THIS FIC ISNT OURS, BUT OUR FRIENDS 'TOXIC3IO' FORGOT THEIR ACCOUNT ALREADY (AND THE PASSWORD TOO! LOL) HERE IN FFNET THAT'S WHY THEY ASKED US A FAVOR IF WE COULD POST THIS UP UNDER OUR ACCOUNT, AGAIN, WE ARE DISCLAIMING ANY SORT OF OWNERSHIP TOWARDS THIS FIC, THANK YOU NO PART OF THIS/THEIR FIC HAVE BEEN ALTERED
Please Don't Ask Me
Author: toxic3io
Genre: Romance/Sap/Crap
Pairing: SenRu of course…
Rating: PG
Warning/s: a bit OOC and this is CRAP! Plain CRAP! bangs head on the monitor
Dedication/s: To Ryuen & PK… SenRu fans & fic authors…
A/N: Hi there! This is our lamest fic ever…-- huhuhuhuh… pls find it in your hearts to forgive us… --
Standard Disclaimers Apply
Please don't ask me
What am I thinking
It's about you
Please don't ask meI never can see you
What can I do
My thoughts impulse is to
Run to your side
My heart's not free
And so I must hide
Please don't ask me
What I'm gonna say to you
Sendoh's POV
I sat down on the bench, our usual one-on-one, tiring me out, but then it was all worth it. For why not… Im here with someone whom I have almost longed for. /Whose my heart has always longed for/ Heh, it's a bit different now… because…
"Oi… you lost" He was the one who broke the ensuing silence between us. Phew, thank god he's quite a talker by now. /I guess I did changed him a bit/ Thanks so much to myself who's such a talker… he must have acquired my so-called 'Akira's Talking Syndrome' or whatever, I dunno. Huh! Oh wait, he said something…
"Oi…"
"Eh! Ah, gomen ne Kaede-kun… I was thinking of… yo- someone…!" And I almost slipped! K'so, Im such a loud-mouth! But then, it's the truth… nothing else… /the truth which was always HIM/
/In my head…/
/In my heart…/
/Always…/
"…I said you lost, do'ahou!" He smiled… a microscopic one. /Why do you have to be that beautiful… perfect/ And yes, did I ever told you that I was the one who thought him how to smile/Or at least, that's what I thought…/
"Er… yeah… well… must be your luck, huh!" And I chuckled… an empty one. Truth is, he was good today. He beat me by three points, wow! And once again, I, the great Sendoh Akira was amazed by this gorgeous 'kitsune' beside me.
"Do'ahou… its not luck!" And he rolled his eyes. /Dammit Kaede, why do I have to feel so deranged whenever Im with you/ Is this the true power of being 'in love'… is this how your heart seems to control all over you and… and… just control OVER you until all you could do is…
"Oi… why are you staring at me?" Huh! Omigosh, was I staring too much at him! K'so, I must learn how to avert my gaze once a while. But how could I do it when its always him, him, him, and… HIM who has always been residing in my head, my heart…my system How could I do that!
"Eh! Oh… Im sorry… I mean… I thought you were the one whose staring at me?" I evilly smirked- truth is, I was nervous by my own statement. Sheesh, am I cool or what! Am I trying to counter this moment… am I actually trying to reverse-psychology him! Pathetic me.
"…do'ahou… Akira!"
Yes… and Im almost beginning to believe that Im really a do'ahou as you would always say… /but then, its an endearment, ne, Kaede-kun/ Tell me it is… /Or is it just me and my crazed thoughts once again…/
"Kaede-kun…" And yes, once again, I did forget to tell you that we've gotten this close already to be calling each other by our first names. Yess… its been how many months again! Hmm… almost 8 months of knowing each other, being friends… close… constant one-on-ones… 8 months…
/8 months of hiding this feeling…/
/8 months of loving you secretly…/
/8 months of…/
"Akira… daijoubo ka, what are you thinking?"
"Huh… ah… no… nothing really… just wondering why I lost today…" I grinned cheekily at him.
/8 months of tormenting my pathetic self, over and over again…/
"Hn… that's because you're not that focused!"
Damn you sometimes Rukawa Kaede, I dunno if you knew about this raging feelings I have for you or you're just plain too naïve to even realized what are you saying! But then, naïve or not… I have come to loved you, with or without flaws… I. Love. You.
"I was…" /I was actually focused at YOU/
"Then why the faults a while ago?"
