Author's Notes

Hey there! I'm the COOKIECHEESEMAN, and I'm primarily involved with the Fire Emblem franchise of video games for my fanfics. However, I love Attack on Titan so much that I needed to post a fic about it, even though my writing status is "indefinite hiatus" right now. I've watched the anime up to The Final Season Part 2, (just waiting for The Final Season - Final Edition in 2023) and I've read the whole manga. I've also read the Before the Fall 17 volume prequel manga as well, which I very highly recommend reading if you haven't yourself.

This fic is a modern day AU but please don't leave because of that! :p

On that note, we're just gonna assume that the main characters are within their twenties to make things easier to understand; there's not much point in giving specific ages for this particular canon. I will also try my best to make everyone in character, but I apologize if a few instances of OOCness slip through the cracks. Especially since there's no official canon information about Yelena and Onyankopon's… preferences. :p

And lastly, THIS FIC IS DEFINITELY RATED T FOR A REASON! In fact, it may be pushing the border of M. There's some naughty language and naughty insinuations in this fic that you'd probably never find in any of my Fire Emblem fics. But Attack on Titan is a more mature piece of entertainment than Fire Emblem, so it doesn't seem out of place, especially concerning Yelena's character. I still wanted to give the warning though!

Big Secrets

The plan is for Onyankopon to arrive at 1pm for their date, but he decides to surprise his girlfriend and arrive an hour early at noon. She had mentioned in the past that he could let himself in with the spare key she gave him a month beforehand, so that's exactly what he does, and he turns the doorknob to find the main floor completely empty.

"Hello? Yelena, are you there?" the man asks, and after closing the front door he places the basket full of goodies on the carpet; the plan was to have a picnic at Trost National Park for their date. "I'm early, I hope that's not a problem."

With no response, Onyankopon decides to check upstairs, but he purposely walks louder than normal so that Yelena can hopefully hear him coming. "Hello? It's me! Hope that all is…"

His words fizzle to nothingness as Yelena walks out of her room in nothing but a bath towel, and she stares at her boyfriend with a blank look on her face. It seems like she hadn't heard him. Neither of them say anything for a good twenty seconds until Yelena nonchalantly walks back into her room and shuts the door, with Onyankopon running downstairs into the living room.

"I'm sorry, I didn't see anything!"

Onyankopon sits himself down on the couch as he tries to catch his breath; he can't remember the last time he ran that fast. He wasn't lying in his statement though, as Yelena's bath towel thankfully prevented him from seeing anything… naughty.

He did, however, notice something about his girlfriend's physique that he hadn't noticed about her before…

About ten minutes later, Onyankopon and Yelena are sitting across from each other in the living room, and silence permeates the room as the two of them stare each other down, waiting for the other person to speak first. Eventually it is Yelena, who is now sitting in a tank top and shorts, that breaks the silence: "So," she starts, "I guess you've found out my secret."

"Well, secrets would be a more accurate term," Onyankopon replies, not breaking eye contact. "I'm honestly just surprised that I've known you for almost a year now, and yet I never knew just how… er…"

He's unsure of how to finish his sentence, so Yelena does it for him: "Onyankopon, just say it. You never knew just how stacked your girlfriend was, did you?"

For emphasis, Yelena lightly lifts her huge breasts up and down a few times. "Clearly, the chest bindings and my carefully planned wardrobe choices did their job."

Onyankopon is understandably confused by the situation. "Why would you hide your body like that? Were you worried I would make fun of you or something?"

His eyes soften. "You know I would never do that."

"Thanks for the concern, Oyno," Yelena replies, using the nickname she gave him a few months back. "Honestly, I appreciate it very much. But I'll get to that in a bit. We need to establish a few facts first."

"Facts? Facts about what?"

"Like the fact that I know the truth about you, and it doesn't bother me," she says, smirking at her boyfriend as she rests her chin on her hands. "If you had your way, you would love nothing more than to get your hands on a nice pair of t…"

Her statement is interrupted by a tea kettle whistling in the background. "...tea is ready, I see. I'll pour us a few cups."

As Yelena walks into the kitchen, Onyankopon thinks about his girlfriend's words carefully, as he has an inkling of what she might say. Regardless, he keeps his thoughts to himself just in case he's wrong.

"Onyankopon, I'm making apple tea for myself. Did you want some of that, or did you want green tea?" Yelena calls from the kitchen, pouring the hot water into two cups. "I've got lots of each of them, so it doesn't matter to me."

"Some apple tea would be great, Lenny. Thank you so much," Onyankopon replies, using the nickname he gave her recently. "I'll take it with…"

"Half a sugar cube," Yelena finishes for him, smirking. "You can't fool me, Onyo."

