The Little Mer-Alchemist: Chapter Two:

A Favor from the Sea Bitch

Ed swam up to his stunned brother and shook him violently. He had thought of the perfect plan to see his Royie-poo.

"Al! Can't you see? I might not be able to dance for my future lover as a mer-man, but Envy the Sea Bitch can turn me human! It's perfect!"

Ed started giggling giddily and changed out of his leather into his red cloak. Al was shocked. Why did his brother have to be a pole dancer? WHY?

"Well, I would really like it if you didn't ask Envy for help, but whatever you say…brother…"

Ed jumped on Al and squeezed him, saying

"Zippity Doodles! I get to see my lover! But I need to pack…"

Ed got off of his brother and packed his pole, lights, music, and various outfits of leather…(me: shudder)

"Why are you packing your pole dancer stuff brother?" Al asked, expecting the worst.

"Well how do you think I'll win Roy over? I need to show him what a hot guy I am! If I'm lucky, I'll get even farther that the pole dancing…hehehe…"

Al twitches "Just go already." Al said, hoping that he wouldn't have to listen to anymore of his brother's…fantasies.

"Hold on! You're coming with! If Winry ever found out about my gayness…"

Al and Ed sweat drop

"I see what you mean brother. Well lets go then…sigh"

And so Ed, with his trusty brother/body guard Al and a suitcase full of pole dancing gear, they traveled to the lair of Envy the Sea Bitch.

"LUST! WHERE'S MY LUST! LUST!" Al and Ed were greeted by a frantic mer-gluttony searching for his beloved Lust.

"So…Edward Elric. Welcome to my lair. Now what the hell do YOU want?"

Ed turned and saw Envy laying sideways on an oyster shell throne. He/She looked very bored, and waited for the pole dancing Elric to answer.

"I'm so hungry…" Gluttony said, and looked at Al with ravenous eyes, licking his lips.

Al stress mark "Oh no. Don't even think about it! I wont let you eat-"

But at that second Gluttony's colossal tongue wrapped itself around the unfortunate mer-armor.

"AHHHH! Brother, help!" Al was heading straight for Gluttony's gaping hole of a mouth. He was just about eaten when Lust entered the scene.

"My Lust has returned!" Gluttony said in relief and joy, and released the now petrified mer-armor and draped his bulking mass onto and unsuspecting Lust.

Lust sigh "Hello Gluttony. What have I told you about eating Envy's clients? It's not good for business."

"I'm sorry Lust. But I'm still hungry…" Gluttony then let go of Lust and ate Envy's throne from under her/him.

"God Damn it Gluttony!" Envy screamed, angered by the sudden upset of his/her bored time. Ed was getting agitated now. He suddenly screamed and everyone stopped and stared at him, looking fearful.

Ed popped vein "Can we please get on with what I came here for! I need to see my precious Roy-kins, and to do that I need legs NOW!"

Al, Envy, Gluttony and Lust sweat drop

"Uh…sure. Well, for me to give you legs, you need to give up something of yours in return." Envy said cautiously.

Al, finally recovered from his "Gluttony Episode", went to his brother and put a hand on Ed's shoulder to calm him.

"Don't make any choices that you'll regret brother. TRY to think hard about this.

Ed sat on the floor and rested his head on his hand and thought out loud for a while. "Hmm…I can't give up my voice that's for sure! Roy's a hard nut to crack, and if I can't talk I can't confess my everlasting devotion and obsession for him. Oh I know!"

Ed turned to Envy and pointed a finger at the Sea Bitch.

"I will give up half of my tail and my arm to be replaced with auto-mail if you give me legs. With legs I can stroke my pole with even MORE intensity that ever before…!" And suddenly a stage had appeared with a pole and Ed threw off his clothes to reveal his EXTRA tight leather and began his routine in front of Lust, Gluttony and Envy.

Lust sweat drop "I can't take much more of this. Gluttony come on, you said you would come with me to the plastic surgery again, and I need another breast job."

"LUST! I'M COMING! DON'T LEAVE ME!" and Gluttony jumped on Lust as she painfully dragged him out of Envy's cave, leaving him/her to watch Ed's "special" performance with Al.

Envy stress mark "You can stop now. Seriously."

But Ed continued to dance. Just as he was about to stoke the pole with his tail, Envy had seen enough.

"FOR THE HATE OF THINGS NICE AND FLUFFY! STOP YOUR STUPID POLE DANCE OR I'LL TURN YOU THE SHRIMP THAT YOU REALLY ARE SHORTY!"

Just as fast and Ed had started dancing he had stopped.

Ed was mad now. He change into his alchemy jacket and stood on his tip-toes so he was face-to-face with the sea bitch.

"Who are you calling smaller than the smallest ant? HUH?"

Al, not wanting for an alchemy vs. homunculi battle to break out, said

"Brother? What about Roy?"

Ed, remembering the reason he had even came to see the Sea Bitch, said

"Oh yeah! Right then, so how long do I get to woo my hot bod Roy for?"

"Three days." Envy said casually.

Ed's mouth gaped down to the floor. "ONLY THREE DAYS! I need more time than that! A week!"

"Brother don't push it with the Sea Bitch…"

Envy sweat drop "Fine, a we-"

"NO! Two weeks! NO, a month! A YEAR!"

Al gasp "Brother! Not and entire year!"

"Ok, a month then."

Envy popping vein. "FINE DAMN IT! ONE MONTH! Now get out of here!" and with that Envy flipped her wrist and Ed had legs.

Ed stared at his new legs in amazement. "Wow! These are so sexy! Hey wait…I CAN'T BREATH!"

Ed gasped under the water for air his entire face turning blue.

"BROTHER! Sea Bitch, do something! Don't kill my brother!"

"Oh right. I'm NOT trying to kill him today. Bye then bastard!"

And with that Ed was gone.

Al sighed a breath of relief, but was still very worried for his gay pole-dancing brother.

"I hope brother doesn't get into too much trouble up on the surface."

Just then, Winry entered, looking confused and distressed, but still greeted Al happily.

"Hi Al! I need to propose to Ed, my future husband and become queen of the sea. Do you know where he went?"

Will Continue in Chapter Three!

PILLZ-ExXtheXxalchemist377: Well, this is the second chapter. How will Winry react when she learns Ed's secret? Will Ed win Roy's heart? Find out in chapter three of:

The Little Mer-Alchemist! BYEZ! -