Libera Me
Summary: Draco has a secret and his father disowns him because of it. What happens when all he has ever known is broken?
Warning: If you like Draco as a male stop right now
Rating: PG…no violence…barely any swearing…no sex…
No Pairings Just Yet
Chapter One: In The Beginning
"Now I want a nice clean game from all of you…" said Madam Hooch," ALL of you", she added eyeing the now seventh year Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy. Both glared at the other and said nothing. "On my count…three…two…" she placed her whistle between her lips and let out a sharp blast.The balls were released and the players were in the air a split second after them. Dean Thomas's voice could be heard over the winds of the rain the Quidditch teams were playing in, shouting the commentary. "Abercrombie. St. Clair. Pritchard. Abercrombie. St. Clair. McDonald. St. Clair. McDonald. GRYFINDOR SCORE!" Suddenly both seekers dropped down into a dive after the snitch. They plummeted together and the crowd was screaming their cheers to the two seekers. Side by side they zoomed across the field after the tiny golden ball. Neither saw the bludger that crashed into both boys, first into the side of Draco's face and then into Harry's shoulder. The impact knocked them almost simultaneously off their brooms and sent them hurtling to the ground with two sickening crunches, one right after the other.
"Mother, do something!"
"I can't"
"Don't let him send me away!"
"There's nothing I can do"
Click of a door shutting
"Mother…"
Draco lay on a hospital bed in the infirmary with his eyes closed. Someone was sitting near him but he didn't want to open his eyes to see who it was. He heard movement and voices somewhere farther into the infirmary. A book closed with a soft snap and a voice murmured, "You can open your eyes now Malfoy". He groaned and cracked open one eye to see Harry Potter sitting on a stool beside him, his arm wrapped up and placed in a sling. "You've been out for quite some time Malfoy", said Harry quietly," They thought you might not wake up for a long time still". Draco suddenly felt sore and his head throbbed. He groaned once more before sitting up and pushing away the blankets. "Malfoy, you're supposed to stay in bed. Do you need Madam Pomphrey? I'll get her for you…" He stood to fetch the nurse only to hear Draco growl, "Sod off Potter. What do you care anyway? You were part of the accident too and I don't see you in bed". He slid off of his own bed and felt his legs turn to jelly as he fell to the floor. Harry moved around the bed and reached down to pull Draco up. The second flesh touched flesh a little jolt of electricity coursed through them both. They were still for a split second before Draco moved to get away. "Get off me, Potter", said Draco through clenched teeth as he shook away from him. "Why are you such an ass Malfoy!" demanded Harry as he straightened. Draco heaved himself up back onto the end of the bed and turned to face Harry. "Because I can, Potter. I have my reasons and it's none of your business anyway". He stretched his legs before carefully sliding off the bed again to taking a few tentative steps towards the infirmary door.
"Does it have to do with your father?"
Draco stopped dead in his tracks, his hand held above the door handle. Slowly he lowered his hand and turned to face Harry. "You know nothing, Potter", he said in a dangerously low voice. He left Harry slightly stunned in the infirmary to deal with the nurse and made his way to his dormitory.
Being a Head Boy held many perks and the private dorm was one of them. He stopped in front of a portrait of Gene the Gory. "Password?" demand the old man that graced the painting. Draco sighed and replied," Lincoln". He had taken to the American culture and liked to use their names as passwords. Gene the Gory didn't like this and had chosen to tell him so every time he came to the dorm until Draco had been fed up and threatened to slash the painting, like Sirius Black had done to the Gryffindor painting in third year, if the matter wasn't dropped. Needless to say the topic wasn't discussed and the two never spoke except to exchange passwords.
Gene the Gory swung forward to admit Draco with a grumble. The dormitory was much cleaner than when he had left it. "Marvelous things those house elves" he murmured. His clothes were neatly folded, his bed was made and his books were back in their place on his shelf. The door into the Head Student common room was slightly ajar and light was streaming in. He flopped onto his bed and buried his face into the silky green sheets. The trek across the school from the infirmary had left him exhausted.
"You are nothing to me. You are not a true Malfoy!"
"Father, please…"
"No Draco. Not this time. You will go to school at the beginning of term and you won't be coming back".
