Chapter 2
Thursday April 22, 1999
7p.m.

"Cassandra!" Evelyn St. John said in surprise as her daughter stood in her doorway with her luggage.

"I'm leaving Palm Beach and I need a place to stay while I figure out what to do next."

Evelyn stared at her daughter for a few seconds, shock clearly passing over her features. "Come in," she said as soon as she could catch her breath.

"What's happened?" Evelyn asked as her daughter uncharacteristically dropped her luggage in the foyer."I know about Tom and that Virginia woman. It was in the paper and on the news. Is that why you're leaving him?"

"I'm not leaving him, I'm leaving Palm Beach. My career is in a rut, my life is in a rut and I need to find some new opportunities." Cassy shrugged and walked into the living room.

"Don't try and fool me Cassandra, those were the arguments I used on you years ago," Evelyn pointed out as she followed her daughter into the perfectly appointed room. "Something must have happened between you and Tom for you to leave him at a time like this. And to come here to hide."

"Shouldn't you just be happy I'm taking your advice?" Cassy asked in a tired voice.

"I might have advised you against marrying Thomas Ryan and becoming a cop and I admit to spending years telling you I told you so, but you know very well that you and Tom saving my life and catching that murderer changed my mind about him and your work. So tell me what happened." Evelyn sat down next to her daughter. "You look like you haven't slept in weeks."

At the mention of lack of sleep Cassy jumped up and pretended to stare out the window at the ocean to hide the flush that spread guiltily over her face. "He told me he never loved me and that marrying me was the biggest mistake of his life," Cassy said in a voice that clearly told her mother that the words still pained her.

"That's nonsense," Evelyn dismissed the notion. "Surely you don't believe that man doesn't love you more than life itself. The last time I was alone with him he bawled me about my treatment of you," Evelyn chuckled at the memory. "If that's not love..."

"He did..." Cassy cut herself off. "It doesn't change what he told me."

"Are you jealous that he got engaged to someone else and didn't spend all his time waiting for you to come back to him?" Evelyn asked pointedly.

"No!" Cassy faced her mother. "It's just that I've finally seen the light. If anyone was waiting for Tom and I to get back together they were delusional. He and I are divorced and it's about time we started acting like it. One of us had to leave before we completely decimated the other, if it's not already too late."

"Are you saying that it's your fault that Thomas Ryan got engaged to this charlatan and got caught up in all this trouble? Then obviously you don't believe what he said," Evelyn said observantly.

"Whether it's true or not...at one time or another we were bound to move on and it would be uncomfortable for us to remain partners and best friends. When Thomas told me about his engagement we both realized that and everything else happened before we could act on that knowledge. And I can't honestly say that my presence and our hanging onto our partnership and friendship for so long didn't have something to do with Thomas so stubbornly trying to save this woman from herself," Cassy said tiredly.

"Thomas didn't have to remain partners with you," Evelyn pointed out.

"I'm not saying we both didn't make bad choices, for whatever reason, I'm just saying we need to move on with our lives." Cassy didn't refute the observation. "Can I stay with you while I figure out what to do? I didn't want to stay in Palm Beach right now. I should have called..."

"Of course you can stay here. I do have a trip planned to Australia in a couple of weeks, but. I can postpone it," Evelyn offered, for the first time, to change her plans for her daughter's sake.

"Thank you." Cassy looked at her mother with tears in her eyes. "That's not necessary. I don't anticipate still being here in two weeks and if I am you'll probably need to get away from me."

"Cassandra, stay as long as you need. I think you might need at least a couple of weeks to get over your past and figure out what to do with your future. Are the police going to need to talk to you?" Evelyn deftly changed the subject to something less personal.

"I have my cell phone and they can leave me a message on my home machine. In any case I left my number with Harry and the DA's office." Cassy rubbed the bridge of her nose.

"First order of business is to prepare a room for you so you can get some sleep." Evelyn stood up and began to give her daughter orders. Half an hour later her daughter was settled under the covers in a spare room with a tall glass of water at her bedside.

"It'll be nice to spend some time together," Evelyn said before leaving the room.

Cassy closed her eyes and sighed as sleep offered an escape from the irony that had become her life.

>>>>>>

"I wish you had called us," Lyam Ryan told his son as they sat in the motel room that would be Lyam's home for as long as he could leave his restaurant, which would be for however long his son needed him.

