Chapter 11

Tom's new apartment,
Thursday, May 27, 1999
4:30 pm

"Do you want something to drink?" Cassy asked her partner as she levered herself off the floor in the living room.

"No thanks." Tom didn't look up.

"Don't you have any decaffeinated tea?" Cassy asked a few minutes later as she rummaged through Tom's now perfectly arranged kitchen.

"Decaf?" Tom looked up in surprise from the papers spread put in front of him on the dining room table. "Oh, the heart thing. Um, if you didn't see any when you unpacked I doubt there is any. I think I have some hot cocoa."

"That has caffeine." Cassy sighed and dropped the box of tea she was holding onto the counter. Leaning her hands on the counter and concentrated on taking deep breaths to combat her frustration. She was getting pretty sick of drinking water and juice and she was ready to kill for a grande no fat latte.

"Not that much," Tom said absently over his shoulder.

bring

The phone rang. Neither cop looked up from what they were engaged in.

bring

"This is 555-1013. Leave a message," Tom's voice filled the room from the answering machine.

Tom and Cassy both turned and looked at each other accusingly through the pass through between the kitchen and the dining room.

"Cassy, this is Doctor Scully's office calling to confirm your appointment for 9:30 tomorrow morning. We'll see you both then!" the nurse said perkily.

"It was for you." Tom practically stuck his tongue out at her.

Cassy flashed Tom a weak smile before turning away, her heart pounding. 'Both, I can't believe she said both!' she closed her eyes and hoped that Tom didn't pick up on the reference.

"What did she mean by both?" Tom asked.

crash

Cassy fumbled and dropped the mug she had been holding onto the kitchen floor.

"Shit!" she cursed as she knelt down and began to pick up shards of the broken crockery.

"Hey, be careful." Tom jumped up and rushed into the kitchen to help her. "You'll cut yourself," he warned as he saw her using her bare hands. He quickly grabbed some paper towels and knelt down to push her hands out of the way.

"Ow!" Cassy exclaimed and dropped the pieces she had been holding. Blood began to well up from a cut on her finger and she quickly moved it towards her mouth.

"Gimme." Tom grabbed her hand and helped her stand and immediately brought her into the bathroom, turned on the water and pushed her hand underneath the spray. "You always do that. He shook his head and smiled.

Stung, Cassy bit her lip. Tom was still looking down at her finger and she couldn't see his good humored expression. "I didn't mean to break your mug, I'm sorry," she cursed herself as she felt stupid tears well up in her eyes.

"I know that," Tom looked up and was surprised to see that she seemed genuinely upset. "I startled you. It happens. Besides, that was from the set we got for our wedding and was the last one left. I broke all of the others!"

"The last one?" Cassy repeated in a low tone.

"Yeah." Tom looked similarly saddened by the realization. He and Cassy stared into each other's eyes for a brief moment before Tom turned his attention to the half inch slice on her finger. First he dried it off gently with a antiseptic pad and then he wrapped a band-aid around it. Then he brought it to his lips and gave it a soft kiss. "Good as new."

Cassy's face crumbled at the gesture and she began to sob.

"Cass?" Tom said worriedly even as he moved to bring her into his embrace. "Hey, it's all right, it's just a mug," he said helplessly.

Cassy laughed through her tears. He thought this was about a mug! Part of her realized that her over reaction was due to hormones, but she couldn't help herself. Nor could she help the genuine release she felt. The past few days had been so turbulent and confusing for her internally. Feelings of relief, fear, sorrow and guilt had been flowing and ebbing through her, neither winning the war for supremacy. And making her feel all the more guilty, if that were possible, was the deep sense of joy she felt at discovering she was pregnant, with Tom's child. And at living with him again, albeit not officially. It was almost like they were newly married again. They were so considerate and careful with the other, part of her feared that would disappear again and yet she had to admit that it felt different again. This time it was just comfortable, not strained.

