The Life and Times of an Average Coward

Chapter 14: Let the Wind Tell You

Again this is unedited

Dear Beloved Senritsu,

I hope you are doing well dear child. Are you taking care of yourself? Training to improve and better yourself is good, but also remember that your health will always come first.

I am doing very well child so don't worry too much. There was still an abundance of demons at every small town on my area but I am strong enough to fight them off. Always take care and always drink lots of water.

Your brother,

Hime-something I don't remember

Dear Ritsu,

Hello Ritsu, I am writing my letter to you along with Monk-san, because he asked me nicely if I could write for him. He is nicer to me unlike Koori-san, the guy who always insists that he was your first friend. So, what if he is? He's always bragging about sharing his childhood with you, well, I'm sharing my childhood with you right now, right? I was ten when I first met you, Oyakata-sama told me so. And ten means that I am still a child, so that means I'm also sharing my childhood with you.

I hope you're doing well as I am doing good as well. Maybe I can help you with the new form you're having trouble with, I'll visit you there after I've done my mission. Don't worry, it's near your village so I am not travelling very far nor am I being inconvenienced.

The journal you gave me is really helpful, and the pen too. I always marvel at myself when I read the pages, it really helps me in remembering things, especially for complicated missions. Oyakata-sama always gives me the journal you make every month and I'm really thankful for that. I'm sorry if I forgot to give you something in return last month, I probably forgot the hair pin at the stall. But don't worry, since I've bought you a new hair pin that I am going to give to you for this month's visit. I'm sure it would go well with your pretty hair. I've always loved your hair, whether it was dark or bright (I forgot what color Koori-san told me, I'll just see when I get there), because it's soft and smelled like the peach mochis that you've made me the first time we met. I don't care if the color of your hair changed, I still think Ritsu would always be beautiful no matter what. If somebody tells you otherwise then point them to me, I'll make sure to ki― (this part was scratched out) teach that bast― (this was also scratched out) person a lesson.

I really missed you Ritsu, and I am excited to visit you again. I really missed your cooking, your voice, your face, your hugs, your kisses, your singing and your everything. I just can't wait to see you!

Your friend that's going to visit,

Mui-chan

P.S. I love you too Ritsu!

P.P.S. I can't wait to see you again!

Because Life was a huge pimp, it had decided that I would be their greatest Bitch of all.

That being said, I don't really have a say in this.

"Um… Senpai's already gone?"

"I'm sorry Agatsuma-chan for not informing you right away, but Shinazugawa-dono already left earlier at dawn." The kind Fujisaki matriarch gave me an apologetic smile which I answered with a forced one before turning away.

Shinazugawa-senpai was already gone before I could utter a word, which in hindsight, I should've seen coming.

Of course he wouldn't stay. What would make me think otherwise?

He is, after all, a lot like Kai when dealing with his problems.

They'd ignore the shit out of it and try to forget that it exists, but try as they might, they can't forget it, then they would lash out to the people who's trying to get close to them in fear of getting hurt or getting the other person hurt. They both don't allow themselves to feel happiness because they fear that it will all be snatched away at some point in time.

It's a pitiful way to live, because how else would you really be alive if you don't have anything to live for?

I have the feeling that his current motivation to his continued breathing, stems from the existence of man-eating monsters. But what if it's all gone and done with? What if we somehow happen to vanquish the Demon Overlord? What will he do next? What will happen? I for one, wants to live my full life 'till I'm old and gray with my family. I know that I'm being overly nosy with someone else's issues, but I can't just leave it like that! I can't find myself leaving it at that. Happiness is a great thing and I know how much pain it could cause if the source of it suddenly disappears. It would hurt like hell and make you feel terrible and there's a possibility that it could break you. But even so, I think happiness is essential for a human to function.

It's the greatest motivation we all have to keep on living and most of the time, the end goal of every dream and every wish we have is to find happiness.

Again, what would he do if all of this madness fixed itself? I can't just let it lie there if I can do something about it. It just doesn't sit right.

Again, I know that I'm being nosy, intrusive and invasive but I just can't help the want to help Shinazugawa-senpai in some way. Even if it's just a little.

