Help Me Fall

Chapter Fifteen: The 'Almost'

She pressed herself deeper into his embrace, resting her head on his chest; sighing contently when she was finally comfortable. She felt his chest rise and fall with every breathe, could smell his cologne that earlier in the day had been much stronger; dying as time progressed. She felt his grip on her waist, holding her as close to him as possible. Her right hand lay lightly on his chest, as she made little circles with her fingers. This was where she wanted to be. This was where she was content. It didn't matter they were sharing a much too small hospital bed or the reason they were there in the first place. She felt safe and protected lying in his arms.

He sat motionless, lost in his thoughts of his earlier encounter with Sonny and Jason. He responded to her touch, pulling her closer to him and gripping her waist, protecting her in his own way. He could smell the faint scent of the cheap hospital soap that had been used earlier when she took a bath. That had been a large reason why he left the hospital to begin with. Obviously he wasn't going to be in the room with her but he couldn't bare knowing she couldn't take a bath or a shower normally anymore. He could only hope that none of it would be permanent.

"Patrick?" She looked at him questioningly. "Where were you just now?" He gave her a weak smile and pulled out of her embrace and got up off the bed, taking a seat in the chair next to the bed. She shivered from the lack of contact with his warm body. "What's going on, Patrick?"

"It's nothing." He tried to sound convincing.

"Don't do that. Don't try to act like none of this is bothering you. Don't try and tell me that this isn't hard on you, that this is what you had in mind when it came to being with me..."

"Don't put words in my mouth. I never said this isn't what I want... I do want this..." He stopped suddenly, bowing his head. He wanted to say the right thing. He didn't want her believing that he was with her out of obligation. He didn't want her thinking that he was thisclose to leaving her stranded and alone. "Don't ever doubt how I am feeling for you." He rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb. "I know I don't tell you enough how much you really mean to me and I'm so sorry for that... th-this is all so new for me. I've never been in a relationship, I've never felt this way..."

"And now you have to deal with this..." She gestured to her self, her legs. "You didn't sign on for this, Patrick. We aren't even that serious..." The words stung as they escaped her lips. "If you want to go... go. I won't stop you. I won't hold anything against you..."

"What has put all of these ideas in your head? What makes you think that I would leave now? I'm here aren't I? I haven't left have I?" He said a little harsher than he had intended.

They sat in silence for a moment, neither sure of what should be said next. They were sitting only inches apart but yet it seemed they were miles. Emotionally, they were pulling away; neither wanting to get hurt. But yet, their fingers remained intertwined.

"I'm not planning on going anywhere, Robin." He said quietly.

She nodded slightly. "It's just," She paused, "you have the reputation. You have a need for intimacy with a woman, Patrick. I know that and you know that." She finally pulled her hand away from his, wrapping her arms around herself, not noticing the sudden hurt that flashed in his eyes. "We haven't 'been together' and now I may never walk again..."

"Where exactly are you going with this?"

"You may say you want to be with me now but what about six months from now if I don'tever get the feeling back, Patrick? Will you be able to say the same thing then?" She wasn't trying to hurt him. She just wanted to have their feelings on the table. "I can't let myself depend on you for you to walk away when you get sick of me..."

"Will you just listen to yourself?" He asked agitated and shot out of his chair. "Do you think that I would still be here if I wasn't willing to stay for the long run? I would never do that to you... I would never do that to myself..." He said quietly. "I know that becasue of my reputation and my past, I don't deserve your trust and I don't deserve your believing in me..."

"But I do trust you. That's the problem, Patrick. I trust you more and more everyday. The fact that you stayed when I got shot and you stayed even after I told you I couldn't feel my legs, means everything to me. I trust you with my life. I don't care about your past as long as at this moment, it's you and me." She looked straight into his eyes. "But I can't let myself feel for you and believe that this is going to work out knowing that this relationship could all be over because we can't have sex..."

"I can't promise you that things will be easy and I can't promise you that I'm not going to say things that I won't regret or do things that won't hurt you but I'm going to try my hardest." He gave a heavy sigh. "I know it's going to be hard... but I'm willing to deal with it. I'm not going to cheat on you..." He knew he was telling the truth. She needed him and the mess that still remained at his apartment was proof of his ever-growing feelings for her, his inability to get her off his mind. "And you need to stop thinking you won't walk again because I know you will. Robin, you never do anything without a fight."

--

He walked through the hallways delighted with the silence. Although, the silence was eery for it being this early in the morning. He had only begun his shift and he already missed his spot next to Robin's bed. But at the same time, he was happy for the change. He had been watching her sleep for the past few hours, contemplating their conversation from the night before. I trust you with my life. He couldn't stop thinking about what she told him, about how deeply she truly felt for him. She trusted him with the most important thing... her life. But hadn't that been how his mother died? She trusted his father so completely and so wholy... I trust you with my life. The line terrified him but at the same time, it was empowering. Knowing someone as strong and stable as Robin trusted him with something so huge, so important.

