A/N: As I warned, there is poetry in here, from each of their viewpoints. There is story too, and no, its not finished yet. I have a few directions I might take this in. Problem with having it based on something is after writing this, I started actually looking up velvet goldmine quotes, and each line and each songtitle off the soundtrack gives me a new idea for a bit of story. There will possibly be a full moon, more slash, lots of angst, the other marauders, more angst, more slash and something surreal with mirrors.
Thankyou everyone who reviewed chapter one, very encouraging, I'm glad to see I'm not the only vg fan; he would look hot in that outfit; I am continuing; I'm just as confused as you all in all likelihood, possibly more so because I can see several directions in which I'm going with this at the same time; jennythe spam, rambling is welcome. Thanks!
Disclaimer: JK owns Sirius, Remus, Hogwarts, etc. Various quotes belong to Oscar Wilde, André Dubus and Velvet goldmine; my inspiration for this piece.
Diamond meadows
Many hours later, Sirius lay back against the bed thinking about what had been said and watching Moony's sleeping form.
Beautiful.
What did he want from him? Why couldn't he just be happy with things the way they were. Sirius knew him well enough to know that he was not. He could see it in his eyes even when his eyes were hidden from view. Moony's emotions emanated from his skin in some feral and near tangible aura. For all that he was quiet and reserved, in many ways Remus lived his life in the open far more than he. Shyness has a strange element of narcissism, a belief that how we look, how we perform, is truly important to other people, and Remus held back because his head told told him he must. That his secrets must be held close, and no one must see who, what, he really was.
Some days Sirius could not believe how different they could be.
Others he marveled at how they could be so alike.
--------
And if I need to hide?
maybe I need to hide
even here
holding you in my arms
lying back
safe
against the curve of your body
feeling the soft beat
of your heart
against my hand
the soft rise and fall of your chest
even though this is just what I've needed
what I've been missing
what if you are the answer
to a question I don't know how to ask
watching your lashes
thick against your cheek
meaningless
feeling your breath
blowing soft against my arching neck
makes me sigh
not for what it is
but for what it should be
this night speaks eloquently
wordless
of acceptance,
knowledge;
love,
and all those things
for which I had no need
but it seems to me
in a way I just can't explain
that I am my reflection
only there
for others to see
how can I cast aside perfection
for you?
Even for you
What have you done to my reality?
Meaning is not in things
But between them
And between us, lying here
There lies
A lie
perfection is a lie
a role we seek to hide
to mask the bitterness inside
and frame the anguish in our eyes
with kohl black rims
until we cry
perfection is a joke
it seeks to tempt us with false hopes
that we can be that
strange and subtle ghost
it laughs
each time we try
to fool ourselves
into this guise
but so far I am wearing it so very well
In the mirror
I see everything
I ever dreamed of being
And in your eyes
I see
What it scares me
That I am
perfection is a mask that slides
reveals us to the worlds cruel eyes
the jokes on us;
we are the lie.
this jokes on me
and so I lie
endless
wordless
and ineloquent
I can't let you make this end.
-------
He sighed, stroking the werewolf's soft honey coloured hair, and pale skin.
He whispered,
'The world is changed because you are made of ivory and gold. The curves of your lips rewrite history.'
-------------------------------
When Remus awoke, he was alone. He could feel the cold draught of air against his naked skin, the covers thrust back from his splayed body. He breathed in, deeply, sighing at the scent of Sirius on the pillows, the sheets, in his hair, against his skin. His presence all pervading – it was inebriating, even though the main event had already left, without even stirring his own light and fitful sleep.
Consideration? Or just a desire to leave?
He rolled over, lifting up the drapes to reveal a small bedside table. A miniature clock sat atop it, it fine hands proclaiming it to be, 'still enough time for a quick doze', but Sirius had never been one for lingering in bed – not unless he'd had a few firewhiskeys more than was healthy the previous night, in any case.
Remus knew exactly where to find his vain friend at this time of day. Sirius' legendary morning beauty routine could not have been a ritual performed with more dedication and pomp, were it to take place as an act of worship in any shrine in the land. They all heard his flippant comments as he bowed before the mirror, 'Good morning, Beautiful….. still looking good.', he would greet his reflection. And his bright grin would flash as he blew himself a tender kiss. But as he bent forward to apply his eyeliner with a slick expertise, Remus caught the look of steely determination in his friend's mirrored eyes.
Sirius was all about image, and to him his image was entirely serious; that tired pun intentional for once.
That glamorous, outrageous, supremely confident image was so entirely Sirius that half the school had fallen in love with him; with the idea of him. Just a shadow, an insincere reflection of a person – but lit so brightly, like his namesake in the firmament, that no one thought to even try and see what lay behind it. And of the other half, mostly looked at him with thinly veiled desire or envy in their watching eyes.
Sirius Black lapped it up like an ever-so-sleek-and-elegant cat with a dish of dairy cream. Admiration was the air he breathed and the fire in his heart, the reason that he lived. And the only one who ever saw this was the one who saw the part of him that didn't want to live at all.
Remus was as captivated by the vision, the legend, of Sirius Black as everyone else was, but he didn't lose himself in the dream because of one very simple thing. Remus Lupin had seen; in small glimpses, hidden moments and subtle ways; the sweetness and the passion and the strength of the Sirius who lay behind all that. The image was wonderful, but it could never be enough for the one who had fallen irrevocably, irretrievably in love with the real thing.
Remus could not be satisfied with less than what he wanted with all his heart.
Sirius.
--------
Shining lips like candied blood
a sudden subtle smile
that twists the knowing edge of mouth
into a curved grin, a smirk, a sneer?
what are you laughing at, crimson lips?
do I see a hint of ivory
the tip of your pink tongue?
such playfulness, such glee
cheeky smile. public smile.
do you see something beautiful in life.
in this drearisome world
and hence reflect beauty back out?
bestowed like a precious gift
jewel of a smile. A smile that lies.
Do you smile for me?
Slowly you contort your carved features
Into a vision
Of what I long to see
And I am powerless before
Your burning look
Intoxicated by the night, your eyes;
The hot copper blood
And molten chocolate that I taste
On your perfect, painted lips
Your scent
Fills me with a feeling
That I am lost to explain
Though I would howl it to you
Endlessly
By moonlight in the dark
A magic all your own
I am lost to your charms
the fire in my blood
the thrill
of the chase
this game we play
endlessly you toy with me
smiling through the looking glass
shining kohl rimmed eyes
sparkle dancing in soft light
that cheeky glint of...what?
daring. danger. straight desire?
thick, dark lashes blink,
break that studied gaze, then look out wide eyed
as lips purse in a parody of prim
never proper.
truth will never mar your beauty
a painted veneer to overlay
what lies within.
Those dark eyes smile
And I can never trust
That what I long to mean you love
Is truly even lust.
----------------------------
I know, it's not very long and nothing happened, but I thought I'd post this now. My last exam today so I will carry on writing more - once I finish partying of course.
If anyone's interested, the poems are adapted from some I wrote a while back, ineloquent and smile, which can be found at www.invisibletears. spaces in the poems are not all intentional - it wants to space out all the new bits every time i press return - gah.