"Father please reconsider…"
"No. When you become of age in May, you won't come back. You are no child of mine. Malfoy's only produce sons!"
The sound of boots fading away"Father…"
Draco woke with a start to the sound of a sharp knock on his bedroom door. The down side of having a private dormitory was the common room and the bathroom, which were shared with the Head Girl. And who was the Head Girl? None other than Hermione Granger.
He stifled a cry of pain from sore muscles as he rose up from his bed. He staggered over to the broad oak door of his room and wrenched it open. Hermione's face held an expression of exasperation but her eyes softened when she saw him. The hatred between the two had diminished over the year but their relationship was one mostly of tolerance.
"Dumbledore asked me to give you this", she said holding out a sealed letter to him. "And Madam Pomphrey said to give you these" she added handing him a small bottle of golden pills. "What are these for?" he asked while inspecting the bottle. "They're pain pills. If you had stayed in the infirmary she would have fixed you and you wouldn't have to take them". "Well if Potter would mind his own business I wouldn't be here". She rolled her eyes at this and said nothing. Instead she reached out and moved a piece of blonde hair that had fallen in his eyes before grazing his bruised cheek with her fingers. He let out a hiss at the friction of her fingers on the tender skin. "You should put something on that", she whispered as she lowered her hand and blushed just slightly. With that she turned and made her way down the stairs that led to Draco's room.
He stood there for a moment, watching her head back into the common room and out through their portrait hole. He reached up and touched his cheek where her hand had been. Had this been a sign of affection? From Hermione? They had spent the last few months being civil to each other, so what if her feelings of tolerance had changed? What if she wanted to be friends? Or more? Draco ran a hand through his hair and let out a breath of pent up air and turned back into his room. The apocalypse was surely coming now…
He stood before his floor length mirror and touched the tender skin of his cheek where Hermione had touched him. The bruised flesh was sharply discolored black and purple, contrasting horribly with his pale skin. "You really should put something on that dear", his mirror said in a high singsong voice. He grumbled as he crawled back onto his bed with his pills and letter. He looked at the pills but decided that the letter came first. Carefully he ripped it open and pulled out the stiff parchment. Slowly he read:
Mr. Malfoy,
I have been informed of your dilemma by your mother and have been asked that you be allowed to stay at Hogwarts until you have your situation under control. Please be aware that two school teaching positions will be opening up at the end of term and you are welcome to them.
Professor Albus Dumbledore
P.S. The Quidditch rematch between Gryffindor and Slytherin has been re-scheduled to be held on December 23.
His mind went into overdrive with panic when he finished the letter. 'Dumbledore knew. How could she have told him? Who else knew?' Draco's hands were shaking as he silently tore the letter in half. "Bet they'll get a good laugh out of that" he said bitterly. Bitter seemed to be his only mode of operation as of late. With his hands still shaking, he opened the bottle of golden pills and dumped two out onto his hand before popping them into his mouth. They burned his tongue for an instant before he swallowed. It only took a minute before the magical medicine set in and he began to feel the effects. His body felt suddenly tired and his eyelids drooped. "I'll rest my eyes…only for a second" he yawned. That second turned to a minute, which turned to an hour, which turned to…
Malfoy woke to the sound of an owl tapping on the windowpane. Groggily he rolled off of the bed and with fumbling fingers, unlatched the window. The owl swooped down the drop its note and then took off back out the window without so much as a glance backwards. 'Feel loved' thought Draco sarcastically as he scanned over the parchment. He recognized Snape's loopy handwriting.
Mr. Malfoy,
Professor Dumbledore had requested that you receive special treatment in the sending of your homework from days passed. The assignments are enclosed.
Professor Snape
'Old wanker…I don't want special treatment. I would have gotten the work from Zabini anyway'. He crumbled the parchment and tossed it into the fire that burned in his fireplace at all hours of the day. Turning, he made his way downstairs to the common room.
He found Hermione sitting before the fire in her squashy scarlet armchair with her ridicules ginger cat on her lap. He swore it looked like it had been dropped a few times and then thrown face first into a wall. It saw him and hissed, leaping from Hermione's lap in the process. She looked up and he nodded his head at her in a form of greeting, 'Hermione'. She looked away as he sat down in his own chair and kept her eyes on the fat cat at her feet.
