She didn't get the same clerk.
Everything was easier at old-fashioned hotels, before credit cards and computerized reservations, but this wasn't going to be her day. Not so easy. Nancy came to the desk with a diamond earring in her palm and the explanation that she'd made friends with two American girls, and one of them had lost it. No, they had not left a forwarding address at the hotel, but Nancy suddenly remembered that they had invited a friend along. A male friend. Tall, dark, and very handsome.
Three minutes later she was in the service elevator, repeating his room number under her breath. The diamond earring was safe in her pocket and her reddish-blonde hair was tucked up under a ballcap, safely out of sight. She avoided the eyes of the chambermaid who entered the elevator with her cart, tugging the brim of her cap down as she walked out at the third floor.
Her heart was pounding when she found his room number, even moreso when she stopped in front of it and raised her fist to knock. Her stomach turned over lazily. Maybe it wouldn't be him. She bit her lip, knocked, and while she waited pulled the cap off and shook out her hair.
A moment of agonized waiting and she heard the lock click back. Ned stood in the doorway.
She wasn't sure what she had been expecting, but this wasn't it. The covers were thrown back on one twin bed, a cup of coffee on the nightstand, the television turned on to some talking-heads news channel. Ned was dressed impeccably, gleaming and freshly shaved and missing only his shoes. His brown eyes were guarded. He stood back to let her in. Belt and wallet on the other, undisturbed twin bed, bathroom door open with the light on and a crumpled wet towel on the floor. The familiar scent of his aftershave.
Nancy turned around when he closed the door. "So," she said.
He inclined his head but didn't open his mouth, and her stomach made another lazy turn. According to her calculations she had been pregnant from the first night they had spent together, but this was the first time she'd known, the first time she'd been aware that she was standing in the same room with the father of her child. She half-closed her eyes.
"Are you dating George," she said, the words coming out in one breathless rush.
Ned looked her for a moment, then walked to his bed, brushing past her so close she could almost feel the warmth of his skin. Feel or imagine. He shook his head. "No," he replied. He shook his arms and buttoned his cuffs, then calmly regarded her, his face a mask.
"Why are you here?" She was fighting to keep her voice level.
"You want me gone?"
Barely an eyelash out of place. She wanted him with five o'clock shadow and rumpled hair, wrinkled shirt and an empty soulless expression in his eyes. Not this, not a collected and confident GQ model.
She reached for his desk chair, pushed it out with one hand and sat down. "I read an article about you," she admitted. "You're big now."
The faintest smile brushed across his lips, so quick she could have mistaken it. "So they say," he agreed.
"Why are you here?"
Ned glanced down at his watch. He kept his eyes on it as he replied, "I'm waiting for Sheri to follow through with her end of the agreement."
"Agreement?" Nancy's blood was ice water. All except the hot tears welling up just under her eyes.
"She came to me and told me that she was willing to tell the tabloids the baby she's carrying is mine. That, or I could make a settlement and never hear about it again. My lawyer should be calling me in a few hours."
"To tell you what?"
"I called her bluff. Ready, able and willing to provide DNA to prove I'm not the father."
"You didn't have to come all the way to Spain for that," Nancy said carefully.
"No," he agreed, shrugging. "I didn't."
"Is your lawyer my father?"
He didn't look at her when he shook his head. "No. After that game, everybody's looking for a way to get in on me, and this..."
"You didn't have sex with her?" Nancy asked softly.
"I told you I didn't," he replied levelly.
"You're so sure that baby isn't yours."
He nodded, then let his gaze rest on her face. Nancy drew in a long breath, feeling the sudden weight of her own belly. He couldn't tell, no one could, but still. And if she told him, that was the end of the anonymous clinic, their sin washed away in the penitence of blood.
"How long are you staying," she asked, not meeting his eyes, still feeling gaze on her.
He held his answer until her timid eyes found his. "A few more days," he said.
She nodded, exhaling explosively. "Okay. Okay. Here?"
"Yeah."
"Okay," she said, and walked out.
--
Three missed calls. By the time she listened to Carlos's voice mail, she'd missed the tentative lunch date he'd asked her about. She couldn't bear to return it, either, so she turned her phone off again and went to sleep. Bess and George were gone. Ned would have to leave Friday, to recover from jetlag in time to perform anywhere near up to speed for his game. She knew all this. Not that it meant she had to see him again.
