DISCLAIMER: To be very very clear. We do NOT own Square Enix. "Vincent's Valkyrie" is the author of "The Silver Healer". Please do not be offended. I know it is a bit offensive... but honestly, this is a parody and only meant for fun. Do not take us too seriously.
Author's Note: Yeah. Don't be lazy, read the disclaimer. This is just lighthearted parody fun. Criticism and sarcastic remarks are things writers should be used to, and prepared for. (heheh... that reminds me of Scar's song from the lion king...) Uhm... anyhoo. Yeah, so please. Just be cool, okay?
Oh, and just to note... this was written by Vin and I (I being Kad). At least for the comments. I wrote the song, intro and ending as you can probably tell by the severe lack of competence. Okay I'll shut up now. :P
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Mystery Science Theater 7000
Chapter One:
The Torment Begins
--------
In the not too distant future,
Last Sunday around 3
There were 3 morons named KadVinClo
Very different from you and me
They had a job compiling fanfiction
That was enough to give someone a conniption
They did a poor job keeping up the pace
And Hojo didn't like them
So he shot 'em into space!
"I'll send them cheesy fanfics,
"The worst I can find (la-la-la)
"They'll have to sit and read them all,
"And I'll monitor their minds (la-la-la)
Now keep in mind they can't control,
Where the stories begin or end (la-la-la)
Because they used those special parts,
To teleport their ff7 friends
Kad: I ONLI COUNT FOUR OF US!
Vin: SUPAKAWAII DESU NE!11 DESUKA!
Clo: WAKANO XD
If you're wondering how they eat and breathe,
And other science facts (la-la-la)
Then repeat to yourself, "It's just KadVinClo,
I should really just relax".
For... MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 7000!
The satellite drifts aimlessly through the vast undiscovered region known as Outter Space. (dun dun dun)
Kad sits at the computer, pounding away at the keyboard. A message, all of a sudden, leaps out onto the screen in big bold letters that read: akslfsalfs
"Oh my gawd" Kad says, amazed. "Jenova is speaking to me! Maybe she will help us?" Just then, Vin marches onto the scene. "I wish professor Hojo would just...leave us alone! GAWD!"
"Did someone just say my name?" an all-too familiar voice echoes throughout the satellite.
Professor Hojo's face appears on the screen, and the two seemingly-nefarious individuals scream in horror at the devastating sight.
"My my," he says whilest chuckling to himself "It appears as though a long strenuous session of torture is in order."
"Can't you just leave us alone? DON't you have anything BETTER to do?" screamed Kad, pulling out a knife and holding it out threateningly to the computer screen.
"You can't cut through glass." Vin mildly observes.
A long silence proceeds, as Kad fails to respond with any self-redeeming... response. Professor Hojo decides to talk again.
"Well, I found the perfect story for you all. 478 percent guaranteed to melt your inferior brains into salsa to use as dip for doritoes at my son's upcoming birthday party." he says in a menacing tone.
"But... I don't want any candy." says Vin.
"..."
Suddenly, an alarm sounds and a series of high-security doors open simultaneously. The two are abruptly somehow pulled into a small empty theater. Don't ask how that works. Immediately, before they could even comprehend what had just occurred, the story (or whatever) appears on the screen... and... okay I'll just stop here.
The Silver Healer
by: Vincent's Valkyrie
Valayris Valk, a flourishing white mage walks into the old caverns under the Shinra Mansion.
"Hello," Valayris calls out, her voice echoing off the cavern walls.
She continues to wander deep into the cave.
"Hello!" she calls again.
Vin: Why is she talking to the walls
Kad: Wall: hello
Vin: She's like 'LOL HAY GUYS PARTEE TIME'
Vin: s'up
Several minutes later the cavern tunnel opens into a large room. The brilliant blue light from what appears to be a large crystal fills the room. She steps into the room as her clothes tint blue. Marveling at the room's beauty a splotch of red stands vivid against its blue background. The splotch sits in front of the crystal. Valayris to scared to speak walks toward the splotch.
