Sadly, I have to put this here to shield myself from potential useless flames:
This chapter deals with the "depressing" aspect of the film. Please understand that I'm not trying to make light of Leukemia. Please save your flames of "My best friend's mother's sister has leukemia so stop making fun of it!" for someone that's actually trying to offend.
As always I don't own this concept. Also, if I've offended any romantics out there then (fill in cynical and/or snarky comment of choice here. Do not excede fifty characters).
Landon and Jamie are happily walking together. They're probably one of those annoying couples that does everything together. Landon's old in-crowd sort of mumbles something, but nobody cares. Later on, Landon is walking Jamie home. He stops and kisses her at their doorstep. Pastor Sullivan walks out.
Pastor Sullivan: Shoo! Shoo! (Pokes Landon with a stick) Go home! Go on! Go home!
Landon: Owch! 'Night Jamie… (Scampers off)
Pastor Sullivan: Bad Jamie! Sinful! Holding hands with him… do you realize that when you hold his hand, you're holding hands with every other person he held hands with?
Jamie: (Purely) I love him. See? I even took out my ponytail for him!
Pastor Sullivan: Well what about your deep, dark secret? It'll hurt him in the end. (Walks off to let her think about that)
Scene: The big ol' empty field
The two are gonna do some stargazin'!
Jamie: So, what do you want to see?
Cynical audience: Snicker
Romantic audience: Shut up! You knew what she meant!
Landon: I dunno. Something. Look. I have tasty beverages and a blanket... Wink wink, nudge nudge... uhhh ( seeing that she's not having it) Did I say a blanket? I meant two blankets! Here… this one's for you!
Jamie: Much better.
Landon: Good now look for … this star.
Jamie: Why?
Landon: Someone may or may not have gotten it named after you.
Jamie: No way!
Landon: Way! (Hands over the official document)
Cynical audience: That thing is such a ripoff.
Observant audience: Where'd he get the cash for that?
Jamie: Ohhh, how sweet! (Whispers) I love you…
Cynical audience: Is she talking to him or the star documentation?
The two share a really lippy kiss, and make that squelching noise when they pull apart. The Romantic audience is squeeing, while the Cynical audience is vaguely reminded of two wet suction cups being pulled apart. They keep kissing, and it begins to sound like he's sucking out the rotting innards of an overly-ripe peach.
Jamie: (Pulls back) Mmmhh…
Cynical audience: Finally…
Landon: Too much?
Jamie: No, but if we keep this up, I won't get to tell you about how item one on my life list is to get married in the church where my dead mom married my over-protective dad.
Landon: Oh… (Kisses her cheek)
Scene: Landon's house
Landon sneaks up behind his mom, who is at the garden table.
Landon: Boogy-boo!
Mom: AAAA! … Oh, it's you… not child services… whew. So, when did you get in?
Landon: Um… a while ago…
Mom: Were you with Jamie?
Landon: Er…
Mom: … Chika-bwah, chika-bwa-waaahh…
Landon: HEY! We did not!
Mom: Oh… couldn't get it up?
Landon: I'm not having this conversation…
Mom: Ok, I'll stop… incidentally, I found that list of things you want to do with your life and I thought I'd just tell you that… well…
Landon: (Groan)
Mom: Honey, usually people who want to… Looks at list Get into medical school have more than two brain cells to rub together…
Landon: Don't you think I know that? I'm different mom! I've changed! … There was a montage and everything! I'm willing to work at this! Anyway, Jamie believes in me.
Mom: Fine, but I'm not paying for grad school.
Landon and Jamie are walking through a busy part of town. They walk past a club full of Landon's old in-crowd, and they shun him.
Brunette skank: You are dead to me! (Spits on the ground)
Landon: Wow… it's a wonder they find time to fill out college applications… you know? How are yours coming?
Jamie: Oh, I'm not applying.
Landon: Cool, cool. Watcha gonna be doing?
Jamie: Dying.
Landon: Hu?
They walk into a wide alleyway where you'd think tons of teens would be hanging out. Jamie turns to him.
Jamie: Landon… I'm sick.
Landon: Don't be so hard on yourself, Jamie. Lots of people like Christian rap.
Jamie: No, no I mean like, really sick. (Tears in her eyes) I have leukemia.
Landon: … No you don't!
Jamie: Yes, I do. And also, the chemotherapy (That should probably leave me hairless, but instead has given me a thick shiny mane of chocolate locks) has stopped working.
Romantic Audience: Oh, no!
Cynical Audience: For someone dying of a disease where your blood cells wage war, she sure is pink and radiant.
Observant Audience: She eats a lot, too.
Landon: And you were gonna tell me this… when?
Jamie: I thought you'd figure it out when I started wasting away and eventually stopped breathing. Either that or I was going to wait until you were in a good mood.
Landon: Perfect timing.
Jamie: (Beginning to sob) Everything was going great… and then you happened!
Landon: (tearing up) That's exactly what my mom said to me!
Jamie: … Runs away
Landon: (Makes angry manly faces, trying not to cry)
Cynical audience: What a drama queen… both of them.
Filled with sadness, Landon goes driving. He ends up at a big stone house. He runs up to it, rings the doorbell and pounds on the door. Landon's sleepy dad emerges.
Dad: Do you know what time it is?
Observant audience: Is that all? Where's the rage? "Well la-dee-da. Look who showed up. Mr. I-don't-wanna-talk-to-my-daddy himself!"
Landon: I need your help! My girlfriend has cancer!
Dad: Well what do you want I should do?
Landon: Come see her!
Dad: You… do realize that I'm a cardiologist… right?
Landon: … So you won't help me! I should have known!
Dad: Fine. I'll go get my home-chemo kit and I'll meet you down here in ten minutes.
Landon: Thanks, dad!
Dad: Sure. While I'm at it, I might as well get my anti-AIDs elixir. Any of your friends HIV positive?
Landon: Wow! Really?
Dad: No.
Landon: … Grrrr! Runs away just as some hot blonde comes out of the house
Dad: (Sighs) … Idiot…
Landon drives, right into a montage. He's stuck there for about a minute, until he finally ends up at the pier, where he stands, watching the water. Eric falls through a plot hole and lands beside him.
Eric: Hey… you ok?
Landon: Yeah… bummed.
Eric: Sorry.
Landon: S'aright.
Having made up, they do their secret handshake. Slashy audience smiles happily. Cut to Landon putting the contents of a flower store on Jamie's porch. Pastor Sullivan walks up to the porch
Landon: Tell Jamie that…(Dramatic pause) I'll always be there for her. (Runs off)
Pastor Sullivan: Hey… how am I supposed to get inside of my house with all of these flowers? (Shouting after him) HEY! … (Picks up a bouquet and smells) Ooo, lilacs…
Scene: Landon's Garage
Landon's fixing his car when Jamie comes by.
Jamie: Hi… sorry about the whole not telling you I was dying thing.
Landon: S'ok. … but shouldn't you be at home resting?
Jamie: I have leukemia, I'm not crippled. (laughs)
Landon: (angrily) Hey, this is about as funny as cancer! Jamie, I'm really scared!
Jamie: (Starts with the waterworks again) I'm scared of not being with you.
Romantic audience: (Tears up)
Jaded audience: Needy bastard, aren't 'ya?
Cynical audience: No, Jamie. You won't care—you'll be DEAD.