"It's probably best I didn't," Tom grimaced as his mind replayed the scene with Cassy. Who knows what he might have said to his parents had they been present?

"You haven't mentioned Cassy in all of this," Lyam finally broached the subject that had been carefully avoided over the past two days since Lyam had finally gotten a hold of his son.

"She's gone," Tom looked at his father with pain radiating from his entire body.

"Gone where?" Lyam asked in confusion.

"She left Palm Beach yesterday," Tom clarified.

"She left you in the middle of this mess? I don't believe it. Did things break down between you two when you got involved with..." Lyam couldn't mention the name of the woman that had destroyed his son's life without wanting to spit or cross himself.

"Cassy tried to help me, in fact she risked her career for me and she might still lose her badge," Tom closed his eyes.

"Then why is she gone now?" Lyam pressed his son gently.

"She came to warn me that I was about to be arrested and I accused her of being a spy for them. I accused her of recording our conversation," Tom spoke in a monotone. "When I told her I was staying because Virginia was going to help me, Cassy told me what a fool I was being. Actually, she said what a mistake I was making to risk my career and my life for that woman. I...I told her that my biggest mistake was marrying her and that I never loved her. Oh God, Dad, I thought she was going to break apart when she heard that. I might as well have pulled her heart from her chest," Tom finished in a ragged voice.

Lyam sat down on the bed next to his son and drew him into his arms. "She must know you didn't mean it." Lyam offered comfort.

"She doesn't know that." Tom pulled away and brushed at the wetness on his cheeks. "I know that some part of her always doubted my feelings for her. Between how her mother treated her and how I treated her when we were married and when she left me I can hardly blame her."

"What do you mean how you treated her?" Lyam asked with a strange expression on his face.

"You were right." Tom gave his father a lopsided smirk. "I wouldn't change the most trivial habits of my bachelor existence for her, but for this con woman I've destroyed my career and Cassy's. Why should she believe me?"

"Because even a fool can see how much you've always loved her," Lyam said simply.

"I'm not even sure about that anymore," Tom admitted. "But it's not just that. I think that in some way Cassy blames herself for the mistakes I made, that her continued presence in my life made me so desperate and crazy that I believed everything this woman said to me and I was willing to die to prove that I wasn't wrong about her. She says that we're no longer married and shouldn't be in each other's lives anymore and shouldn't have become partners again."

"In most cases I would agree that it is unhealthy and given everything that's happened I have to say that maybe Cassy isn't wrong," Lyam said quietly.

"What! You think Cassy's right to leave me now?" Tom asked almost angrily.

"Listen to yourself Tom. Cassy isn't your wife anymore, she's not leaving you," Lyam pointed out.

"Yes she is leaving me! I'm her partner and friend and she's fleeing Palm Beach to get away from me!" Tom argued.

"All I'm saying is that maybe your continued connection to each other isn't healthy. You have to know that your mother I worried about that when you and Cassy became partners again," Lyam admitted. "She hurt you a great deal and we didn't see how constantly reminding you of that loss would enable you to get over it. Maybe that is why you were so willing to blindly follow this woman and why you were so obsessed with not being wrong about another marriage, or potential marriage."

"I can't believe you're saying this. I thought you loved Cassy," Tom shook his head.

"She's a lovely woman and I do love her Tom, but you're our son and your feelings are our primary concern. We could never understand why you waited around for her to come back to her senses," Lyam said.

"That's not how it is," Tom sighed.

"Wasn't it?" Lyam asked with raised eyebrows.

"Maybe sometimes it seemed that way. We did try, when we first became partners, but it...we both knew it wouldn't work," Tom admitted. "But both of us have had pretty active love lives over the past couple of years..."

"Why didn't it work son? I asked you that when you were getting a divorce and you couldn't answer me then. Have you ever figured out what stood between you and the woman you loved so much? Aside from some conflicting personal habit," Lyam asked.

"There were issues of pride and trust, I guess," Tom said weakly.

"That was the danger of staying in each other's lives. You've never taken the chance to think about why it didn't work and what your respective faults were. You were always willing to point out Cassy's mistakes and I'm sure Cassy did the same, but there are two sides to every story. And if you don't learn from your mistakes you'll never stop making them," Lyam advised.

