Exchange
John wakes from a ray of light hitting his eyelids. The first thing he sees is Rodney's body. He shuts his eyes again as a spike of loss takes him over.
He remembers dreaming of Teyla. She gave him an out, one he would really like to take, but madness lies that way. A nutjob he will not allow himself to be, so he forces his eyes open and fixes them on the scientist-shaped lump he hid under the sheet. Was that just yesterday? No, no it wasn't, it was the day before.
He pushes himself into a sitting position and his feet hit the floor; a shock of cold goes up his legs to his torso, detours through his heart and stops in his head. He's so cold, so damn cold all over. He can't warm up. He's alone and cold and that's all he's ever been isn't it? Ever since his mother left him, ever since she did just what Rodney did. Why is it that the people he loves never love him enough to stay? Why is he always left behind to deal with the cold yet searing sword of grief?
He stands, still in his quest to avoid insanity. The cot is occupied and he knows what he'll find but he still has to see, because in his dream Teyla said things which were true. Ford and Ronon were never on the team together. He knows it, but he also sees Rodney. He takes the few steps that separate him from the other cot and sinks to his knees when he reaches it. He extends a hand, grabs the edge of the sheet and pulls it off Rodney's passive face. The lips are still tinted with blue; his skin is much too pale, just as it was when John found him. John frowns. He's seen bodies that have been dead for more than a day; they never look this…alive.
He runs a finger over Rodney's forehead; it isn't as cold as he would expect. Teyla's speech rolls around in his head. He sees her, turning her back on them, going up the hill to the gate. He sees Ronon doing the same, Ford following after an apologetic smile. Ford. Ronon. Teyla. It's not right, Ford shouldn't be there. Ford…
He winces as his headache intensifies. "You idiot, now's not the time to go crazy." The sheet outlines the sharp slope of Rodney's nose as it settles over his face with a soft rustle.
He goes back to his cot and resumes his one-sided staring contest as well as his one-sided conversation.
"I'm sorry. I'm so damn sorry I was too stupid to tell you…this friendship business, I haven't been good at it since I was a kid, you know? You grow up and you lose the ability to love people…or you don't think you need to anymore. I'm an idiot. You're the best goddamn friend I've had in a long time Rodney, and I just let you go because I couldn't say that."
He doesn't realise that this behaviour makes him just as insane as the hope he refuses to acknowledge would.
--- ----
"Where is Colonel Sheppard?"
"How many today Doctor McKay?"
"Where is Colonel Sheppard?"
"You will answer me or you will be sent to room seventeen."
His shoulders slump and his questions cease. He doesn't really want to know what happened to John, doesn't want the details.
"How many?"
"Ten."
"I asked for twelve."
"You keep increasing the number and I keep telling you I can't do more!"
"You have no choice in the matter!"
So it is that Rodney finds himself in room seventeen night after night, witnessing murderous hands as they break, rip and cut until there is no life left. He is responsible for so much death, he doesn't think he could handle it if he didn't have hope. He knows something his slave drivers do not. He has unearthed their secret, he simply doesn't know what to do with it, what to do about it.
After he has seen a little boy meet his Maker, after he has walked home, has had his breakdown, has wished to die as well, he sits on his cot and takes the precious device in his hand. He lies on his back and concentrates on a foolish American pilot.
He hears it. Hears the voice, hears the crazy thoughts and tries to understand how it is that John believes he is dead, that John mourns him whilst he is very much alive. Hopes that tonight John will think of his situation, where he is, what he is doing so Rodney can find him.
He strokes the device, so thankful for the lightness it brings to his day. John's voice echoes through his head and even though what he hears concerns him, he could never stop. He drops unashamedly in John's mind every night, enjoying the man's continued life. He hears the pleas for his return, the hateful words that are hurled his way only to be soothed by praises and apologies. He discovers himself through John's eyes and it warms him to the core. He has a friend in the cocky obnoxiousness that is the Colonel, a good friend indeed.
"I'm here John. I told you I'd figure it out and I will. I'll get you out! I'll get the both of us out!"
John's voice is the only one he hears, as if John was the only person alive on this entire world. Aside from Teyla, she was here, he heard her for a very brief moment. She said many things which made sense and are now running through John's mind as well as his own. Ronon and Ford together on a mission truly doesn't add up and even though he knows it would be so easy to leave him behind, to be done with his atrocious personality, he trusts in Teyla; she's a good woman, an honourable leader and friend.
"I'll figure it out, don't worry." His finger runs over the grooves that run the length of the device and he lets John's thoughts lull him to sleep, like a mother's lullaby, finding comfort where he can.
--- ----
Days later in Rodney and John's world, though only hours in the reality that is Teyla and Ronon's, the scientist does as promised.
Ronon held Teyla's hand tightly; she gave him one last look before pushing herself in the squish. Lokas had insisted that she would need to speak quickly for it was unwise for her to find herself between the conscious and unconscious world for too long. Both men watched as once again, Teyla appeared on the screen.
"Rodney?"
He holds the device closely to him. He knew she was near, he heard her in his head, what she thought. She thought of him, thinks of him now and he feels her relief before it is overshadowed by dismay.
"It is an illusion…the squi –," is all she manages to say before a scream takes over and she is gone. It doesn't matter, he heard her and remembers the squish, the bizarre yet fascinating Jell-O walls.
Her body was pulled out and she crumbled to the ground, only to be stopped by Ronon's arms wrapping around her and allowing her a gentler fall. She believed she had done enough, hoped Rodney would be as resourceful as he usually was and gave in to the pull of darkness.
"Teyla!"