She hadn't given him back the ring.
She bunched a pillow over her face and managed to sleep.
--
Ned was sitting at the bar when Nancy walked in. She slid onto the barstool next to his. "I'll have what he's having," she said, and when she took the first sip of her drink she tasted ginger ale, nothing else.
He gave her a half-smile. "Don't want to make another stupid mistake," he said. His collar was unbuttoned. He looked gorgeous in the dim light.
They made conversation, careful at first. She asked about his team and how they were doing and he gave her a calm reply, about the position he was playing and how different it all was. But some things had remained the same.
Of course, she told him, a faint smile on her own lips.
Of course, he parroted back, finishing his fake drink and ordering another.
He asked her about school and the internship position she had at the paper, and because she was being honest with him she heard herself mention Carlos with more and more frequency, each time watching his face carefully, waiting for a flash of temper that never came. When she confessed that she had been seeing him outside of work she was outright staring at him, waiting for the thrill of anger.
"He must be nice," Ned said mildly.
"You're not angry?" She could hear the desperation in her voice, but couldn't stop it. "Aren't you seeing anyone?"
"No," he said, the faintest smile on his face.
Nancy slid off her barstool, brushing against his arm as she did. "I could punch you right now," she said furiously.
"Why?"
"Because of that," she gestured expansively. "Because you should be mad right now."
"Is that because that's what you want me to be? Mad? In denial?"
"Obviously you are in denial, you're here," she said triumphantly.
He stared at her for a second, then shook his head and gestured for the tab. Nancy drew some euros out of her purse, but Ned left a large bill on the counter and walked a few steps away from her, toward the elevators. Then he turned back. "I don't want to fight with you," he said.
She followed him to the elevator and rode up with him to his floor, staring at him, seething. She followed him to his room and he locked the door behind them, then unbuttoned his cuffs, shrugged out of his jacket.
She was still standing just inside the doorway when he walked out of his bathroom, barechested and in boxers, and flicked off the light. She remembered seeing him that way, what felt like a lifetime ago.
"I don't want to fight with you either," she murmured.
He walked close to her, raised a hand and brushed it against her upper arm in a light, almost brotherly touch. "Then don't," he said.
When he walked away her heart unaccountably sank. He sprawled out on the bed closest to the television and crossed his ankles. She looked down, traced her fingertips over the rough coverlet of his extra bed. "No king?" she teased him.
"I've been sleeping alone," he said briefly, then flicked his gaze up to hers.
Nancy was quiet for a minute. Her heart started beating so loud that she was surprised Ned didn't comment on it. "I need to tell you something."
He kept his gaze steady on her face, then gestured for her to proceed.
"God, I hate you like this," she said. "Get up off that damn bed."
"And what?"
She made an impatient gesture. "Are you not feeling anything right now?"
"Are you?" He let his legs fall over the side of the bed and sat regarding her.
"I thought, you said you weren't giving up on us. And then you come over here with Bess and George and don't even tell me. Were you ever going to tell me you were here?"
"Why would it have mattered?" he asked. "Obviously you've moved on."
"And you're bitter," she said, and though there was triumph in her voice, her heart was sinking.
Ned sighed. "What do you want from me," he said wearily.
"I want you to get up," she said, walking over to him. His arms were dead weight in her grip and then she was hitting him. He blocked her blows but didn't retaliate, not until she reached for his face and his expression finally changed. He took her wrists in his hands and held them apart, and they struggled together impotently, until her knee came up. He threw her backwards and she landed on her back on the other bed, and he climbed on top of her and pinned her down.
"Are you going to calm down now?" he demanded, panting, his face red over hers.
"Why," she groaned, tears standing in her eyes. "Why did you do it?"
He released her wrists and sat back. "Nan..."
She pushed herself up and landed a few good blows on his biceps before he stood up to extract himself from her reach. She stood and they fought for a few minutes before he gained the upper hand again.
"I didn't," he said. "I didn't."
Nancy did start crying then, moving forward into his arms. After an initial flinch he took her into his embrace, and she buried her face against his shoulder.
"Ned, I'm sorry," she said. "I'm so sorry."
"I am too," he said. He swallowed, and she could hear it. "Forgive me?"
She tilted her face back to look into his and nodded, and before she knew it he was kissing her.
