Willowwind: Hey, people! I'm back!

Legolas: Ilúvatar save us...

Willowwind: No, in case you were wondering, this is NOT a double update. I guess the author alerts weren't working when I posted chapter three...but it's been there for quite a while now... Congrats to my four faithful reviewers!

Reviews:

Sami: Oh, he isn't going to kill the bunny...just wait and see what I have planned! Will probably be in the next chappie. :raises eyebrow: Are you Canadian, by any chance? I don't know for sure, but Canadians seem to have this deep hatred for George Bush... So no, I am not offended in the slightest. I'm glad I'm not American too. Now I have a question for you: how is it that you've never even signed a review on this thing, much less added me to your author alerts or anything, and yet you somehow managed to be one of my four reviewers of last chapter? This is not making sense... Whoof, that was long...

Hui Xie: Well, I'm glad I made Sirius happy...I mean, I don't like Ryou's cutting board, either...and I wouldn't want to have another Bakura episode... Thankies for reviewing!

Nachzes-Black Rider: :grabs plot bunnies: MY plot bunnies! FIND YOUR OWN!

Waffleseva: Erm...it's a magic cookie that turns into whatever type of cookie its owner likes best...it was very chocolaty when I had it...but my yami said I couldn't eat it. Too much sugar. And I'll let Bakura know about your offer, but...the plot bunnies have something else planned, I think. Don't worry, I think you'll like it almost as much... Hold on! TINFOIL! That's not a bad idea... Unfortunately, it's a bit too thin to be used as a weapon... But I have a different idea. Mind if I borrow the tinfoil? Wouldn't fit into this chappie, anyways. (blinku) You changed your name. You got rid of the 4. Yes, I know that took a while...

Thank you so much to these faithful people! Cookies to all four of you! (Yes, Waffleseva, magic cookies again)

Willowwind: So...without further ado... LET THE FUN BEGIN!

Legolas: Heeeelp!

Disclaimer: Don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! Maybe I could get Bakura to steal it for me...

Warnings: Besides more scary kitchen implements and a lot of characters who are OOC almost to the point of being AU? Not much.

Oh, yes, and journal writing will be in italics again...

The Secret Journal of Bakura the Great

Chapter Four

I was being chased.

All around me, my enemies were closing in. I ran, only to be confronted by one or another of them. My legs felt like lead, but I pressed on, the sheer terror driving me. In the distance, I could hear a maniacal laugh. It was a laugh I had become all too familiar with...the laugh of my hikari. I continued to run, when something small and white flew at me from a shadowy corner. I fell, seeing the long ears of a bunny...

I groaned and got up, continuing my terrified retreat from those I knew only too well. Then I stopped. I had reached a cliff. I turned, to see my pursuers: the frying pan, the metal spatula, the cutting board, and, of course, the bunny that had taken my own name. Behind them, my hikari was grinning evilly at me.

A scream tore itself from my throat, and I stepped backwards, teetering on the edge of the cliff. Then, beside me, something materialized out of the darkness. I gasped.

Salad tongs!

"Bakuuura!" My hikari was calling me. I screamed again.

"Bakuuuuura!" It was growing louder.

"BAKUUUUUURA!" It was right next to me! I took a step backwards. I must get away from the sound! I swayed on the edge for a moment, before plunging into the darkness below me, giving one last despairing scream as I was lost from sight.

I woke up on the floor.

"BAKURA!" I looked up to see my hikari standing at the door. I sat up, and tried to look as dignified as possible, given the fact that sweat was pouring down my face and my eyes were approximately the size of Yugi's.

"Y-yes?"

"WHERE IS BAKURA?"

"I-I'm right h-here, R-Ryou..."

"NOT YOU! THE BUNNY!"

"He's...m-missing?"

"YES! AND IF YOU DON'T TELL ME WHERE HE IS NOW..." My hikari trailed off. I glanced at his hand, and my eyes went even wider, if that is possible.