Vin: So, Vincent's a splotch of paint now
Kad: She's visually impaired. All she can see are splotches.
Vin: "yes, I'd like Vincent red 682 please"
Kad: I thought the splotch was standing. Now it's sitting?
Vin: "In acrylic, thanks"
Kad: haha
Stepping closer the splotch morphs into a human being, a male human to be specific. She drew closer to the man when all of a sudden the man draws his gun and clicks the hammer back.
Vin: Oho a MALE
Vin: To be specific, of course
Kad: Im lost..
Vin: YES SO AM I
Kad: lets continue
Vin: Yes, let us
"Who are you?" the man asks his voice quivering with bass.
Vin: dies
Vin: Vincent's going through puberty
Kad: Vincent: Oh g0d tHey'vE c0mE f0r me aGain!
Vin: Maybe it's Lance Bass
Vin: MAYBE VINCENT IS LANCE BASS
Kad: Sephirroooth
Kad: Vincent, you cant be Lance Bass, Sephiroth is already.
Kad: Go be someone else.
Vin: Seriously. Vincent should be..like...50 cent
Valayris sucks in a little air, he was very handsome and his piercing red eyes shot right into her very soul.
Vin: I know I suck in air when I see a hawt guy
Kad: Valayris breathes in oxygen.
"Valayris," she states.
Vin: What a kool name
Kad: Vincent: ZOMG I LUV U NOW!
Vin: Vincent: LETS MAKE BABEES
"Ok...Valayris," the man says, "What brings you to this festering place?"
Vin: ...I don't see how a cave is "festering"
Kad: Valayris: I've come to fester
"Festering?" Valayris asks, "I find it quite beautiful."
The man's red eyes glare at her for a brief moment.
"But I don't know the history of this place," Valayris says quickly.
The man loses his glare as he stands up.
"Now please," the man says, "What do you want with me?"
Vin: She automatically assumes that because Vincent looks away that THERE IS A BIG DARK SCRET HES HIDING RAWR
Kad: Valayris: I want to make babbies with u omg?
Vin: Why does Vincent so readily assume that because another life form is exchanging words with him, that they have something specifically to do with HIM.
Vin: Jeez. Ego.
Kad: psh
"Cloud and Tifa sent me to deliver this message to a Vincent Valentine. Then a child in town sent me into here. Are you Mr. Valentine?" Valayris asks turning the large envelope in her hands.
Vin: VINCENT KNOWS ALLLLL THE KIDDIES
Kad: Valayris: I need to find a Vincent Valentine. For my scavenger hunt.
Vin: Cloud: hay. HAY YOU. Go find Vincent.
Vin: valayris: lol okai
Kad: Valayris does the bidding of every complete stranger she sees
Vin: She's a nice Mary Sue
"Vincent if you please," Vincent says extending his hand.
Vin: FIRST NAME BASIS
Vin: ohooo
Kad: Please use a comma...
Vin: Vincent likes telling his name to people
Kad: Valayris: Vincent if you please... what a lovely name
Kad: Valayris: I love you now
Vin: "Vincent. Vincent Valentine. Here's my card."
Valayris places the letter in his hand. Vincent takes the letter and opens it. Drawn by the crystal Valayris steps closer to it. Placing her hand on the crystal a sharp pain travels throughout her body. Valayris lets out a sharp gasp. Vincent hearing it looks up from the letter.
Vin: Vincent...OPENS THE LETTER? what a freak
Vin: And...commas are a GOOD thing
Kad: Vincent: hey.. who said you could touch that
Vin: Vincent: Get away from my toy, you bitch.
Kad: haha oh she got told
Vin: O SNAP
"There is great sorrow in this crystal," Valayris gasps.
Vin: Duh, of course.
Vin: Vincent: My sock has a lot of sorrow, you wanna touch that? ...So does my crotch. TOUCH THAT TOO,
Kad: Valayris: 78 percent sorrow
Vin: Valayris: Chance of rain.
Vincent with hurt eyes looks away. Valayris examines the crystal then gasps.
"There is a woman in there!" Valayris cries, "A dead one."
