((This was created by accident. There is no need for you to read this!))

Renji finally flicked the last of the watermelon seeds from his hair, heaved himself to his feet and stomped his way around the fence, to Hitsugaya's front door.

Renji stood there for a moment, listening to the squeals, screams and laughter coming from behind the door and shoved it open.

Silence fell immediately.

What he saw was not exactly... normal.

Hitsugaya was flat on his back, his shirt hanging off his shoulders, a few watermelon seeds sticking to his skin. Matsumoto was on top of him, in between his legs, her magnificent cleavage inches from Hitsugaya's nose, her hands under his shirt, placed on the sides of his ribs. Hinamori was kneeling on Hitsugaya's right side, holding both of his arms firmly, one of her arms free of her shirt, revealing a delicate collarbone, a watermelon seed stuck to the tip of her nose, and Rukia was draped over Matsumoto's back, in a almost anatomically impossible ark, her face covered in watermelon seeds, and a feather in her ear.

All had their faces turned to Renji, completely and utterly silent.

It took a moment for Renji's brain to start working again, and the four on the floor could've sworn they heard a 'click'.

"Y'know, if i didn't know you guys better, I'd think you were horrifyingly kinky." Renji said bluntly.

"Wanna join in, Renji?" Rukia giggled, the feather in her ear wiggling as she talked.

Renji raised an eyebrow, but was tempted.

"What does 'kinky' mean?" Hinamori blinked innocently.

Hitsugaya, Renji and Matsumoto turned and stared at Hinamori, while Rukia swung around and looked under Matsumoto's stomach to stare at Hinamori too.

A stiff silence settled on the five of them, Hinamori merely raising her eyebrows and looking at the four who were staring at her.

Renji walked into the room and grinned. "Yeah, Hitsugaya-taichou!" Renji cheered, tapping Hitsugaya's arm with the tip of a toe. "Tell Hinamori-fuku-taichou what kinky means!"

Hitsugaya fixed his aqua eyes up at Renji, speckles of silver appearing in them.

Renji just grinned.

Hitsugaya turned his eyes back at Hinamori, who was looking at him curiously.

Poor Toushirou-taichou opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out.

Ruka heaved herself up and slid from Matsumoto's back, narrowly avoiding standing on Hitsugaya's ankle. "Hitsugaya-taichou, do you have a dictionary?"

The captain looked over Matsumoto's shoulder and shook his head.

Renji bounced happily on the balls of his feet, a grin worthy of Gin on his face.

"Oh. Okay." shrugged Rukia, jumping back onto Matsumoto's back, causing Matsumoto's arms to twitch, giving Renji an idea.

"I'll take you up on your offer, Rukia!" snickered the red-head, jumping over Hinamori and placing his hands on Matsumoto's back.

"Eh?" questioned Rukia.

"WAIT! NO--!"

Renji jumped onto Matsumoto's back, causing her arms to give out, the big-breasted beauty collapsing onto Hitsugaya-taichou.

"ARRGHHH!" screamed said captain and vice-captain.

Renji's grin got wider.

"HEEEEAVYYYY!" screamed Hitsugaya, Matsumoto's high-pitched squeal added to the captain's yell.

"I think you should get off, Renji-fuku-taichou..." Hinamori said timidly.

"Not until i get some watermelon!" Renji snapped, placing his hands on Matsumoto's shoulders and looking down at the squished captain underneath.

"NEVER!" shouted Hitsugaya, his face red.

"You gave it to them!" Renji protested, pointing at Hinamori, and Rukia.

"They're girls! And they persuaded me!" Toushirou snapped.

"How did we do that?" Rangiku squeaked.

"Don't talk! It makes your chest bigger!" Hitsugaya whimpered, continuing to be squished under the combined weight of Renji and Matsumoto.

"That's her secret...!" Rukia blinked with a note of wonder.

"Gimme melon!" Renji howled, shoving Matsumoto's shoulders down.

"GYAH!" screamed Rangiku and Toushirou at the same time.

"ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT!"

Renji jumped not so gracefully off Matsumoto's back, Rukia beside him.

Hitsugaya heaved Matsumoto off him and gasped for air, his vice-captain flat on the floor, doing the same.

"Melon! Melon! Melon!" chanted Renji, stamping his foot.

"Alright!" Hitsugaya croaked, heaving himself to his feet and walking out the back door.

Renji squealed in delight and ran after him.

Rukia and Hinamori were helping Matsumoto to her feet when a distressed yell came from the backyard.

"MY WATERMELON IS GONE!"

With a zoom, all three of the girls sprinted out of the house and skidded to a halt next to Renji and Hitsugaya.

All five of them stared in horror at the table where the huge pile of watermelon used to be.

Now, all there was was empty watermelon skins, placed in a neat row. Not a sliver of pink, sweet, watermelon flesh to be seen.

Byakuya grinned from a reasonable distance away, listening to the howls of anguish, and just plain rage resonating from Hitsugaya's house.

"Yare, yare..." Byakuya smiled, his eyes twinkling while he licked the sticky, pink watermelon juice that dripped from his fingers.

Hitsugaya lay, face-down on the lush, green lawn, whimpering pathetically. Rukia waved her fist at the sky and screamed the usual colourful words, the feather in her ear continuing to wiggle as she yelled. Matsumoto frantically searched through the rows of empty watermelon skins, as though she thought the criminal might've left one untouched. Renji belted the ground with his fists, screaming something like 'life isn't fair' into the ground, and Hinamori sniffed over the loss of such a wonderful feast of sweet fruit.

"... I still don't know what 'kinky' means." Hinamori added as an afterthought.

((END. and this time, i really mean it! yeah. i know it goes nowhere, but it was fun. thanks for reading!))