K'so, I swear I hate myself now, woah! And now what… he's actually being a talker because of me and I somewhat liked that even more because he's not the same 'monosyllabic' guy whom I first knew. But then, it feels like I'm also suffocating because of his endless wonders and questions, and yes, Im having a hard time answering those… seemingly simple questions.
/Too afraid that I might slip…/
/Too afraid to look at him straight into his blue orbs…/
"Faults! What faults… heh, Kaede-kun, one win only from the true tensai, Akira Sendoh and you feel as if you've already won over MJ! Hahaha, honestly… I just let you won over me this time because I'm tired of the same results!" And I laughed, too amazed by my own senseless crap! Oh Akira, you are one great love struck fool!
"Do'ahou… you're just too out-of-this-world a while ago, that's why I won, and excuse me… I won yesterday and the other day… and the other day before yesterday…and…-!"
I cut him in the middle of his sentence. /Wow Kaede, you really are impressive… how many words did you speak… sheesh, I lost count/
"Yare-yare, Kaede…" Phew, and he was right… this is the 5th time I lost to him, and yes, looking at him now, I can see an invisible sign of 'I-defeated-Sendoh-Akira-for-the-5th-time-because-he-was-such-a-do'ahou!' etched deeply in his eyes. /I wonder why his eyes seems to sparkle…/
"Hey, that's my line… no fair!"
I chuckled in slight amusement. /My dear Kaede… already a sweet 16 but always a kiddo by heart…/ And I loved that…
"Hahaha… well, can I borrow it for the mean time…?"
A pout. /Cute/
"So Akira…" /Gods, I loved my name on your lips…/
"Hmmm?"
"First to twenty-one again tomorrow?"
Wow, and I was the one asking that back then. But as always, how could I say no… but… Is this all I am to you… just a playmate! A constant one-on-one challenger… some guy to practice your skills at… some…
/…pathetic lovestruck fool…/
"Uh…sure, why not… besides, who knows, you might not be lucky again tomorrow!" /I'll surely be always lucky… because I have come to know and loved someone liked you…/
He stood up from the bench, getting ready to leave me. He turned his head and looked at me, and I could only wonder in awe. /… you are so… ethereal…/
"…I doubt if that will happen." And he softly chuckle.
"Eh! Why is that?" /What do you know, 'my kitsune-chan'/
"…because…"
I held my breath- waiting for his answer… /Do you… somewhat… know/
"…because, you're always thinking… your minds floating somewhere else!" And he chuckled even more, this time a bit louder.
/Cute/ Wow, and now what, am I looking oh-so-stupid in front of the man I love! But then, if I'm the cause of his laughter just now… I would gladly like to look stupid every time I'm with him…
/Just to see you happy…/
/Just to hear you laugh…/
/…and see your pretty smile…/
"Can I ask something…" What the-! Sheesh, where did that came from! Akira, you goddamn moron, shut your mouth!
"Sure… shoot!"
Heh, always a basketball freak, aren't we… Kaede? I gave him a small smile.
"…I would like to ask for an advice… sort of." /Shit, what now/
He stopped from what he is doing and walked towards where I was sitting. And as he sat down again by my side, I swear I heard my heart almost thumped its way out of my chest.
"Sure… what about it?"
"…how…how do you tell someone that you… you…" /K'so, Im sooo nervvoouuss/ Kami-sama, help me! Gods, am I trembling! No, shaking maybe…
"…you what?" And he stared at me. Sheesh, not that penetrating look Kaede… it feels as of you're piercing right into my very soul…
"… that you… ah… err… lov… liked them! Yes, that's it…" /Uh-oh, he seems… confused/ No, wait a minute… is that a frown! Gods Kaede, are you by any chance… jealous! Sheesh, don't tell me you liked me as well… and perhaps… love me also? I could almost want to jump!
He straightened a bit and shrugged. /What/ He raised a brow and it looks as if he was thinking… /Sweet Kaede, you are trying to help me, really huh…/
"Well…it depends…" /Is he… stammering/
"…why?" Stupid you, Akira… asking 'why' when you already know 'why'… just look at your pathetic self and asked 'why' are you so deranged today
"…if you're close with that person, its hard, I mean, you don't wanna endanger the friendship… but then, if you're not… then that's harder… so it depends…" /Hooray, Smarty pants- Kaede Rukawa/ I almost let out a chuckle, gosh he's so cute. I mean, you should have seen him raising his brows and fidgeting while saying that. I really am more amazed now… and I think I loved him more now… No, I have always loved him…
"…cool." /Cool! Fck, what do I mean by that! And sheesh, what's so 'cool' with that/
"… I'm sorry, I didn't seem to have help you out…" I saw him blushed a little. /Yippee, Kaede-kun blushed in front of me/ "…I'm not really good at these … things."