Kai got over it with extensive help from Jii-chan and I, that's why he's a bit too possessive of the people he deigns as 'his' towards other people. He doesn't like sharing us because deep down he fears that we will abandon him. This is all a subconscious thing that Kai doesn't even suspect that he was doing.

But then again, after what all he has been through, possessiveness over the people who had showed him kindness and unconditional love wasn't too bad.

(Kindness is a weapon of mass destruction, if all of humanity knows how to wield it, we could have won a lot of wars and arguments by not starting any. Unfortunately, some parts of humanity just don't know what kindness is and how lethal it can be. Those few are otherwise known as Assholes, Dickheads or Nutjobs and a lot of other colorful epithets.)

Though I would have loved it if he wasn't so damn clingy when an 'enemy' is on sight.

Sighing to myself, I decided to go back to my room. There's no helping that he's already gone, it's not like I could chase after him. Rin-sensei and the Morie siblings will trap me in a roll of futon if I do that, aside from that, I'm not one to do dumb shit that will affect my continued case of breathing.

(Though I know to myself that I would throw away my self-preservation if it involves the lives of my family. Nothing gets me more motivated than other people's lives at risk, maybe I'm more suited to this job than I thought.)

At the topic of breathing, breathing exercises are now far more comfortable, even more so now that I had removed my extra bindings. I can't believe that with just a few rolls of bandage not being used I have now the capacity to actually do full concentration breaths without much difficulty unlike before. I mean, I've done it before with the help of my family – doing full concentration breaths while sleeping took me three weeks to get a hand on – but this is way better without the bindings.

Though the boost in hearing range and the echo of my own heart pumping blood still gets a bit too much for me.

(The reason why I managed to do full concentration breathing without a hitch when I collapsed was because wasn't able to hear anything. God the silence was scary but I guess it was a blessing that I did the full concentration breath that time, otherwise I would have been buried 6 feet underground.)

It wasn't a fun experience but improvements are needed to be made if I want to become strong and not die in a mission.

With that thought, I really need to do something with my… ahem… chest, I already know that I have a sizable pair for my age but to actually have them jiggle about whenever I move is uncomfortable. The chest bindings I had held the illusion that I have in my head that I was as flat as a chopping board like my fifteen year old past self was, but now, I can't move without my boobs doing the fucking chacha.

It was irritating and annoying to say the least, yeah, I did wish for bigger boobs in my old life but now, I'm regretting it. I had inherited what I think was Kaa-san's body but with my father's height. Kaa-san was a petite woman so I'll have to attribute my average height to my unknown father, I guess I have to thank him that at least.

Maybe I could ask them for materials so I can finally make myself a bra.

With that in mind, I backtracked to the matriarch and blushed in embarrassment.

"Uh… Mako-san, I know that I'm already imposing but… do you perhaps have an old kimono or yukata you could part with a-and um… some thread and needles?"

The woman stared at me in surprise, her dark eyebrows going up as her kind dark eyes widened. She doesn't sound angry at my presumptuousness just surprised.

But still, I'm acting too much for a guest. I'm already freeloading as is.

"Ah! Nevermind, I'm sorry. You don't have to―"

"Alright then."

I blinked at her sudden reply.

"W-What?"

"I'll bring it to your room right away." Her smile was even more radiant than before and she sound rather pleased. "Is there anything else you'd like dear?"

"This is the first time she asked for anything and I won't let this opportunity to slip by. I will help this sweet child!"

I caught myself staring longer at the sweet hopeful smile she was giving me, with a few more blinks, my brain caught up that I was supposed to reply to her and that she doesn't mind what I asked of her. She just… genuinely wants to help me for some reason.

Her heart tells me that much.

"O-Oh then…" I looked to the side where Mako-san's husband, Shigeo-san, was giving me the exact same look as his wife. It was a bit unsettling and bewildering to be given kindness from someone aside from my family, the two of them are practically strangers to me yet they've only shown me both hospitality and kindness. It's a bit off balancing to have the brunt of genuineness coming from them too.

I looked away from both of them and tried to blink away the damn tears.

