1Meredith's POV:
My mind is on the surgery, I told myself repeatedly. Keeping it there was difficult. I kept running over the conversation in my head, I revealed my weakness yet again. Maybe I was going crazy, keeping up your walls at all times was a daunting task. I needed the two days off that started as soon as I got home. "I need a little suction." My hands were on autopilot, no longer controlled by my brain, they gave suction. Maybe Derek was just impossible to keep things from or maybe I wanted him to know that I was starting to get better. But was I really? I still spent most of my time thinking about him and avoiding him or speaking to him. Or, at times all three, I was thinking of avoiding speaking to him, I don't know when my mind started working like it did but I didn't really care.
My mind wondered so much that I didn't even hear Burke tell me that we were done. "Dr.Grey, Dr.Grey?" "Hum?" "We're finished why don't you go home and get some sleep." "Okay, See you Monday Dr. Burke." I was turning to walk away, my body feeling numb. I stopped, numb. Why was I still going on with all the Derek drama? Why was I not okay with the fact that he had moved on with his wife? Why couldn't I move on? I was spending all my time obsessing over Derek, not realizing how lucky I really was. Millions of women have gone through the same thing, most have been through worse, so why couldn't I let this stupid little thing go? I've always over analyzed everything and this time, I think it was for the best. I had decided that I was going to be numb about Derek, not speaking to him unless absolutely necessary but not being rude.
I wasn't about to the doe eyed deer who died because she was caught in the headlights. As Christina had put it so many times, life goes on. I knew it wouldn't be easy and that I would probably slip occasionally, putting in a sarcastic comment or a witty remark about how McMarried he was. At some point, I would cut him out entirely, only seeing him at work but not speaking to him unless we were on the same case but for now, I would be indifferent, numb. No more sugar-coating or guilt, just indifference.
I pushed the door to the locker room and went over to my locker. I pulled off my scrubs and tiredly pulling on my street clothes. I quickly grabbed my things, the sooner I got home the better. I slammed my locker shut in time to hear someone yelling "I didn't know he was here!" "Oh right, he just shows up and happens to know where to find you at this time of day?" "Yes Derek, I work here, everyone knows that. He would know where to look considering..." I was trying to tune them out, part of my indifference. I stood up and walked out into the hallway where the fighting was going on. Derek and Addison were yelling, actually yelling by the elevators making it hard to get by without hearing them. I grabbed my i-pod and started to listen to a very loud song.
I walked past, bopping to the music. I leaned between them and pressed the down elevator button "Sorry, just need to get home." I said pulling out one earphone so that I could keep my volume under control. I put it right back in and waited for the elevators to open. I slid in when they did, unfortunately Derek did too. I saw his lips moving so I paused my song "... and now Mark's here hence the fighting." "Uh Huh." I nodded, this indifference thing was easier than I thought it would be.