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Chapter 7

Natalie and Jake arrived at the murder Scene at the park; they didn't talk the whole way over. They drove in complete silence and got busy working side by side on the scene. Natalie took her own notes and did her job, Jake watched her and he shook his head, she was amazing at what she did, she was amazing. After they took there own notes Natalie drove them back to the Station.

When they arrived at the station Natalie didn't turn the car off, she turned to Jake.

"Lets talk here or do you want to do it in one of the interrogation rooms inside" Natalie told him as she saw his face, he wasn't stupid, he never pretended to be, he knew what was coming.

"Here is fine but.. but no beating around the bush, you no how I hate that, say what you've got to and then I'll say what I have to" he told her and Natalie got a look in her eye, wondering what it was he had to say

"Jake, I'm really sorry, sorry things with us..."

"Just say it Nat, say what's going on"

"Alright, there's no easy way to do this then, I'm still in Love with John, and he and I almost made Love last night, I wanted it Jake, I wanted him, I want him" Natalie watched as Jake got out of the car, he started pacing around it for a brief second as she joined him on the outside of the car. She shook her head as she watched him trying to process things; he had to have known that was coming? Right?

"Jake, I never meant to hurt you, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I can't be what you need"

"What does that mean? What I need? You've always been what I need, whether you love someone else right now or not, you'll always be what I need and what I want, what I love" he told her and he saw her close her eye's.

"Jake, I can never be those things for you, I don't love you like that and I've been telling you that for awhile now"

"So this is over then, just over like that, what about work, what about Philly, are you leaving everything cause of him?"

"I don't know what's going to happen about work, about Philly all I know is it's not fair to you for me to be with you when I love someone else."

"So you and he, you're gonna go another round are you? It's definite then, the two of you will be together? What maybe get hitched one day, a few munchkins running around, a dog, a white fence, has he even committed to you yet, at all, ever?" Jake told her and he tried so hard not to lose control, but it was hard he knew in his heart John Mcbain would probably leave her empty again, discouraged like he did when she came to Philly in the first place.

"I don't know Jake, I...we haven't discussed things yet, it hasn't gotten that far yet"

"So what's gonna happen when he doesn't believe in you again, doesn't want you to be his equal, doesn't trust your judgment or trust you with his life."

"Jake please, I don't want this to get ugly, I care about you I have for a long time, probably since I first walked into your office but I don't want to lead you on. You were a great teacher, a great boss, a great boyfriend and an unbelievable lover, but... but I'm sorry I just don't Love you like you love me "

"But you will Nat, I promise you, you will someday love me back and like you love him, I won't give up till you do. I'm making you a promise today, I promise I won't be backing down, not today not ever that's how much I care about you, how much I love you, you say the word and I'll marry you on the spot, you want children I'll give them to you, I'll give you any commitment you want, can he give that to you? Is he willing, does he chase you Natalie? Are you going to have to do all the work again?"

"Jake please, for the love of God! It's over for now"

"For now?"

"I didn't mean to say that, it's over"

"For now then but I'll wait Nat, I'll wait and when he plays his selfish, none believing in you card, I'll be here for you, and I'll be ready to give you anything you want and need. You won't long for anything emotional, or physically and you know that" Jake told her and he walked away, he walked into the police station, he found an empty desk and sat at it and made a few phone calls.

Natalie followed Jake in a few minutes later, she looked at him on the phone and she gave him a glare that John could see from his office behind the desk Jake was sitting at. Natalie walked passed Jake and knocked on John's door, John stared straight ahead at her as she entered the room, she closed the door behind her and she looked up to see Jake's face as she did. She stared at him and then continued to make sure the door was closed. Natalie went over to the blinds on the window of the office, they were opened, she closed them.

John watched as she closed the blinds and then turned around to face him, he moved away from his desk and towards her, he could see she was upset, he put his arms out and she walked into them and let him hold her. After a few minutes Natalie pulled back, she looked into his eyes.

"Things didn't go well, I tried to end things"

"You tried?" John jumped on her words a bit testy

"I did end things with him, my end anyways, he basically said he'd wait for me, that you will screw it up, that I'll be the one chasing you again, and that with him I can have anything I want, that he loves me that much, he said he'd marry me on the spot if that's what I wanted, he'd give me kids, a home anything I wanted, he... he doesn't think you would do the same, the same for me, what he was really saying is that he thinks this is one sided, that you don't love me as much as I love you and... and.. you know what? He may be right"

"Natalie, he isn't right, he's trying to manipulate you "

"John give me a little credit will ya, I'm not stupid anymore, I can spot a con job or manipulation a mile away, you never give me any credit, you really do still think I'm stupid" Natalie said moving away from him. He grabbed her arms gently and made her stay in place and look at him.

"I'm proud of you Natalie, and I never thought you were stupid, not now, not ever"

"It's so easy to say you're proud of me and that you're afraid to love me but.. but I still have never heard the words, never been said and I guess that's where my doubts are coming from. I don't even know John, know if we want the same things anymore, do we have a future together, a life, babies and car pools'

"Is that what this is really about? You not knowing where you stand with me?"

"I.. I.. guess it is"

"Well then the door's locked, lets clear my desk, you want babies come on I'll give you one right now"

"What the hell!"

"No joking Natalie, none, I'm not being pissy either, lets just make love on my desk and you can have a baby if you want, I'll give that to you"

"You're being ridiculous now, I'm going to work on the case in the interrogation room" she said as she walked away from him heading for the door

"No you're not, you are going to stay right here, here with me till this is over, finished, till you have no more doubts, none" he said and he again grabbed her he brought his lips to hers almost violently and then eased up. The harsh kiss turned into a soft one as she kissed him back, she guided her hands to his hair, he pulled his lips off hers briefly, and he touched their foreheads as he spoke.

"I'm able to tell you them now, not like before you left, I know what I did by pushing you away, I know what it cost me, but I'm not going to do it again, I refuse to let you out of my life, and I would've liked to have a more special of a night planned when I told you for the first time but if you need them now, if you want them now... I Love you Natalie Buchanan, I've just been too afraid to say the words and now.. Now I'm too afraid not to say the words," he told her as she moved her forehead away from his, she pulled away from his face briefly to look into his eyes, hers were watery and a few tears escaped, she softly kissed him. After a few minutes he spoke again.

"Tell me what you want Natalie, cause I want it all with you, I love you and I want a life with you. I'd do anything for you and you should know that by now."

"John... I missed you so much, so much, I love you so much" she said as all the tears in her eye's came tumbling down her face. He pulled her near to his chest and held on