The Little Mer-Alchemist: Chapter 3:
Ed's Secret, Roy's "Shock"PILLZ-ExXtheXxalchemist377: YAY! Chapter 3 finally done! Sorry it took so long…needed my pillz…and NEEDLES IN THE EYES! So here's the run-down, Ed comes to land and meets Roy, and we get to see what happens to Roy and Havoc when Hawkeye gets her hands on them! See yaz! …Needles+…OO'
Ed awoke to the sound of seagulls. He opened his eyes slightly and sat up.
"Whoa. Either Envy the Sea Bitch really killed me or I've been sniffing to much fire coral again."
He rubbed his head and stood up. Then he realized something. He was standing! He didn't die, and he must have…
"LEGS! OH SHIT! I'VE GOT LEGS!" he exclaimed, marveling at his new ligaments.
"But one is auto-mail, and so is my arm. If this really WAS heaven, Roy would be here, and we would be going at-"
But just then a seagull pooped on Ed's head. Warm, white seagull crap slid down his face. Ed's face scarlet with rage, he stared up at the seagull shaking his fist and shouting,
"Damn you seagull! DAMN YOU!"
But Ed was to excited about his new legs to stay mad. He exclaimed,
"HOLY SHIT I HAVE LEGS!"
But then he noticed something else. His face turned red again, but not out of rage, but total embarrassment.
"HOLY SHIT I'M NAKED! WHERE'S MY SUITCASE!"
He searched the beach, carefully concealing his "private man" parts.
Eventually he found the suitcase, but the leather was too wet to wear.
"Where did the leather I was wearing go? Wait…ENVY!"
He shouted, knowing that this was probably the sea bitches doing.
"Hey! Who's screaming over there, interrupting me and my obsessiveness with the picture of my sweet, kind, beloved daughter?"
Someone's voice came from around the corner. It was…you guessed it…Hughes!
"Oh crap. I need cover!"
Ed frantically searched the beach, and finally spotted an oversized rock. He dove behind it and gripped the rock with his entire body.
"Hehehe…I should be safe now!" he whispered to himself. But just then his triumph turned to terror. The rock was covered with big, black sea urchins, all about to stick out their sharp spines, right onto Ed and his "private man" parts.
"No fu-"
But he wasn't able to finish because at the same time the sea urchins stuck out and stabbed Ed with their points sticking all over his body.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHH! OW OW OW OW OW! SEA URCHINS ON MY MAIN ATTRACTION! GET EM' OFF!"
Hughes turned around clutching a picture of his daughter and watched in confusion a short guy with no clothes on screaming, clutching a suitcase of wet pole-dancing leather, sea urchins flying off of his body.
Ed hadn't noticed where Hughes was, and ran straight into him and passed out.
"What the hell? A kid bear naked with auto-mail and a suitcase full of pole-dancing gear. I think I should tell Colonel Mustang about this."
And with that Hughes ran off to see Roy Mustang, and tell him about the strange kid.
Hughes had just entered Roy's office when he stopped dead in his tracks. Hawkeye had Roy and Havoc hooked up to a shock generator with probes on their foreheads and cheeks. They were staring at Hawkeye uneasily.
"Did we really have to convert to shock therapy? I can change! If you would just give me a chance…" Havoc said nervously.
Hawkeye eyed him suspiciously. "I'm afraid I can't do that. Now time for your weekly jacket check. Please remove your jacket and hand it to me."
Hesitantly, Havoc gave the jacket to Hawkeye, tiny sweat drops forming on his head.
Hawkeye shook the jacket and out poured ten empty cigarette boxes.
Havoc was sweating intensely now, looking at Hawkeye fearfully as her thumb gripped the on button to his shocker.
"Oh, well, those are, hehe…funny story actu-OW!" but Havoc had no chance to defend himself, because Hawkeye had pressed the shocker button on his side, giving him a high voltage shock. (Which knocked him out, and he fell on the floor, smoke rising from his shocked body.)
Hughes sweat drop "Um…sorry to interrupt captain, but I think the general should check something out on the beach."
Roy sighed with relief. "Yes, I think I should check this out. Now, would you…kindly remove the…probes?"
Hawkeye, rolling her eyes, released Roy, but grabbed his shoulder right as he was going to run for dear life.
"General, just remember if your not back soon to finish your paper work…we might have to go a little LOWER than just your head."
Suddenly she held up to eccentrically large shock probes and held them if from of Roy's face.
"Um…r-right captain." And faster than you could say " Dude, that would be SO painful." Roy was out of the office.
"Now, Hughes, about your obsession with your daughter…"
But getting the hint, Hughes had also left the scene.
Roy walked on the beach searching for what Hughes wanted him to check out. He didn't have to search long, because behind some rocks he saw a blonde hair boy with black pants, a red coat (which Hughes had put on him for OBVIOUS reasons) and an auto-mail arm and leg was sitting on the rocks with a moist suitcase.
"Um…who the hell are you?" Roy asked hesitantly.
Ed's turned his head and his heart leapt with joy. His future lover Roy had come for him!
Ed blushing "Oh! You're Roy Mustang aren't you? Well, I'm Edward Elirc and I'm…"
Suddenly Ed tossed his pole and lights from the suitcase, tore off his clothes to reveal his very short-cut leather, and his dance music, and stroked and danced on the pole for Roy.
"A POLE DANCER!"
Roy sweat drop "…okay then…WAIT! I think I have the perfect job for you. Tell me, do you like pole dancing?"
Ed spun around on his pole grinning. "Almost as much as life itself! And FIRE!"
"Well, would you like to join the Eastern Command local pole-dancing club? It's called The Silver Tiger."
Ed went uncomfortably close to Roy and said "Sure! But only if you come see me dance…Ed giggles."
"Fine. Now come on! I have to go do paper work…"
So with high hopes of making it with Roy, Ed followed him to The Silver Tiger and got his pole-dancer name: Full Metal. But while Ed was starting his pole-dancing gig, he had no idea that an enraged Winry had figure out his terrible secret.
TO BE CONTINUED IN CHAPTER 4!