'She Visits Nothing'
A/n: While reading this listen to 'Life' By Our Lady Peace
The jet black doors were unforgiving and promised doom and destruction to the young girl staring out her prison cell. Her prison cell was often referred to as a Hospital, St.Mungo's at that. The door which she had spent many months staring at, hoping someone would walk through it, smiling broadly to tell her she wasn't sick anymore, that today she would walk through those vindictive doors to her freedom, to the life she was losing slowly.
It was as though everyday was a game for her; every smile someone threw her was that of a sympathetic smile. She felt like each day was a win or a loss. And so far she was losing. No good news game to the young Gryffindor, and nobody who walked through those black doors would leave feeling happiness surging through them. If those doors and this room promised one thing it was eternal sadness, and undying loss. Everyday that passed was nothing more than a reminder that she was losing this game miserably.
Her face was a silhouette of happiness when everyday she sat on the uncomfortable cot thinking of her friends who were probably laughing and triumphing over evil once more. And she, she had to sit there smiling bitterly thinking of her death, hoping and praying that soon she would be rid of this silhouette.
Today was like any other day though; the medi-witch came through the solid 'prison' door and administered a vile of pink, glossy liquid into her body. The liquid was like a drug, it brought you up then crashed you down with what felt like never-ending unhappiness, until the next day and until the next vile of pink, glossy liquid entered her veins.
She was trapped, she was trapped in this never-ending pit of despair, this place where everyone entered but never left, this place where a liquid could make you the happiest, or saddest person. Everything remained constant in routine but her status didn't. Everyday the tests became worse, the results more depressing, yet still she stayed strong.
How many times have you been pushed around?
Was anybody there?
Does anybody care?
How many times have your friends let you down?
Was anybody there?
Did anybody stare?
How many times have your friends let you down?
Just open up your heart
Just open up your mind
How many times has your faith slipped away?
Well, is anybody safe?
Does anybody pray?
Today would be especially horrible, because today the pink liquid wouldn't bring happiness and the smiles didn't comfort her. Today, however someone walked through the door of her prison cell...
How many times have your friends let you down?
Just open up your heart
Just open up your mind
How many times has your faith slipped away?
Well, is anybody safe?
Does anybody pray?
Oh, Life is waiting for you
So messed up, but we're alive
Oh, Life is waiting for you
So messed up, but we'll survive
How many days have you just slept away?
Is everybody high?
Is everyone afraid?
How many times have you wished you were strong?
Have they ever seen your heart?
Have they ever seen your pain?
He wore all black, and held a clip board. He looked and even smelt important. His eyes spoke to her, they were drenched in sympathy, and he was almost telling her the news with a blink of his big blue eyes. The room seemed to close in on her, like every morsel of her world was shrinking and becoming defiant. He spoke gently and clearly, but this was no matter to her for his words made no sense while he told her the news, it was as if her world was already ending.
And now she had something to look forward to for a few moments, solitude... the end to her pain. Hermione's life flashed before her, Harry Potter, Ronald Weasley, her heart was aching with pain but her mind was celebrating the glory of being free. Dumbledore's face filtered her mind as did Ginny's and the rest of the Weasley family. Even a certain Slytherin's did, and for him she begged herself to find it within her to forgive him. She wanted this heart of her to rest in ease and rest, not bewildered with emotions and grudges.
She gets high
She gets lost
She gets drowned by the cost
Twice a day, every week, and all her life
She gets high
She gets lost
She gets drowned by the cost
Twice a day, every week, and all her life
Oh, Life is waiting for you
So messed up, but we're alive
Every emotion it would be possible to feel fluttered through her and she felt...
angry for having to leave,
She felt sad for living this life,
She felt hurt that it was over,
She felt happy that she was done,
She felt scared that she didn't know what to expect,
And she felt love for those she was going to leave behind.
Her world blurred as she lay her head on the bed, the cold bed, the cold realization that death was a mere moment away. She saw the face of a person in all black, the room and the world closed in on her, the blur fogged her vision, he body felt cold she felt weak she felt gone.
Oh, Life is waiting for you
So messed up, but we'll survive
All messed up, but we'll survive
She felt death overthrow her. She didn't see a white light, she didn't feel happy, she didn't feel safe and she didn't feel ready... she felt dead. She didn't visit a heaven, she didn't visit a hell, she visited nothing...
And Cancer set her there.
A/N: I've never known a life of cancer, but I have watched someone I love be destroyed by it, this is what I saw.