Tom's hand strayed down her back and brought Cassy back from inside her thoughts. She couldn't suppress a shiver of arousal as she reveled in the feeling of being held in his arms and pressed against his body. Unable to stop herself she looked up at him and she knew that desire was written across her face.

"Cass?" Tom asked in a husky voice as she stared down into her eyes.

Without bothering to ask another question Cassy reached her arms around his neck and pulled his lips towards hers. For a few moments Tom gave into the moment, but just as sudden as Cassy's kiss had been he jerked away.

Cassy would have been insulted if she hadn't seen the dazed and desirous look in his eyes. Feeling contrite and scared she closed her eyes and moved away.

"Cass?" Tom said questioningly.

"We need to talk Tom," she said firmly and made her way back into the living where she sat down expectantly on the couch.

"Cass, it's not that I'm exactly complaining, but I am worried," Tom began to speak as soon as he sat down next to her.

Cassy shook her head and turned towards him. Seeing that he was silenced she took his hands in hers. She had been trying to tell him since the day before and had either been interrupted or unable to find the words. After that display in the bathroom she knew she couldn't put it off any longer. Nor did she want to.

"You asked what the nurse meant by 'both.' That's why I dropped the mug. The statement and the question startled me. With all of the...turmoil of the past few days there is something else I learned. Something that has changed things, a lot of things, for me. Something that will change a lot of things for both of us. I'm pregnant," she finally said, simply.

A mixture of emotions passed over Tom's face during her explanation. Fear. Confusion. Hope. A failure to comprehend. Shock. Pure unadulterated shock. Then finally the expression Cassy had expected, joy.

"You're going to have a baby?" Tom's eyes lit up as bright as his smile. "Really? There?" he reached his hand out to touch her stomach, then pulled it back at the last second to silently ask her permission.

"If you want, it's a bit too early to feel anything." Cassy enjoyed his reaction.

"I can tell," Tom said earnestly as he pressed his hand against her still flat stomach. "Are you happy about this?"

"Yes, I am. I don't think this is a great time for all of this. I know it's not a resolution for everything we've done to each other. And it won't solve any of our intrinsic problems. But yes. I'm happy." Cassy held her hands up in the air.

"Maternal and illogical. What have you done with Cassandra St. John?" Tom grasped her shoulders and demanded humorously.

"I don't know, I really don't know," Cassy shook her head and said seriously.

"What are we going to do?" Tom turned the conversation back to a serious bent.

Cassy stood up and faced the wall as she gathered her thoughts together. Finally ready she turned back to answer him.

"I don't want to deprive you of your child, Tom. I'm not going to go to Houston. I can't take a new job in this condition and I can't be there on time with all this going on. I think that we should wait until all of this is over to make plans. Now do you see why you need to be safe, more than ever?" Cassy asked him.

"And I need for you to be safe. You have to promise me you won't do anything crazy. I don't want you leaving this apartment. I'll have Harry put more guards on the door. Are you feeling all right? What did the doctor say? Sit down!" Tom had begun slowly and sped up as he fired orders and questions.

"I'm fine, but I think you might need a little Valium. I'm fine. I feel fine, most of the time and I'm going to the doctor's office tomorrow," Cassy did, though, comply with his "request" that she sit down.

"I'm coming with you. And what do you mean by most of the time?" Tom scrutinized her tired features.

"Tom, why don't you see if you can order some good take out and something decaf I can drink?" Cassy crossed her arms and looked at him calmly. "We have a few more months of this, you'd better learn to chill out."

"Chill out?" Tom asked with raised eyebrows. "What do you want for dinner?"

"Surprise me." Cassy shrugged and sat back down on the living room floor and began to study the crime scene reports again. Now, more than ever, they needed to get this case put to rest. There was even more on the line than whoever was out for her could have known.

"Can I get you a pillow?" Tom asked as he picked up the phone.

"If you start to pamper me Thomas Ryan..." Cassy threatened.

Tom studied her profile for a moment before turning to study the menu and place an order.

End of Chapter 11