Well, I like Stacy's part. I've always kinda associated this particular creature with her.

Last time I think I forgot to mention that I own nothing and no one. Ooops.

yeah, this is one of those chapters where you have one little thing you need to introduce or event you need to happen, but then you've got heaps and heaps of space to fill in when you've done it. if that made any sense to anyone, you should know what i mean.

In the moonlight two shadows flitted across the lawn, keeping low to the ground and every so often poking their heads up to view the surroundings. A twig snapped in the distance and the two figures flattened themselves on the grass in panic.

"Idiots" Sir Gregory muttered as he and his Noble Steed Wilson casually walked past.

"So, Wilson, where are we going?" He asked.

"To Vogler's hidden lair." Came the reply.

"Where's that?"

"Up there"

He pointed ahead of them. Looking up, Sir Gregory nearly messed himself. I did say nearly.

Up in the distance, perched on a big black volcano, was a huge sinister-looking castle. No, it can't get more clichéd than this. Lava boiled ominously around the base, and every now and then a bubble would pop, spraying molten rock everywhere.

"So, got a plan?" Wilson asked turning towards his master, or rather, where his master should have been, had he not run off in the opposite direction. "Sir Gregory!" He yelled. "Sir Gregory! You must come back, you must rescue the fair maiden!" Yeah, as if that would convince him.

"Fine," the Noble Steed grumbled, before setting off towards the castle. "I'll rescue the fair maiden. Freaking covering his ass AGAIN" and with that, he strutted up the hill towards his destination.

Meanwhile Cameron was just regaining consciousness in Vogler's lair. Of course, she couldn't remember ever losing consciousness, but it always looks good when the damsels in distress wake up. So dramatic.

Anyway, Cameron woke up and was suddenly aware that she was swinging. No, really, she was swinging back and forth. And squeaking. But after rubbing her eyes she realised she was sitting in an oversized birdcage, hanging in a stingy, dark dungeon. The birdcage was also very rusty, which explained the squeaking. OR DID IT?

Suddenly a door flew open on the other side of the room, about eight feet from the floor. Light shone into the stingy little dungeon, revealing a stone staircase, a couple of bones and a rather worn copy of "Villens Fo Dummys".

"Where's da perdy birdy?" A big ugly giant moaned stupidly, sticking his head in the door.

"I'm not a bird!" Cameron squawked in indignation.

Vogler's face was blank. "Duh…"

"Let me out!" Cameron demanded.

Vogler scratched his very bald head, apparently trying to think.

"Duh… okay" He shrugged.

"DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!" A voice hissed from behind him. He stepped aside, and a dark figure slithered into the room. But she seemed to have forgotten that around sixteen stone steps stood between her and the floor.

Cameron watched in amusement as the dark figure bounced down all sixteen steps, cursing in three languages. When she finally hit the floor, Stacy straightened out all her kinks and dents, before slithering over by Cameron's cage.

"Well, if it isssssn't the pretty little canary from the hosssspital. Sssssir Gregory should be arriving any minute now to resssscue you." She hissed. Cameron, acting, looking and smelling braver than she felt, narrowed her eyes.

"What do you want with Sir Gregory?"

"Sssssir Gregory." Stacy replied.

"Yes, Sir Gregory, what do you want with him?"

"SSSSIR GREGORY"

"WHAT DO YOU WANT WITH HIM?"

"I want Ssssir Gregory! I want to ssssseduce him!"

"But you're a snake, how could you possibly seduce him?"

"…No soup for you!"

And with that, Stacy hurried out of the room.

Meanwhile Sir Gregory's Noble Steed Wilson was trudging happily along the path up to Vogler's castle.

"I'm a-walkin' to my doo-oom…" He sang happily. No, I don't know what drugs he's on, and no, you can't have any if I find out.

He reached the crest of the big, big hill, which was actually a volcano, but I don't know if volcanoes have 'crests' so we'll just call it a hill and be done with it. Wow, what a grammatically challenged sentence.

Anyway, he reached the… top of the hill, and paused to catch his breath. God forbid he should have a look around.

Wilson stood on the edge of a bubbling lake of boiling lava, a few feet away from the bridge that led to the castle. Okay, to try and create SOME sort of distinction between the movie 'Shrek" and this story, I'm going to make the bridge a good one. It was made from some kind of sturdy concrete-like material that isn't vulnerable to lava or cat urine, which is always handy.

Alas, Wilson DID look around and take in his surroundings. I wonder if the bridge is vulnerable to Noble Steed urine? Sure hope so.

When he had finished pissing himself he took a deep breath, closed his eyes and stepped toward the bridge. Walking slowly and steadily he made it to the other side without opening his eyes. When he felt the dirt under his feet once more, he whooped and danced a little jig, straight over the side of the volcano.

oh no! what will happen next? not the funniest chapter, but the next one should be better. i've already started writing it.