Kad: Valayris seems very alert today.
Kad: Vincent: ow dont poke my eyes!
Vin: How hard would she have to examine a crystal to realise there's a dead body encased in it
Vin: It's like "hey...HEY WHOOPS, I MISSED THIS."
The sorrow creeps over her as she recoils from the crystal's invisible grip. Vincent looks up to see the terror attacking her.
Vin: ONOZ I'M BEING ATTACKED BY TERROR
Vin: GO, PIKACHU, GO
Kad: I CHOOSE U! CHrMand3r!
Vin: Valayris: Ewww...there's terror stuck in my hair
Kad: Don't you just hate that?
Vincent rushes over to her grabbing her free hand pulls her into him wrapping his cape around her. Vincent walks her away from the crystal and the sorrow surrounding it. After reaching a safe distance Vincent unwraps his cape from around her. Valayris quickly drops to her knees.
Vin: So..Vincent's cape is like a condom.
Vin: Brilliant
Kad: So basically, he takes her two feet or so away and then drops her onto the ground.
Vin: Vincent: WELL I GUESS I BETTER WRAP MY CAPE AROUND YOU NOW...CAUSE UH...YEAH.
Kad: didnt you know? Vincent's cape has sorrow resistant technology
Vin: He was always such a special boy that way
Vin: Why is he walking her
Vin: If she's in danger shouldn't he RUN?
Kad: I guess he's not in any hurry.
Vin: Vincent: tum te tumm...
"Are you alright?" Vincent asks.
In response Valayris tilts her head forward and Vincent sees silver tears slide down her cheeks and splatter onto the cavern floor. As the tears flow from her eyes they seem to glow brighter and brighter. Till the last tear falls dimming into nothingness.
Vin: Vincent: D:...I'M NOT THAT UGLY
Kad: Vincent: ... so... are you alright or what?
Vin: Vincent:...stop that drops
Kad: The last tear evaporates
Vin: My tears evaporate
"I have never felt anything with such intensity before," Valayris quivers.
Vincent turns back to his letter.
Kad: Vincent: yeah, thats nice
Vin: Vincent: I want a sandwhich
Vin: Vincent: Is this a sandwhich?
"Vincent,
I am sorry to lay this upon you my friend but Midgar is in need of your help. Midgar finds itself under siege of a frightening new disease and only one person can cure it. That person is Valayris, the delivery girl. She is need of your protection because the enemy behind this knows that she is Midgar's only chance of survival.
Vin: Why can't Cloud protect her D:...
Kad: And Cloud knows this because...?
Vin: This makes no sense.
Vin: Cloud: My dearest Vincent...
It is very important that hse does not fall into the enemy hands for if she does they will kill her and Midgar will lose its only chance to be free from the diseases control. Yet she cannot cleanse the city we must stifle and destroy the enemy headquarters and labs. Tifa, Barret, Cid, Red XIII, Yuffie and I are going to take care of that.
Vin:...what enemies
Kad: Cloud: Yeah the and we're dumping the annoying one on you.
Kad: They have many enemies...
Vin: Maybe it's Sephiroth, and he's going to take over the world by making everyone sick.
Vin: Why isn't Cloud sick?
Kad: Maybe this is all just a figment of his mad hallucinations
Vin: It must be. because honestly. I don't think VINCENT is his number one guy to send people to...
Please accept this duty and keep Midgar's beloved white mage, Valayris safe. I will send a message requesting her to return. You really need a cell phone Vincent. I hope you will help us.
-Cloud"
Vin: Vincent:...I just want a sandwhich
Vin: Vincent: NO I AM NOT HELPING U D
Kad: Cloud: I hope you will help us because I just sent you our only hope for survival and ajkfjafkhawjofalf
Kad: Vincent: What a lovely letter.
Vin: Vincent:...Sandwhich?
Vincent looks at Valayris who is still leaning over the small puddle of silver tears.
"You are a white mage," Vincent says looking at her.
She stands up and looks at him.
Vin: Valayris: No shit, batman
Kad: I thought her tears evaporated
Vin: No, now she's examining them.
