Chapter 4
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"What did you want to see me about Cassy?" Harry asked as she let him into her townhouse. "Hello Claudia, I didn't know you were here."

"Hi Harry, I won't be here for long, you two have a lot to discuss and I don't want to be around for this. I'm just heading out for some dinner and stuff," Claudia smiled warmly at her sister's friend as she pulled a t-shirt over her bathing suit and hastily tossed on shorts. With a quick wave she disappeared.

"How are you doing Cass?" Harry asked in a serious tone, despite the flashy tropical shirt that looked like the owner could never be serious.

"Have a seat Harry. Can I get you something to drink? Iced tea, water, soda? Something stronger?" Cassy finished buttoning her own shirt over her bikini top.

"You didn't answer my question, I'll take that something stronger. We're not exactly on the clock are we?" Harry sat down on the sofa in the pristine living room. The boxes piled up in one corner didn't escape his notice.

"Beer okay?" Cassy asked.

"Fine." Harry nodded. "Enough procrastinating St. John," he continued a few seconds later when she returned with an open bottle.

"I wanted to see you in person, to tell you, well, about something I'm thinking about," Cassy said hesitantly. Now that the moment had come to make her decision official she was having a hard time making the words come out. 'You say this to Harry it comes true,' her heart and mind were both telling her.

"Tell me." Harry put the beer on the coffee table and grasped her hands in his. He didn't want to hear what she was going to say, but he couldn't deny her the comfort of a friend either. Even if he couldn't see the pain in her eyes he knew that this was painfully difficult for her. As if to punctuate the thought, the fingers he held felt like icicles.

"I'm thinking of leaving Palm Beach, the Department." Cassy dipped her head as she spoke.

Harry's heart ached. He had known since receiving the phone call from Houston what was coming, but he still had hoped she would change her mind. The fact that Cassandra Lynn St. John couldn't look him in the eyes proved to him that she didn't really want to go. And they had another two weeks to change her mind.

"Thinking about leaving?" Harry prodded.

"I've decided to resign from my position here once the IA is done with me and to take a job in Houston, but you probably knew that already." Cassy looked up at Harry, her characteristic fire in her eyes.

"Yes, I knew that. I was hoping you would change your mind," Harry admitted. "We don't want you to go. Franny and I. And Tom."

At the mention of Tom's name Cassy pulled her hands from Harry and stood up and began to pace. "I'll miss you and Franny, dearly, but I can't pass this opportunity up. I should have left years ago, before... after... My life has been on hold ever since the divorce, not intentionally, but I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere, emotionally or professionally. Houston will be good for me."

"You mean you're running away," Harry accused.

"That's not going to work. I'm not that predictable." Cassy smiled almost bitterly. "It's not running Harry, running away means that I didn't stay and try to make things work, but I have. For almost three years I've tried to get past the mistake that I made, but I can't do that here. There's too much past."

"Is this about what Tom said?" Harry asked point blank.

Cassy turned at his question and looked at him. After a minute she sat down in the chair next to the sofa where he was sitting.

"In part, yes, this is about what Tom said to me. I think maybe it's time I tell you some things I've never told you before, things I've never told anyone before." Cassy waited for his consent before continuing. At his nod she took a deep breath and visibly steeled herself. It wasn't every day that Cassandra St. John poured out her heart and soul. "After the divorce neither Tom nor I wanted to put you and Franny, or any of our other friends, in the middle of what happened between us. I can't know for certain what Tom told you, but I am pretty sure that it wasn't very complimentary to me. I don't mean that he insulted me, but from everything I've picked up over the years he hasn't exactly moved past the storyline that I unexpectedly left because I'm such a close off person and I heartlessly broke his heart. I'm just as certain that you never believed it was so simple. At least I hope you didn't."

Cassy paused to take a breath and to fight back tears.