Kissing Carlos was different. He was good, but not familiar, she couldn't just fall into it the way she could with Ned, whom she'd kissed a thousand times. Nancy put her arms up around his neck, fingers curling at the nape, and when they broke apart they were still close.
Nancy closed her eyes and felt the rough link of a chain under her fingertips. She curled her fingernails up under and against his skin and he took a sharp breath.
"What," she breathed, tracing its line down his chest, until she reached the ring hanging from it.
"It's your wedding ring," he said, a half-smile on his lips.
"How long," she asked. "How long have you been wearing this." Her stomach was close to his and she felt it turn slightly.
"Since the morning after," he breathed. His face was close to hers, his hand lifting into her hair, against her jaw, his lips brushing against her cheek.
"Do you ever take it off?" She closed her eyes at the feel of his breath.
He shook his head and kissed her again, and the tears rose in her eyes and spilled over until his own cheeks were wet. He curved an arm around her waist and drew her toward the bed with him, and they pulled apart, his forehead against hers.
"What did you need to tell me," he whispered, tracing his fingertips along the skin at her collar.
She stared at the grey shadow along the wall, blinking another tear out of her eye. Everything will change.
She pulled her shirt off, revealing the cream lace, the chain around her own neck. His eyes lit on it immediately, his fingertips trailing up her chest to take it into his grasp. "How many times am I going to have to put this back on you," he whispered.
She rested her hand on his. "Wait," she whispered, her fingers sliding down to his wrist. "Please."
"Why," he asked, sliding his arms around her waist, against her skin. She closed her eyes and rested her head against his shoulder, listening to his heart.
"Make love to me first," she said finally.
He looked down, his fingers trailing over her skin, and licked his lips. "Have you been with anyone else?" he asked, not looking up.
She reached up and ran her hand through his hair. "No," she whispered.
"Still on the pill?"
She smiled, softly. "You don't need to worry about that."
Afterward, exhausted, she fell asleep against him, one bent arm up over his chest, his arm up around her waist with his palm against the small of her back. The slowing beat of his heart lulled her to sleep as he stroked her hair, over and over, his fingers slowing as he drifted off.
When she woke again she was nearly gasping for cooler air, her skin prickling with sweat where it touched his. He had pulled the blanket up over her, and she kicked out from underneath, pushing the blanket off and purring her contentedness as she tucked just the lighter sheet around her.
Ned stirred next to her, then opened his eyes. His fingers fumbled up over her until they reached her bare shoulder, and she met his gaze. "Hey," she whispered.
"Hey," he replied, reaching up for her. He kissed her softly, then pulled back, stroking his thumb down her cheek.
"Do you love me?"
He smiled, tracing his thumb along the edge of her mouth. "I can't seem to stop," he admitted.
"I love you too," she said.
"You had me fooled for a little while," he said.
A soft blush stained her cheeks. "I'm sorry I didn't believe you."
"I wouldn't have believed me either."
Nancy looked down, then pushed herself up to lean on the headboard. She reached behind her neck and took off her necklace, let the fine thread trail through her fingers until the ring alone was in her hand. She handed it over to Ned. He kissed her stomach, then reached for her left hand.
"No," she breathed. "Not yet. Have to tell you something first."
He pushed himself up on his hands, then leaned up to kiss her. "You in love with someone else?"
"No," she said.
"You want to marry me?"
Her breath caught in her throat. "Maybe you won't want to, now," she forced out.
He stroked her hair back from her face with his free hand, his left hand clenched around the ring. "What is it," he said, his gaze tracing her lips, the line of her jaw.
She reached out and took his chin into her hands, and he pulled his legs up underneath him, his hand still on her shoulder. When his eyes met hers she felt the same familiar surge of nausea, panic, but she forced it back and swallowed.
"Ned, I don't know how..."
"Just..." He traced his thumb down her cheek. "If you still love me, then we can do this."
"I do still love you," she said. "I'm pregnant."
Even in the dim light his face went chalk-pale. She reached up and touched him again, hesitantly, her eyes searching his.
"H-how," he managed.
"The usual way," she said, too afraid to smile.
"Me? With me?"
"Yeah with you," she said. "Remember a while back when you couldn't get enough of me?"
Ned ran his hand through his hair. "It was then? You said you were on the pill, did something, Nan..."
