This is ever so much fun to do. Try it sometime.
Charactes not mine (They're all yours, Sparksie). Please remember that this is a parody. I don't mean to offend those of you that enjoyed A Walk To Remember.
Nobody's trying to bash your story.
Still, flames are welcomed. Thank you, Lorah. I loved your comment!
Landon's Yard
Eric and Landon are reading for the play. Landon decided to forgive Eric 'cause he just couldn't stay mad at the token black guy routine. Landon has somehow become a better actor, and he's walking without his sporty looking leg brace. He does, however, still have the stylish crutch and now, for a limited time only, a trendy limp.
Eric: Boring! Think I'll make a sex joke…
Landon: No! I have three weeks to memorize what I didn't and couldn't in three months! And then from here, I'll change my whole life at an extremely rapid rate!
Eric: Pffft. Sure.
Landon: (Frowny face)
Eric: Aww, come on… you can count on me. I'll be there.
Landon: (Smiley face) Thanks, Eric
Slashy audience members: OMGtheirloveissocrosscultural!
Romantic audience members: Shhhh!
Slashy Audience members: Fookin' het fans…
Later on at School
Landon: Hey, Jamie, wazzap?
Jamie: What is it you need?
Landon: (Dropping the nice act) Help with my lines. I worked and worked with Eric but I was… distracted.
Slashy fans: (Thinking) By your burning love for him…
Jamie: Say pretty please.
Landon: What?
Jamie: And curtsey.
Landon: …
Jamie: Sorry, I got carried away there. I'll help, but only if you promise not to fall for me.
Landon: Deal!
Jamie: You were a bit quick with that answer.
At Jamie's House
Pastor Sullivan: What? That kid from row two, six, or seven is coming over here? I'll go hide my firearms.
Jamie: But I'm old enough to make my own decisions.
Pastor Sullivan: You know, I have a nice boy for you, Jamie. He's caring and thoughtful, and I think you'd really hit it off with him…
Jamie?
Pastor Sullivan gives her a little Jesus statue
Jamie: Daddy, we've been through this already! We're just friends!
Pastor Sullivan: I'll just leave you two alone… (Doorbell rings) Oh great… honey, your heathen friend is here.
Jamie runs to answer the door. She gives Landon a shy smile, and he gives her a bored-ish look. She lets him in, then disappears for a minute. Landon spots the other man in Jamie's life—the Jesus statue.
Landon: Hey, how's it going?
Pastor Sullivan: I'm fine. I'm Jamie's dad.
Landon: Eeep…!
Pastor Sullivan: Fear me.
Landon: …
Pastor Sullivan: (Walking into his office) Don't touch her. Don't touch anything. Oh, and by the way, I know you're the one leaving gum on the seats in church.
Landon: (Defiant stare)
Later on, after a bit of banter between Landon and his buddies, the young redeemable jerk is driving home and sees Jamie going into a cemetery. He decides to follow her in for no good reason at all.
Landon: (Running up behind her) Boogity-boo!
Jamie: Stop doing that. (Gives him a semi-vampy look)
Landon: Watcha doin?
Jamie: Follow me.
Forgetting that characters that follow quiet girls into cemeteries are usually in horror movies or prison films, Landon follows Jamie to the next scene, which is in a big open field
Jamie: I built this telescope when I was twelve. And by built I mean took it out of the cardboard box and put it on it's stand. And by twelve I mean sixteen. I'm gonna build another so I can see a comet that may or may not be here sometime soon. And by build I mean take out of a cardboard box.
Landon: I'm totally cynically unimpressed by your spirituality, as I have none.
Jamie: Oh?
Landon: Yep. So much evil in the world, I can't believe.
Jamie: Bad makes the good feel even better.
Landon: … I knew a dominatrix that used to say that.
In school the next day
Eric: Legs! Legs! OOO, short skirts!
Landon: Down, boy.
Brunette skank: They're trashy!
Audience: …
Brunett: OOoo, and here's that prude Jamie.
Auxiliary Jerk: There's just no pleasing you, is there?
Jamie: Hi, Landon! Can't wait to see you after school.
In crowd: Hu? (Turns to Landon and crouches, ready to strike)
Landon: Uhhh… (Knowing that his next move is vital to his throne in the clique) Uhh… yeah right!
In crowd: (Laughs at his witty retort)
Jamie: Oh…!
Cynical Audience: Oh, don't act so hurt. You should have seen that coming!
Jamie is practicing her piano when the doorbell rings. It's Landon
Landon: Hey. How ya doin? Ok, let's get started. Got anything to eat? I'm starved!