"No, its okay, besides… you're right…" /Too right that it hurts… we are close and yet… I could not bring myself to say what I truly feel for you./
"Akira… why?" /Oh gods, please don't asked me…/
"What… 'why'?" I faked an innocent look- looking side wards. /Kamisamahelpmeonegai…/
"Why… asked… I mean… I'm sorry, I hope I'm not prying but… maybe… just maybe if you could tell some more details… then…" He really does look thoughtful and with that rare gentle gaze on him…I could die happily right now.
"…uhm… nothing really… and no… I mean, you've been of great help so… it's really okay…"
He nodded and smiled. I smiled back. /Its more than enough for now my angel… just for now, its enough…/
We bid each other goodbye… until tomorrow maybe…
I walked my way home… feeling a bit empty…
Dammit, I wish I would have the courage to say to him…
/Kaede…/
I tossed and turned
Can't sleep at night
Its worrying me
I go to bed
Turn out the light
But your face I see
It only hurts the more I pretend
That we could ever
Be more than friends
Please don't ask me'
Why I'm so in love with you
I lay wide-awaked that night. I can't sleep! Fck! All I could do is think of him… Rukawa here, Rukawa there… him-him-him… K'so, it feels like I'm already some insomniac freak! I plopped up and sit at the edge of my bed. I silently wondered about… of course, him again. /Why… why do I have to suffer this way…/ Gods, it feels so nice to be hanging out with you… it feels so good to be with you everyday…
Is this the right punishment for someone who doesn't take 'love' seriously before? If this is how to feel what is it to love… then I say its perfect… absolutely perfect, but then, does it have to include being restless, in pain… in absolute silence/Of not being able to tell your feelings…/
I can't seem to take it anymore… everyday is plain sickening. Damn Kaede, you were always asking me whether I'm okay or not… and I keep on answering you the same worn-out line… 'I'm freakin fine' wherein the truth is, I'm not… /I could never be fine…/ Unless you and I will be together… /Always… forever…/
I wished for so much… but I'm also aware of my foolish wishes. /I wish to be with you, Kaede…/ Those morality bullshits can never make my wish to come true, more so, those close-minded people around me…/And I don't even know if this kind of relationship is okay with you…/ I don't even know if what I seem to be thinking is wrong or right… all I know is that… /It feels right/ And yes, there's a big difference between knowing what is right and feeling what is right.
The heart can never be wrong… that's what I always believed in all these years of my existence… you can never teach that blood-pumping organ who to love… it all comes so sudden, like a rush of adrenaline… so powerful… so sudden… that one day… you will just find yourself… wondering…
/'Am I in love'/
I heard someone answering that question… only later to find out to be me. /Yes…/
You could easily
Make me happy
That I knowBut I'm trying my best
To never tell you so
I will sing to you my love songs
And pretend
And I'll keep the secret
Right down to the end
The next day…
As always, I saw him on that familiar court. All alone by himself… /Always early, huh…/ whereas me… well, don't ask me… I'm always late…
"Kaede-kun!" I jogged my way towards the court. I gave him my friendliest smile ever. He looked at me and nodded.
"Gomen ne, I was late… and don't asked me why…please" I gave him a cheeky grin.
"Always…"
"Eheheh, I really am sorry…huh!"
"…"
I noticed something very different today. And it's really leaving me in great wonder. He didn't bring with him any basketball! He was completely in his school uniform/I wonder…/ Do you not want to play today… but then, it was you who asked me yesterday…
"Kaede… why…"
A shrugged.
"Changed my mind… don't wanna play today…"
"Eh!" /really confusing but… nonetheless, cute/
"…Akira… could we… could we… talked?" I swear I heard my heart pumping more blood now more than ever. Sheesh, am I dreaming! Gosh, he wants us to talk! Omigosh… I felt a different twirls of emotions surging, twirling inside of me. /What now…/ Wait a minute, I should be happy, right… but then, why does it feel like that I'm not going to like the outcome of this moment… But then… /Kami-sama… Kaede… what are you up to… I swear, you are so unpredictable/
"Su… sure… wow, this is really surprising!" I seemed to croak every word I said. I lead him to sit down at one of our usual spots. And while we were sitting right next to each other, I could only wonder… /Why…/ I turned to looked at him and was surprised to see him looking back at me… with a smile?