Ronon set her gently on the ground, supporting her neck with one hand. He was forced to take her into his arms when the squish moved to mould itself to her foot. The resonant voice that had not been heard since their return had thoughts to share on their endeavour. "You are not to make another attempt! You must not interfere! Lady Celebrant, we have informed you of our decision! Do not force us to harm you and your companions!"
"What do you want from them?" Ronon wanted answers.
"Mister Dex, we will allow you to return to your home and you will never come here again!"
"I can't do that." He was not leaving his teammates again. He would only walk through the even horizon if he was doing it after them.
"It is not a matter of your ability to do so Mister Dex. You will leave, we have no need for you nor Miss Emmagen."
"Why! Why them and not us?"
"We have enough data to permit us to forego what Miss Emmagan could provide and you do not respond to the Pensey. We truly have no desire to do harm and would be grateful for your cooperation."
"You are doing harm! You're harming them right now!" He points needlessly to the image. John, sitting on his cot hour after hour, eyes lost and Rodney who has become obsessed with the mind-reading device and strokes it incessantly.
"They are safe, as they will remain. Unhealthy subjects are naught but a waste!"
"Subjects! They are not subjects, they are men!"
"They are both and no longer your concern! You will cease!"
"I will not!" Ronon roared as he slung Teyla over his shoulder and took out his weapon in one not so graceful manoeuvre that nearly toppled him to the ground. He took aim and fired into the squish, wanting to cause damage to this infuriating world. It melted away in a satisfying and highly surprising way. "I want answers!" He shot again and the squish hollowed itself around the pulse from his weapon. He shot repeatedly, enjoying the effect almost as he would were he shooting at Wraith.
The voice was strident and agitated. "Stop! Stop it at once!"
A shot punctuated each word. "No! I. Want. Answers. Now!" The squish moulded itself to his feet and a certain amount of pain was felt but not as much as he had experienced whilst dislodging Teyla. He smirked and continued shooting.
"Lady Celebrant! Stop him! Stop him or our alliance will be terminated."
His arm made an arc in the air as his weapon flipped in a fluid motion. A haze of red hit Mira who collapsed to the ground with a startled squeak. He flipped his weapon once more, from stun back to kill and continued shooting. He shifted Teyla higher and shot with great pleasure, the squish receding, hollowing, rippling under the reddish assault.
"Mister Dex! You must stop! We have no desire to harm you."
"You cannot harm me or you would've already." One Jell-O shot, two Jell-O shots, three Jell-O shots; not the fun and refreshing Earth kind either. The squish that held him receded, he was free to move again.
"If answers are what you need to make you desist on your destruction, then we shall oblige, if only to save us the effort of attempting to forcibly prevent you from continuing on your path of destruction."
"Good. Why are you doing this?" One more shot, to clearly communicate his message.
"It is an experiment."
"Why them, us?"
"They responded quite well to the Pensey. They were the greatest specimen Oblee had provided. We believe they will help us make great progress."
"What are you doing with the memories and hallucination?"
"Observing."
"Why!"
"You must understand, like Doctor McKay, we seek knowledge. It has been many years since we have had such a strong response. Not since the Lanteans have we collected data with such ease."
"Lanteans. You have experimented on the Ancestors!" Lokas had questions of his own.
"Yes. We encountered them when first development of the Pensey was put forth. We had some difficulties which aggravated them."
"Difficulties such as?"
"The Pensey killed our first subjects and as the ones we had found where those that had been brought by the Lanteans to our world, they were none too pleased. We were fortunate that they offered their help."
"How did it kill them! How is it not harmful now?" Lokas was outraged and despite the situation, it was quite amusing to see the serene man so worked up.
"The Pensey brought fear to the subjects but proceeded to cut into their cerebral cortex. It jeopardised our research, for the subjects were no longer available for study and the field of emotion communicated was restricted. It is our understanding that Doctor McKay encountered the previous evolution of the Pensey."
Another screen appeared before Ronon and he was once again faced with McKay communicating his last thoughts, speaking of a sister, saved children and a theory of unification.
"We believe it is the evolutionary advances, or regression if one was to term it correctly, that allows both Doctor McKay and Colonel Sheppard to respond so well to the Pensey and we promise you they will be safe whilst within its confine."
"Not good enough!" Ronon shot and shot and shot again. The squish melted away, leaving great gaping holes.
"Stop!" Lokas pleaded as the voice had earlier. He spoke not to Ronon, but to an unseen listener. "Perhaps we can help, perhaps we can offer you willing subjects that would do well in the Pensey and allow you to free Doctor McKay and Colonel Sheppard!"
The voice of the Lopstack was loud and agitated. "We will not be fooled!"
"I will not attempt to fool you! I am certain we can reach an agreement, we can form a new alliance and you can free these young people!" Lokas turned to Mira. "Jusyta."
She nodded, understanding Lokas' intent. "Yes, he might be interested." She spoke louder, to the Lopstack. "Allow me to bring another to your world."
Ronon thought the Lopstacks were indeed fools to agree, but was grateful they did. He stopped shooting at the squish and sat on the ground, Teyla resting against him, Lokas sitting by his side. Ronon learned of Jusyta, the young man who would soon be severed and Lokas' feelings on the subject. It seemed severance was not his punishment of choice and if he could prevent the event from occurring whilst freeing innocents, all the better. He wished for his world to change certain laws, for they were not in accordance with their lives, had not been for many decades.
Ronon allowed Lokas to take charge. He had retuned Sheppard to them once and seemed intent on accomplishing that specific task again. They waited for Mira to return with Jusyta, sitting together, watching images of Sheppard and McKay making good use of Teyla's visit.