"I…erm…Malfoy. I think we should talk", she started. Draco's eyes opened just a little wider in panic before he put on his familiar mask of calm, cool, and collected. He flipped his legs up over the arm of the chair as he said, "Oh? What about, pray tell?" She fiddled nervously with the hem of her skirt before reaching for her cat, still refusing to look up. "Malfoy…I was…Professor Dumbledore told me what happened. Between you and your father I mean. He said that because I was in such close proximity to you and that you might need my help and how he could trust…" She stopped suddenly when she looked back up at his face. Draco had now gone the color of a ripe tomato and his eyes were narrowed into slits and his lips were pressed into a line so thin that it was hard to tell that he had lips at all. "Draco…?" she started with an edge of panic to her voice. He looked away from her but the expression of unsuppressed anger never left his face. "How long…have you known?" he said through his clenched teeth. "Only for about two hours. I was told to go to his office after I gave you your letter and pills. He told me then", she said softly, afraid to anger him further. He moved his legs back down and put his hands in his face. He didn't move and he didn't make a noise but Hermione knew that there was a wave of turbulence coursing through him. Cautiously she stood and wrapped her arms around him, "Oh Draco…I'm so sorry…and I know it must be hard…" Draco sat up and looked at her. "Hard? You don't know the half of it…" he said with a grim smile. Hermione thought about this for a second, "You're probably right…but if you let me…I can help you".
Draco stood up and pushed through her arms and began to pace. "How much do you know about me?" he asked. "Only a little…Dumbledore told me that your father won't be taking you back at the end of term. And that you are…you're well…" she trailed off. He stopped, crossing his arms as he waited for the words to come out of her mouth, not sure if he wanted to hear them. A blush crept across her face as she tried to form a coherent sentence. "That I'm a girl", he bluntly finished for her. She nervously pushed her hair back from her face and waited for him (her?) to continue. The silence became deafening and he turned back to pacing. The minutes ticked away as she watched him pace. Finally he stopped and collapsed back down into his chair. She still knelt at the foot of the recliner and watched him apprehensively.
"Did he tell you anything other than that?" he asked calmly. Her brown eyes steady on his face, she shook her head no. "So now it's either I tell you or you figure it out on your own…like you do everything else…right?" he said evenly, a bitter note in his voice and the same bitterness in his eyes. No answer. "When I was born, I was born Angelica Malfoy. My father was so angry that I was not a boy. In his words, "Malfoy's only produce sons". He said it was my mother's fault and that is why their marriage fails now. They don't even sleep in the same room anymore. But it was to be known that Lucius Malfoy had a son. No one was to know that this child was actually a daughter. So my name was changed to be something no one would ever guess might actually be a girl's name and charms and spells were made to prevent puberty and any growing that might suggest a female. So a male I became. Everything was fine until tutoring began. The public school for young wizarding children is where I first met Ronald Weasly. And that is where he learned of my secret and that is when he became my first friend. But when my father discovered that someone outside the household knew, I was taken out of school, placed into private tutoring and a memory charm was put on Ron. Everything was taken away until my eleventh birthday, when I received my letter. I received two actually. One from Durmstrang and one from Hogwarts. Durmstrang was out of the question with my mother, too far away. My father wanted me there since it would get me farther away from him. The row between them lasted for a month until it was settled that I would go to Hogwarts. The charms were doubled up and I was sent on my way.
For the first time in my life I felt like I belonged. I had a place with other kids and I was accepted. I was allowed to go wherever I wanted and do whatever I wished. It was a freedom unlike any other. Then there was Potter. He was everything I wanted to be. Famous and loved. But above all, he was a boy.
I convinced myself and everyone around me that I was a boy too. Until third year when everyone around me began to grow and I stayed small and scrawny. No one had doubts but I was constantly petrified that someone would find out. And it almost happened in the most unlikely way. When Crabbe, Goyle and I dressed up as Dementors to scare Potter and we fell my robe was flipped over my head. I thought that was it when my pants slipped. Luckily my knickers stayed in place", he said with a small smile.
