--Authoress Prenote: In case you were wondering why I haven't been updating for years…I gots into trouble with my parents, and have had my computer privileges revoked until summer. Knowing you guys will kill me if I wait that long to update, I have recruited my good friend Waffles4eva. I'll write chapters at school and type 'em up and sneak on school computers to send them to her, and she'll update for me. So go review her stuff to say thank you.--
Willowwind: I. Do not. Believe it.
Legolas: Join the club.
Willowwind: TWO HUNDRED REVIEWS! TWO HUNDRED!
Legolas: Whatever. Please stop yelling at the computer.
Willowwind: MAKE ME!
Legolas: Okay. (gags Willowwind)
Willowwind: Hmph. (gag goes poof) You forgot the authoress powers again, dear muse. Anyhoo...two hundred andten reviews, to be specific. Not too shabby... And I'm fighting the mad desire to give an evil hamster laugh.
Nachzes: (appears) I wanna hear! Do it!
Willowwind: Maybe later. (makes Nachzes disappear) So...reviews!
Reviews:
Bakura-star-Ryou-cutie: I don't use the flames to cook mushrooms because I don't LIKE cooked mushrooms, of course. And...looking back, it wasn't so bad. I just thought it stunk the first go-round. But then, I've thought that about all the chapters. Except number fourteen. Thank you muchly for reviewing, yesh. AND MUCHLY AND YESH ARE BOTH WORDS, YOU EVIL SPELL-CHECKER OF DOOM!
Waffles4eva: Blah, I need more ideas for this ficcy. Five more chapters to go and all. And believe me, they shall be five very STRANGE chapters... I has an idea. Yesh.
Thief-Joelle: You can't wait? Well, that's bad, considering the fact that this thing refuses to be updated. (glares at dead plot bunnies) Thanks for reviewing, by the way.
person: Steak, you say? Hmm...I may just use that. Or maybe a pineapple. Ouch. And I would be very much obliged if you didn't kill the other reviewers...bad for business, y'know. Feel free to disable them as much as you like, though. Oh, and beta-ing is reading over someone else's work and fixing grammar and spelling and the like before they post it.
Computerfreak101: Having a big head feels funny...it makes me top-heavy. On the other hand, it would make standing on one's head far simpler. Thank you muchly for the review!
Pointe Master: (hides behind Legolas) I have the next chappie! DON'T KILL ME!
Nachzes Black-Rider: Erm...considering the fact that ancient Egyptian is kind of a dying language...my realm's Seto can't speak it. Maybe yours can. And maybe he can read Arabic...what does that have to do with anything? Oh, yes, and sorry for making you appear in the ANs. It just fit...
Bella The Unicorn: Danke schön, meine freundin. Ich spreche keine Spanisch – ich spreche Deutsch. (Oh, German, go me!) That looks very funny if you put it in Google translator, yes...but it gets most of it. I love foreign languages...
AriNekoGoMu: Interesting name. I really don't care how late your reviews are – they're always appreciated. And I can't make it longer than 20 chapters...I'm running out of ideas! Plus, this'll be the first story more than ten pages long that I actually finished...My Seto: Yes, it WAS way too short. Unfortunately, I'm not very gifted when it comes to writing long chapters. My attention span isn't that long... And Yami went insane a LONG time ago.
bakura's soulmate: Oh, I'll ALWAYS update again. It may take me EONS, but I'm far too stubborn to just up and leave. Have no fear. Or maybe...have very much fear. Yes. (cackle)
Shikyo666: (head inflates again) Nyar! (squishes head down to normal size) Thank you very muchly for your reviews!
Mithrilsword Magechild: I don't know...where did Ryou get a banana? It shall forever remain a mystery... Thanks for reviewing!
raven-foreverdark: (embarrassed) Well...I'm glad you like it...
AssaianQueen: Well, I WOULD write them down, but my plot bunnies for this fic just don't like paper... And I has a habit of losing papers, too. Yes, there will be a sequel, and that'll probably come in the summer sometime (provided, of course, I finish this thing by then).
Anime WarriorSkye: Thank you very muchly. (bows)
PUNX13: YAY FOR PICCOLOS! I SHALL TAKE OVER THE WORLD WITH THEM BY BLOWING EVERYONE'S EARDRUMS OFF:D
Bakura-N-Me: So...many...compliments... (head swells so big it explodes) THANK YOU!
Willowwind: And that be it! Lots and lots of sugarful stuff to reviewers! Do the disclaimer, Legolas!
