Willowwind: BAAAAAACK! Update could've been quicker, but...
Legolas: (sniffle)
Willowwind: (blink) (pokes Legolas-muse) Why are you sad?
Legolas: I'm not. I'm...happy... (sniff)
Willowwind: ...You're happy that this chappie is up? (disbelief)
Legolas: No, you naïve idiot. One of the reviewers...feels sorry for me...
Willowwind: Ah, yes. That. So...reviews!
Reviews:
Lord hack: ...You do not need to feel sorry for Legolas. He really likes the fic...I know he does. He just acts like that. Something about male ego. I isn't male. I don't know why. (Legolas: I heard that!) Eh. He's also an elf, which must give the ego another boost. Nothing to worry about. But yes, feel sorry for the others. And thank you for liking my fic! (And sorry if you're male – I'm sure not all males have the ego problem...)
Dragon-Charmer16: (scrambles to update) Soon enough? Probably not...sorry... Oh, and your yami is crazy. I just noticed that. Because when I go crazy, I twitch like that. It's fun. You might want to stick her in a room with padded walls until she settles down and promises not to kill the authoress. Please?
Wormapple: Hm...maybe if you stuck the meat cleaver in a cannon and then used the cannon to blow it out, you could shoot it at me. But that wouldn't be nice, cause then I couldn't update ever. I may use a meat cleaver, but I don't want to hurt Bakura-sama any more than necessary to make the audience laugh. Must go. Bakura is glaring at me now.
Pikpik246: Yeah, I was thinking Texas. But either works, really. Cause they're both bigger than I am. But that's not difficult to manage.
Puzzlie: So...many...compliments... (goes bright red) And no criticism, either! I hope this chapter measures up to the rest...
Shikyo666: Thanks again for pointing that out. I hate it when I make plot holes...anyhoo...here's an update...I think it's funny, at least...
Her Sweetness: (sputters incoherently) I don't...write...lemons... (points desperately at the rating) In fact, I'm not the greatest romance writer, period. This ain't exactly a romance fic, see. (realizes she is ranting) (stops) Sorry. Anyhoo, thanks for reviewing!
random fan of willowwind: (goes very red) Thank you...
Waffles4eva: Ooh, long review...and a plot hole! (shrieks) I MUST FIX! After I get this up, that is. It's been waiting long enough. And I'm seriously considering the sherbet and coffee thing...
pointe master: So many reviews...thank you... (hides from you under her chair) Bakura can't die! He's a spirit! Don't worry, I promise not to kill him off! And, in case you hadn't noticed, bad things have been happening to him for a while now. But it'll all turn out fine. You'll see.
Nachzes Black-Rider: You has a strange sense of humour... And yes. I was talking about FH. And I wrote more. Again. Oh, and remind me to send you my attempt at an angsty one-shot when it's done. I think it's sad...
Willowwind: Thank you muchly to everyone who reviewed. Cookies to all!
Legolas: They felt sorry for me...
Willowwind: Quit that, Legolas, before I go crazy.
Legolas: Oh dear...
Willowwind: (grins insanely) Worms? I hate worms. They make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They put me in a home. And I died there. And then the worms came. Worms? I hate worms...
Legolas: (pushes button that says 'Roll Fic' very quickly, and the maniacal laughter in the background fades away...)
Disclaimer: Don't own noffink. Don't even own the rant I was using up there. Someone else made it. NOW GO AWAY! (PS. Bakura-bunny is mine, even if his name isn't...)
Warnings: OOC-ness much, random weapons, an evil plot, a half-evil plot that someone with half a brain could tell wouldn't work and yet it does, a not-so-evil plot, Bakura-bunny back in action, and chocolate. Much, much chocolate. Fear muchly. WAHAHAHAHAHA!
("") – Someone speaking in Egyptian
The Secret Journal of Bakura the GreatChapter Fourteen
Here I am again. Stuck in a room with the pharaoh and the bunny. Bakura-bunny's quiet. I can live with him. The pharaoh, however, is now drawing plans for world domination in the dirt, whilst muttering something about coffee. It's starting to scare me.
