AN: I updated early this time. Yay for me! The reason I updated early is because I'm going on vacation and won't be back until the 28. And when I come back, I have summer homework that I have to finish. So that means no other new updates until some time in September. And I don't have that much time so I'll respond to the reviews that really caught my attention.

Ryukotsusei – You're right. Hiei's reaction when he sees Botan won't be a happy one. Come on, this is Hiei we're talking about here.

Vindiya – Hiei is not confused on who he loves. He knows who he loves but he's using Mukuro as a distraction so that he could forget about Botan.

tuathafaerie – I've always thought that they put Kuwabara as a comic relief. But you have a good point too. Because of his lack of knowledge, he is a good way to better explain something that happens in the series. Since we all can't be as smart as Kurama. And the theories on Botan, well, you're getting to the right place. Like it implies, Koenma will not be dishing out any of his big powers for Botan. He said in the series that he needed to save his powers for when some big war comes on. If Botan lived like Kikyou, Koenma would not allow it. And sorry, there's not really an upturn of events yet. I am not evil.

ellamr – I am not evil! A bit on sadistic side maybe, but not evil! Refreshing is a word. And yes, a little bit more of sad chapters, though this story is ending soon. Maybe three or four chapters to go. And I totally agree with you, all males are bakas. I love Kuzuma too! I hate that many people write that he is a total idiot when he's not! You should read my other fic called My Special Day. It's about Kazuma, but it's really sad. I tired to make all the characters stay as in characters as possible. And it was the Dark Tournament that Botan suggested that thing with Yusuke and Keiko, I think. That's so cool that you speak Portuguese. I never thought that you spoke Spanish. I just didn't which language that you spoke.

lady orheal – Thank you. A KB or YB? That depends if I have any good plots for them. Plus I am a big HB fan. Though I did do some YB in Addressing the Issue. In the first chapter is the center for YB.

Dragon Tamer103088 – Hmm… you have a very interesting question. It is easier to make bodies because it could be classified as a nonliving thing. Have you ever seen Inu Yasha? The bodies of the dead were made of clay, but the person had to be fed other souls in order to remain living. But because the body that Botan is using isn't made out of clay and she isn't using other souls to sustain her (mainly because Koenma would not allow it), she has to rest her soul. Anyway, the whole "resting" thing is sort of an AU thing. It just started when I was reading some fic and thought, "Well, if Botan goes into spirit form, doesn't that mean that body is like gone? Or dead or something?" and that's how it started.

And thank you to allothers who reviewed.

Nice to see you

Two ningen days went by slowly for Botan. She thought that she had more patience than this, but she felt like a little kid who couldn't wait to have a cookie but their mother said to wait for five minutes. And five minutes to a kid who wants a cookie is an eternity. Botan didn't know how much longer she could wait. She was afraid of going back to Ayame for the tenth time and asking if two ningen days had past already.

She swore that Ayame looked ready to kick her butt all the way to Ningenkai instead of spending anymore time making a new body.

So Botan stated to pace back and forth in the special room created for ferry girls to relax and catch up on the latest news. Thankfully she no longer heard any talk concerning her or Hiei. If she had, she knew that she'd have even less patience. The gossiping stopped, but the stares continued to be cast towards her. Those at least she could ignore.

Then, growing tried of pacing and to help her past the time, she had made some quick conversations with other ferry girls that she knew well. Putting on a mask to show that she was alright, she made big smiles. Inside she felt her anxiety over the flow of time. It just went too slowly for her liking. She guessed what they said was true. Or rather some poem that she found. Or was it told? She couldn't remember.

Time is too slow for those who wait,
Too swift for those who fear,
Too long for those who grieve,
Too short for those who rejoice,
But for those who love, time is eternity.

"Wow. That's a nice poem Botan," Hinageshi said. The other two ferry girls sitting with them nodded their heads in agreement.

"What poem?" Botan asked confused. Did she just say the poem out loud? She was only thinking of it, she didn't mean to say it out loud.

"The poem that you were just muttering. Where did you hear that?" Hinageshi asked.

Botan laughed nervously and scratched the back of her head. "You know, I don't remember. Maybe I heard from one of the spirits I had to ferry."

