Here we go with Part two. I've written all of it, but now I've got to put it into acceptable format. I'll e-mail the entire thing if anyone wants. Not that anyone wants.
Any percieved racism is meant to be a jab at the steryotypical roles portrayed in many teen movies.
I assume you're all familiar with the term OTP (One True Pairing). Once again, I'd never claim the characters as my own. Blame Sparks.
Landon limps in to breakfast wearing a designer bandage on his head and sits down. His hot!Mom is also in the enormous kitchen and refuses to look a him.
Landon: Momeee, my leg huuuurts… (Wimper, simper)
Mom: I'm calling your dad.
Landon: NO! I'm not talking to him! He's a mean old man that doesn't understand me and is stupid and wouldn't buy me an ice cream cone at the fair when I was fifteen!
Mom: You have to. You need a male in your life. Everyone knows that a boy needs a father! A woman is incapable of raising a boy on her own. I mean… just look at how you turned out!
Landon: (Looks at his reflection in the spoon and smiles) Yeeeah… Lookin' good…
Mom: I mean it! Boys go bad when just a woman raises them! It's got everything to do with the entire sex and not because of my own disinterest in you that renders me incapable of paying attention to you or teaching you that using your influence to wound others for your own entertainment is wrong. (Looks at him) Put that spoon down!
Meanwhile, Pastor Sullivan is giving a sermon in church
Pastor: Dear God, we're thankful that the young boy that fell into temptation and some sludge water is still alive and with only minimal brain damage CoughThankstothekidssittinginrowstwosix
andsevenCough and we ask you to watch over the kids that told him to jump from that tower CoughThey'resittinginrowstwosixandsevenCough and pray that you don't deliver plagues onto them and their home addresses CoughWhichhappentobelistedonthechurch
bulletinboardalongwithphonenumbersCough
In-Crowd: …
Blonde skank: (Glare)
Pastor: CoughDidImetionthey'resittinginrowstw osixandseven?Cough… ok, I'm done.
Choir: Laaaaa!
The camera is obviously fixated on the youngest member of the choir. She sings a little solo with a look in her eye that goes from angelic to vampy about six times. Landon fidgets. Blonde skank looks angrily at the singing girl.
Next day, obviously Monday from the vocal soundtrack in the background. All of the high-schoolers are out with their cliques, most of the girls advertising themselves up to the point where all that's missing is "Cheap as free" on their exposed chests. Landon and his crew are hanging out, too
Landon: So yeah, I lied to them and got off Scott free! Thank goodness for the revolving door court system that money buys for us rich white folks! (Laughs) … Oh… sorry Eric.
Eric is just happy they said his name and is looking forward to having two lines that aren't just comic relief.
Blonde skank: Ewww, there's Jamie! Look at her with her dress that doesn't show off her underwear and her sweater that isn't so tight that we can see the outline of her ribcage!
Brunette Skank: Yeah! She's different!
Blonde Skank: Hey, nice sweater.
Jamie: (Sweetly) Thanks
Romanic Audience: AWWW, she's soooo sweeeeeet! You go, Jamie!
Cynical Audience: You just gonna take that? Say something! Say "Nice cavernous, overly-used vaginal entrance, harlot!" Damn, what a doormat.
Slashy audience: OMG BlondeSkank/JamieSullivanOTP!
In-crowd: (laughs while Jamie is still within earshot)
Landon is in the Principal's office. The principal has a bunch of beer bottles on his desk. He pulls out more as Landon watches
Principal: We know you were drinking here, Landon. Now you may look old enough to drink… and probably old enough to rent a car… but you're not.
Landon: (Stares and fidgets with his designer head bandage)
Principal: Oh, Landon… so young and rebellious… You should thank me for telling the owners of that property that I'd… (Licks his lips) punish you myself… (Gets up) I know your type, Landon… you crave strong discipline… and I will give it to you. And you can beg and plead and let crystalline tears cascade onto your pink tinted cheeks, but I will punish you mercilessly…
Landon: …Er…
Principal: (Sits and wipes his brow) Ahem… You're going to help the janitor after school…
Landon: (Thinking) Oh no! Not janitorial work! (Aloud) Fiiiine
Principal: Tutor on Saturdays…
Landon: (Thinking) Oh good God! Not tutorial work! (Aloud) Fiiiine
Principal: And… you'll take the lead part in the drama club's spring play.
Landon: (Thinking) Oh mercy please! Not THEATRE! (Aloud) Fiiiine.
Landon, now wearing a sporty looking leg brace with a matching stylish crutch to go with his designer head bandage, is sweeping the floor. Jamieis talking to some invisible people
Jamie: Cookies to whoever guesses the object in my hand.
Landon: Starfinder. Fork over the cookies.
Jamie: (Ignores him and continues talking about her starfinder)
Main Jerk: Ooo, can you see angels up there?