So...update on the situation...the stupid tomb keeper forced our little group to go kidnap the priest's little brother. An evil plan, you see. Yami Malik's gonna force Kaiba to work for him...that way, he has labour (us) and unlimited technology access (priest-baka). Right now, our captors are keeping Mokuba in check. I don't envy them...the kid's been eating sugar. High as a kite.
So what if that was a sentence fragment?
I COULD CARE LESS ABOUT GRAMMAR!
You might want to shut your non-existent mouth before I shut it for you.
That's better.
So, we're being held hostage, slaves to some idiotic evil plan. Thankfully, I have been forming an evil plan of my own. I just must go over it with m
(SCRIBBLE)
What was that? Something just flew through the door an
(SCRIBBLE) (tear in notebook page here)
Something else just flew through the door. And the something is still on top of me. And I think it's alive. Hold on while I prod it...
(SCRIBBLE)
Owie...
Yup. It's alive.
Ah. Off of me now. I see...Seto and Mokuba Kaiba just flew through the door and landed on me.
My back hurts.
Update on the situation: the priest is sitting on the floor, looking very confused as he stares first at me writing in my journal, then at Bakura-bunny wandering in aimless circles, then at the pharaoh – screaming something about muffins in Egyptian. The priest's little brother is running around us in circles – he's still sugar-high. Ah well.
Hmm...it's awfully quiet. Perhaps I should attempt to engage the priest in some sort of conversation...
OoOoOoO
"Kaiba. What're you doing here?" I figured I'd best play innocent, as though I hadn't the faintest idea what he or his brother were doing here. We were in an enclosed area with nowhere to run, after all...
"I'm sitting."
"Good for you. Do you want to explain why you are sitting here, as opposed to at your mansion?"
"Because I landed here."
"No, you did not. You landed on me."
"Well, if you'd prefer that I sit on you..."
"Ah, no." I paused. "I suppose that your little brother got kidnapped again?"
Mokuba answered for us. "YES I WAS HOW EVER DID YOU GUESS I WAS JUST SITTING AND EATING POCKY AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN THERE WAS THIS BAG OVER ME AND THEN I WAS BEING TAKEN AWAY AND NOW I'M HERE AND SETO'S HERE SO WE SHOULD HAVE SOME SUGAR!"
"Mokuba. Calm down." I was sweatdropping, naturally, but apparently, this wasn't an uncommon occurrence, as Kaiba was completely calm.
"BUT SETO THIS IS SO FUN YOU SHOULD TRY IT SOMETIME BIG BROTHER I KNOW YOU'D LOVE IT CAUSE I LOVE IT AND THERE'S NO ONE WHO DOESN'T LOVE IT AND SUGAR TASTES GOOD AND YOU SHOULD HAVE SOME IN YOUR COFFEE SOMETIME!"
The priest sighed. "Is there any way out of here? I need to get my little brother home and give him his medicine."
"Possibly. I have a plan..."
"Oh?" The pharaoh had stopped ranting about muffins and was listening now.
"Soon, guards will come to take us to see Malik and his yami. They'll want to discuss how they're gonna drag us into their newest plot. And when this happens, here's what I propose we do..."
OoOoOoO
Five minutes later"You're insane."
"What? It's a wonderful plan! And it'll make the tomb keeper look like the idiot he is!"
"No comment."
"You don't think it'll work."
"Brilliant, Sherlock."
"I'll prove it! Just try it, and you'll see."
"Even the bunny thinks it's stupid."
"What makes you say that?"
"He's laughing at you." Seto pointed, and there was Bakura-bunny, rolling around and pounding his little paws on the ground. I glared at him, and he immediately sat up and gave me the most innocent eyes he could manage with a huge smirk on his little face and his entire form shaking with mirth.
"Well? Does anyone have a better idea?"
Yami grinned goofily. "I think it's a great idea!"
I smirked. "See?"