"Well, it's a lovely poem," a dark blue haired ferry girl named Rose said, who mainly ferried in the American continents.

"It really is," Aldara agreed. She too was once a former human like Botan who had once lived in ancient Greece. "When you find out who told it to you, let me know. I want to know if that person knows any other poems."

The other ferry girls agreed. Soon enough, the three of them started to recite their favorite love poems, sonnets, and songs. It was hard, but somehow Botan managed to plaster on a smile on her face while the words love, care, and marriage were thrown about. And somehow, their words managed to break her heart all over again. She felt like crying and running to be alone. She was about to do it too when a voice called for her on the intercom.

"Botan, please report to Ayame at Information. I repeat, Botan, please report to Ayame at Information."

"Well, girls, I'm off. Sounds like Ayame needs me," Botan hastily said and left.

The remaining ferry girls just shook their heads and smiled at each other. They didn't exactly know what Botan and Ayame were planning, but they did know that it had something to do with Hiei. Nobody got over love that easily. So Rose and Aldara both turned to Hinageshi.

"Tell us all you know about Hiei," Aldara ordered the red haired ferry girl.

Hinageshi smiled in compliance.

Meanwhile, Botan almost ran to Information and nearly ran over Ayame.

"Botan, slow down," Ayame said while holding on to the other's arm to stop her from running on.

"So you're done?" Botan asked excitedly.

"Hai. This way," she led her to another room. Inside the room was a table with a body on top. Botan's eyes widen with admiration and gratefulness. She hugged Ayame tightly and elatedly.

"Thank you. Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you," she said breathlessly.

Ayame smiled fondly. "Your welcome."

"It looks great. And it's still the same as me."

"Of course it is. A body is just a shape for your soul. If your soul is bright and filled with the light of the right path, then there is nothing stopping you from having a beautiful body."

Botan couldn't help but think of Kuwabara and voice her thoughts to Ayame.

"Well," Ayame put her finger on her chin to think. "Kuwabara is comfortable the way he is. He doesn't let what other people think interfere with what he wants. So the way his body looks isn't important."

"I guess that could be true," Botan said still unsure. But she just shrugged it off, convinced that she'll understand one day that was not meant to be today. She sat on the table and then lied down to house her soul inside the body. When she opened her eyes, she could feel the warmth wrapping around her.

The sensation was pleasant. Botan slowly sat up and took a few moments to adjust moving her limbs and breathing muscles. Everything was the same as the old one except for the feel of freshness to it. She hit her knees and head light, just to make sure that she could feel pain. When she was satisfied with the results, Botan dismissed the body and hugged Ayame again.

"Thank you so much. I owe you big time."

"You can make it up to me later. Now it's time for you to get going," Ayame replied. Botan nodded her head and the two proceeded to seek out of the castle, making sure that no one saw them.

Once they were out, they hugged once more and Botan summoned her oar. Ayame waved her goodbye and wished her good luck. Botan wished herself the same.

"Hiei, wait for me," Botan whispered to herself.

Herfirst stop was Genkai's house. Though she would like to go to Hiei first, she first had to ask for directions on how to get there, and the best person to ask that was Yukina. She didn't really consider Kurama because she hadn't seen him around often as of late and figured that he was either really busy or out of town. Plus, she could reassure Yukina that she was alright since the last time she saw the ice demon….

Well she didn't want to think about that. It'd just hurt too much. And Botan would need all the good and happy thoughts if she was to talk with Hiei.

So holding her eagerness at the prospect of seeing Hiei now instead of later, Botan dismissed her oar, settled into her new body, and made herself walked inside instead of flying around in circles in Makai. She walked by several rooms until she found one that was occupied by three people.

"Keiko! Yukina! And Genkai!" she exclaimed happily and quickened her steps to embraced them. Seeing them in person made her realized how much she missed staying at Genkai's.

"Botan!" Keiko exclaimed with mild shock. "How are you? Are you alright? Did you get in trouble with Koenma after we left?" She had a lot of questions running around her mind. Keiko would never forget the day that she saw Botan on the ground, unable to get up or move.

She made a vow that she would never get jealous or sad whenever Botan could not spend with her. There was just too much at stake.