Legolas: (sigh) She owns nothing but the insanity and the plot bunny. And she wishes to warn all readers that if very OOC characters, kitchen implements of doom, and/or extreme cuteness offends them, they may not like this fic. In which case...WHAT ARE YOU DOING AT CHAPTER SIXTEEN, YOU IDIOTS?
The Secret Journal of Bakura the GreatChapter Sixteen
Day Thirty-Seven of my Imprisonment in the Ring
...Ryou's very moody, you know? I do ONE LITTLE THING wrong, and he's instantly blowing up at me. But he's nice to everyone else, so he's obviously not always mean... Ack! WHAT IF HE'S A GIRL? NOOOOOOOO, I DON'T WANT TO BE REINCARNATED AS A GIRL! AND HE EVEN HAS A HIGH SQUEAKY SORT OF VOICE! SAVE ME!
Oh, wait. If he was a girl, then he'd be a girl, wouldn't he? But he's not a girl, so then he can't be a girl. 'Cause girls are usually girls. I think. ...Quiet, you stupid pathetic mortal book of unprecedented DOOM. No, wait a second. You're not mortal, because you were never alive. Except when you were a tree. HA! YOU WERE A TREE! I laugh at you. MUAHAHA! And your doom was precedented. By me. And if precedented isn't a word, it should be.What d'you mean, I've had this same rant for the last twenty-nine days? I SO HAVE NOT. I've been writing about INTELLIGENT stuff, the likes of which you have no HOPE of comprehending.
I have a new plan for dominating the world! All I have to do is steal Marik's Rod, and take control of everybody in the world. And then I'll be ruler. I WIN! It's so simple and brilliant...now the only problem is getting out of here, getting to Malik's place, finding the Rod, and stealing it, without being caught and maimed by Marik, Malik, or my hikari.
...I'm bored. I'm gonna go look through Ryou's eyes.
OoOoOoO
I was in Ryou's school, in one of the classrooms. There were some notes written on the board, but, as they weren't in Egyptian, I couldn't read them. Ryou then looked down, and I burst out laughing when I saw what was on his desk.
An EYEBALL!
...Pretty big eyeball, too...
Ryou?
Oh, not you again. What is it now?
Is that a HUMAN eyeball?
No. Idiot. It's a cow eye.
Why do you have a cow eye?
He didn't respond immediately, as he was busy getting something from the teacher. I stared at the object in his hand...a big, round, metal rod, ending in a little blade.
Ooh, knives. Can I play with them when you're done?
No! Bakura, I'm trying to learn here. Why don't you go write in that moronic journal of yours?
I got bored of that. What're you gonna do with that knife?
If you really want to watch, you can. Strange, Ryou's side of the link felt a little...queasy.
Ryou? What's going on?
Shh. Ryou's teacher got up in front of the class. "Alright, everyone, you may begin."
Ryou looked down at the eye.
He reached out with a gloved hand and held the eye steady.
Then he took the metal knife-on-a-stick and cut the eye open.
EEEEWWWWWW! What are you doing to that eye?
I'm dissecting it, of course. This is Biology class.
Gross...what's that thing there?
What, this? He carefully removed a round, flat, jelly-looking thing from the eye. It's a lens.
Is it food? It looks like that Jello stuff you sometimes eat...
It's only food if you're REALLY weird, and have a death wish.
Ooh... I immediately began thinking of all the ways I could use something deadly that looked edible. Why's it deadly?
...You can't have it, Bakura.
Aww, why not?
Because I don't trust you with anything that's been anywhere NEAR formaldehyde.
...Even if I promise not to feed it to any of your friends?
No.
...How about if I promise not to feed it to you?
GO AWAY!
I skittered back into my soulroom...because I wanted to write about my observances in my journal, of course.
OoOoOoO
A crumpled piece of paper flew through the air, landing on a growing pile of similar pieces.
"Yami, all our plans are too easy to stop. Bakura and his group are in the way...they'll oppose us if we try anything that's not very subtle."
"We just need to hide the fact that it's us who are behind it. If we can accomplish that, victory will be ours. And, thankfully, we are able to make others do our will."
"...You want to use the rod?"
"But of course."
"I don't really think that'll fool Bakura or his team. You can see it...in the eyes..."
"We just need to use it on someone who he wouldn't question."
"Like...someone he's afraid of?"
"Yes. And I believe there happens to be one person alive who fits that description."
"...That may work."