She leaned forward and hesitantly slipped her arms around his neck, hugged him close to her, relieved when he didn't push her away. "I don't know how it happened," she said. "All I know is that I am."
"Did you know? Did you know when you broke up with me?"
Nancy shook her head. "I didn't."
Ned slipped his arm around her waist. "But you know for sure, now."
She nodded. "Yeah, I know for sure. And it's up to you now." She released him and pulled back, her gaze down. "If you don't want me anymore..."
She felt his fingers on hers, and then the familiar weight of his ring again, back on her finger. "How long," he said.
"May," she replied, after a brief calculation, her sight blurring with relieved tears. "I think."
He kissed her and she started to cry again, wrapping her legs around him and holding him close to her. When they broke apart, breathing heavily, she rested her cheek against his shoulder.
"Ned, I never meant for this to happen."
He traced his fingertips down her cheek. "I know," he said. Then he chuckled to himself.
"What," she asked.
"So was it all those crazy hormones making you think I was with George?"
"She was acting so strange," Nancy replied, defensively. "She would talk about you and get this look on her face, and, well, it seemed like..."
Ned smiled, then kissed the corner of her mouth. "She wanted me to tell you I was here. Both of them wanted me to tell you I was here."
"Were you going to?"
"Probably," he admitted. "Do Bess and George know about your..." He made a faint gesture.
"They know I'm pregnant," she replied.
"Anyone else?" he asked, then swallowed, his eyes widening. "Your dad?"
She snickered, then traced her fingers down his cheek. "No one else," she reassured him.
He exhaled, relieved. "Good," he breathed. He slipped his fingertips down to stroke the flat of her abs. "I'm gonna be a dad?"
She nodded, stroking the back of his neck. "If everything goes well."
"Everything will go well," he said. "Nan, I love you."
"I love you too," she whispered as he laid her down again. When he rolled off her she pushed herself to her side and faced him, her arm looped over his side.
"Are you scared," she asked him, trailing her hand up and running it through his hair.
"Are you?"
"A little," she admitted. "A lot."
He reached out and drew her to him. "It's okay," he said. "It'll be okay."
--
Nancy escaped his grasp the next morning, early, kissed him and promised she would call later. Her thighs ached, she was trailing drowsed with sleep, but she forced herself to go back to her room and dress for the bus ride into the city. She dreaded seeing Carlos, and thought about putting the engagement ring back onto the necklace before she talked to him, but in the end she left it on, facing out, proudly.
"Nancy."
Black pants, white shirt, the barest blush on her lips and cheeks, and Carlos slipped into the seat next to her, radiating concern. "I did not hear from you," he said. "I was so worried, after the way you left."
She smiled at him. "You're such a sweetheart," she said.
"So you are feeling better?"
"I'm feeling much better," she told him, then sighed. She met his eyes for the first time. "I can't see you anymore."
"See me?" he repeated, but the expression in his eyes was shuttered.
She told him everything. She told him that she'd found out she was pregnant and she had reconciled with the father of her child, and if things had been different, if the timing had been better...
He gave her a weak smile and moved up to the front of the bus, where Kath was tossing her red hair. Nancy put her feet up on the seat and sat with her back to the window, her eyes closed, Ned's ring sparkling on her finger. Kath smiled at Carlos and Nancy let her palm rest over her belly.
She walked into the bright glass building listening to his music. Kath and Carlos walked ahead and Kath had the same faint smile, the glow that Nancy herself could remember from before. She didn't look at Carlos with any bitterness for what he had done.
Ned was back. She had never thought Ned would be back.
She didn't feel the same sharp, almost painful newness of her infatuation with Carlos. But this calm, the knowledge that Ned was back at the hotel waiting for her, that he had promised to be there, that was better. Better by far.
Susanne and Nancy were discussing the next assignment when Kath walked in briskly, her eyes sparkling. Nancy half-smiled at her, forcing the welling jealousy back down as Susanne caught Kath up on what they were talking about. Susanne wanted another conference covered, for Thursday, and Nancy had a sudden thought.
"Maybe Kath should take this one," Nancy said brightly.
Susanne turned to Kath. "Are you interested?"
"Sure," Kath said, taken aback. "Nancy?"
Nancy smiled. "Actually, I think I need to go to Scotland."