"There was no specific reason of my passion against Potter except for that he is everything that I have ever wanted to be. I hated everyone around me either because they are what I want to be or that they are what I am not supposed to be. So I hold my mask above my face with my trademark Malfoy sneer and my bad attitude to hide my secret." Draco finished and folded his arms behind his head. Hermione just sat there picking at her robes letting his story sink in. "But…but…why?" she demanded, "Why continue with this charade? Why do any of it? When you came to Hogwarts why not just become the girl that you are? Why pretend to be something that you are not?" He drew his eyes from the ceiling and stared at her right in the face. " Because I have to. Because I know nothing else. Changing something like that is much easier said than done. It's like the world has told me I am a stone all my life and even though I know I am not a stone how can I change the only thing that I have?" He said this in a even voice and the answer came out so smoothly as if he had told this line to himself many times. Slowly he added, "I guess the true reason that I do it is for…for approval…from my father". There was no answer she could supply to this statement and she wasn't sure it required one.
The room became quiet as the conversation set in. Draco was slightly reeling. For the first time in his life he had told his story to someone else without the fear of a memory charm. Hermione on the other hand for the first time in her life had no idea what to do with this new information. Being a Head Girl and a seventh year student she felt she was supposed to come up with a solution or something for this but strangely nothing came. A few minutes past before she said with a smile, "It doesn't make me a lesbian because I have the urge to hug you, does it?" He shook his head and laughed softly, "No…" He started to get up and head to his room because the silence between the two was unsettling. Hermione rose up with him and said, "I am going to hug you and I think it means we are friends now…maybe". With that she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him. Everything in him was screaming to get away but his mind told him that this was what he needed.
After what seemed like ages she pulled away, smiled and left into her room. Draco did the same with a calm feeling. He had just told the biggest secret that a person could and he wasn't sure what to think of it.
The next morning was December twentieth. It had been a week and a half since the Quidditch game. He got up still half asleep and stumbled down across the common room and into the showers. He stood there beneath the hot spray for a minute before realizing that he was still in his clothes. Quickly stripping he returned to the steamy water. Hot tears rolled down his face as they did every morning when he was forced to observe his body.
"Fucking hell", he cried out as he wiped away the tears and soap from his face. Washing the rest of his body he noticed something different. His chest wasn't as flat as he remembered. Looking down and feeling around he realized one of his worst fears. He was developing.
"HERMIONE!"
He was beginning to hate the infirmary. It seemed that every time he got hurt he was in here and every time he was right back in here waiting for his mother to come and fix the anti development charm which had been canceled. Narcissa had explained that most nurses had to cancel all current charms to proceed in their healing. So here he was back in the infirmary telling the nurse that he needed his mother again.
Hermione sat beside him and did her best to help him convince the nurse that it was a family thing. Finally Madam Pomphrey left in a huff stating curtly that she would be right back. "Sorry Hermione" Draco said softly. "S'okay…gets me out of Arithimacy", she said shrugging her shoulders. Draco raised an eyebrow, " I thought you liked Arithimacy". "Nope…just said it to get Ron off my back about my classes". Draco laughed but stopped when he earned a glowering stare from Madam Pomphrey who had just returned from her office. "I see you're feeling a bit better", she stated in a sour tone.
There was a knock on the infirmary door and Professor Dumbledore swept in. He wore violent purple robes with silver stars embroidered all over them. He smiled at all three of them, Hermione and Draco trying to hide smiles and Madam Pomphrey still glowering. "Poppy would you mind giving us a few minutes to ourselves?" he asked in a cheerful tone. She obliged but not without a complaint on her way out.
He turned back to them with his smile. "Ah…Mister Malfoy I'm afraid that I must inform you that your mother won't be coming", he said losing his smile and the twinkle in his eyes, "There's been an accident"
Author's Note: This was just a fic written out of boredom. I do intend to continue it but it may take a while. Please review. PPPLLLEEEAAASSSEEE!
Disclaimer: This story contains characters, locations, and other random things created and/or owned by J.K. Rowling, Bloomsbury Publishing, Scholastic, Inc., etc. Since no money is being made, no infringement is intended. Section 102(b) of the U.S. Copyright Act states that copyright protection does not extend to ideas, procedures, concepts, principles or discoveries, but the actual words used to express those things.