The Secret Journal of Bakura the Great Chapter Eight, a yu-gi-oh fanfic

Willowwind: Before you kill me for not updating soon enough, please hear me out.

Legolas: No. Don't. Kill her now.

Willowwind: I had writer's block, people, and then I got all stressed, and then my Grandpa died, and I'm so sick at the moment I can't talk, and one of my fav. author's accounts got deleted for reasons unknown...I'm not really in the mood for writing humour.

Legolas: So this chapter is going to suck!

Willowwind: (glare) There's plenty of words that mean 'suck' but would make you sound more sophisticated, dearest-elven-prince.

Legolas: (sticks out tongue)

Willowwind: Well, look who decided to be OOC today! Anywho, here's the reviews:

Reviews:

Computerfreak101: Erm...I could consider giving out prizes to the second and third place finishes...but what did you have in mind?

Waffles4eva: Sailor Moon...I'm getting ideas...muahahahaha! And just because you call your sports by British terms is absolutely no reason to try to change their REAL terms. Baseball. Football. Soccer.

You know I'm kidding, right? Anyhoo…I nicked that one line from your fic and it's in here. Thanks for letting me steal it! But if you let me…then wouldn't it be borrowing? Aargh, now I'm confuzzled.

Shadow Yami: Neither can I. That's why I wrote it. And about what the bunny wants in payment...I'll think of that later.

Nachzes Black-Rider: Yes. You know WHY it's getting more attention than FH? BECAUSE FH IS HORRIBLE, THAT'S WHY! No, I will NOT advertise for it. If they don't like it, I'm not gonna make them read it.

greywolf2716: I know. Ryou's OOC—AU, even. That's why he's scary.

redconvoy: Why, thank you. I know I'm crazy. Glad you like.

Sami Ryou's Hikari: Okay...I'll tally that. Thanks for voting!

Hazel-Beka: Posting that picture on the internet...I might be able to use that later. Hmm... Mind if I nick it sometime?

OneWhoWalksWithPigeons: Yup. Plot bunnies come with stories. Very annoying little things, they are...and they're made even more annoying by the fact that they're so cute...cause then you can't get rid of them.

hellcasterkanrou: ...No. He won't use those giant chopstick thingees. Mainly because I have no idea what they are. Get me a name, and I might be able to use it...

PikPik246: Yeah. Now I need some more sports he can watch though. Or maybe I'll get him to watch something else...

dudeipolish: Thanks for the review. And if you ever do get any bombs, please don't blow up the world. I've grown rather attached to it...

Fantasia-girlie: Thanks for the review, and the nice comments!

amanda.p.: Well...that might be in the plot later...or something along those lines, anyhow. Thanks for being inspirational!

Willowwind: (sniffle) You guys love me. I GOT 15 REVIEWS FOR LAST CHAPPIE! That's more than I've ever gotten on any fic or story I've ever written before. Thanks so much!

Okay, now that we're done with that, let's get this show on the road!

Disclaimer: Do you think I own Yu-Gi-Oh?

Warnings: Characters OOC to the point of being AU, and Ryou's kitchen implements of doom!

The Secret Journal of Bakura the Great

Chapter Eight

I just managed to get out of my soulroom. Hikari locked me in there for a week. That wasn't very nice of him. I'm going to sit here and pout.

(pout)

Okay, this is boring. I need to find my partner and see how the plan is going.

Oops. The plan. I forgot to tell it to him.

Ah well. Maybe he found my notes.

Can he read?

I'm going to stop asking you questions now, because you're a stupid little journal, and cannot reply to me. Must go find that bunny now and see if he's done anything helpful. Probably not...useless little rodent...very intelligent useless little rodent, maybe, but I'm still mad about not getting a better partner. Ah well, maybe I can find someone else later. Until then, I'll have to work with a bunny. Sigh.

Must go now. Hikari wants me to take out the trash.

OoOoOoO

"Bakura?" My hikari was waiting patiently for me at the foot of the stairs.

"Coming!" I started down the stairs, going slower so I wouldn't trip again. Too bad I wasn't looking where I was going. I had only one thought as I crashed down the stairs.

'WHO LEFT THAT THERE?'

I had stepped onto this stupid, sort-of-oval-shaped board with wheels on the bottom of it. It went shooting out from under me, and I fell. All the way down the stairs. Again.

Ryou grinned at me as I lay at his feet at the bottom of the stairs. "Bakura, WHEN are you going to learn how to go down the stairs without falling?"