--
"When do you have to leave?"
"Friday." She could feel Ned shrugging over the phone line. "Sometime on Friday. I think my flight's in the afternoon."
"Could you possibly change it?"
"The time? I have to get back for practice..."
"No, to the Glasgow airport."
He took a breath before answering. "Your grandmother?"
"Props to you," she said. "If you want. And I mean that, we don't have to..."
He chuckled. "Yes we do."
--
Nancy had been to Douglas House before. Ned leaned forward when it came into view just around a line of rolling hills, his fingertips resting on the dashboard. "Wow."
Nancy darted a glance at him, smiling. "And all of it going to the National Trust when she dies."
Ned sat back, shaking his head. "I guess marrying you for your money is out."
Nancy took her hand off the gearshift to smack him lightly on the bicep. "Yeah, thanks."
A butler was waiting at the door to lead them to their rooms and help carry baggage. Nancy's grandmother, Lady Douglas, a petite woman with snow-white hair and faintly trembling hands, pushed herself up off a brocaded couch to greet them. She pressed a faint peck of a kiss onto Nancy's lowered cheek, her skin the texture of fragile wrinkled paper but the muscles beneath still strong. Ned offered his hand to her, and Nancy glanced back and forth between the two of them. Lady Douglas took Ned's hand and shook it firmly, studying him with her same blue eyes.
"Lady Douglas, this is my fiancé, Ned Nickerson," Nancy introduced them.
"I'm pleased to meet you," Ned said comfortably.
Lady Douglas smiled up at him. Ned towered easily a foot over her. "What do you do, young man?"
Ned smiled faintly. "I'm in college," he said. "Business management."
Lady Douglas nodded. "We're having dinner in an hour or so. I'm sure you two want to go freshen up and relax."
Nancy nodded. "Yes, ma'am," she said.
Lady Douglas's maid showed Nancy and Ned to a suite of rooms just down the hall, a pair of bedrooms joined by a small sitting room. The rooms had been shut up for a long time, Nancy could tell from the faint stale smell that still clung to the air. She unpacked a few things, then walked around the room, touching things lightly. Lace curtains, wedding-knot coverlet, the pine mantel above the fireplace. When she walked back into the sitting room, Ned was reclining on the couch, his eyes closed. Nancy gently pushed open a door at the back of the room and found a small bathroom, complete with a chilly bone-white claw-footed bathtub and speckled gold fixtures.
"So?" Nancy sat down on the couch and Ned opened his eyes.
"So, why exactly are we here?" He smiled to take the sting out of his words.
Nancy drew a fingertip along the smooth fabric at the back of the couch. "I don't know when we're getting married, and she doesn't get out that much. I don't know whether she'd be able to make it over, and I wanted her to meet you."
Ned smiled at her. "Soon," he replied. "If I had enough time to figure out how to make it legal over here, I would."
"You mean that?"
Ned drew the chain up from under his collar and let it rest over his heart. "It's not like we need anything else," he said.
"Oh, like your ring, you mean?" Laughing, Nancy climbed up onto his lap and rested her palms against his cheeks. "I don't know that they'll take that as a good answer."
Ned leaned forward and kissed her softly, then again. "It's a piece of paper," he murmured against her lips. "As far as I'm concerned we're already married."
Nancy swallowed the bitter comment she had the ugly flash of impulse to make, and smiled at him. "Love me?"
"Always," he replied, closing his eyes, his cheek against hers.
A soft knock and a gently cleared throat, and Nancy climbed off Ned, answered the door.
--
Ten minutes later Nancy wandered out into the garden and found her grandmother standing in front of a tree, hands on her slender hips, considering. Nancy joined her, gazing speculatively at the tree, then turned to her. "You wanted to see me?"
Lady Douglas tilted back the wide-brimmed sunhat she was wearing to look at her granddaughter. "Are your rooms all right?"
"They're gorgeous," Nancy replied. "I hope you didn't go to any trouble after I called."
"No trouble," Lady Douglas said, glancing again at the tree. Despite its height, the trunk was slender and gnarled. "It's nice to have visitors."
Nancy smiled, her hands clasped loosely at her waist. "I'm sorry we couldn't stay very long," she said.
"Well, school is important," Lady Douglas said. "And your young man is in school as well?"