It's hard to erase fifteen/almost sixteen years lack of kindness from everyone around me – in my old life – that was not family or friend – my music teachers were my only friends – and yeah, maybe I'm a bit of a cynic and a pessimist. But with my new and improved hearing, the cynicism has abated a little. I mean, I can hear people's heart of hearts, their very soul and the sound that they make so it's easy enough to judge what type of person they are and what could they possibly want from me.

But that doesn't mean I'm still used to a stranger's kindness.

"W-Would it be o-okay if I use the kitchen?" I asked in a voice that's slightly above a whisper.

They must've picked up my unsureness that they dialed their eagerness to eleven.

"Of course Agatsuma-chan, none at all!"

"Oooh~ I'm excited for what you're going to make!"

Blushing to the tips of my ears, I resolutely didn't look at them and fiddled with my bangs.

"I-It's nothing much." I mumbled. "I j-just want to make s-something nice for everyone for taking good c-care of me." My mind flashed to the children, Rin-sensei and Shinazugawa-senpai.

Too bad I guess. I could've made him some ohagi. I heard from Rin-sensei that it was his favorite.

I flinched when a squeal left the matriarch's lips – and oh God it was so much like Kaa-san – and then she snatched my hand to hold it in between hers.

In the background, I heard Shigeo-san quietly coughed at his sleeve that oddly sounded like his saying "Too cute~" under his breath. I dutifully ignored the fact that it was so much like a certain bear-like uncle I had.

"I would be glad to get a taste of your cooking Dear and really," She squeezed the hand she was holding and the motherly smile she was giving me overlapped with Kaa-san's own smile just like how I remembered it. The air in my lungs left me when I could've sworn that I heard the familiar ringing of airy wind chimes.

To say that I didn't hear her words afterwards was an understatement and her smile turned into a worried frown. Shigeo-san had moved closer now, hovering next to me, the same expression on his face.

"-gatsuma-chan! Agatsuma-chan! Are you okay? Is there something wrong?" Mako-san squeezed my hand harder, the worry in her sound becoming palpable the longer that I stood there like a gaping monkey.

Getting a hold of myself, I shook my head profusely. "O-Oh, p-please don't worry! I was just l-lost in thought that's all! U-Um sorry…" I lowered my head as I carefully released my hand from hers.

"Are you sure Dear? You look rather pale. Maybe you should lie down and Shige could bring you what you asked later."

"I…" I sighed, tension leaving me. I looked back up again and gave a smile that I hope looks reassuring and not as brittle as I felt. "Y-Yeah, I'll, I'll go do that. R-Rest sounds nice." I ended with an awkward tone that I internally cursed myself for.

"Do you need some help getting back to your room?" Shigeo-san offered, waving away my uneasiness with a smile.

"Ah, I think I'll b-be able to manage on my own. Um… thank you once again." The blush regained a foothold on my face once again and I tried to hide it with a grateful bow.

Once I heard, "Not a problem at all Dear." And a "You're welcome." Thrown back at me, I decided to flee to my designated room with a burning face.

I didn't hesitate to throw myself onto the unrolled futon and hide under the sheets. Yet again, I could've sworn I heard tinkling wind chimes and a familiar airy giggle.

…

"My Songbird is as shy and cute as ever~"

…

The breeze that carried the scent of the forest was a refreshing one, ruffling my unbound hair. Hmmm… I should definitely trim my bangs, they've gotten longer without my notice, my most precious possession had always kept them bound to be actually become a real hustle.

I sighed.

Maybe I could ask Mako-san to take care of it, I've already learned from my mistakes on cutting my own hair.

(It's uneven and choppy as fuck. It always has been since childhood. Apparently, even if Kaa-san was a great seamstress, and great at cutting silk into even strips, that skill doesn't translate to great haircutting skills. Thankfully, Amai-obaa rectified that after a brief fussing in the discovery that I was a girl and turned my long choppy as hell mane of hair into an elegant layered hime cut.)

I wiped away the leftover tears in my eyes from crying – not a surprise – and smiled gently towards the children. They all sported red teary eyes and runny noses as well, with Jirou being the worst of them all. Bringing out my extra handkerchief, I dabbed and wiped their faces carefully, making sure that no mess was left behind.