"When you clean the stairs," I muttered, rising. But my hikari didn't hear.

"Honestly, I don't think you've ever gone down the stairs on anything other than your back since you moved in. But that's not important. Please take out the trash."

"Yes, Ryou." I took the garbage bag from my hikari's outstretched hand, and began to walk away, to get the garbage from around the house.

"Oh, and one more thing."

I sighed and turned to face my hikari again. "Yes?"

"The garbage truck came this morning, so you'll have to take the garbage to the dump yourself. And you still can't drive, because you still refuse to learn how, so you'll have to walk there." I swear, he was grinning evilly, hikari or not.

"WHAT?"

"You heard me. Now pick up the garbage and get going, or you won't be back in time for supper."

"Hmph. I don't need to eat."

"Maybe not, but you like to."

I pouted. He had me there. "Fine." I walked around the house, collecting garbage from various trash cans, then back to my hikari, who was busy fixing something in the kitchen. "Ryou?"

"Yes?"

"Where am I supposed to take the garbage?"

Ryou rolled his eyes. "To the dump, of course, you idiot." He said it like it was obvious. Hmph. Maybe it was for him, but I just happen to be a 5000-year-old spirit. I don't even know what a dump looks like.

"Um...how do you get there?"

Ryou began a long and complicated description of the path I should take. "You go down four blocks, then turn left and go one block, then turn left again for five blocks, and then you should be able to see it."

"Um...okay..."

"Good. Now get going." Obediently, I left the kitchen. But I was confused. VERY confused. What on earth were these 'blocks' he was talking about? Maybe I would see when I got outside.

I let myself out the front door, but before I could close it, something small, fuzzy and black slunk out the small opening. I looked at my partner, confused. "Are you coming?" He nodded. "...Okay...but no sneaking off. Ryou would blame me for your escape." He nodded again. so I set off down the driveway...and found out what a block was.

There were all of these square blocks of greyish stone, all lined up. THOSE must be blocks. I found the edge of the first block.

'So, he said down four blocks.' I stepped down the length of four of those blocks. 'Turn left for one block.' I turned and walked over. Now I was closer to the street. 'Left again for five blocks, and I'll be able to see it.' I turned again and walked five blocks, noting the fact that I passed where I had started by one block. I stopped at the edge of the fifth block and looked around. I didn't see a dump. But, then again, I had no clue what dumps looked like. Still, I saw nothing out of the ordinary. I decided to try again, but from a different block. Maybe I had started at the wrong one. I went down two blocks from where I had started the previous time and tried again.

I still saw no dump. So I tried again.

Nope.

Again.

Nope.

Again.

Nope.

I was now standing where I had begun the first time, right in front of Ryou's house.

It was then that I figured out something was wrong.

I glanced over at Bakura the bunny, then glared at him. He was rolling around on the ground, obviously laughing, and pounding his little paws on the ground before he held his sides.

Now I was mad.

"Look. If you know how to get to the dump, YOU take the garbage." I held it out expectantly. That stupid bunny immediately sat up and looked innocent.

"Fine." I went back to doing my walking. Maybe it would work sometime...hikari said it would...

"Tomb robber." I looked up to see that baka pharaoh grinning – yes, GRINNING at me. "Did you drop something, or were you just walking around with a bag of garbage in your hand for no reason?"

"Of course not," I snapped. "I was just taking the rubbish for a walk."

His grin widened, and I was having a hard time resisting walking over to him and wiping that stupid grin off his face. "And I suppose you were taking your pet bunny along with you." He nodded at Bakura.

"No. It's not mine. It's Ryou's. And I didn't bring it along. It came along. And WHAT are you doing here?"

"You didn't hear? Your hikari invited me and my hikari over for dinner." My eyes widened. Sure, my hikari was evil, but he wouldn't do THAT to me, would he?

Okay, maybe he would.

Yami's eyes glazed over as he said something to his hikari, who was obviously in his soulroom at the moment. Then his eyes became clear again. "My hikari would like to look at your bunny."

I glared at him. "It's. Not. Mine."

He ignored me, and closed his eyes as the puzzle began glowing. When his eyes opened again, they were approximately three times the size that they had been. He was shorter now, with less spiky hair, and I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing. I still couldn't get over the fact that the pharaoh was re-incarnated as a shrimp.

Yugi ignored me, and ran over to Bakura the bunny. He began stroking it between the ears, smiling like a chibi. "It's so cute! What's its name?"

I ground my teeth. "Bakura."