"He's-- he's taking a little break right now," Nancy said, aware of how it sounded. "He had an opportunity he couldn't pass up."
Lady Douglas nodded sagely. "To play ball," she replied. At Nancy's sudden shocked look, her grandmother smiled. "I do watch television, dear."
After another few minutes, Lady Douglas walked over to a shaded bench and sat down, removing her hat. "Are you happy with him?"
Nancy nodded. "Yes."
"How long have you known him?"
"Since I was fifteen," Nancy said. "Well, we broke up a few times, but we've always gotten back together. We've been engaged since Christmas."
"And when do you think you're going to get married?" Lady Douglas ran her fingertips over the brim of her hat.
"Soon," Nancy admitted. "He has to go back to play, I'll be back home in December..."
"Hmm," Lady Douglas said. "Well then, I've always wanted to meet the woman Carson married. Do you like her?"
Nancy smiled. "Most of the time," she replied.
--
Over dinner and silver service and paper-thin china, Nancy watched Ned talk to her grandmother. He was charming, comfortable, completely at ease. Her grandmother told them all about the history of the house, the family, her own mother. Nancy propped her chin on her hand while the three of them had coffee in the sitting room. She could tell her grandmother approved.
Ned looked down at his cup of coffee and then glanced at Nancy, alarm in his eyes. She smiled and shook her head.
After a promise that the three of them would play cards the next night, Ned and Nancy joined hands and walked to their suite, Ned pulling the door closed behind them. Nancy stood on her tiptoes to give Ned a kiss.
"It's okay for me to have caffeine every once in a while," she whispered into his ear, her hand sliding up his chest to rest on his shoulder.
He smiled. "I guess I should have paid more attention in health class," he said. "I just..."
He reached down, hesitant, fingertips and then palm, low on her belly. Nancy closed her eyes.
"I just... don't want anything to happen to you," he said finally. "Either of you."
Nancy smiled and bowed her head. "I brought a book on pregnancy with me," she said. "If you want to read up on it. I'm beat, myself."
"Oh, sure," he said, looking at her with concern. "I'm sorry."
"It's okay," she told him, reaching up to draw his face down to hers for another kiss. "I think my grandmother really likes you," she told him.
"Hope so," Ned said. He leaned down and pressed his mouth to hers in a long, sweet kiss. "Go to sleep," he whispered.
Nancy left her door open while she changed for bed. The house was cold, but Nancy plugged in the space heater and found an extra set of blankets in her closet. She wrapped herself in one and walked out in stocking feet, gazing at Ned as he made a horrified face at the book.
"How far along are you, again?"
Nancy counted on her fingers, then walked over to the book and placed her finger at the appropriate line. Ned slipped his hand under hers and laced their fingers together. "So, we can have sex for quite a while..." He smiled up at her.
"Down, boy," Nancy said, patting him on the head. She leaned down and kissed his lips. "I'm going to sleep."
"Goodnight," he whispered, reaching up to stroke her hair.
Nancy left her door open slightly and curled up under the blankets, listening to the soft noises coming from their sitting room, the squeak in the couch springs when he shifted his weight, the soft sounds when he cleared his throat or turned a page.
She dreamed of him. She dreamed they were home, at Christmas, and they were stuffing stockings and wrapping a bike for their child. She had made gingerbread men, their child had put them out for Santa, and Ned was eating them while he fiddled with a screwdriver. Twin rings and the softness in his glance and Nancy felt such love, such boundless love, for him.
Nancy opened her eyes, looped her arms around the other pillow and hugged it close to her chest.
"Hey."
Nancy pushed herself up on her elbows and saw Ned in the doorway. "Hey," she replied.
He stood, barechested, in the blue dusk of deep night, out of the halo of warmth her space heater provided. Nancy threw the covers back and beckoned him in, and when Ned crawled into bed with her she tossed the covers back over the both of them and snuggled up close. Ned's feet were cold, Nancy's were bare, and she lay with her head against his shoulder.
"Have you had anything to drink while you were pregnant?" Ned looped an arm around her back.
Nancy shrugged. "A little," she said. "Mostly before I knew."
He cupped his hand over her hip. "Did you stop loving me?"
"That was the last thing you asked me," she whispered. She pushed herself back up onto her elbows and rolled onto her side so that she could look down into his face. She stroked her fingertips down his cheek.