"I'm alright. And I'm just a little bit in trouble with Koenma," Botan replied, laughing.

"You've been gone for so long, we were worried," Yukina said softly. Indeed she was worried for the ferry girl and for her brother's sake as well. She hadn't heard from him since and it made her sad.

"How long have I been gone?" Botan asked. As far as Botan knew, she was gone for two and a half days, maybe even three.

"Almost a week," Keiko answered. She wasn't sure that she liked the confused look that Botan gave when she asked nor the shock on her face when she answered.

"A week!" Now Botan was in distress. She didn't take into account that she might be gone for more than a few days. Funny how it didn't feel like a week to her. What if Hiei tried to contact her but couldn't? What if he came by everyday to see if she was there and didn't see her? And what if he gave up on coming by? Botan completely forgot that he would still come by anyway just to visit Yukina.

But still. That fact didn't matter in her mind at that moment because she's been gone for far too long. Because, what if he moved on? Or he decided that she wasn't worth it? To her, he was worth it. She wanted to be worth something to him. And if nothing else, she wanted to be able to make him smile. Having someone else make him smile didn't count because she was that selfish to want to have him to herself.

"I've got to find Hiei," Botan said franticly. "I've– I've got to talk to him. I have to see him. Yukina, do you know exactly where he lives?"

"Yes. Do you want to go there now?"

"Hai!" Botan quickly replied.

With that said, Botan grabbed Yukina and dragged the koorime out the room with her. Just as they reached the door, Genkai called out to them, "Botan, does Koenma know that you're here?"

Botan stopped. "Um…. No." Then she got on both of her knees and touched her forehead to the floor. "But I would really, really appreciate it if you didn't tell him where I am or where I'm going."

"Whatever. As long as you come back with Yukina and both of you end up in one piece. And don't bring any trouble with you when you come back," Genkai said and then calmly sipped on her tea.

Seeing that Genkai would keep her word, Botan continued to drag Yukina away. Keiko stared after them. Then, as if she finally came back down to earth, she yelled after their retreating forms, "Good luck Botan!"

Moments later, she saw three other figures heading her way.

"Yusuke! Kuwabara! Kurama!" she waved excitedly to them.

"Botan, do you know where we are going?" asked the dragged Yukina.

Once again, Botan stopped. "Now that I think about it, not really. But I do know that Hiei headed in this direction when he first brought me to Makai."

"Did he teleport you to Makai?"

Now Botan really felt stupid. "Um…. yes."

"Then come with me this way." Yukina took Botan by the hand and led her in the direction of the mountains. "There is a small gap between this world and the world of demons that allows lowered level youkai to pass."

"Do you go through there often?" Botan asked, fascinated.

"Hai," Yukina replied. "Mostly when my brother forgets to visit me."

"But Hiei would never forget to visit you!" Botan defended him.

"Only when he's too caught up in what he is doing and doesn't want me to heal him."

Botan didn't ask what she meant by that. It was between two siblings and she would leave it at that.

Silence reigned over them as they walked. Good thing Botan had Yukina leading her. Her pedantic attention to anything around her would've gotten her lost or make her walk right into a tree. She was too busy debating whether or not she should ask Yukina if she had any personal dislike or anger against the ferry girl. She did after cause Hiei pain. And, from what she could tell, Hiei hadn't been visiting her a lot lately. They crossed the portal without Botan noticing and she still couldn't decide if she should ask.

"What are you going to say to Hiei, if I may ask?" Yukina inquired, breaking Botan's thoughts, which ultimately gave way to new ones.

"I don't know. I haven't thought pass the whole 'I want to see Hiei' part in my plan," Botan confessed. "I just know that I have to see him. Talk to him."

"About what?"

"I don't know. Anything that pops up into my head I guess," she gave Yukina a weak smile.

Yukina didn't smile back. She knew that whatever Botan thought of doing, and that was winging it, wouldn't work. Not on Hiei. She knew that he would still be sad and angry. Like she said a week before, recovery for a demon was hard. She only hoped that Botan would think of something better than leaving it to chance by the time they got to Hiei.