Onyankopon chuckles to himself. "You know me too well by now."

A few minutes later, the tea is ready. After placing the tea cups on the table so that they can cool, Yelena stretches her arms above her head and sits down again in front of her boyfriend. "So as I was saying… if you had your way, let's just say that all you'd ever want for Christmas is a big, fat pair of TITS to play with."

Onyankopon gapes at what his girlfriend just said out loud to him. She's not one to mince words, after all, but it's still a bit of a shock to his system. "You shouldn't use degrading language like that, Yelena."

Yelena just laughs at him in response as she leans back against the couch. "Onyankopon, just admit it; you're a breast man," she then deduces, shrugging her shoulders. "There's nothing wrong with that. I'm into butts personally. And I like yours a lot. But you know that's not the only reason why I like you as a person obviously. If a nice ass was all I was looking for in a partner, I'd have snatched up Erwin Smith years ago. And since he's my neighbour, I've seen his butt for years. That ass is to die for."

The man raises an eyebrow in response. "Um, is his butt really that great?"

"But despite your very obvious preferences, you were still the one who asked me to become your girlfriend," Yelena responds, completely ignoring her boyfriend's question as she sips her tea. She smiles at the taste. "Honestly, that's the sole reason why I accepted at first. I wanted to find out why you liked me, out of all of the girls you could've asked out on that dating app. You could have tried to get closer to a girl with a prettier face, or who was more feminine, or who appeared to have a bigger chest."

Onyankopon just groans into his hand. "Well, considering we're still together after almost a year, I guess we both made a good decision to date each other." His tone of voice is one of sarcasm, but Yelena can tell that it was meant to be a joke, and she chuckles. Her laugh entices Onyankopon to laugh as well. "Lenny, I thought I told you your proud, brash, and yet calculated personality intrigued me. I never regretted asking for that first offline meetup. And honestly, this new development is intriguing me even more. These actions of yours seem very calculated."

Yelena nods. "You're right; my actions were calculated. Hell, even in my profile description I had written, 'Flat, and proud of it!', but it didn't stop you from wanting to get to know me," she then responds. Leaning her head behind the couch, she continues, "I purposely wrote my profile to reduce the number of pervs checking out my profile hoping I'd take my shirt off for them and show them the fullness of my goods. But even though I found out pretty quickly that breasts were your major turn-on, I still wanted to get to know you before making an unfair judgment about you, and I'm happy I did."

Onyankopon is understandably a little embarrassed at his girlfriend's words, but he attempts to save face: "Lenny, that's a weird accusation to make about me. Where would you even…"

"Spare me the theatrics, Onyo. I've seen you sneak so many glances at Mikasa it's not even funny," Yelena replies, and despite her comment, she laughs to herself heartily. "I'm your girlfriend; you can't fool me. And the weirdest thing is, I don't think that girl is even aware of just how big her breasts are and the effect they have on others. The way she positions that chest belt to hold up those heavy orbs of hers… just, damn. Sasha's got a nice pair too, but I did notice you stopped looking at her once she started dating Niccolo."

Apparently Yelena doesn't seem bothered at all by this bizarre situation, which Onyankopon doesn't entirely understand but goes along with it anyway. Yelena's face then softens as she says her next words: "The reason why I continued to hide my body came up once I got to know you and began to fall madly in love with you," she responds causally, though the comment does make Onyakopon lightly blush from the easy admission of love. "I wanted to surprise you after our wedding."

"Surprise me… with your boobs? Yelena, what do you…"

"Onyankopon," she says, giving her boyfriend a deadpan stare, "this whole time we've known each other, you thought I was flat-chested."

It is at this point that Yelena sensually crawls up to Onyankapon and gives him… the glare.

Onyankopon can't tell if he's aroused beyond belief or scared shitless.

"Look me in the eye and tell me that you're not absolutely ecstatic that your future wife is going to be able to give you a titfuck as your wedding present."

The man averts his eyes, and despite the heavy blush on his face, it looks like he wants to say something. Yelena smirks in triumph, however, when it seems that in the end he cannot dispute her claim in any way. "And that, boyfriend of mine, is a reason why I love you so much," she responds, putting on a genuine smile. Onyankopon is clearly surprised by her words, and his jaw nearly hits the floor in response. "Onyo, you're an honest man. You could have made more of an effort to try and deny what I said this whole time, especially concerning the parts about staring at other women. But your conscience wouldn't allow you to lie to your girlfriend, even if a different answer would have made me feel better. You've been this way since I met you, and even as time went on, that hasn't changed at all. But I wouldn't have it any other way."