"I thought I..." She sighed. "I thought I did," she finally whispered. "I was so mad at you. I thought you'd betrayed me and I thought things were over between us."
He reached up and took a strand of her hair between his fingers, twisted it around. "You didn't," he breathed. "You didn't stop."
"I guess not," she said, then smiled at his expression. "Don't be angry at me."
"For what," he whispered, his fingers still tangling in her hair.
"If I didn't still love you, I wouldn't be having your child," she said softly, then met his eyes.
He was quiet for a minute. "Glad you still love me, then," he said, and drew her face down to his.
--
The next morning Ned was back in his own bed, but the maid knocked at Nancy's door before entering anyway. Nancy tugged on a nightgown and pushed the rest of her clothes under the bed before answering, and was served tea on an elaborate silver tray in her lap.
Ned was already seated at the breakfast table when Nancy came downstairs. He gave her a slow smile, and Nancy returned it before she loaded her plate. Ned dropped his eyes and looked up again, just in time to see Nancy's grandmother smiling in his direction.
After breakfast her grandmother suggested that they visit a nearby golf course, and volunteered to stay in the cart while the two of them played. It was while Nancy and her grandmother were in the cart driving to the next hole that her grandmother suddenly asked. "Do you have a dress yet, and a veil?"
"Not yet," Nancy admitted.
"Your mother wore a veil at her wedding," her grandmother said thoughtfully. "A very fine lace veil. I wore it at my own wedding, and my mother wore it."
"I've seen the pictures," Nancy said, her eyes gleaming with interest. "It's beautiful."
"Would you want to wear it?"
Nancy gasped, staring. "You--?"
Her grandmother smiled. "I'll find it. Just let me know when you need it."
"Will you come to our wedding?" Nancy asked.
"Wouldn't miss it," she replied.
After dinner they played the long-promised cards, until the group had overdosed on coffee and Nancy's grandmother finally excused herself for bed. Nancy, who had taken only a single cup of coffee and had been keeping herself awake on iced water, accepted Ned's proposal that they go for a walk on the shores of the lake.
"You okay?" Ned asked, Nancy's arm through his, a light shawl over her shoulders.
Nancy nodded. "My grandmother offered to let me wear the family veil," she said. "Although strictly speaking I think we've forfeited my right to wear one."
"I'm sure she doesn't know that."
"Didn't you think it was odd, though, that she gave us adjoining rooms?"
Ned shrugged, smiling. "I try not to think about it."
The two of them walked quietly for a few more minutes, until Nancy looked up at Ned. "You're leaving tomorrow."
He nodded, not looking at her. Then he caught sight of a stone bench ahead of them and led her to it, sitting down and pulling her down next to him.
"Nan," he said softly, still looking down. He slipped his left palm against her stomach and she darted an anxious glance back toward the dimly lit windows of the house, making sure they were unobserved. When she was satisfied, she placed her hand over his and looked into his face. Ned pressed his lips together, his eyes still away from hers.
Nancy put her palm against his warm cheek and led his face toward hers. "Ned, what is it," she breathed.
He stroked her belly a few times, then reached up and placed his palms against her cheeks. He traced his fingertips down, forehead to chin, then kissed his fingertips and pressed them to her mouth. As his hands drifted back down Nancy leaned up and kissed him gently. "I'm not going anywhere," she whispered, her lips against his.
There was agony in his eyes. "I left you..." he said, looking at her mouth. He touched her ring. "Tell me you won't take this off again."
"I won't take it off again," she promised, searching his eyes.
He gave her a watery smile. "Nan, I love you so much."
"I love you." She reached out and ran her fingers through his hair, then leaned in close to him and wrapped her arms around him. He hugged her back hard, her face against his neck, his lips against the curve of her jaw.
"I keep remembering," he whispered. "I remember seeing you when you left to come here, and I thought--" He sighed, and Nancy shivered at the feel of his breath on her skin. "And now we're going to have a baby."
She nodded. "I'll never leave you again," she whispered.
"You can't," he whispered. "You can't. Please. Nancy." He kissed her.
The chilled wind blew against them until Nancy was shivering, and they went back into the house holding hands, a faint blush rising to her cheeks every time their eyes met. When they came back to their suite Ned lifted her into his arms and took her into his bedroom, swung the door shut with a jerk of his elbow and carried her to the bed.