Possee: Ha-ha-ha! Good one!
Main jerk: Thanks. I just made it up! (Proud of himself)
Jamie: (Serenely Quotes Einstein)
Romantic Audience members: Yeeea! Go-Jamie!
Cynical Audience members: Ok, that sweet innocent bit is getting a bit old now.
Main Jerk: diss
Jamie: Counter-Diss
Posse: PWN'D!
Main Jerk: Come on, Landon, let's go. I need to mend my pride by wounding the pride of others.
Landon: Well you'll have to cajole me into it. I'm trying to be good.
Auxillary Jerk: Ok. … Come on maaan! … How's that?
Landon: Ok, just lemme give an unnecessary foreshadowing glance at Jamie, ok?
Landon gives blonde skank a ride home
Blonde Skank: You know, my parents aren't home… we have the whole house to ourselves… I've got my diaphragm in…
Landon: No.
Blonde skank: WWhateverrrr. (Heaves her bosoms hopefully and gets out of the car and leaves in a huff)Landon Sprays the passenger seat with Lysol.
The next morning
Landon's Mom: Get up, Landon! You have to tutor the dummys!
Landon: Mumblemutter (Gets up to go tutor)
At the school
Landon: Learn, damn you! Why won't you learn!
Kid: (Gets up and leaves)
Landon: … What'd I say?
On The bus home
Landon turns on his walkman. The music can be heard from two seats away, and yet he puts on headphones. Jamie sits next to him
Jamie: (Shouting over the music) Wanna buy raffle tickets? They're to raise money for school computers.
Landon: (Shouting) What?
Jamie: (Shouting) I said wanna buy raffle tickets! Fund raiser! New Computers!
Landon: (Shouting) I don't want a new computer!
Jamie: (Shouting) No, not you! Fund raiser for the school!
Landon: (Shouting) Thank you! This is a stylish crutch, isn't it?
Jamie: (Gives up)… (Shouting) So, you really… shouted at that kid today, didn't you? Can I interest you in some advice?
Landon ignores her, or perhaps he's finally gone deaf
Jamie: (Shouting) So, are ya gonna visit that kid that you put in the hospital?
Landon: (Takes off his headphones angrily) Hey, I heard that! … somehow…
Jamie: Wow… so you did hear me…
Landon: Oh, go read your bible.
Jamie: There's more to me than that, you know.
Landon: Yeah, like your one sweater and other miscellaneous superficial facts I know about you.
Jamie: Yeah!
Landon: Hey, that remark should have cut you to the core! Why aren't you cut? Didn't my witty retort sting you?
Jamie: No. (Walks off)
Landon Goes back to destroying his eardrums
Eric drives Landon to play practice
Eric: … Cheer up! Here, want me to do my token black guy routine? (Turns up loud hip-hop music and comments on the directing teacher's breasts)
Landon: Grrrrr
Eric: You're gonna wear makeup! Ha-ha-ha and other emasculating jokes.
Landon: Well Aww, just come pick me up in an hour,ok? (Takes his stylish crutches)
Eric: Sure… (Comments on large butts)
Landon: (leaves) I love the token black guy routine…
Slashy audience members: LANDON/ERIC OT-INTERRACIAL-P!
In the school theater
Teacher: This play is sexy and for some of you CoughLandonCough it might bring along certain major changes in character.
Landon: What? I'm late! Were you saying something?
Teacher: (Dissapointed that she didn't get to foreshaddow to Landon)Oh, just as well (Starts handing out parts)
The students start doing some pretty bad acting. Fortunately, some of them actually look a bit like highschool students. Landon, despie being good at lying, royally sucks at acting. Later on, he's waiting around outside with his stylish crutches, looking a little angry, probably because he doesn't have his designer head bandage anymore. Jamie walks up behind him
Landon: My fashion sense is tingling… (Turns to face Jamie) What?
Jamie: Would it kill you to try?
Landon: Yep, and I'm too young to die.
Jamie: You look about twenty-six.
Landon: That's still pretty young… and I'm eighteen, ok? Eighteen!
Jamie: And you're scared that after you leave high school, you won't get to lead a posse anymore. (Smarms and walks away)
Landon: That's so irritating… and yet strangely arousing my man bits… Aww, my ride's not coming… Hey! (Limps over to Jamie) Jaaaamieee I… (suddenly remembers that it's not mommy he's trying to schmooze) Ahem! Hey, baby, hows about givin' ol' Landon a ride?
In the car, Landon fiddles around with the radio stations. Jamie grits her teeth at his taste in music
Jamie: Befriending someone I dislike is number fourty-two on a list of things to do before I die. I've got others, such as spending a year in the peace corpse and other acts of selflessness.
Landon: (Ducks when he sees skanky Brunette out of the window) Yipes! People I know! Ooohhh, I'm gonna kill Eric for forgetting me.
That does it for Part Secunda. More on the way, I promise.