Kad: She can see the sorrow in her tears.
Vin: She must have cried a lot to get a PUDDLE.
Vin: Good God.
Kad: wow, you're right
Kad: wouldn't they get absorbed into the ground?
Vin: They uh...are...no.
"How did you know?" she asks.
"You cry silver tears to release intense emotions. You feel the emotions of my trapped, dead ex lover in her tomb..." Vincent explains, "And Cloud told me."
Vin: Oh. Well then.
Kad: Well if Cloud told you.
Vin: Vincent: I mean...if Cloud hadn't told me..I just pfttgajsg
Vin: And WHY is Vincent telling HER about Lucrecia
Vin: Vincent: Here: my darkest secret
"Oh..."
"Then do you know why you're here?"
"To deliver that message and wait for a response to take back to Cloud-san,"
"Read it," Vincent says tossing her the letter.
Vin: Valayris: Arigatou Goazaimashita ne yo ka ni neko kawaii yo
Kad: Valayris: I cant read yet im onli 9
Vin: Vincent: HERE, LETS PLAY CATCH! biffs it at her head
Kad: Valayris: drops letter in her ocean of tears renderring it illegible
Vin: Vincent:...Nice.
Valayris reads over the note.
"He never said anything to me about this. I should be at Midgar with them not being baby sat by you," Valayris states.
"Well you may not like it but we must respect Cloud's orders,"
Valayris lets out a huff of air them crosses her arms across her chest.
Kad: Valayris breathed again.
Vin: because being in the presence of Vincent means that he's babysitting her
Kad: Vincent: Cloud's orders are FINAL.
Vin: And since when does Vincent take orders from Cloud D:
Kad: Since Cloud became his god.
Vin: Vincent: teehee i luv cloud 3
Vin: Vincent: he is my gawd and master 3
"Pouting does not suit a white mage such as yourself," Vincent says.
"What are we going to do?" Valayris asks, "Sit in this cavern till Cloud and the others call for me?"
"No because I have a strong feeling you've been followed."
Vin: Well of course
Vin: Vincent: Sure, let's have a picnic 3 3 3
Kad: Vincent can see sorrow and also he knows when people he cannot see or hear follow him around.
Kad: must be something he learned whilest avoiding those pesky stalking fangirls.
Vin: Hell yes
Vin: Vincent: YAOI FANGIRL, 12 O'CLOCK
Kad: hahaha
"Why would someone follow me here?" Valayris says walking toward the entrance of the room when a man out of the darkness grabs Valayris and holds a knife to her throat.
"If you'll excuse us Sir," the man says as Vincent looks at them calmly, "But the lady and I will be leaving now."
Vin: Valayris: Well I'll be going now
Kad: So now they're in a room?
Vin: Valayris: Whoops, aparently not...
Kad: And where did this man come from? Was he just standing there the whole time?
Vin: Man: I'm going to kill her now.
Vin: Vincent: Sure, okay
Kad: Vincent: have fun
"I can't let you take her," Vincent says, "She's under my protection."
"Well her head's gonna fetch me a pretty gil with Deep Ground."
Vincent smiles slightly, "I'm sorry you feel that way."
Kad: Yeah, that's too bad.
Vin: But he WOULD let her go...if it weren't for his precious Cloud's orders.
Vincent raises his gun and clicks back the hammer.
"You won't shoot me because you don't want to chance shooting the lovely white mage here," the man says shaking Valayris back and forth.
"You under estimate white mages," Vincent says.
Vin: IT'S THOR VINCENT TO THE RESCUE
Kad: White mages are bullet-proof
Vin: Valayris: has seizure and pees herself
Kad: Man: not on my new shoes! aw man..
Vin: Vincent:...ew
He pulls the trigger back as Valayris winces, the bullet whizzes by her face missing her ear by a centimeter and entering the guy's skull between his eyes. The knife drops from his hand and Valayris catches it with her magic. Vincent walks over as she sets the knife on the ground. He places his gauntlet hand on her shoulder. In that moment a spark ignites a tiny flame within both of them.