"You know, I can't wait until we're living together and we can have loud and obnoxious sex," Ned said as he pulled his shirt off. Nancy had tossed the shawl onto a chair and was busy tugging her shirt over her head.
"Obnoxious?" Nancy raised an eyebrow, smiling.
"Jealousy-inspiring," Ned amended. "It just doesn't roll off the tongue as well."
Nancy tilted her head back. "Think maybe we could get married first?"
"Sure," Ned replied, gently tracing his fingertips over her skin before he took her into his arms and rested his mouth against the point of her shoulder. "If you insist."
"I do insist," she said. She kissed his cheek. "We insist. Sometime in the next six months, if you please."
"Definitely," Ned replied. He kissed her deeply. "How much do you love me," he breathed.
"As much as you love me," she returned, a soft smile lighting her features.
"Oh, is that all," he replied, smiling, as he laid her down on his bed.
--
Nancy woke up in Ned's arms, wrapped in a blanket. He was carrying her through the sitting room toward her own bedroom. He pulled back the covers with one hand and laid her down in her own bed, and she squirmed out of the blanket and looked up at him.
"Hey," he said, looking down at her.
In answer she extended her arms and beckoned him down to her. He sat down on the edge of the mattress and leaned down to hug her. "Nan, they can't find us together," he whispered into her ear.
She made a displeased noise and continued holding him until he gently extracted himself. "Ned," she whispered. She ran her hands through her hair and sipped in a long breath. "We're not going to see each other again until Christmas."
Ned let her draw him back down to her. Afterward he lay next to her until the rising sun was turning her bedroom walls the faint blue of dawn.
"Love you," Nancy said, drawing her fingertips across his shoulder.
"Love you," Ned replied, leaning over to drop a kiss on her forehead. "If you still want to wear that veil..."
"I do," Nancy sighed. She took him into her arms and held him close to her for a long moment, then released him.
After breakfast Nancy brought her duffel bag into the hallway and leaned down to give her grandmother one last hug. "We'll be sure to call you, when we know," Nancy said, smiling down at her.
"Thank you so much for having us," Ned added, shouldering his own duffel into a chair. Nancy's grandmother gestured for him to lean down, and gave him a hug as well. When he pulled back, she looked back and forth between the two of them.
"Don't forget," she said. "I don't trust that veil to post, anyway."
Nancy smiled. "All right," she said.
Saying goodbye to Ned was much harder. His plane was leaving first, so they stood together just outside his gate, their arms wrapped around each other.
"Remember what you promised me," Ned breathed. He rested his forehead on the crown of her head and looked down into her eyes. "I would do anything..."
She reached up and placed her palm against his cheek. "This is it," she told him. Then she gave him a watery smile. "Third time is the charm."
"Better be," he told her. "Tell me you love me."
"I love you," she told him. "I love you so much."
He closed his eyes. "I love you too," he said. "I worship the ground you walk on. You know that."
She stroked his cheek. "I know," she whispered.
He took a long breath but still didn't let her go. Nancy glanced around. Everyone else was looking at the ticket counter, waiting expectantly for the flight to be called. Nancy took Ned's hand and led it down to her belly.
"Everything's different now," she breathed into his ear. "I won't ever leave you again."
He smiled. "Okay," he said. He touched the tip of his nose to hers. "No more drinking, no more humoring lonely coeds, no more late night parties and smoky clubs."
"Not for you either," she told him sternly, her eyes gleaming. "Even if you lose cred with your crew."
He ran his hand over the back of her hair. "Like that even matters anymore," he whispered to her, leaning down to kiss her again. "You're the only thing that matters to me."
The stewardess called the flight, and Nancy pulled back, the first tear tracking down her cheek. Her eyes widened. "God, I don't want to let you go."
"I don't want to let you go either." Ned pulled her up off the ground, into his arms. "Come back home with me, we can run away and get married..."
Nancy smiled and another pair of tears slipped down her cheek. "Yeah," she said softly. She put her arms around his neck. "We'll live in your parents' basement and use a milk crate for a cradle."
Ned put her down and brushed a strand of hair away from her face. "You have no idea how much I'm worth, do you."
She shook her head, beaming up at him. "And I don't care."
He laughed and leaned down to kiss her one last time. "God, I love you."
"Good," Nancy whispered.