, keeping her skin from contact with the leaves. When she straightened up, she gasped in delight at the view. She was standing near the edge of a cliff that must have been a couple of hundred meters high and the view was spectacular. There were more cliffs in the distance that must look like her perch. Rosy-gold stone heights were crowned with vividly blue-green plants making a rich combination of color that delighted her eyes. She longed suddenly to paint it all with watercolors. Even an amateur like herself couldn't go far wrong with such a landscape as her subject.
"Beautiful," she whispered. She felt tears slip out again, but this time she didn't mind. They were not weakness, they were joy.
A handkerchief offered itself to the edge of her vision. She turned her head and saw the Doctor's shoulder clad in the cream linen of his cricket jacket. What was with the celery, anyway? It drove her crazy but she wouldn't give him the satisfaction of asking. Tegan took the handkerchief and dabbed at her cheeks.
"You've found the best view, Tegan." He bit off the words as if he'd meant to add something else and the girl looked up at his face. His lips were curved in a shy smile and his blue eyes were friendly instead of guarded.
"I could look at it for hours and not get tired."
"Even if it's not Heathrow?" The Doctor looked as if he rather regretted those words and the dry tone he'd used.
Tegan turned in retaliation as on a tormentor, "Do you think I want to go back there? I'm not going back to my job—that's not going to happen. When you get me back I'll be too busy talking with the police and trying to figure out what to say to my friends and family about Aunt Vanessa's murder. And when I've done right by her, then maybe I'll still be able to honor my contract with my employer. You, on the other hand, can go back to flying all around space and time and seeing everything… you can see more in a year than I will in a lifetime." She clamped her mouth shut, humiliated that she'd let him know she wanted to stay where she was unwelcome, the accidental intruder by the Master's scheming. Out of place, out of time. Lost luggage.
The Doctor touched her shoulder and she shrugged off his hand. She'd cry if he were kind to her when she wanted to hit him. She hated crying.
"I truly am trying to get you back, Tegan. I wouldn't keep you against your will. A little side trip like this—" he waved his hand towards the magnificent view before them, "Isn't for fun. When the Tardis doesn't land at the coordinates I've put in, I have to try and find out why and recalibrate. I believe, however, that I've not been taking the right measurements. Maybe the answer is right here."
She was standing with her arms folded across her chest, shoulders hunched, head bowed, facing forwards. He reached out and gently cupped her chin, turning her face to meet his gaze. His skin was oddly cool as if before touching her face he'd held a glass of ice water. It distracted her, gave her something to think about rather than resisting. She found herself for the first time looking him in the eye. It was not exactly comfortable. That penetrating gaze belied all his human ways and innocent blond looks. She could see behind those blue eyes to the brilliant and subtle mind of a Timelord and knew herself understood. And more. What is he seeing in me that I can't see in myself? Has he seen my future?
"Tegan, I've explained to you how the Tardis has telepathic circuits that help us understand one another and those we meet on our travels. The Tardis doesn't have a mind, precisely. She isn't truly a sentient being, but there is awareness. I think that the Tardis can sense your ambivalence about leaving and the pain you anticipate waiting for you when you return." Now that Tegan was looking at him attentively the Doctor let his hand fall away from her face. "More than that, you helped me when I was weak and drained from my regeneration. You were brave and compassionate towards a stranger and I do not and will not forget that ever, Tegan. The Tardis knows that I want to do what's best for you. And while you doubt yourself, she will continue to be balky."
"I want to go back," she said raggedly, "I should go back."
"I know. And I know all too well why you wouldn't want to return. You've seen a little of my life. I have helped, but often I've left death and destruction behind me knowing others would have to deal with the consequences. Does that seem like the easy path, Tegan?" It was the Doctor's turn to face away. He folded his arms and looked out across the scenery. The breeze was blowing his fair hair in wisps about his face.
She couldn't say exactly why he made her think of the Victorian era paintings of Arthurian themes. He was like a knight standing vigil in a chapel despite the whimsy of his cricket outfit. Sir Percival, perhaps, wondering if he could wash enough sin from his soul to be worthy of finding the Holy Grail. She had swallowed her first response, to say he'd taken the easy way out. But suppose she took this alien back with her and made him explain to her family who he was and who the Master was and why her aunt was now a grotesque shrunken doll. How would that help? Wouldn't they blame him? Didn't she?
Did she? He hadn't stopped the Master. He blamed himself. A flame of anger burst up inside her and she put her hand on his arm. "It's not your fault. It's his. He chose to be evil. He killed her for nothing. She couldn't have stopped him or hindered him in any way. He killed her like a child kills bugs with a magnifying glass. Just to see if his toy really works. You would have tried to stop him if you had the chance. I know you hate what he does."
He was looking at her with surprise and what might have been gratitude. She let her hand slip down into his and squeezed his fingers, smiling as he squeezed back. "Yours isn't the easy path. You have to see people be hurt and know there's not much you can do for them even if you can save them. You can save lives but people have to live them. And I have to go back. But I still don't want to." She realized she was still gripping his hand and quickly let go. She went on quickly to cover her self-consciousness, "I became an air hostess because I wanted to see the world. How could I not want to see the universe?"
"You are welcome to stay, Tegan. But it has to be your choice."
"Sounds like I should be careful what I ask for."
Back in the direction of the Tardis she heard voices calling the Doctor. They didn't sound urgent, only curious, but the Doctor said, "Time to get back, I believe." He turned away from the cliff and held back the brush for her to go past him.
She held out her hand to stay him and looked back over the vista. She tried to impress it into her memory. Stone in shades of peach and bronze with glints of gold, the rich teal and turquoise of the plants all under a blue sky and yellow sun much like Earth's. "I wish I could paint it. A camera wouldn't do it justice."
"I never know what may lie around the next corner. Even a place I visit often, like your Earth, keeps surprising me." There was the hint of a chuckle in the Doctor's voice, he cupped her elbow and guided her ahead of him back towards the Tardis. Nyssa and Adric came up to show him some interesting plant specimen they'd found. Tegan went on past into the Tardis. She put her hand on the console. "Sorry if I'm muddled. Can't seem to help it." She looked sidelong towards the screen; the rest of the Tardis crew was just visible in the corner but as she watched the view changed to center on them. The Doctor looked as if he were in full lecture mode, a teacher to the two young scientists, mentor and older brother. And what was he to Tegan?
"Best not even ask. Duty calls; I've a life to go back to." But not too fast.