The two newly made grave for their parents sat at a small distance to their old house. According to the children, it was their parents favorite spot, a place where the both of them met for the first time. Without much deliberation, the children unanimously agreed to bury their parents here for those reasons. It was certainly a beautiful place, filled with looming trees and blooming wild flowers, the only downside was the destroyed home nearby that contrasted the fairytaleesque beauty of it. A wakeup call that not everything is full of flowers and fresh breeze.

Gathering them all close to me, I embraced them as they clung to me, sobbing their hearts out.

I didn't bother voicing myself because I know that the three remember what I've said during that night when everything went to shit for them. All I can really do at the moment is to bring them physical support, that they're not alone, that someone could bring them the comfort and reassurance that they need at the moment.

Humming a familiar tune under my breath, the wind washed over us, I let myself to bring them closer towards me, shielding them from the cold breeze as best as I can.

Bringing them comfort as best as I can.

Grief is a hard thing to cross, you will never really recover from the loss, but you can endure it until the unbearable pain becomes a somewhat distant memory.

(Well, that's all up to the person anyway. Everyone deals with grief differently and I'm one of the many who cries their eyes out until I physically can't anymore and hella numb inside. I let it out in one big burst and recover the pieces later, it worked for me and it's better than holding it all in.)

Along the chorus of the cherished lullaby, the children's cries turned into a crescendo of woe and mourning, and despite my role being the pillar of support at their moment of vulnerability I found myself crying once again.

At this point, I don't know whether I'm crying for them or for myself.

"Love, can we meet again soon in the bluest of skies?

Where a tomorrow waits for you and I

So hold me tight one more time, but don't kiss me goodbye~

'Cause I know that I'll see you on the other side"

"Mako-san, Shigeo-san, Rin-sensei, thank you all for the patience and taking care of me!" I followed my spiel with a deep bow.

"Come now, no need to bow that deeply, and besides we're only doing our job!"

Straightening myself, for three seconds I stared at them in the eyes one by one, hoping to convey my utmost sincerity.

"But even so I'm still grateful for what you did for me. You all have been nothing but accommodating." Once again, I bowed towards them.

Hearing the sound of sadness and audible sniffling, I straightened myself and gave a smile to the children.

(Sen, you can't afford to cry right in front of them, you can do that once you're finally alone and choking in silence.)

"Now you three, are you really gonna send me off with such faces?" I said, teasing them.

The three simultaneously shook their heads before bounding towards me and tackling me in a hug. I let out a small chuckle at that before hugging them with equal force to the ones they're giving me.

This close, I could hear them closely, they all want me to stay but know that I am unable to do such.

"Please don't go…" Jirou said in a mournful tone, clutching at my haori harder.

Don'tcrydon'tcrydon'tcrydon'tcrydon'tcrydon'tcrydon'tcrydon'tcrydon'tyoudarecryyoushallowbitch!

I started to sniffle but I held on valiantly to keep the tears from falling and instead I hugged them tighter towards me.

"I-I'll miss you three." Sniff. "Be good okay? A-Always have each other's backs and," I retracted away from them a little so that I can see their bright eyes.

"Would you smile for me?"

To say the least they cried even harder after that and it took me ten minutes to console them but by then I was sobbing alongside them.

With promises of always being careful and writing letters, I went on my way for the next mission with a lighter heart. For once, I felt unburdened, free of worries outside for my next mission. But of course before said mission, I would do a pitstop to a place that I haven't been for a while.

The place that I once called home.

It still… looks the same.

No matter how short of a time living here with Kaa-san was, my memories of this place hadn't wane.

The one to blame is either my retention skills or… the nightmares and dreams that I had of this place.

The weeds had grown really tall over where the garden used to be, but for some reason the flowers planted there are still alive, if not a little overgrown too. There's moss growing on the tiny huts walls and the roof has too many tree branches for decorations.

Other than that, it still looks the same.

Even the huge hole on the wall looks the same, same as that they when―

Oomph, na ah. You're not reminiscing that! You are here for closure Sen! For closure! Shinazuga-senpai has already defeated those demons, no need to be all negative now!