"What he said on that island was just a confirmation of what I've always known Harry, of why I left him in the first place. You have to know that I would have gladly spent the rest of my life with him, if only..." Cassy stood up and turned towards the windows trying to regain control over her emotions.

"You don't know that he loves you?" Harry's face was a picture of shock.

"No Harry, Tom doesn't love me. That's the story he likes to play, but it's just not true." Cassy turned and smiled almost sympathetically at her and Tom's old friend.

"Not for one second will I believe that I can't believe that you do!" Harry said sternly.

"Tom...cares for me, I know he does. He even loves me as a dear friend. And yes, sexually, I know he desires me." Cassy blushed at saying the words in front of the older man. "But the love like you and Franny have? Unconditional love where two people love each other for who they are, beautiful, life sustaining feelings. God Harry, I ached for Tom to love me like that. I even believed for a while that he did, of course I never would have married him if I had known. But he didn't and he doesn't. It took Virginia to finally make me fully admit that to myself." Cassy gave up trying to stop her tears and they ran unashamedly down her cheeks.

"Cassy..." Harry began to speak, but Cassy stopped him.

"Listen to me Harry, really listen. I know you love Tom like a son. This isn't meant to disparage him, it's just how he is. That's why no matter how much I love him I can't be with him. And I can't stand in the shadows anymore just to be near him." Cassy pulled tissues out of a conveniently placed box on top of the moving boxes.

A few minutes later she retook her seat.

"You see me as the closed off person in mine and Tom's relationship don't you?" Cassy waited for Harry's nod. "Think about this, Jason Tremaine. Remember that case, Tom's history with him? It was probably one of the most painful and profound experiences of Tom's life, remember? I didn't know one little thing about those experiences or that man. None of it. Tom's fear and his anger were sides of him I had never seen - in the decade I'd known him not once had he shown any of this to me before. I don't think there is any relevant part of myself that Tom doesn't know and hasn't known since the formative years of our partnership. I might not be the most forthcoming person, but I've never pretended to be anything other than what I am Harry. That's just one example Harry, one that you're intimately familiar with."

"He walks around as if he wears his heart on his sleeve, but he doesn't, not really. He is incredibly romantic and endearing and he can shower a woman with love and adoration like...well, like I had never experienced. I won't deny that. But whether Tom loves the woman he's showering this attention on or the idea of her is really the question. We've both seen it time and again over the years. He meets some woman and within a week he's head over heels and then he's surprised when a few months later, if it lasts that long, when things fizzle out. Or when she suddenly isn't the person he thought she was. I'll bet you that more than half the time it's not the woman deceiving him, but him deceiving himself. Look at how wrong he was about Virginia." Cassy scrubbed at the tears the continued to run down her cheeks.

"None of us knew she was a con woman," Harry pointed out.

"None of us knew her at all Harry. Tom was with her for three months and planned to spend the rest of his life with him. I'm not saying that he was stupid or wrong, but maybe he was blind. Blind to the fact that her entire life was a lie. And in a bit of a rush. Engaged after three months? She hadn't even met his parents. He was just so damn eager to be married, to be loved. And when she turned out to be someone other than he had thought did he walk away and cut his losses? No, he tried to change her, just like he tried to change me. He could say he never loved me, because he never really did, because he didn't have to anymore. He had a new challenge to contend with. He would save Virginia instead of trying to save me."

"You think Tom was trying to save you?" Harry sounded tired.

"From myself, from my mother, from whatever, yes. If only I would be less of a perfectionist, if only I would live more on the edge, if only I would be more open with my emotions, if only I would like the same sheets as him, if only I didn't worry so much about the towels, if only I would trust easier, and so on. During our marriage it felt like every sentence he said to me started with 'if only'!" Cassy's despair turned easily into anger. "That's not unconditional love Harry. I teased him about his romantic poetry and stuff, but it was just that - teasing. He knew how much I adored it. That's why I left him Harry. That's why I was so angry at him and pursued a divorce settlement on a seven month marriage. I know now that being angry isn't worth it, because that's just how he is. He didn't mean to mislead me. And you know what's ironic, I still loved him." Cassy closed her eyes and leaned back in the plush chair.