She then aggressively sits on her boyfriend's lap and kisses him on the lips. "So thank you very much for being you."

Onyankopon attempts to make an intelligent response to his girlfriend's surprisingly heart-warming statement, but he mumbles out unintelligible noises instead, causing Yelena to laugh. "Well, there you have it, Onyo. You made me say some pretty sappy things, and I love and hate you for that. Not just anyone can make me admit my true feelings."

The two of them hold each other in comfortable silence for the next half an hour, but eventually Yelena gets off of her boyfriend's lap and stretches her limbs. "Well, I'm going to get changed into something a little fancier for our date, so just wait here for a few minutes. It's nice that I don't need to wear those bindings anymore, but I hope you'll continue to stare into my eyes once in a while. As appealing as my girls may be, they can really command attention. Your eye contact soothes me, as dumb as that sounds."

With a wave of his hand, Onyankopon responds, "Lenny, let me assure you that I'll always…"

His response dies on his lips when he observes his girlfriend suddenly squeezing her breasts into very seductive positions in front of his face. He attempts to finish his original thought, but the words just can't seem to come out when he finally realizes that his girlfriend isn't wearing a bra under her tank top. "What was that, Onyo?" she playfully taunts him. "I couldn't hear you. I was a little distracted."

Watching her boyfriend gape at her amuses Yelena greatly, and she in turn waltzes towards him and gives him another kiss on the cheek. "Don't worry, I still love you," she coos before sultrily walking up the stairs.

The End

Author's Notes

Yeah, this turned out to be much more OOC than I originally intended it to be. But, at the end of the day, the fic was still written, it makes me laugh, and hopefully it makes you guys laugh too! It's been a while since I've written in present tense, and it was nice to get back to using it!

I know she's kind of flat-chested, but Yelena seems like the type of individual who COULD theoretically be hiding a big pair of breasts for her own benefit. Attack on Titan is USUALLY the type of show that downplays fanservice and stuff like that; heck, even the few shots where you see how large Mikasa's chest is in Season 4 are few and far between. But I believe Yelena would be a person who'd hide her breast size to be taken more seriously. Boobs are one of the most distracting forces on the planet, after all. :O While some women in anime use their chest as a motivator or to maintain a power position, (man, anime is weird lol) Yelena would go for the opposite approach. At least I feel like that's how it could go. Well, this may now be one of the top 5 weirdest paragraphs I've ever written. :p

Originally, this was going to have a much different premise. The first half of the fic would be about the same, but Yelena's main motivator for hiding her chest from Onyankopon was because she wanted to prove to her mother that there are men out there who love people for who they are, regardless of what they looked like. Yelena was going to tell Onyo that her mother got married to a man who loved her only for her gorgeous body, and how she couldn't trust men anymore when the truth came to light. I even had the whole thing typed out. But at the end of the day, it was such a dumb and overly complicated (not to mention somewhat depressing) plot that I nixed it and just focused on the funnies. I don't regret getting rid of that plot point at all.

I'm not sure how realistic it would be for these two to have nicknames for each other. Honestly, the main reason for it was that I was getting sick of typing out Onyankopon's entire name and wanted to have a shorter version to work with. :p I could kind of see Onyankopon having a nickname for Yelena, though. I also don't know if either of these individuals would drink tea. But I guess that doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.

I also had some ideas for other pairings as well. SashaxNiccolo is a pairing I really wanted to write, and I even have a few ideas for them, but they never materialized into fics. I also wanted to do something for Lara Tyber since I feel sorry for her and the hand she gets dealt in the show, but I never ended up writing anything about that either due to the difficulty of it. One day, maybe…

Thanks to May Ravenstaff for helping me with one of the sentences! Check out her works on Fanfiction, but also on Archive of Our Own!

If you want an Attack on Titan romance fic that's a bit more out there, (and that takes place during Season 1) read Sir would you please take the damn cake! by the writer Diclonious57. It's a SashaxLevi fic, and while it's a little bit OOC, the story is funny and I was very amused by it. If you want to see Levi refer to Sasha as, not just a squirrel, but HIS squirrel, then this is the fic for you. :D

Hopefully you all enjoyed this non-Fire Emblem fic of mine! If you want to see some Fire Emblem romance fics, come check out some of the other stuff I've written over the years! If you want to leave a review, please make sure that you sign in to your account before reviewing! Otherwise, Yelena will give you the glare and delete it. She doesn't like guest reviews. :p

Will I ever write anything again after this? Who knows! That's the nice thing about being on indefinite hiatus; I have no pressure to put out anything else. :D I might have another Fire Emblem project or two in the works, though. If they ever get written, I'll see you there! Thanks for indulging me in this fic that's different from the norm!