What happens when you feel powerless? When you can't even get up in the morning? Because you think that there is no reason for you to get up. Because, all of a sudden, everything looks just pointless. At times like these you have to be strong. But Ginny doesn't seem to want to try.
Disclaimer: Er... obviously I don't own Harry Potter and neither Evanescence... but you've already known that, being the clever people that you are! Now, on with the story.
Be strong
"I'm going under."
I feel it. Every morning I wake up and I feel sick. I don't want to eat, I don't want to drink anything, I can't focus on my homework, I'm tired but when I go to bed I can't sleep. My eyes just refuse to be shut because every time they do images of you fill in my head and they my eyes fill in with tears.
"Now I will tell you what I've done for you
50.000 tears I've cried.
Screaming, deceiving and bleeding for you
But you still won't hear me."
I want to talk to somebody about this… this whole thing going on with me and you… But when Hermione looks into my eyes expecting an explanation for my "strange" behavior these past few days I just want her to go, to leave me alone. And I don't know if I can talk to any other friend of mine about it. And of course I know there is no use trying to talk to Ron.
"Don't want your hand this time I'll save myself
Maybe I'll wake up for once
Not torment daily defeated by you
Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom"
But one is for sure, I'll not ask for your help. I've humiliated myself enough by crying in front of you, almost begging. I'll just doom you to the real torment (for you at least) to see me every day looking worse and worse and knowing that it's all your fault, knowing that you can't "play" the hero this time, knowing that you hurt me that much.
"I'm dying again"
Sometimes I wonder how it would be like to be dying .Not that different from what I am going through right now, I suppose.
"I'm going under
Drowning in you
I'm falling forever
I've got break through"
I feel like every day I'm sinking even more in my misery, in you. And sometimes I feel like I know what you're doing or thinking even though you're not anywhere near me. I feel connected to you. I feel near you, I feel in you.
I don't think that it's normal. But I don't care if it's normal or not. I only care that it makes me hurt. Feeling like being next to you causes that much pain to me that I start crying.
"Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies
So I don't know what's real and what's not
Always confusing the thoughts in my head
So I can't trust myself anymore"
I'm crying so much these days that I have bloodshot eyes almost always.
You stare at me and I know immediately that you feel guilty. Ha. So, I'll finally take my revenge, even if it's not what I truly want.
I return the gaze, my eyes speaking soundless words to you: "This is what you've done to me. Like it?"
You can hear me, you can understand what I'm telling you. I see it in your green eyes. You can't bear looking at me anymore though and you break the gaze. But I continue staring at you, with no definite reason. You know it.
Suddenly I feel sorry for you. How ironic really. I don't want you to feel guilty even if I believe with all my heart that you are.
I challenge you. I challenge you to say something, anything. I give you a chance to comfort me and say to yourself you did everything you could. You do.
"Ginny…" you whisper, almost breath out but I hear you. I try to fight off the sudden urge to run and hug you. I try so hard that you can see the struggle on my face.
I don't answer you. It's hard, I know, but I have to do it if I want to get through this. I simply turn around and leave.
"So go on and scream
Scream at me, I'm so far away
I won't be broken again
I've got to breath
I can't keep going under"
I enter the almost deserted Griffyndor common room and run upstairs. All the girls from my dorm are still at the Great Hall, so I am all alone in the room.
I lean against the wall trying to catch up with my breath again. The cool wall makes me feel better. I stay like that for a minute or two without thinking anything, my mind completely blank as well as my eyes, my face unreadable.
I have just run off Harry. It may sound like a pretty easy thing to do but for me, it was the most painful thing I had to do till then… I am not over Harry yet, I can't be, it is humanly impossible to get over the love of your life in just a few seconds. But it was one step forward, one step to find my salvation, my freedom.
Then I wear my pyjamas and slip into my bed, falling into a dreamless and refreshing sleep.
Strangely enough, I am smiling when I wake up.
"So, go on and scream, scream at me,
I'm so far away.
I won't be broken again
I've got to breath
I can't keep going under".
A/N: Just my way of thinking how Ginny would have reacted if Harry had turned her down. And this fic was written before HBP came out but I thought it was good and publishable. So, here it is! I hope you enjoyed it. Don't forget to review!