"I had no idea..." Harry looked a bit stunned.

"I thought I could live with things this way, but I can't watch him continue to destroy his life and I don't think I'll ever be able to trust another man if I hang around here." Cassy regained her composure. "I'm not running away Harry, I don't do that. I'm moving on. For both our sakes."

Something in Cassy's last comment piqued Harry's interest, but he let it drop for now. He was certain that another confessional from St. John wasn't in his future. "Will you at least have dinner with Franny and I before you go?"

"Of course, if Tom is not there, I would love it." Cassy leaned forward and clasped Harry's hand. "So what's this I hear about you resigning? I'm sure I could find you a place in Houston?"

"What they're doing to you and Tom is bull and I want them to know it. If the Commissioner and the Mayor want me to come back they're going to have to step away from my turf once and for all. Quite frankly, though, I don't think I want to work for a department that treats officers like you and Tom like this." Harry ignored her comment about Houston. Both of them knew that would never happen. If he didn't take back his Palm Beach job it would be a peaceful retirement here with Franny.

"What are Tom's chances?" Cassy asked.

"Pretty good I think, especially since Alexander only charged him with escape, since he was under investigation, but that was just to appease the press since he wasn't under arrest or court order not to leave the jurisdiction," Harry filled her in on what happened while she was gone, though he suspected she already knew.

"So there's nothing to say that IA won't try and appease the press either."

"No, but I'm working on that," Harry assured her.

"Won't you have more say if you took your job back?"

"The Mayor and the Commissioner are the ones we need to work on, Alexander is going to bat for you guys by the way," Harry told her.

"It's about time." Cassy's grateful and touched smile belied her words.

"Is there nothing I can say to change your mind? I'll let you pick your own partner." Harry felt he had to ask.

"Thanks Harry, but I don't think I could work here with anyone else but Tom." Cassy shook her head.

Harry stood up and held out a hand. Like a gentleman he assisted Cassy out of her seated position, but instead of moving away he took her into his embrace. Cassy wrapped her arms around him in return. For minutes the two friends stood silently comforting each other. "You know you always have a home here. And for the record I love you like a daughter to. Don't you dare lose touch or I'll come to Houston after you and so will Franny," Harry said gruffly.

"Franny I'm afraid of." Cassy said from the depths of his arms.

"Franny will call you about dinner." Harry reluctantly moved away.

"Thanks Harry." Cassy held on to his hand as she walked him to the door.

"You take care of yourself, you look tired." Harry ruffled her hair slightly before moving out the door.

"Pouring your guts out will do that." Cassy's last ounce of strength faded as she closed the door and she leaned forward on it and closed her eyes.

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Harry stopped the car a few blocks from Cassy's house. His heart was heavy and it showed in his face. He didn't know whether to be heartsick or angry over the situation.

"Why didn't I see it?" Harry punched the steering wheel before getting out and walking slowly towards the beach. As much as he hated to admit it, Cassy's point of view had merit. And as much as he never wanted to believe it, he had blamed Cassy for leaving Tom, he had believed it was because of her inability to trust and open up that had led to the demise of the marriage. Oh, he knew that Tom could be infuriating and stubborn and hated to be wrong, and he also knew that Tom had some complicity in the demise of the marriage, but deep down he had to admit that he felt that Cassy had given up too easily and had been too unwilling to compromise. Cassy was right about people viewed her, she was more self aware than he had given her credit for, structured and strong. And the thing of it was that Harry knew better. Harry had seen her sensitive and sympathetic side, even when she tried to hide it. He should have looked for more answers to the demise of the marriage, but he had been afraid to pry.

Half an hour after leaving the car Harry had a sudden urge to go home and see what Frannie had to say about things.

End of Chapter 4