"Dr. Drake?" The voice came from behind him, shocking him out of his thoughts of the woman lying at the end of the hall. "Alan Quartermaine has been looking for you all morning." The nurse relayed.

Patrick only nodded. The fact that the Chief of Staff wanted to see him, didn't even faze him. He was still so consumed with Robin. "Okay, thanks." He managed to reply and decided to try and find the older doctor. He glanced down the hall to her room. The only room with a police officer as a guard... Mac's orders. She wasn't out of the woods yet. She may never walk again and she stil might not be out of danger. Whoever did this, was still on the loose. Whether it was accidental or intentional, the guilty party still wasn't caught and behind bars. But God help whoever it was who pulled that trigger... they would regret it when Mac got his hands on them and then it would be Patrick's turn...

"Patrick..." He heard Alan's voice and stopped where he stood. "I have been trying to found you all morning."

"I've been with Robin." He replied simply, missing the look of concern that flashed on Alan's face.

"I know you have a lot going on with Robin and you want to be there for her..." Alan began, "but I have something that I need to tell you." He waited for some sort of response from the man standing before him before moving on. "You're father's liver has worsened. He fainted late last night on his way out of the hospital." He explained.

Patrick's heart sank in his chest, the worry coming to his face in a matter of seconds. "Is he okay?"

"Right now he is stable," Alan nodded, "but he needs a liver. He needs one fast if he has any chance in surviving." Patrick was a doctor and Alan wasn't going to sugar coat anything. He knew the risks and he knew te chances of Noah's survival were very slim unless he got a liver... or at the very least, half of one.

The thought played over and over in his mind. Her could be a living donor for his father. He could save his father's life... But what about Robin? Noah needed this transplat and he needed it now. It was already going to take time to be sure that Patrick was a match and more time to make sure he was mentally stable enough to go through with the surgery. But Robin needed him. He promised her he wouldn't leave her and if he had the surgery, he would have to stay in bed for a few days...

"I know that he was against you being a living donor," Alan said almost like he was reading Patrick's mind, "but... Noah made you his power of attorney." Alan explained, surprising Patrick. "So ultimately, it's up to you. We can wait and see what happens and see if his liver can hold out until one becomes available..."

"Or we can do a living donor transplant." Patrick finished for him. "Can you give me a little time to think about this?" Patrick asked already walking away.

"Don't take too long..." Alan yelled after him.

--

He walked around the corner and stopped at the entrance to her room. Once again she was asleep, looking so peaceful and like there wasn't a problem in the world. Watching her sleep was quickly becoming one of his favorite things to do to pass the time. He could watch her for hours, almost in a transe. If she only knew the affect she had on him...

Could he really do this? Could he really save his father's life after everything that they had been through in the past few years? Could he leave her to fight this alone? She had her family... But they couldn't spend as much time here with her as he could. Now he was able to stop in and check in on her countless times a day, or even an hour! If he had this surgery, he would be out for at least six weeks...

"How long have you been standing there?" Her voice interrupted his thoughts and she smiled. "I have to look terrible..."

"You look beautiful." He walked farther into the room, quickly passing the hard chair and sitting on the side of the bed.

"What's wrong?"

He grabbed her hand and intertwined their fingers. "I have to talk to you about something..."

"What? What is it? Does it have anything to do with my walking again? Are my latest lab results back?" She asked a million questions at once, never coming close to what was really wrong with him.

"No... it's not about your labs. They haven't come in just yet..." He looked briefly into her eyes, breaking contact when she looked back at him.

"It's Noah isn't it?" She realized. "What wrong?"

She knew him too well. He gave a slight smile. "He fainted last night outside the hospital. He needs a liver and he needs it yesterday." Patrick began explaining.

"And there isn't one available..." She understood everything perfectly. "You want to be a living donor for him, don't you?"

Silence.

She sighed deeply. "I'm not going to make this about me and make you feel guilty. I understand why you are going to do it..."

"I haven't agreed to anything..."

"... you just have to promise me one thing." She continued on ignoring his interruption.

"What?" He gave her a questioning glance.

"You have to promise me that you will come back to me..." She let go of a shaky breath. "I know it's a simple procedure and it's pretty common but I can't be in the room with you to watch over you so you have to fight on your own..." She was rambling. "Promise me."

"I promise." He kissed her hand, her cheeks, her lips, her forehead. "I promise."

They sat staring at each other, almost trying to remember this exact moment. Remember the way the other looked, smelled, tasted. It was silly but if anything good had come from Robin's "accident" it was the knowledge that you can't waste any time. You need to let your opinion be heard, your voice be recognized, your feelings shared.

"This isn't exactly the way I wanted to tell you this but..."

"I know." She interrupted him before he could say what he was going to say; what she knew he was going to say. "Don't tell me here... please. I know."

He nodded, knowing she understood. He kissed her once more gently at first, growing stronger. He pulled away and kissed her forehead once more, squeezing her hand as he stood and head toward the door.

"Patrick?" She called after him and he stopped in the doorway. "Me too."

He nodded and turned the corner; off to save another life.