It was the salad tongs from my nightmare!

"B-but h-hikari, I d-don't know w-w-where he is!"

Ryou was glaring at me.

"I-I'm s-s-serious! I d-d-didn't do a-anything t-to y-your b-b-bunny!"

"Well, then, why's he missing?"

"I-I d-d-don't..."

"WHY WAS THE CAGE CUT OPEN?"

"T-the c-c-cage w-was..."

"Cut open. Yes. And I have a feeling that YOU'RE behind this!"

"M-m-me?"

"YES, YOU! WHO ELSE WOULD IT BE?"

"U-um..."

"Now, let's try this again. WHERE IS BAKURA?"

"I-I'm i-i-innocent u-until proven g-guilty," I said, throwing out something I recalled the teacher saying to the class. Something about how the US government works.

"Yes, you are, but, unfortunately for you, Yami, YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN PROVEN GUILTY THOUSANDS OF TIMES!"

"N-n-not t-t-this t-t-time..."

Ryou sighed. "Well, then someone broke in and stole Bakura last night, because he's gone. Come on, help me make 'Missing' posters."

"O-okay."

"I'm sorry for getting mad, if you actually are innocent. If not..." Ryou brandished his new weapon threateningly.

I felt myself falling backwards, and everything went a peculiar shade of black...

-

I still can't believe this outrage. I spent the rest of the day toiling to make some nice 'Missing' posters, and Ryou didn't like them! Here's what they said:

MISSING

An annoying, fluffy, white bunny. May respond to name Bakura, though it doesn't like responding very much. If found, PLEASE DO NOT RETURN! Run it over with a lawnmower or something.

Reward: 10 dollars for not bringing it back, 20 dollars for bringing back its dismembered bits after you run it over.

And I spent the entire afternoon making these! I made FIFTY of them, before my dear hikari decided he didn't like them and whacked me over the head! I really must find someone to work with soon, so I can proceed with my plot. Who should I pick? Aargh, I did it again. I asked your opinion. Bad me. Must remember not to ask your opinion. Yet another thing needs to be added to the list:

11. Hire somebody to remind me not to talk to my journal.

There. So, it needs to be a yami of some sort, because hikaris are either too innocent or too evil. Definitely not Yami Yugi...he's always too obsessed with saving the world, and he's WAAAAY too protective of Yugi. Plus, Yugi has that strange obsession with bunnies... Yami Yugi is out. Seto Kaiba (he's not a yami, but close enough) is also out, because he's too busy and too protective of his midgety little brother. Hm...could use Yami Malik, but I don't think I trust him. He's way too likely to turn on me, and I couldn't have THAT. Plus, all that gold he's wearing is very difficult to resist stealing... Who else is there? NO ONE! AARGH! This is going to be a little bit more difficult than anticipated. Maybe I could hypnotize my hikari, or borrow the rod from Malik or something...he's certainly evil enough...

(scribble)

It's Ryou's salad tongs again! They have pointy bits! That's not FAIR!

(HUGE scribble)

Hikari's so mean...

Will write more if I escape with my life. Wish me luck! Oh, yes, you're just a book. You can't wish me luck. I know this is messy, but it has always been difficult to write when running...

-

Willowwind: -.- No comment.

Legolas: I concur.

Willowwind: He's so mean...RYOU! SIC' HIM!

Ryou: (brandishes salad tongs)

Legolas: IIIIEEEEEEEE! (runs away)

Willowwind: YOU SHALL RECEIVE THE SAME TREATMENT IF YOU DON'T REVIEW! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Bakura the Bunny: (bounces up and down) (makes plot bunny noises)

Willowwind: Don't let the cuteness fool you. He'll be back next chappie. WHICH WILL NOT BE POSTED UNTIL I RECEIVE FIVE REVIEWS AT LEAST! So kindly press the little "Go" button down there before you leave...and if you left me a little comment, that would be nice, too...

Legolas: (running in circles) HEEEEELP!