Nobody Expected… This Fan Fiction!
Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek, The Spanish Inquisition or most of the dialog. I'm not making money from this either.
I decided to continue this not so much because people want me to as because I'm bored and what to get more reviews out of this. Enjoy.
(In the Crusher's quarters)
Dr. Crusher is sitting on a chair with many photos on her lap. She picks each one up and hands it to Wesley who is sitting on the same chair. Wesley proceeds to tear each one up as it is handed to him. Dr. Crusher is off in her own little world and doesn't notice.
Dr. Crusher (In overly sweet voice): This is Commander Riker in front of the ship. This is Commander Riker at the back of the ship. And this is Commander Riker at the side of the ship.
Wesley: Mom, why do you have all these ancient-style pictures of Riker around the ship?
Dr. Crusher (Annoyed): Shut up Wesley! You're ruining the plot!
Dr. Crusher (Back to sweet voice): And this is commander Riker at the front of the ship, but for some completely unknown reason, you can still see the side of the ship. This is the back of the ship with Commander Riker coming around from the side. And this is the Spanish Inquisition hiding behind a shuttle-craft.
Wesley (Taking interest for the first time): Oh! I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition!
-Jarring cord-
-The door flies open and the three Cardinals enter-
Ximinez: NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition!
Voice over and caption: In the twenty-fourth century, to combat the rising tied of stupid plotlines, the Pope gave Cardinal Ximinez of earth leave to move without let or hindrance throughout the multiverse in a reign of violence terror and torture that makes a smashing fan fiction. This was The Spanish Inquisition!
(Torchlight dungeon)
The three have chained Dr. Crusher to the wall.
Dr. Crusher: Where did this dungeon come from?
Biggles: Shut up! You're ruining the plot!
Ximinez: Now, old woman…
Dr. Crusher: I'm not old!
Ximinez: What?
Dr. Crusher: I'm not old.
Ximinez: Well I can't just call you woman!
Fang: Isn't this from a different sketch?
Ximinez: Whatever. Now, woman! You are accused of heresy on three counts. Heresy by thought, heresy by word, heresy by deed and heresy by action… four counts! Do you confess?
Dr. Crusher: I don't understand what I'm accused of!
Ximinez: Ha! We shale make you understand… Biggles! Fetch… the cushions!
-Jarring cord-
-Biggles produces two ordinary cushions-
Biggles: Here they are lord!
Ximinez: Now, lady, you have one last chance. Confess the heinous sin of heresy, reject the works of the ungodly… two last chances. And you shale be free… three last chances. You have three last chance, the nature of which I have divulged in my previous utterance.
Dr. Crusher: I don't know what you're talking about!
Ximinez: Right! If that's what you want… Cardinal! Poke her with the soft cushion!
Biggles: -Carries out this "horrible" form of torture-
Biggles: It doesn't seem to be hurting her, my lord!
Ximinez: Have you got all the stuffing up at one end?
Biggles: Yes lord.
Ximinez: -Angrily tosses the cushions away- She is made of harder stuff! Cardinal Fang… fetch… the comfy chair!
-Yet another jarring cord-
-Zoom in on Fang's face, contorted in horror-
Fang: The comfy chair?
Fang: -Wheels out a very plush chair-
Ximinez: So, you think you are strong because you can survive the soft cushions. Well, we shale see. Biggles! Put her in the comfy chair!
Biggles: -Roughly pushes her into the chair-
Dr. Crusher: Is this like that thing with the drying rack I heard about?
Ximinez: Now, you will stay in the comfy chair until lunchtime, with only a cup of coffee at eleven… (Aside to Biggles) Is that really all there is?
Biggles: Why, yes lord.
Ximinez: I see. I suppose we make it worse by shouting a lot, do we? Confess woman! Confess! Confess! Confess!
Biggles: -Breaks down- I confess!
Ximinez: Not you!
(On the bridge) Worf (Very distressed): I confess!
Ximinez: Who was that?
(On the bridge) Worf (Very distressed): I confess! I confess! I confess!
You have one last chance! Review now or you will be poked with a soft cushion!