From the corner of her eye, she eyed the thoughtful looking Botan. If she somehow manages to calm Hiei and accept her apology, then what? Would they continue on with their courtship? Pick up where they left off? And what if Botan doesn't get Hiei to forgive her? What then? Would Botan break? Would Hiei?

Yukina didn't like where her thoughts were heading.

Maybe she should talk to Botan more about demons. She felt that Kurama didn't do a good enough in explaining things.

"We should be there within the hour," she said, trying to dissipate her negative thoughts. Yukina came to the decision that Hiei should talk to Botan about demons in where Kurama failed to explain thoroughly. If he was to have any hope of being with Botan, then he'd need to learn to be more open to her.

"Okay."

The rest of the walk was left in silence. Unaware to Botan, Yukina was acting not only as her guide but as her protector as well. She was giving off an aura that told other demons to leave them alone else there'd be serious consequences. Not by her because she wasn't a fighter, but by her brother. Anyone who knew about Hiei would know the message in Yukina's aura that she was sending.

When they finally reached Hiei's castle, they were met by Takeru at the entrance. He bowed to both of them. "Yukina-san. Botan-san. It has been a while since I've seen you both."

"It is good to see you too," Yukina said.

"I presume that the two of you want to see Hiei-san?"

"Hai," Yukina replied and Botan nodded her head.

"Then follow me."

He led them inside. Botan didn't say anything. Somehow, his cool attitude made her even more nervous than she already was. Would Hiei act the same way? She didn't know how she'd respond to that if he did.

Takeru lead the two girls to a set of large doors that opened up to a rather thick forest. Mostly it was filled with trees and not many varieties with flowers. Nothing special was in the forest, least the person liked trees a lot.

"Hiei-san should be on the biggest tree," Takeru said.

Yukina and Takeru watched her expectedly. Realizing that they wanted her to go by herself, Botan headed off to find the biggest tree. Botan wonder the place feeling a little lost. She's never been there before. So it was understandably easy for her to get lost.

"Are you going to talk with him?"

A voice said from Botan's back. Botan spun around to face the voice and found Mukuro without the bandages.

"I do if I find him," Botan tried to make some light humor.

Mukuro didn't find it amusing. She took a few steps towards Botan, who stepped back. Seeing that she was signaling to the other demon that she was intimidated, Botan firmly held her ground.

Mukuro didn't find that impressive. She turned her head to the left. Botan got a good look at her scarred face. "He is a little unstable. Are you sure that you want to talk to him?"

Botan looked at the demon straight in the eyes. She could feel her heart pounding hard. It felt like it was ready to burst from Mukuro's gaze. Her voice sounded steady and strong, unlike her courage. "I want to see him."

"If you insist."

Botan watched Mukuro walk away from her. She deeply sighed and continued on her search in the direction the Mukuro looked. That brief meeting with Mukuro disturbed her. She didn't want to think too much about it or look too deeply into what Mukuro meant. All Botan wanted to think about was Hiei. It took her a while until she found the biggest tree in the middle of a clearing.

Looking up at the tree, she called, "Hiei? Are you up there?"

He was mediating when he heard her voice. Ironically, he was mediating to forget her and here she appears. The fates were cruel to him. But he wasn't a big believer in fate. If something happened, then it happened. He wouldn't complain or whine over something that didn't work out because he didn't try. So he let her yell for him from the bottom of the tree knowing that Takeru let her in.

When he could no longer take her voice, he jumped down. He noticed that he scared her with his entrance. Hiei didn't apologize or make any indication that he was up for talking. He just stared at her. He saw that she was visible uncomfortable and sought for words to say.

Wanting to speed her visit so that she could leave sooner, he snapped, "What do you want?"

"I just wanted to see you," Botan said. Her heart wildly pounded. Her head screamed at her that this is wrong. She shouldn't be doing this now. Or at least thought better of what she should say. But her heart told her to go on, do what she wanted to do.

Botan listened to her heart.

She wanted to see Hiei. And so she had. Damn anything and everything that wanted to get in her way when all she wanted at that moment was to tell him that she loved him.

