Jane appeared distressed.

She introduced me to Ben and I recognized him immediately. This was an interesting development. I hadn't known that the two had met when he was featured in Scarlet. Come to think of it, I did hear something about her writing a piece on healthcare. Perhaps he was a source. In any event, they made a strikingly attractive couple. I was surprised when he disappeared to get us drinks, not because I hadn't expected his politeness, but because of how Jane reacted to his departure. It was almost as if she was afraid of being alone with me. That could be due to hurt or it could be due to something else entirely. God knows I was nervous around her.

When she asked if we could find somewhere private to talk, I wasn't sure how to read her reticence and how clearly broken-hearted she was. She was afraid of telling me something.

"What's up?" I had said casually. Glibly, even. Everything about the situation called for seriousness, though. I knew it the first time our eyes met in that ballroom.

She was gentle and straightforward when she explained what she had learned in the process of writing her follow-up to Mia's story and mine. In the many years since it happened, it had never occurred to me that the man who assaulted me could have done the same to other women and changed their lives irrevocably. The depth of his predation hit me hard. The woman Jane had interviewed—unwittingly, I should add—had come five years after me at News Today. Five years! Imagine what he may have done in the five years in between.

I felt the floor crumble beneath me. My heart felt as if it had been shattered. If it hadn't been for my saying the ceremony was about to start, I would have believed my throat had closed off.

It didn't surprise me when Jane's name was announced as the winner of the outstanding achievement in biographical feature writing category. It also didn't surprise me that she would seek me out in the crowd as she reached the podium. No matter how experienced and talented Jane was, she was always a mess of nerves in situations like this.

I wanted to be in the moment. I wanted to return the nods and smiles of those in the audience who looked at me when Jane won. Instead, guilt and anger ate at me as I faked a smile while listening to Jane's acceptance speech.

She was brilliant. Eloquent and humble, far too eager to credit me for my willingness to speak out, she left me fighting tears. This night was supposed to be about her and yet she had made it about the women who speak up and about me—both in her warning about where her follow-up piece had gone and in her speech.

As she returned to her seat, I watched as Ben leaned in and whispered something in her ear. His smile was that of a man proud to have her on his arm. It made my stomach lurch, a feeling I would have to address at another time. Then came the raucous applause of Kat and Sutton who must have been watching from the back of the ballroom. I was pleased they had come. They wrapped Jane in a hug and made a fuss over her. Kat caught my gaze and winked at me with a nod of understanding. Whether she was sharing in my pride or sharing in Jane's appreciation of me, I wasn't sure. Ben stood and disappeared to get the girls drinks. I'll give that to him—he is a polite and handsome young man. From all appearances he was also quite taken with Jane. How could he not be? Surely that feeling in my stomach wasn't jealousy. It had been too long since I had been jealous in a personal capacity to remember if this is what it felt like.

A few familiar faces from the industry approached me. While I didn't feel like small talk, I did so with Scarlet in mind and for the distraction. I kept glancing over to Jane's table hoping to catch her eye and never quite doing so. I noticed a lively conversation taking place between Jane and Sutton while Kat rolled her eyes. I envied their friendship. The older I get, the less close friends I have around me. Granted, those I have are irreplaceable. Ben was standing and shaking his head while Jane looked back and forth between he and her friends. I recognized the universal body language of a departure. He leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to Jane's lips. She appeared both surprised and flustered. That continued when he moved to hug both Kat and Sutton. There was giggling as he walked away. Jane looked stunned. I couldn't tell from where I sat if it was a good kind of stunned or not.

Bowing out myself, unsure what I would say to Jane should we share another moment, I sent a text to my driver, allowing Richard and his date to go home whenever they pleased, before saying goodnight to a few colleagues. I walked toward the lobby, stopping at coat check. As I turned toward the wall of doors, there stood Jane.

"Hi," she said as I approached.

"That was a lovely speech, Jane. And far too generous."

She blushed.

"I couldn't be here without you," she stated. "Not only because of your story."

"I don't know about that. You are incredibly talented," I looked toward the doors to see if I could see my car.

It was the feeling of her hand taking mine that brought me back to her.

"Are you okay?" she spoke slightly louder than a whisper. "I dropped something quite heavy and I didn't want you going home—alone—without checking."

That she had picked up on my being solo tonight shouldn't have surprised me. She was perceptive to a fault.

"You don't need to worry about me," I shook my head. "I am okay."

She pulled me into a hug.

"I do worry about you," she whispered against my ear before placing a lingering kiss to my cheek.

As we parted, I realized my eyes had closed. I was holding onto that moment for as long as possible. It had been a far too emotional evening to make sense of all I was feeling. All I knew is it felt good and she smelled astonishing.

"Have a goodnight, Jane. Congratulations."

The slightest smile graced her lips.

"Goodnight, Jacqueline."

I felt her eyes on me as I walked out the door. I felt her breath and lips on my cheek for hours to come.

###

"Andrew, get me Jane," I barked at my assistant. I took a deep breath knowing that I was making a decision for more than just myself. What I decided now was for the magazine as well as for Jane and her career. I felt the responsibility deeply.

"Umm…? Jacqueline, Jane doesn't work here anymore?" he stood in my doorway totally baffled. I would have laughed if I didn't know it would have caused him a heart attack.