"Yugi is officially insane. His opinion doesn't count."
"Well, if you don't have a better idea, I suggest we try mine."
"...You realize you're going to get us all killed."
"Except me." I gave him a huge grin, then turned towards the door as it opened and a guard entered.
OoOoOoO
"Here we are." Ryou hopped out of his car, followed by the rest of his companions. "And...they're not here."
"Who'd you say has 'em captive again?"
"Malik. I can't get much more info, though. Bakura's shut off the mind link."
"Well, where d'you think we should go next?"
"Nowhere. Let's wait here and see if they come back. I'll keep trying to get through to Bakura."
OoOoOoO
Slowly, we followed the guard towards a different room. Yami was still muttering about the stupidity of everything and everyone around him. I was pretty sure he was going insane. I had a perfect plot...of COURSE it would work!
We were led inside the room, in front of the two smiling blonds. No doubt, they wanted us to start a new plan. But before they could so much as open their mouths, I sprang our plan into action.
I pointed at a random bit of wall. "Oh! Look! A diversion!"
They all looked.
And our party ran like there was no tomorrow.
OoOoOoO
Update on the situation: we are now locked in a room with only a tiny window that even the pharaoh's midget couldn't hope to get through, and a whole bunch of information about the world-domination plans. You'd think, with all this info, they could at least have the address we're at written somewhere. But NOOOO...
Of course I'm not looking for it, you dimwitted journal! You know I can't read Japanese!
...Hold on, Kaiba's asking me something...
...Oh.
The notes are in Egyptian.
Whoopsie.
Oh, be quiet.
I'M GOING TO BURN YOU!
OoOoOoO
"Bakura!"
"What?"
"What are you doing with that match?"
"Uh... Ow!" It burned me, and I dropped it. Seto stepped on the small fire that ensued and put it out. "I'm burning myself, of course."
"And attempting to burn the rest of us..." he muttered. "Well, what do you propose we do?"
"Ryou needs to find out where we are, so he can come and get us out of here. And to do that..." I grabbed a slip of paper, wrote a short message on it, and attached it to Bakura-bunny's ear.
"Bakura?"
"Hmm?"
"Nobody in Ryou's group can read Egyptian."
"Ah..."
OoOoOoO
Fifteen minutes later
I opened the tiny window, and dropped Bakura-bunny – with a new note, written by Kaiba attached to his ear – out onto the lawn below.
"Go find Ryou," I whispered to him. "Bring him back here."
Bakura-bunny nodded, then scurried off.
"I hope he hurries," Seto muttered. "Malik'll have this door broken down in no time, and then we'll all be prisoners again."
We silently watched him go – even Mokuba had settled down slightly at the gravity of the situation. And then the silence was broken with sudden Egyptian.
("Ping-pong! I love ping-pong! The ball goes ping and then pong...oh...pong...horrible stench, like...SKUNKS! I hate skunks! They make such an awful pong...oh! PING-PONG!")
"What's he saying?" Mokuba asked, confused.
"..."
"Well?"
"For your sanity's sake, you do not want to know."
OoOoOoO
Willowwind: WHEE THAT WAS FUN! Not quite as long as I had hoped, but...FUN!
Legolas: You're awfully hyper for so late at night...
Willowwind: Before I forget...thanks to Waffles4eva for the phrase 'High as a kite', even if she didn't make it. And now, back to the present. YES I AM!
Legolas: ...Dare I ask why?
Willowwind: YOU MAY! I GOTS A FLUTE! (runs around in circles, hugging her new flute)
Legolas: Oh no...first comes the flute, then comes...
Willowwind: (begins playing Phantom of the Opera songs on her flute) (pauses) I actually can, ya know. Ever so much fun.
Legolas: (dies)
Willowwind: Well, we can't have that, can we? (writes Legolas back in)
Legolas: Rats.
Willowwind: This AN is already too long, so GO REVIEW! (prods audience members with her flute) REVIEW OR I SHALL NEVER RETURN! (wanders off, laughing maniacally)