OoOoOoO
Hmph. Why can't I ever do fun stuff like dissecting eyes? And Ryou didn't even want to! That lens looked fun...so many uses for such a little jelly-like object... One, you could convince someone it was Jello and feed it to them, and kill them. Which would be a useful ploy in my take-over of the world. It also looks squishy. It would be fun to squish.
In other news, nothing has been said of the incident when me and Kaiba and mini-Kaiba and Pharaoh-baka were kidnapped. The midget-smiley seems to have taken over for the Pharaoh, who is probably still insane. Kaiba is acting as though nothing happened, although this sort of thing probably happens to him every other week. I haven't seen mini-Kaiba since that time, so I can't tell about him. But the kidnapping didn't seem to affect him very much, either.
...I just got a brilliant idea. Yugi probably has Yami locked in his soulroom...so if I could figure out a way to break out of MY soulroom...I could go torment him! I'd make sure he went so insane, he'd be kept in his soulroom forever! And then, without him in the way, I'd TAKE OVER THE WORLD!
...I'd say I have my new plan. Now, what obstacles could I run into? ...Ah, yes. Malik and his Yami will definitely try to stop me.
Something's been bothering me, actually...will Yami Malik and Malik keep lying low? Well, they're so stupid, they probably couldn't think of anything good to do...dumb blonds. (A/N: No offense is meant to anyone at that comment. I happen to be considered blonde myself. Now, conscience, can I get back to the story?)
...NO! I'M NOT BLOND! IT'S WHITE! WHITE, I SAY! NOT white blond. Just...white. Yeah.
OF COURSE I'M OLD! I'M 5000 YEARS OLD, FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD!
...Leave my face out of this, if you like YOUR face!
Yes, that DID make sense. You're just too stupid to get it. And no, I DON'T care that you're a book. Or that you don't have a face.
Ugh. I'm talking to you again. I need to go find something to do before I go even more insane than I already am. I'm not sure that's possible, but one can never be too careful.
OoOoOoO
I scanned around my soulroom, looking for anything that might relieve my imminent boredom. The only thing I saw was a small white bag...
Better than nothing, I decided. Sitting next to it, I grabbed it and opened it up. Inside was some white, grainy stuff. Salt, maybe? I tasted it – it didn't TASTE like salt. Much sweeter. And more addictive. And I began to feel a strange amount of energy well up inside me….
OoOoOoO
Willowwind: There you have it! More insanity! WHEE! (bounces off walls)
Legolas: (muttering) Only four chapters to go...
Willowwind: Sadly, yes. But, as a preview for the next chapter…IN WHICH RYOU IS FORCED TO DEAL WITH BAKURA'S SUGAR-HIGH AND IN WHICH BAKURA GOES BABYSITTING! AND IN WHICH MALIK AND HIS YAMI BEGIN THEIR NEW PLAN! AND OTHER SUCH PLOTLESS NONSENSE! And now, as a special treat, I shall have my hamster, Emily, write you all a message!
EmilytheHamster: (start)(if fanfiction didn't have its way, about 20 spaces would be here)(end)
Willowwind: She can press the space bar all by herself! (beams) She's so cute!
Legolas: (mutter) Little rat.
Willowwind: (gasp) How dare you! EMMY! SIC' 'IM! (watches EmilytheHamster chase Legolas in circles) Now, I feel the need to advertise some fics that don't get NEAR enough attention on here. All of them by Waffles4eva. Titled: Amusing for Inspiration, Wherever you Go, and the side-fic type thing, It's My Move. They have something for everyone...humour, the fluffy sort of romance, and some angst. Yes. YOU ALL MUST GO READ IT! And in case you were wondering, the romance pairing is SetoXOC. And no, it's NOT a Mary-Sue. Yes. So review before you leave, and then go read her stuff! Besides, you must thank her for updating for me. And you should all review CC, which only the first chapter is posted of because it hasn't received enough reviews yet to make it more important than our numerous other commitments. (beginning to wonder why she's using huge words like she does in English essays) GO REVIEW! NOW!
--Authoress postnote: At the time when I wrote this, EmilytheHamster was still with us. Unfortunately, I left her in the care of my little siblings for a week, and although she was taken care of by them, she didn't live to see me again. Currently, EmilytheHamster is in Hamster heaven, and her body is rotting in a landfill somewhere. A moment of silence, please. (Moment of Silence) Now, I wish to introduce my new little helper, ApriltheHamster. She'll be taking Emmy's role.--