"I got myself into this mess because I never figured out what I did wrong with Cassy?" Tom refused to concede everything could be explained so simply.

"Stop being so damn stubborn Thomas Ryan, I can still take you over my knee! All I am saying is that you have never gained any perspective on yourself. Maybe once you do that you can figure out why things have happened as they have, aside from just plain fate," Lyam sternly told his son. "People are always kindly pointing out things to you, including your mother and I, and you just nod your head and move along. Clearly that's not acceptable anymore. You're a grown man and it's time you act like one. Things are not going to be easy but it's the only thing you can do for yourself right now. And I'm here to help you anyway I can. Just as I've always been."

"I know you have and I know you're right." Tom looked frightened by the prospect of real introspection. "Maybe then I could write that song," he joked.

"Maybe then you could." Lyam put his hand on his son's shoulder. "And maybe Cassy will be here to hear it."

"That I'm not going to count on," Tom said tiredly.

>>>>>>>

The next morning

"Thanks for the loan of the car." Cassy sipped her cup of orange juice across the table from her mother on the deck overlooking the harbor.

"My pleasure darling. I can't believe you sold that car, you loved it so much," Evelyn said.

"It was just a car. I got to live out my fantasy and now it's time to move on. I'm sending Tom back the money I got in the divorce, it was the seed money for the car," Cassy admitted a bit trepidatiously, worried about her mother's reaction. She was sure that Evelyn never once considered returning a divorce settlement.

"Honestly Cassy, sometimes I don't understand you." Evelyn shook her head.

"I didn't deserve that money. We were not married for long and I didn't need it. I was just angry and he pissed the judge off," Cassy reminded her.

"I just hope you didn't send him any interest. I can understand you wanting to start fresh, but money is money and he has jeopardized your career," Evelyn pointed out.

"He didn't make me do anything. I'm a big girl Mother." Cassy smiled at her mother, she was just looking out for her daughter. It had taken her enough years to understand her mother's communication methods, Cassy thought ironically.

"I know you are dear, however, I'm still your mother and I always will be. Now, did you bring enough clothes for an extended stay?" Evelyn changed the subject.

"Shopping sounds like fun." Cassy grinned at her mother's allusive invitation to spend the day together.

"Good. I'll drive." Evelyn took another sip of her coffee.

>>>>>>>
Saturday, May 8, 1999

"No Mother, I don't feel like going shopping today." Cassy didn't bother turning her head from the view of the harbor.

"The problem is you don't feel like doing anything Cassandra! You've moped around her for over two weeks." Evelyn St. John's patience was gone.

"We've done plenty of shopping and I've gone to plenty of your social events." Cassy threw her hands up in exasperation. "I just don't know what to do with myself when I'm not working."

"Well then why aren't you doing something about saving your job instead of sitting around here and moping about it," Evelyn suggested sarcastically.

"I'm not moping! I'm just...taking time to consider my options. I haven't had a vacation in forever," Cassy finished weakly.

"This is not like you." Evelyn shook her head. "I'm going to postpone my trip to Australia. You'd just sit around her and waste away if I wasn't around."

"Please Mother, don't give up your trip for me, I'm fine." Cassy stood up and faced her mother.

"You always say your fine Cassandra, but you've been sitting in that chair and looking at the ocean for days. You hardly go out unless I drag you, you always look tired and when you do get out by yourself you're either exercising or pacing. Even now you can't stop glancing at the phone as if you're waiting for it to ring," Evelyn accused.

"I'm not waiting for the phone to ring," Cassy denied.

"You told Thomas that you were leaving his life for good, what do you expect? You're no longer his wife Cassandra and he's a man of great pride. I doubt he's going to show up here and sweep you off your feet now, even if he could leave the jurisdiction of Palm Beach," Evelyn reminded her.

"Mother!" Cassy scowled at her mother before sighing. "He refuses to admit that he could ever be wrong and I don't think I've ever seen him as wrong as he was about that...that woman!" Cassy didn't bother to deny she had been hoping he would call, and secretly hoping that their last night together wasn't just one last fling. 'As if now we could solve everything we couldn't solve before.'

Evelyn calmly sat down on the sofa as she watched her daughter become animated for the first time in over a week. It was about time that Cassandra began to deal with things again and she wasn't about to stop her.