Jamie: (Slams door)
Landon: Hey, wait! Come back!
Jamie: Whaaat?
Landon: Practice! You promise!
Jamie: You're too embarrassed by me.
Landon: I like to think of it as… secret line running. You're my secret... squirrel. (Seeing that she's about to slam the door again) Jamie, come on! My throne is at stake! Throne!
Jamie: (Purely) I guess I was wrong about you, Landon. (Closes door)
Landon: (Angrily) Aarrghhh... Peas! Peas, peas, PEAS!
Pastor Sullivan appears at the door with amazing speed for an old guy, and Landon runs away. Later on, he's looking through her yearbook, where he sees that her ambition is to witness a miracle. The audience flinches, as it is very painful when foreshadowing is applied with a hammer.
At the tutoring place
Landon: Learn… learn… come on! If you don't learn, I'll never get to start my self-bettering montage! … AUGH! How can I make you learn… (Spots basketball)
Kid??
Landon: If you make two triangles, I'll play basketball with you.
Kid: Fun time!
Jamie is, of course, watching. We cut to a montage of Landon becoming a better character. He studies for the play (on his own), rehearses at school, allows himself to be physically abused by the director, oogles Jamie while she's not looking, and chews a pencil, all to a jaunty little montage tune. The two even manage to walk past each other in slow motion. Cynical audience finds itself sort of enjoying the couples (thus is the power of the montage) but that soon fades.
Scene: Hospital
Landon goes to visit the boy he tried to help commit suicide. The hospital looks a lot like a nursing home or hotel for some reason.
Landon: … Hey
Boy: (Broody look)
Slashy audience: He's a bottom. Definitely.
Landon: (Breathily) I'm sorry…
Slashy audience: TEH FLUFF!
Boy: Meh.
Landon: I feel awful, you know.
Boy: Good. Go away, I don't like you anymore.
Slashy audience: TEH LOVERS QUARREL!
Landon: I did jump one time. I got… you know… a couple of cuts… and… I broke a toenail.
Boy: …
Landon: It grew back.
Boy: (Gives Landon a seductive look)
Landon: (Gives him a seductive look back, then looks at the TV) Ahem… I'll… see you at school
Slashy audience: Awww…
At the school play, Landon seems to have gotten better at acting. Eric is asleep, probably angry that this is one of the last times his face will be on screen and mad that Landon was busy playing nurse with Injured Boy and probably canoodling with Auxiliary Jerk. Jamie comes in, all covered up in a big ol' shapeless robe. The play goes on
Landon: (Broody sigh) My character's deeeeep and badaaassss like me. … If I lived in the 1920's.
Jamie: (Strips)
Landon: 0.o
Eric: o.0
Audience: 0.0
Cynical audience: Oh, so all she had to do was loose the ponytail and throw on a dress and then everyone sees that she's pretty?
Observant audience: Dude… Her dad's eyeballing her… 0.0
Landon: You're beautiful…
Jamie: (Shellshocked, 'cause that's not in the script) … (Gets over it)
Jamie: Laaaa! (Her vamp-type looks are more prominent)
Landon: (Begins to fall in love)
Jamie: Laaa la! (Minces around stage) LAAAA!
Landon: (Falls completely in love)
Observant audience: She's singing relatively lightly, so how can they hear her?
Jamie: (Chews up the scenery with her solo)
Cynical audience: Hey, you're right… Wow, even the play within the movie has is half-arsed.
Jamie: LA! Oooo ooohh. (Is done)
She's wearing way too much lip gloss and is obviously trying to seduce him.
Landon: (Thinking) Wow, she's amazing…
Ronantic audience: Oooohh... that was so touching… so beautiful… so emotionally driven… a ballad sung from her heart illustrating their future romance…
Cynical audience: You can see his pores from space…
Slashy Audience: She was SO singing to blonde skank.
Landon: (Leans over and kisses her)
Romantic audience: YAAY!
Slashy audience: Cheating scum! (Throws popcorn) Poor Eric!
Meanwhile, Eric has disappeared momentarily, fallen through the gaping double plothole
Blonde Skank!! Grrr… Blonde skank ANGRY!
Pastor Sullivan: Wow… my daughter's a smokin' hottie… I wonder… (Shakes head) No, no, that's illegal…
After the play, Landon's Dad runs up to him
Landon: Go away! I have nothing to say to you, you mean old strangely attractive man! (Walks off)
Dad: Don't walk away.
Landon: You taught me how.
Audience: Ooo, burn!
Next time: In which Landon tries to make Jamie like him, Pastor Sullivan feels the indecent twinge, and we all get to see what happens when generation Y learns to use photoshop.