"Yes, I realize this. Call her and ask her to come by when she can," I explained.

"When she can?" he looked at me like I had two heads.

"Anytime today is good."

He walked away with a bewildered look on his face. I guess he wasn't used to me giving someone else the opportunity to come to me at their convenience. Maybe I should work on being more flexible.

I sat staring at my laptop, unable to focus. I needed to get my head back in the game but all I had been able to think about was Jane. A notification on my phone was yet another distraction. I picked it up and smiled.

Are you okay? it read. Andrew had clearly been in touch with her.

I must say Andrew is rather efficient, I typed.

I am at my apartment in Brooklyn, but I can be to Safford in an hour. Or I can call if you need.

I could sense her panic and felt terrible for worrying her. She had published her follow-up article. The timing having everything to do with why I wanted to speak with her. However, the timing was making her freak out about my well-being.

Jane, take a breath. I am fine. It's a professional call. Come whenever is convenient for you.

I waited patiently for a response. Nothing came.

Is it a problem that it's a professional call? I finally asked, second-guessing what I was doing.

Oh, no. Not at all. I am relieved you are okay, she responded.

I was missing something in this conversation but I had no idea what it was. Her concern for me was awfully kind, albeit totally unnecessary. I had sat with her article for a long while that morning, but there was nothing to worry about. I shed a few tears, prepared for my day, said goodbye to my boys and headed to the office. It didn't bother me that I had left the house without speaking a word to my husband. He was asleep in the guest bedroom after having stayed awake too late and with too much scotch for a middle-aged man.

Middle-aged. I forget my own age and thinking that of Ian makes for a rude reminder. Lately I have been reminded of my age when thinking about Jane. The feelings that kept surfacing in me around her were often followed by three important reminders: I am married, I am her boss and I am twenty years her senior. If what I was feeling for her was what I thought, all three reminders were desperately needed.

"Jacqueline, Jane will be here as soon as possible," Andrew announced, causing me to smile.

"Thank you, Andrew. Will you arrange tea for us when she arrives, please?" Again, he looked at me as if I had two heads. Was it so unusual that I was meeting with Jane?

"Yes, Jacqueline."

As he departed, I asked myself what I was doing. It was when I started in on the what ifs that I had to get out of my office. I made my way to the fashion closet where I hoped for solitude and a less painful pair of shoes. I opened the door to find Kat sitting on the ottoman, furiously typing on her phone.

"Hello, Kat," I spoke and startled her.

"Oh, Jacqueline. Hey," she finished typing and set her phone down. The way she kept glancing at it, I knew exactly why she was behaving as if she had been caught doing something she shouldn't.

"Tell Jane to stop worrying. I am perfectly fine and I am not going to ambush her," I chuckled.

Kat smirked and picked up her phone to pass on my message.

"You know Jane, if there's something she can panic about, she will find it," Kat chuckled.

"I do."

I made my way to the wall of shoes and perused my options.

"Jacqueline, I know it is none of my business, but how are you?" Kat looked at me with concern and it dawned on me that Jane hadn't betrayed a single confidence. Nothing she and I had discussed since I carried the weights in the park that night had been shared with her two best friends. "I read Jane's piece this morning. I can't imagine what that must have felt like for you."

"You know what, Kat? I appreciate you asking me outright like this. You wouldn't believe how many people I see on a daily basis who surely are wondering it and tiptoe around me, afraid to ask. Yes, my life has been tumultuous since meeting Mia. Yes, I am exhausted. Yes, it is hard seeing the looks on faces I don't know but who know me and now know my own personal trauma. I think I am doing remarkably well considering."

I was leaning against a clothes rack as I looked at her. The admiration I saw on her face was nearly enough to make me tear up.

"I am sure you have plenty of friends, Ian and, well, Jane is the best person I know for leaning on when life is hard, but if you ever need to talk, I would be happy to listen. We don't share the same life experiences. We are probably quite different, actually. But you have been there for me when I have needed picked up after being arrested, when my girlfriend was being detained in a foreign country and when I decided on a whim that I needed to drop everything and take a trip to figure out if Adena was what I wanted. Being a listening ear is the least I can do," Kat spoke sincerely and without once dropping eye contact.

"Thank you, Kat. I appreciate that. And you are right about Jane, she is easy to lean on. I miss having her nearby. I am lucky to be surrounded by supportive, fierce and confident women."

I found a pair of shoes and sat down on a stool to go about removing the offending pair and replacing them.

"Jane is great." The way Kat said it was almost wistful. There was something she wasn't saying and wasn't about to offer.

"How are things with you and Adena?" I asked, subtly changing the subject.

"We, well, I don't know. It's a day-to-day question," she smiled and shook her head.

"As all relationships tend to be."

I refrained from looking at her for fear she might see something in my face as I spoke that I wasn't ready for anyone else to know. Anyone but Jane.

"I should get back to work now that I calmed our little Jane down."

Kat stood and made her way to the door where she paused.

"It's okay if you're not fine, Jacqueline. Nobody really expects you to be," she said.

"Thank you, Kat," I whispered my answer as she made her way out. Whether or not she heard me was not my concern. That I was now crying in the fashion closet was.

I had to get myself together before Jane's arrival.

To be continued…