"I mean, who does he think he is? He dresses like a clown half the time and flirts with all those women in front of me and then in the next breath tells me how much I broke his heart. Give me a break! Then he was going to marry that...that tacky woman. Even if he couldn't tell she was a con woman, she clearly looked like a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader-Playboy centerfold from two decades ago!" Cassy was beginning to warm to her tirade when her mother cleared her throat. "What? You've seen pictures of her."

"It's not nice to speak ill of the dead," Evelyn scolded, but began speaking again before her daughter could call her on the hypocrisy. "If he's so annoying why are you moping around here instead of moving on with your life?"

"I'm not moping, I'm just taking a break and deciding where to go next." Cassy crossed her arms and scowled.

"Then why aren't you in Palm Beach packing up your house, working to get the charges against you dismissed and applying for a new job elsewhere?" Evelyn asked with raised eyebrows.

"If you want me to leave then just say so." Cassy looked hurt.

"I don't want you to leave. We've spent so little time together, most of that is my fault I know that, but it's not worth it if it's because you've given up on yourself." Evelyn put her hands on her daughter's arms. "It's time to pick up the pieces."

"I...I don't know what's wrong with me Mom." Cassy sighed and looked at her mother with teary eyes. "I'm just so tired all the time. I...I don't know what to do next." A few tears slid down her cheek as she laughed bitterly at herself. "So, maybe I'm not fine, but I don't know how to deal with that."

"How about not alone for a change? I might not be very good at this, but I'd like to try and be a typical mother," Evelyn said teasingly.

"I'm not a typical daughter, I wouldn't know what to do with you if you succeeded," Cassy squeezed her mother's forearm. "Don't give up your trip, I will be fine. I just need some more time, my attorney thinks that Internal Affairs won't take away my badge and Alexander isn't bringing charges against me. It's just a waiting game, my being there won't make things better for anyone."

"You've never waited for anything a day in your life. I can't help wondering what...or who you're waiting for." her mother kissed Cassy's cheek before leaving the room.

>>>>>>>
Monday, May 10, 1999

"They couldn't find anything to charge you with other than fleeing the jurisdiction," Sara Meyer informed her client. "You also left the scene of an accident, but it was out of their jurisdiction and you were turning yourself in."

"So I'm being charged with being a fugitive." Tom didn't know whether to be relieved or bitter. Being considered fugitive in the eyes of the law still wasn't a favorable image for a cop, but it was better than murder. He still hadn't been able to face the "accident" his lawyer referred to.

"Alexander has offered a plea bargain deal. Your record as a cop is working in your favor Tom," Sara told him. "Community Service and psychological counseling is all he's asking in return for a guilty plea. I think it's the best deal I've ever heard."

"Would I win at a trial?" Tom asked.

"If you chose to go through a trial I can't guarantee that there won't be additional charges brought, just to make things harder," Sara admitted.

"Will I lose my badge if I plead guilty?" Tom looked at his attorney with trepidation.

"In most cases I would advise against pleading guilty unless there was no chance of winning, but in this case I think a trial would only make things uglier for your IA hearing. If the DA let's you off this easily then IA might be inclined to do so as well. My experience tells me that taking this plea is your best shot to save your badge. We could go to trial and we might be able to garner sympathy from a jury, but I don't think you'd want that?" Sara asked.

"No, I did leave the jurisdiction. Pleading stupid and stubborn won't help anything. At least this way no one will have to testify in court. I'll take the plea." Tom stood up and focused his gaze on the law books by the door.

"They'll still have to testify before IA, Captain Lipshitz, the coroner and your partner," Sara reminded him.

"She will?" Tom turned around, not having thought about that before as his mind had been focused on the trial.

"Yes, Tom she will." Sara rested her chin on her hands. "And Captain Lipshitz not giving up his badge will go a long way to giving his testimony on your behalf some credibility, especially when he admits that the officers he assigned to the case had it in for you and wouldn't investigate thoroughly and that he himself turned up evidence corroborating your claim with little effort. Same with Sterling and your partner. This might be the first case I've had where so many people disobeying the rules might be a good thing."

"Glad to be of help." Tom attempted a smile, but his heart clearly wasn't in it. 'Cassy will have to be here,' was all he could think about.