"Wh…what…?" /Wow, it seems like I looked like a goose in panic/
"…do'ahou… I know there's something wrong with you…" And he even smiled more. /Really beautiful…/
"Eh! Anou, Kaede… what do you mean?" /Kami-sama am I that transparent/ I swear, Im perspiring a lot… I could feel my back damped with the sudden sweat…
A shrug.
"Akira… you've been a friend, and I thank you for that… hmm… I mean, I… I want to help you out…"
"…nani?" /Kaede, stop leaving me hanging in the air…/
"… I mean… I know there's something bothering you… and I think I know it…"
I found myself staring even more to him now… Why am I feeling so suddenly excited and nervous at the same time… I dunno… there's really something fishy and I can't seem to get a hold on it… The gentle breeze suddenly blew by sending dried leaves to dance around.
"…what is it Kaede?" /Tell me… now… please, since I'm already here… there's no turning back now… and yes, I think I'm ready…/ Gods Kaede, you really are smart… and yes, I'm a fool to underestimate you… I never thought that this day would arrive… that I would find myself one day facing the wrath of rejection… You will never know how much this will hurt me but then… I'm ready … and yes, forgive me if you will see me breaking down in front of you… /For I could never promised myself not to cry…/
Truth is, I really don't have any plans of telling you anymore about all these emotions I have for you… I think its better this way… you and me… friends… just that… /But it hurts me even more, thinking about that thought of us… just 'friends'/
"…you're in love…"
And I almost gasped in surprised!
Please don't ask me
Why I'm not talking
I just can't explain
And please don't ask me Why I go walking
Out in the rain
I could not lived the lie
It would take
To have you near
Would be a mistake
Please don't ask me
Why I'm still in love with you
"…"
"Oi…" He softly chuckled.
"…"
"Gods Akira, are you really liked this… why the sudden silence?"
I swear I don't know what to say. /Dearlordpleasehelpme/
"I… I… how… how did you…" /Im in loved with you…/
"Do'ahou, how did I know…?"
"Ye...yes…" /Now what, is this the end of everything? The end of our friendship… you must be feeling disgusted, Kaede… to have someone like me as your friend… but its all too much for me…/ I cannot take this anymore… I can't take this pretending to be okay wherein I'm totally NOT okay! I can't take this feeling of love for you anymore… its too much, too consuming and it's engulfing the whole of me…
"…because I think I'm feeling the same way also…"
I turned to looked at him the moment he said those words… My heart now beating faster and faster… /Am I feeling hope… no… not that feeling… it's a feeling I wanted oh-so-much as of now and also the same feeling I wanted to erase from my heart/
"Really… when… to whom… ?" I would almost want to feel one hundred percent HOPE/gosh, I sound so excited…/
No, please don't ask me…
And with that his face suddenly lit up, and I swear, up to this very moment I didn't quite understand what he meant by saying that to me…
"…please don't ask me Akira…" He pressed his hands to his lips and softly chuckled.
/…do'aho Akira, I'm also in love with you…but then, can't tell you that, can I? Next time… perhaps?.../
:OwArI:
created: October 25, 2005
A/N: TOLD YA THIS IS PLAIN CRAP! Forgive us…please! RnR! ;;
Minna-san: ¬¬ they made CRAP once again! CHARGE! KILL THEM!
Toxic3io: gomen nasai! scampers away like a mad dog
Ryuen: Wait, so it seems like Kaede knows akira's love for him and is also feeling the same way but he doesn't want to admit his feelings FIRST before akira does?
Toxic3io: Yea, somfen like that. ; major sweatdrops
Zap: I honestly dunno what to say my friends…
Toxic3io: Just say the word CRAP and we're fine with it -- sighs
Zap: LOL don't be so hard on yourselves, this isn't really that crappy as you think it is… its just…
PK: CRAP. Yea. Just CRAP, not crappy. TT
Toxic3io: wails .
Ryuen: sighs PK… --
Zap: I just honestly find this quite amusing from the start up to the end…honestly. Its like I'm sooo anticipating on what'll happen next only to have that kind of ending ; which I think is somewhat a cliffy but is also okay nonetheless… sheesh, am I blabbering crap?
PK: MISMO.
MINNA/FANS/READERS: Are they… okay? 0.0?