Yugi looked up at me with his enormous eyes, still smiling. "Of course! You two look so alike!" I didn't think that was supposed to be an insult, which made it all the more insulting. The pharaoh's stupid hikari ignored my death glare and turned back to the bunny.

"Hi, Bakura! You're so cute! Yes, you are! You're just a cutie-wootie little fluffy-wuffy – OW!"

Yugi pulled back, glancing at his bleeding finger. Bakura the bunny was grinning again, and it was all I could do to keep a straight face. For once, I was grateful to that bunny. Yugi was getting more than a little disturbing. (A/N: I second that. I think I gagged up there...)

A single tear rolled down Yugi's face. "It doesn't...like me," he sniffed, and the puzzle began glowing again.

And when it stopped, he was a few inches taller again.

"Tomb robber! Control your bunny!"

"It's. Not. Mine."

"I don't care whose it is! It made my hikari cry!"

"Would he prefer it if I stepped on it?" I watched in amusement as Yami winced from the loud outcry that no doubt came through his mental link. "Apparently not." I snickered as the pharaoh gave me a death glare. "Well, go inside. I suppose my hikari will be expecting you. I just have to finish giving the trash its walk."

The pharaoh gave me a very odd look as he went towards the front door of my house.

OoOoOoO

My hikari is so unfair. I can't believe it. I tried to get to the dump again, but it didn't work. So I dumped it in the neighbor's compost heap. I didn't know it was a compost heap until hikari got a phone call in the middle of supper – the neighbor was complaining about the garbage that got dumped in her compost heap.

Now I'm grounded.

And being grounded isn't that bad, really. But hikari just had to do it right then with the pharaoh looking on. He laughed at me. That wasn't nice of him.

And who knew the pharaoh was so prone to fall for old tricks? I used the old 'water on the door' trick. And the pharaoh fell for it.

...I didn't know he used gel. I really didn't. I thought it was natural...seeing as how that's how it was back in Ancient Egypt...before gel was invented. But he must have used something, because he uses gel now. And it washed out when the bucket of water hit him.

He has long hair.

I took a few photos, for blackmail purposes. Most of the time, they were photos I took over my shoulder as I ran away from either him or my hikari. They finally caught me, cause Ryou whacked me with a wooden spoon. That wasn't nice of him, either.

I got in trouble for pranking the pharaoh, but he didn't get in trouble for laughing at me! I'm so misunderstood. Ah well, maybe walking home with wet, long, flat hair will teach him not to mess with me. Ryou's coming to lecture me now. I think I'm in trouble for taking the bunny outside without permission, too.

Hikari's seen me writing in this. I have to run. Maybe I can get outside, and esca

(scribble)

Ow...

I fell down the stairs again. Hikari's laughing at me. Now he's taking off the Ring. See you in about a week.

OoOoOoO

"Yami! Yami!"

"Not now! I'm trying to plan!

"But yami, look!"

Yami Malik's eyes widened as he saw the picture his hikari was holding. "This...could be a problem."

"This was unexpected..."

"Very. Who would have thought the pharaoh would agree to team up with the tomb robber? Yet there they are," he mused. "Malik."

"Yes, yami?"

"Something needs to be done. Invite them over for dinner sometime. We need to talk."

"All of them?"

"Yes. Even the bunny." Yami Malik smirked at the thought.

"Yes, yami."

"Now go. I need to make some plans." The spirit watched his hikari leave the room, then turned to the picture sitting on a small table beside him: a picture of the pharaoh, the tomb robber, and the bunny, standing in a circle and talking. He gave a small laugh of contempt. "You think you can beat me?" he asked, staring hard at the picture. "Well, think again. I will rule the world, and you will not stop me, whether or not the pharaoh is helping you."

Yami Malik ripped the picture in half, then tossed it carelessly over his shoulder. He had more important things to think of now...

OoOoOoO

Willowwind: (gasp) A non-Ryou-induced scribble! It's incredible!

Legolas: Nobody cares.

Willowwind: Too bad for nobody. But Yami Malik thinks that Yami's helping Bakura! And poor Bakura just can't seem to get the hang of those stairs... Maybe Ryou should clean them off...but where would the fun be in that? Legolas, you are not to say a word.

Legolas: Fine.

Willowwind: (gasp) You said something! Oh, Ryou! (singsong voice)

Legolas: O.O Meep.

Willowwind: There. VERYVERYVERY sorry again for the time it took to update, but I hope the weirdness makes up for it. No? SUFFER. I'll try to update again soon. Within a week, if I can manage it. Please review?