>>>>>>>>
Miami International Airport

Cassy rushed from the International terminal where she had just sent her mother off on her trip "Down Under" to the domestic terminal where she was catching her own flight to Houston. It had taken about five minutes from when her mother pointed out her behavior for Cassy to take action. Contrary to her mother's belief, she had been taking steps to secure her future and had spoken to her friend Jake with the Houston Police Department a couple of times. Jake had offered her a job many times over the years, including when she had left Tom and then had problems after turning in Berkow, but she had refused to "run away," as she had put it then. Now she wished she had run away, cut her losses, or whatever euphemism enabled people to hide from the truth. Running away suddenly seemed the bravest thing she could have done.

Winded, she reached the right corridor and stopped for a couple of bottles of water. 'I wish this bug would either come or go,' she thought as she took a quick sip before putting them into her carry on bag. Before heading for her gate she closed her eyes and took a calming breath. "I am not depressed!" she reminded herself sternly. Letting out the breath she turned her determined strides towards Houston.

>>>>>>>
That Night

"Well, it took me long enough to entice you out here," Jake smiled at his dining companion.

"You haven't gotten me yet," Cassy waved her glass of water at the older gentleman across the table from her. Jacob Mayer was one of her mother's ex-husbands, one of the few who had taken an interest in the woman's children and he and Cassy had stayed in touch all these years. He had even attended her police academy graduation when her mother refused. Jake had been Police Commissioner for the City of Houston for three years now and had been trying to recruit her for just as long. She never imagined she would take him up on it.

"Still playing hard to get even after you've flown all this way?" Jake chuckled.

"You might not want me, considering all the trouble I'm in back home." Cassy sighed and looked at her plate.

"I've spoken with your Commissioner and it sounds like you're in a lot less trouble than you think. Even if they decide to take away your badge you're still welcome to come to work here, I doubt my officers will shun someone who lost her badge standing up for her partner," Jake brushed aside her concerns. He didn't fail to notice her face stiffen at the mention of her partner, and ex-husband. "I spoke to him about Tom as well. He's been offered a plea bargain, he won't do any jail time."

"That's good to hear." Cassy was relieved.

"So you haven't been in touch with him?" Jake looked puzzled by the very idea.

"Thomas Ryan and I are finally out of each other's lives. It was a long time coming, don't you think?" Cassy asked lightly before taking a sip of water.

"Well, you are divorced from each other," Jake agreed. "That hasn't stopped you two from working well together."

"Don't tell me that having him as my partner is a prerequisite for coming here?" Cassy teased.

"No, no, of course not. I'm not talking as your future boss, I'm talking as an old friend who cares about you. This just seems like a sudden change and you've been through a lot over the past month. You're not one to share your feelings, but maybe you'll make an exception." Jake slid his hand around Cassy's on the table.

"Damn." Cassy ducked her head and wiped her cheeks with her free hand. "I thought if I avoided wine tonight you wouldn't do this to me."

"It's my power not the alcohol." Jake squeezed her hand. "We don't have to discuss this here."

"You've already made me cry. They'll think you're dumping me!" Cassy laughed."Like I haven't had enough of that lately."

"Whoa, when are you going to tell me...hold that question. Let's get out of here and take a walk on the Gulf," Jake raised a finger and signaled the waiter for the bill.

"Great, an interrogation with a cool breeze and nice scenery," Cassy mumbled to herself. Houston was turning out to be more like Palm Beach than she had anticipated.

>>>>>>>
May 13, 1999

"So it's done." Tom dropped down into the chair in his new apartment, not bothering to take off his unusually sedate colored jacket. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back, almost as if he were in physical pain.

"Everything will turn out all right," Lyam assured his son as he took a seat on the sofa facing his son.

"How can you say that? I just stood in court and pled guilty to a crime," Tom sounded sickened by the idea. His hands shook as he opened his eyes and held them up.