Vin: So...her ear is located on her face
Kad: did the bullet knock before entering?
Vin: Vincent: HAY WE'RE ON FIRE AHHHHHHHH
Vin: Valayris: What? You're touching my shoulder?
Kad: So now Vincent's cremating them.
Kad: Vincent: ... I'll just incinerate our corpses and... be on my way.
Vin: What was the point of her catching the knife if she just puts it back on the ground...
Kad: That was... incredibly pointless...
"Are you alright?" Vincent asks.
"Yes, thank to you," Valayris says placing her hand on top of his.
Vin: Valayris: lol thnks
Kad: Valayris: Yuppers im perfectly fine now thnk u
Vin: It's not like Vincent can feel her hand
Vin: HELLO YOU'RE TOUCHING METAL
Kad: hahahaha
There her hand stays till they both realize what was happening, she quickly takes her hand back.
"Apparently I'm more important then I thought,"
Vin: They both just had a seizure
Kad: did we just change tense..?
Vin: Yes. Yes we did.
Vin: And 'till' in this context is not a word
Kad: interesting. It must be her unique STYLE to do so.
Vin: How hard is it to type 'untill'
Vin: IT'S TWO LETTERS
Kad: sigh lazyness i guess.
Kad: But even if she did want to be lazy... 'TIL is spelled with an apostrophe and ONE L. And should never be used unless under the circumstances of a character's dialect. Not the narrator, jeez...
"Well of course you are, you are the lone person that can cure Midgar of a raging disease. They wouldn't put a bounty on your head if you weren't a huge threat," Vincent explains, "This just means it's going to be twice as hard keeping you safe."
Vin: Haha Vincent has to explain the obvious...
Kad: Vincent: Now that I know what I knew all along, I'm going to protect you twice as much.
Vin: But if the enemies are in midgar..arn't they going to get sick too?
Kad: ... maybe it's a suicidal mission.
Vin: Bad guy: IF I'M GOING TO BE SICK, SO IS EVERYONE ELSE hmph
Valayris then shivers and drops to her knees again.
"Vincent, what happened to her?" she asks pointing to the crystal tomb, "Her feelings haunt me."
Vin: Lucrecia: Stay away from my man, bitch
Kad: Vincent: Well, she died.
"Her name is Lucrecia Crescent. I fell in love with her many years ago. I proposed to her and I was rejected," Vincent explains.
Valayris sucks in a bit of air out of shock.
Vin: SO, she's hyperventilating
Kad: Valayris breathes again
Kad: Vincent: Thats my life story.
Vin: Vincent: Now go away
"She left me for Shinra's great scientist Hojo. They together made a child, which she bore. The child's name was Sephiroth."
"She's Sephiroth's mother!"
Vincent nods and turns to the crystal.
Vin: Vincent: Oh. So you've heard of him.'
Kad: She bore the child, not professor Hojo.
Vin: They made a child. Out of clay and contruction paper
Kad: My god, she bore a child named Sephiroth... could that make her... Sephiroth's Mother?
Kad: bravo Valayris. I see you're very intuitive.
"She died on the inside when she found out about the madness her son possessed then her flesh reflected her internally. I have had to carry this guilt because I told her I would protect her and I could not save...her,"
"It was her choice, you can't save someone who truly doesn't want to be saved," Valayris says returning to her feet.
Kad: ...UMMMMM
Vin: Vincent:...wtf? OF COURSE SHE WANTED TO BE SAVED eats
Kad: Valayris: Its her own fault she got sick.
Kad: With a terminal illness.
Vin: Lucrecia: It would appear I am dying on the inside.
Vin: Vincent: oh. Sorry about that.
Kad: My contempt for Valayris has reached a whole new level now.
"We must leave before more come," Vincent states.
"I feel hatred," Valayris says wrapping her arms around herself as her body starts to shake, "Their hatred of me."
"Come on," Vincent says, "We have to leave."
Kad: Hmm I wonder why.