Shaking my head as if to get rid of those thoughts, I breathed in deeply and let it out with a shout. I'm here to bury the remains of my family and to finally say hello after thirteen years. I should be getting nostalgic of the good old days and not that hell of a night. Think of Daiki-ojiichan and his giggliness that offset his beefiness. Think of how he's only like that towards me. Think of boisterous drumbeats and hearty laughter. Think of Kaa-san and her lullabies and gentleness. Think of her tight hugs and suffocation. Think of tinkling bells and caring eyes and touch. Think of―

Sniff.

Oh my God! Now I'm crying!

Sniff, sniff, sob.

Well at least I'm crying because of the good times.

Scrunching up all the power that I have, I started placing one foot in front of the other, valiantly ignoring the want to stay rooted in one place or my instincts to flee from the site. I need to do this. I need to.

Besides, what would I even do to a one and a half pair of eyeballs?

Coming to a stop at the three stacks of mossy rocks near the engawa, I stared at the little bell-like white flowers planted around the make shift gravestones. There's a lot of them. Overgrown to the point that it spread passed its flowerbed and overtaking the equally overgrown weeds.

Kaa-san, Daiki-ojiichan, Tsutako-nee…

Tears after tears fell from my eyes uncontrollably as I stood there, staring blankly at their graves. I didn't know how long I've stayed in that position, but by the time I've gotten a grip of myself everything is being bathed in hazy orange and amber, and by that alone, I cried some more. The little white flowers had turned into the same shade of her eyes. Warm, pure and lovely.

"I'm home… everyone."

"I will think of our song when the nights are too long

I'll dream of you for that's where I belong

Love, can we meet again soon in the bluest of skies!~

Only, in my dreams, do we meet again~"

That… was a huge load off of my chest. I should've done this sooner. Really though, it's a liberating feeling. To really move on. It's strange that after all these years I thought that I had moved on already, but when faced with that monster once again, everything came crushing down like taking out the wrong block in a game of Jenga. It was like I was a kid again. Like I'm going to lose everything again.

And I almost gave up, almost gave in. And I…

I almost let myself get killed.

Up until now, I'm kicking my own Goddamn shins for that one. I almost broke my promise with Jii-chan and Tengu-jiji. Make Yuu blame himself again. Make Sachi break down again. Make Mei-nii dehydrate with all the tears he would shed. Make Kai find a way to hate the world around him again. Make Mui-chan disappointed for not finding who I remind him off.

I almost died again.

(One, two, three, four, the bullets went through my body. Drip, drip, drip, my body continued to leak red onto a bed of white flowers. Hic, hic, hic, hic, Mama sobbing on my numbing body and begging me to stay awake. Hush, hush, hush, everything stood still and quiet.)

Death is chilling silence and peaceful numbness. The horrifying part of it all is the level contentedness that I had during that brief – long? I don't know, there was no sense of time – moment. The thought of death doesn't scare me, but more so of what comes after it. Because what if I live once again after this one? What if this goes on and on? At my last life there is no lingering regrets, just acceptance that it happened. I want a reassurance that this could be the last, just going through life once was painful enough, I don't know if I could even stay sane when it comes to it.

All the Random Omnipotent Beings out there, please here my wishes and I promise not to curse your names anymore. I promise to be a law abiding citizen with a healthy fear for your – uncalled for – wrath.

Closing my very red eyes, I sighed as I got up from my seat, it's time to go since night has already fallen.

What's the coincidence that my next extermination would be at the village that I was born from. Yes, it was not far from Asakusa and the Fujisaki household that I've stayed at but still, something tells me that Oya-sama gave me this mission on purpose.

And if it's that the case, I should just take it and be grateful.

Opening my eyes and doing one last swipe on my cheeks, I then looked down at the recently cleaned graveyard – with Tsutako-nee now with them – and smiled.

"Well, Kaa-san, Daiki-ojiichan, Tsutako-nee, I'll be going now. It's time for me to go to work. Don't worry, I'll keep myself safe, I'm very good at reminding myself what dangers there is after all. I love all of you and," The tiny smile that I had on was switched into a sunny one, my eyes scrunched up and all.