Lyam swallowed as his heart broke at the sight of his son's despair. Thomas had always been a good boy. Oh, he didn't follow every rule, but even when he broke them it was either for a good reason or harmless fun. Lyam couldn't help but wonder if Tom was just due after years spent doing good and then having such evil directed at him. Somehow he had to find a way to help his son get past this, some way to empower himself before he totally broke. "I thought we raised you better than this. Enough of this sitting around feeling sorry for yourself. Bad things happened Tom and you showed some less than perfect judgment, but you're not perfect Tom. You have a few more hurdles in front of you to face and you can't give up now," Lyam said as plainly as he could. "So you can either sit here and go to pieces and let your career and your wife get away or you can get up and do something about it."

"Maybe I shouldn't do anything about any of it," Tom said blandly. At his father's questioning look he continued. "I knew when I became partners with Cassy that a relationship between us was forbidden and dangerous, but that didn't stop me from pursuing it," Tom began his self flagellation.

"After five years," Lyam pointed out.

"The point is I still did it. Cassy never would have done it if I hadn't kept pressuring her." Tom stood up and began to pace. "I never gave her a moment's peace once I decided what I wanted and I swept her up in the whole thing. I never gave her a chance to step back and think, something I knew she needed to do and didn't let her do in the first place. So what happened between us really is no surprise. She finally got a moment to think and she bolted - because everything had to be my way. How in the world did I think for one second that we could be or should be partners after that? I might never have lost her if I hadn't broken the rules, her rules and those of our job. So I lost her. Now I push this woman I barely know to fill that hole in my life, I find out she's not what I wanted her to be and I push and push to make her into that image - throwing away my career and my partner and friend in the process. I don't deserve to have any of it back. I killed Virginia with the car and I killed Cassy with my word and I killed my career with my actions."

"Thomas, I don't think I've heard a bigger bunch of bull in your entire life," Lyam said calmly from his seated position.

"What? What in what I said was bull?" Tom put his hands on his hips and challenged his father.

"For starters, when has Cassandra St. John Ryan ever done anything she didn't want to do?" Lyam asked.

"Second, that Virginia woman was a professional con artist and she died because she tried to kill you! Perhaps your actions weren't within the rules, but from what I've heard from everyone the cops assigned to your case weren't listening to your story. Cassy and Harry were trying to help you, but you didn't want to involve them in your trouble. Maybe you believed in that woman a little too hard, but that's who you are Tom. You're a loyal and stubborn man who needs to help people and those are not necessarily the worst qualities in either a man or a cop. Things went bad and now it's time to fix them not feel sorry for yourself."

"She died, I never knew her and she died by my hand." Tom looked at his father with tears in his eyes.

"I know son, I know." Lyam stood and took his tall son into his arms. "It wasn't your fault."

"It doesn't make it any less horrifying," Tom said with tears running down his cheek.

"No, it doesn't." Lyam rubbed his son's back.

"And I don't think Cassy will ever speak to me again, I killed that too," Tom gasped out between silent sobs.

"If divorce didn't break you two apart, then I don't think words said under such obvious stress will do lasting damage either."

>>>>>>

"You've been silent for a while," Jake commented.

Cassy smiled apologetically at her old friend and mentor. "I'm not very good company these days, so I'm told."

"Ah, the magic of Evelyn." Jake chuckled at the characteristic silver tongue of his ex-wife.

At first Cassy only shrugged in acknowledgment, but soon characteristically began to defend her mother. Except this time she had something to defend. "You'd be surprised. She's changed a lot over the last couple of years. She's really trying to be a mother...and I'm really trying to be a daughter." Cassy laughed at herself. It was hard, though, after over thirty years of being shunted off and criticized to suddenly being "mothered" or at least as much as her mother could manage.

"That I would have to see to believe, but it's about time you thought so." Jake put his arm around her bare shoulders. "Are you chilly?"

"No way." Cassy took a deep breath. The heat is already oppressive back in Palm Beach, this is a relief.

"It's not much better here if you're looking for better weather," Jake reminded her.

"There is still more breeze from the Gulf than we get." Cassy savored the feel of the moist air devoid of oppressive humidity, at least for tonight. She hadn't felt this good in weeks. Being far away from her cares was more beneficial than she had expected. She never had been good at sitting by and feeling sorry for herself. She couldn't believe she had already wasted three weeks. "What would you say if I told you I was definitely interested in your job offer?"

"I'd say put your townhouse up for sale and get your Texas ass back home girl!" Jake shook her in his excitement.

"Yee ha!" Cassy threw her hand up in the air and got into the spirit.

End of Chapter 2