Vin: She feels hatred
Kad: Vincent: I bet you can feel my hatred too
Vin: Bad guys: RAWRARRAWR HAET U FOR CURING PEOPLE
Kad: I bet she feels the hatred of all the people reading this.
Vin: Teehee
Valayris's shaking gets worse, "They're getting closer."
The shaking brings her to her knees.
"They're at the entrance," Valayris says her eyes rolling back in her head.
Vin: Vincent: EW.
Vin: Vincent: Stop that.
Kad: Valayris: Look what I can do.
"Can you see them?" Vincent asks.
"Yes," Valayris says in an almost hypnotic state, "Deep Ground Soldiers."
"How many?"
"30 strong,"
Vin: By adding 'strong' it makes everything seem
Kad: Valayris sees lots of things.
"Damnit!" Vincent curses, "Can you walk?"
Valayris struggles to get up, yet the shaking knocks her back down to her knees. She tries again but can't get up.
"I can't..." Valayris gasps..
"Well I'm not going to stay here and I am not leaving you,"
"But I can't..."
Kad: Vincent: Stop whining and get up jeez
Vin: Vincent: Despite the fact that I helped defeat Sephiroth...OH NO 30 DINKY SOLDIERS?
Kad: They have a maximum of 6 hp each? O NO!
Kad: whatever shall we do.
Vin: onoz
In one fell swoop he picks her up in his arms.
"Oh," Valayris sighs.
"Grab on to my neck," Vincent says.
Kad: How about not?
Vin: When using the phrase "one fell swoop" this usually refers to someone cutting off someones elses appendage
Kad: interesting
Vin: very
With shaking arms she wraps them around her neck. Laying her head against his chest feeling a wave of protection laying a calm hand on her heart steadying her nerves slightly. Vincent leaps into the air heading for the back of the cave.
"Hold on tight," Vincent says.
Kad: with shaking arms.. she wraps them around HER neck?
Vin: OH MY GAWD RUN ON SENTENCE
Kad: Valayris is strangling herself... she's saving us the trouble! Oh joyous day!
Vin: THAT MAKES NO SENSE
Kad: gets dizzy
Vin: Why would they be going towards the BACK.
Vin: ... Vincent, you're kind of dumb
Kad: yea Vincent... what's he gonna do, drop her off at a dead end?
Vin: Vincent: So...you stay here and...I'm going to go make a sandwhich.
Valayris's grip tightens as Vincent wraps one arm around her waist and draws Cerberus with the other one.
"They're here," Valayris says burying her face in Vincent's cape.
"There she is," one of the soldier says as his voice echoes off the cavern walls.
Vin: Vincent's cape isn't in the front
Kad: This is torture...
Vin: So...she's somehow burying her face in his back?
Kad: That's some pretty awkward positioning.
Vin: And how did the bad guys see them so easily.
Kad: he just walked out from behind a wall
Vin: It's like, they're hiding in the back and the guys like "lol i found u"
In response Vincent fires off a few rounds killing a good number of soldiers. The soldiers fire back till one of their cries finally echoes above the gunfire.
"Stop! The boss wants her brought back alive,"
The gunfire ceases as Vincent takes this chance to dart down the tunnel.
"I thought Cloud said they wanted me dead," Valayris whispers.
Vin: Bad guy: Whoops, I forgot
Kad: Vincent shoots the soldiers first...?
Kad: what if they came in peace?
Vin: Yeah D:
Vin: And...WHAT TUNNEL
Vin: WHERE DID THIS TUNNEL COME FROM
Kad: the author likes to make up the setting as she goes along.
Vin: "lol 1st theyr in a cave now theyre ina room LOL TUNNEL TYME
Kad: Okay I think I see what's going on. Cloud sent Valayris all the way from Midgar to NIBELHEIM, which is actually located on another continent... where she somehow enters the haunted mansion's basement... and then ends up in the cave behind the waterfall where Lucrecia's spirit lays? Despite the fact that there IS NO tunnel- and the only way to reach the TINY cavern would be via a submarine or a Gold Chocobo... Hello Mr. Plothole and Mrs Plotdevice!
Kad: ...I feel sad now.