"I'll be sure to visit again!"

As I walk along the weedy pathway, distantly, I could hear it. The sound of tinkling wind chimes along with airy laughter, the booming drums and bellowing guffaws, the lapping waves of the sea matched with uncontrolled giggles.

…

"I'm proud of you my little songbird, I'm so proud that you've grown up so well."

"Haha! I always knew that you had it in you! And you've become such a beautiful young woman too, I missed it when you were still tiny."

"Thank you for taking care of Yuu all this time. I hope you all the best you cute lovely child."

…

Omake: Through the Tears

Tanjirou can't believe that someone like Zenit― er Senritsu exists.

Incredibly kind, strong, sensitive and very understanding. Her scent tells him this much. She smells of peaches, rainforest, sunshine and red bean paste. Also tears, she gives of the scent of tears for the most part. Tears that smell of fear and anxiety. Tears of pain and struggle. Tears of joy and happiness.

And tears that gives of the scent of other people's pain fear, pain and joy.

Tanjirou had never met someone so incredibly sensitive and full of sympathy for other people's emotions and experiences.

She's incredible.

"Uwaaaaahhh! It must've been so hard for you Tanjirou-kun! Nezuko-chan!"

Tanjirou was left dumbstruck as the girl reeled him and his sister for a tight hug. Senritsu had just woken up from passing out after all the excitement and tiredness from the exam. She almost had another panic attack after seeing Nezuko, but after some heavy reassurance from Sabito-san and Urokodaki-san, she relaxed somewhat and listened to his explanation.

And now she's hugging the both of them and crying tears that has the scent of his and Nezuko's pain and sadness.

"I p-promise to help y-you find a way to t-turn Nezuko-chan back to h-human, I p-promise to h-help you along the w-way so you w-won't shoulder it a-all alone!"

Tanjirou's vision blurred and the next thing he knew, he was also crying. To hear those words uttered with utmost sincerity, like an oath, Tanjirou couldn't help but feel grateful.

It was tiring. He doesn't want to say it out loud, but it was exhausting. He has to take responsibility after all, it's the duty of an older brother to protect his siblings from danger. He doesn't want to admit it, but it's a tiring struggle. But it's just him and Nezuko now, his sister who's struggling so much in their situation.

Tanjirou returned Senritsu's tight hug with his own, burying his face onto her left shoulder while he felt Nezuko do the same on her right. It felt like the embrace that he would get from his Mother; full of warmth and care.

This close, her scent is even stronger, again, he takes note of it. She smells like sunshine after a storm, of blossoming peaches in spring and a home that smells strangely of red bean paste.

"T-Thank you."

For the amount of kindness she gave to them and the amount of tears shed, Tanjirou would always feel grateful towards Senritsu.

(In the future, that gratefulness will turn into something else, one that makes his heart pound restlessly and his stomach to feel heavy. By that time, it would be too late and he won't be able to ask for help.)

~Taisho Secret~

Muichirou keeps all his journals within the headquarters. To keep himself from forgetting his hiding place, he asked the strange bird with long lashes to remind him where it was. The first person who found where it was – Tengen Usui – was dished with a – painful, awful, scarring, horri― punishment served by Muichirou himself. To say the least, no one tried to find where his journals are again and it was still a mystery on how Muichirou found out who the perpetrator was.

A/N: Yooo what's up people? Gah, I'm really sorry for updating so late. I guess the school break excited me and I've spent all my time doing nothing and play Genshin. I got onto it recently because of my little sister's influence and it's been fun for a non-gamer like me. You could say that it's a wormhole that I got sucked into. And yes, it has something to do with this chapter's title.

This chapter is pretty much an interlude with nothing much going on and I hope that it wasn't too boring. Thank you for all the support and oh my gosh you guys are so sweet. I never really imagined having this much favorites or follows in this story because this fic is more of a self-indulgent one. I've read all your comments and it made me motivated to write non stop for this one and finished this whole chapter within two days.

Anyways, take care, love you, leave a review and stay healthy pips!