"I wanted to see you. I wanted to apologize for not telling about my need to rest and to tell you that…." a few tears were running down her eyes. How can you explain to a person who always thought that emotions were useless how you feel? That they were important? And with straining her soul and heartbroken by the very same person, she didn't know if she could take a rejection. "That I really care for you. And I want to be with you."

The air around them became cold. Botan shivered. It was never cold around Hiei. Fire was the dominate side of him, yet the atmosphere was cold. What was even more chilling were Hiei's blank eyes that appeared to be able to look into her soul and see her weakness.

"I guess Koenma didn't bother to explain to you," Hiei said deadpan. "If I make you mine, and you go into spirit form as you are required to do in order to continue existing here, then I become psychotic. Maybe even kill myself."

Botan's eyes widen. "W-What? How is that possible?"

Hiei took a step towards her. Cold fury covered his face, though his tone was still emotionless. "If we mate, then we are connected. I will feel you when you rest. It will feel like you are dieing each and every time you become a spirit. A continuation of your living and dieing will render me insane."

"Then we don't mate." Somehow Botan knew that that was the wrong answer.

Hiei let out a raucous laugh. "Really. What is it with you ningens? You always think that you have a simple solution for everything."

She didn't say it, but Botan's mind asked why.

"Why?" Hiei heard. "I'll tell you why." Hiei grabbed her arm and spun her around hard so that her back hit the tree. "You see, when a demon wants something, we hold on to it. And I don't take parts, I take everything. Having only part of you and not being able to make you all mine makes me very upset. I couldn't live with it. Because you see, my emotions can be much more intense than yours. The depths of my true feelings almost seem bottomless. I could hold a grudge on you for so long, that'll you'll forget why I hate you. But I'll always remember."

"You… hate…" Botan couldn't finish. Her heart was breaking because she understood what Hiei was saying. What Kurama was trying to tell her before.

"As you know, most demons don't want feelings such as love. But those who do want mates may undergo courting to see if they would be a compatible pair. This is not a common thing. Most who do mate, and end up not liking their mate, would kill them."

Was that what he meant? Because Hiei was putting his feelings on the line. He didn't mean that Hiei was afraid to get hurt. Hiei wasn't afraid to get hurt. It was just because his very emotions were more intense than Botan realized. Much more intense.

"But those who do court take it very seriously. They are putting their pride and feelings on the line."

And it was also about pride. Not jus Hiei's pride, but his honor. And he took that very seriously. Hiei may be a killer, but he lived by his own honor.

"Did you really think that you could come here and tell me that you care for me and everything will be alright?" Hiei sneered. "You're delusional."

"Well maybe I am!" Botan shouted. She wanted him to stop glaring at her and just hold her. But she knew that the chances of him doing that now were unlikely. "But I have to believe that everything will be alright in the end. I have to."

She searched his eyes. She had to know if he thought that everything will alright too. She didn't want to be without him. She looked for anything that would give her a sign. A light of hope, love, or a smile. Something other than nothing. Anything would do.

She found nothing in his red abyss for eyes.

"You can't just give up!" Botan tried once more.

"I'm not giving up on anything. I just rather not be insane."

Botan felt like crying her eyes out and pulling at her hair. She felt like hitting his head over and over with her bat until he stopped doing this. Why wasn't he working with her? If they find a way, they could be together. Unless….

"Don't you want to be with me?" She didn't consider the possibility that he may not want to be with her. No. That wasn't true. She didn't to think about that possibility.

Hiei was offended by her question. Was she really that stupid?

It was more fuel for a raging anger.

Hiei pushed her against the tree again and kissed her. Hard. And roughly. He tightly held her wrists and pinned them to the side. He knew that her wrists would lightly bruise. He roughly traced her lips with his tongue. His aggressive kiss made Botan whimper. He could feel her struggling to move away from him. Hiei pressed on with the kiss. Then he bit her lower lip, just hard enough to draw blood and sucked it. It wasn't mating, just something to remember her by.

He didn't want to see her again. Hiei quickly withdrew from her and left.

It was better this way. He had to believe that.

Botan sank to the ground. A stream of tears ran down her face. Not wanting to be there any longer, she summoned her oar and flew away. Somehow she managed to find her way to Ningenkai and to a small familiar boulder. Botan flung herself onto the boulder and cried.