"Apparently Cloud is not fully aware of the situation," Vincent replies.
"They're coming," Valayris states snuggling closer to Vincent.
"There is a trick path up ahead and a place for you to sit and stay safe while I make a stand,"
Kad: yea apparently.
Vin: Vincent's precious Cloud DOESN'T KNOW EVERYTHING!
Vin: Vincent: So...I'll just like...stand here
Kad: Vincent is now reconsidering his choice of a god.
Kad: Vincent: Hmm Cloud doesn't know everything... now what do I do.
"There are to many of them!"
"We have more of a chance to make it out if I make a stand, but please feel free to lend me some of your white mage,"
Valayris laughs and smiles, "I will definitely do that should you need it."
Kad: 30? Oh yeah, we're SO outnumbered.
Vin: Valayris: LAWLS
Vin: Valayris: LAWLS LAWLS LAWLS LAWLS LAWLS
Kad: Valayris: Sure, I hav LOTS of white Mage!1 :D:D:D
The two come to a round cavern with a shelf two to three feet off the ground floor. Vincent set her there then loads Cerberus.
"Please Vincent," Valayris cries leaning over the edge of the ledge, "Be careful."
"I will protect you at all cost, but I won't die here," Vincent tells her.
Vin: Vincent: Read a book or two from this shelf while I'm standing here
Kad: Vincent: I will protect you but not if it means dying.
Vin: Vincent just plunks her down there, too.
Kad: Yeah, like... itd be so easy for someone else to just come by and drag her away.
Valayris smiles at him in return Vincent's eyes smile seeing her beautiful smile. Yet her smile snaps into a terrified look.
"Valayris?"
The shaking takes over her body again.
"Vincent! Behind you!"
Kad: smile smile smile
Vin: Vincent: Lawls? wat?
Kad: SMILE SMILE SMILE SMILE XD
Vin: How can someone's eyes...smile
Kad: Well apparently Vincent is wearing exclusive contact lenses granting his eyes the technology to smile.
Vincent spins around gun at the ready.
"You can't take us out. The white mage is as good as ours. We will kill you but leave you alive enough to watch us take her away screaming your name," the lead soldier states.
Vin: Bad guy: YEAH WE KNO U GUYS LUV EACH OTHUR
Kad: soldier: WE WILL TELL YOU EXACTLY WHAT WE ARE GOING TO DO.
"There is a flaw in your plan," Vincent says.
Valayris feels a wave of calm confidence wash over her. Looking down at her hands the shaking slowly stops.
"Vincento (Ve-cent-toe)," Valayris whispers looking at Vincent.
Vin: WHAT?
Vin: shrieks WHAT THE HELL?
Vin: WHAT?
Vin: VINCENTOE?
Kad: ...o.O
Kad: SUPA KAWAII DESUNEE!
Vin: DESU KA
Kad: LAWLZLAWLZLAWLZ
Vin: is dying with laughter omg
"Where is our flaw?" the lead soldier asks.
"You think I'll die here," Vincent says.
Vincent starts to open fire on the crowd.
Vin: O SNAP
Kad: BURN!
Vin: GOT TOLD
"VINCENT!" Valayris cries sending a blast of white magic out of her body. The white magic forms a shield around Vincent. The enemy's return fire bounces off the shield as Vincent begins to pick off half the soldiers easily.
A soldier looks up to see Valayris focusing her energy on Vincent.
Vin: Soldier: Maybe...if I...kill her...hmmmm.
Kad: So all the soldiers are just staring at the ground?
"Tranq the white mage, she's controlling his shield," the soldier says pointing at her.
A soldier loads a tranquilizer dart and fires it. Valayris focusing on Vincent could not hear her surroundings gets shot in the shoulder breaking her concentration. Vincent turns noticing his shield was fading. He turns around just in time to see Valayris look at the dart with sleepy eyes.
Vin: Valayris: I r sleepy
Kad: They could have just shot her at any momment.
Vin: I know. Why now.
Kad: Because that guy pointed at her
Vin: And OBVIOUSLY it's her controlling the sheild
Vin: Soldiers: nnnnndur?
Kad: suddenly everyone just became aware
Vin: NO IT'S SEPHIROTH CONTROLLING IT
Kad: omhg it's Lance bass!11 D:
"Valayris!" Vincent yells.
Valayris collapses as the drugs kick in.
"Valayris!" Vincent calls again.
Vin: Vincent: y r u not answerign me?
Kad: Valayris: lawlz I'm so weak and pathetic help me VINCENTOE
A bullet plows through Vincent's shoulder. Vincent roars in pain grabbing his shoulder. Turning around he faces the gunmen.
"I'm your enemy," the gunman says.
Vincent's face gives into an angry expression as his body glows.
Vin: Vincent: I'm a lion
Kad: WOW.
Vin: WHAT?
Kad: Hi Im your enemy.
Vin: I'M YOU'RE ENMY
Vin: DUH
Vin: OVBIOSULY
Kad: I shot u. Im ur enemy.
Vin: I'm sorry. I'm actually laughing so hard I'm crying
Kad: The soldier feels obligated to openly state he's the enemy... how sad...
Vin: Guy: Hey. I'm ur enemy. shoots
Kad: Vincent is mad that someone shot him.
Vin: Vincent: lawls rlly? lets be freinds
Vin: Vincetoe roars
"What's going on?" the gunman asks.
Vincent begins to transform into Chaos.
"Open fire!" the leader soldier orders.
Kad: Overlooking the stupidity of inquiring what's going on... why did he ask that before Vincent began to mutate?
Kad: soldier: well, I just told Vincent that I'm his enemy... and I shot him, so he's not too happy about that.
Vin: Bad guys: NNNNDURRRRRRRRR?
Kad: Lets shoot it more!
The bullets bounce off his wings before he lets out an earth-shaking roar and spreads his wings. Once the wings were open Chaos is unleashed. In what seems to be a blink of an eye Chaos rips, slashes, and decapitates all the remaining soldiers. Chaos breathes heavily after finishing off the last soldier. He then transforms slowly back into Vincent.
Vin: Chaos: BREATHES
Kad: He breathes.
Vin: Vincent: Well hay im back now
Kad: This story is very detailed.
"Valayris," Vincent says rushing to her.
Vincent reaches her and places her head in his lap. Examining her for injures Vincent finds the tranquilizer dart still lodged in her shoulder. Removing the dart he tells her, "We have to get you out of here."
Vin: YEAH WE KNOW WHY VINCENT IS PUTTING HER HEAD IN HIS LAP
Kad: Vincent: Here, a lovely place to rest your pretty little face.
He picks her up favoring his wounded shoulder carries her out of the cave and into the forest behind it.
Kad: run on sentence, much?
Vin: ONLY A LOT
Kad: or poorly constructed.
Kad: now there's a forest.
Vin: duh
Kad: Oh my, there are more chapters..
Vin: HELL YES
Kad: haha, we'll resume the torture later
Vin: Omg this was hilariously fun
Kad: I know! It's hard to beleive this was actually written... seriously...
Vin: D: pretty bad but...my favourite part was...
Vin: I'm you're enemy
Vin: Like..holy shit
Kad: Yeah that part was the best apart from the whole Vincento (pronounced "Vin-cent-toe") thing XD
Vin: OMFG
Vin: WTH WAS THAT
As the doors finally open, Kad and Vin evacuate the theater as fast as possible. Once back in the main control lobby, they are greeted once again with Professor Hojo's vile smirk and condescending demeanor.
"So, how was your first torture shift? Excruciatingly dreadful, was it not?"
"Oh, it was." says Vin.
"Yeah, but we survived." Kad points out. "...Barely."
"Well in that case, you'll be suffering through more chapters of torment from this point on! AHJDAHAHAHHAHA!" Hojo cackles
The screen turnes black, and they turn around to notice Clo holding the computer plug.
"Hey, where were you?" Vin inquires. Clo shrugs. "I dunno."
"..."
To Be Continued. (Kad: heheh... okay.)
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