A.N.: Sorry, this time I'll admit… I completely forgot about updating… for various reasons. Please forgive my stupid memory (it hardly remembers anything… as such, I can't even promise that it won't happen again…)
Anyways, this small update is the interlude between the first phase of the fic (KIDNAPPED) and the second (DEPRIVED). Consider it a ONESHOT on Nokoru-sama's POV about what happened so far, but mostly on what happened last chapter (UNFORGETTABLE MEMORY).
THE WAY YOU ARE IS FINE ENOUGH
CHAPTER 6 – RAINY MOMENTS (INTERLUDE)
It had always been dark… those moments when I wasn't conscious, usually lying on the CLAMP Gakuen Hospital bed that was made especially for me… not that that made me proud, it's just a fact I have come to accept.
As always, it was quiet and peaceful. Oh, how many times I had longed to remain there for the rest of eternity… and maybe a bit more. The countless times I had visited that darkness, when did I agree to leave it?
No, I had always wished to stay there, but somehow the efficient doctors of our Hospital always found a way to bring me back, though a few times I am sure I had been very close to reaching my desire of peace.
I have to admit those doctors are good! Every time I ended up here, whatever the reason, I never want to go back, and they always managed a way to do it.
This time, however, it was different. One, I knew this time they wouldn't be able to get me back… I could feel it… that I would finally have in my hands the peace I've always wanted, to be able to fulfill the urge I always had when I was here.
But the number two made a biggest difference: two voices I have grown fond of… two voices whose owners I would do anything for: Takamura Suoh… and Ijyuuin Akira. Two people I have had the biggest pleasure of meeting… two friends I couldn't be prouder of having… the only friends I have made in all my short life.
Yes, this time they made the difference… it was unusual, and in a way so weird, to hear voices calling out to me, pleading for me to return. This had never happened… no one had ever asked me to return… and the sincerity they had was so powerful! It was distinct… it made me feel warm… it made me feel… special.
I was finally special to someone… better yet, to two people… two people I adored so much.
Yes, this time, they made me want to come back… to return to their side so I could stay with them even if just for a little longer… until the next accident, when I might really cross the borders between the two worlds. This was a fact I have grown accustomed with: to face death over and over… and somehow manage to avoid it.
As I was facing it yet again, hoping not to evade it, many times I could hear them. Their calls… gradually getting stronger and stronger, urging me back. I could hear them, yes, but when I finally tried to react to the calls, when I finally tried to look away from death itself, searching for my two companions in the middle of the deep darkness that surrounded me, somehow, my body wouldn't react.
Their pleas, the desperate tone in them… I could hear it all… I could feel it all…
But I couldn't answer… my body wouldn't obey me, and I instantly knew I had lost all communication between it and my mind.
I couldn't feel myself any longer.
It seemed like I was flying in the middle of the darkness, with only their voices to guide me.
Suoh.
Akira.
I could hear you, but there was no way I could answer… however, the mere fact that you regularly came to check on me those months was enough to make me want to fight, to make me want to come back so I could be able to be with you again.
It's the first time I return for someone, the first time that I actually acquire the will to live because someone is calling out to me, and not because there's a responsibility waiting.
You guys mean that much to me.
I was told later, when you left and I stayed over at the Hospital through that night and the following three, that this time I was out for two months and a bit more, and that they were so sure I wouldn't make it this time… just like I thought…
The staff later confirmed to me the both of you had been frequently visiting until shortly before I woke up.
I'm sure I came back because of your voices… even when you no longer came, prohibited by the doctors, I could still make it through… because I knew you two were waiting, and that alone was enough to pull me out of that scary place where nothing is and everything is not.
When I first realized the state I was in, floating in nothing, I was so scared and lonely, I just wanted to disappear, but again I heard you two, I heard your calls… everything…
And I remembered… I came back.
Because the both of you were the first two people to ever call out to me when I needed it.
Imonoyama Nokoru had just returned home from the Hospital, the sun about to set.
His butler and a few of the maids had been the only ones there to greet him, as the others were busy and his parents and older siblings were all out of the city, some were even out of the country.
But it was nothing out of the ordinary…it had always been like that.
The truth behind the Imonoyama family was almost a sad one… their distinct personalities were the only things shielding its members from the outside knowledge of their truth. The wealthy family, although very successful and bright, couldn't even be called a family, because the relatives barely saw each other.
And families are supposed to stick together.
The Imonoyama family, however, had very high responsibilities - even though some were hardly adults – and having been educated since their childhoods not to neglect them, most of the members were inevitably doomed to eternal loneliness.
And that was how Nokoru felt then, observing the clouded sky and the heavy rain, drop by drop pounding on his stupidly enormous bedroom windows.
"Rain," the boy whispered to himself. "It's beautiful, it brings life… yet it's always viewed as a symbol of sadness… it's always here with me when I'm feeling alone again. I wonder if it's my feelings of loneliness that calls forth to the rain?"
Nokoru sighed, but a small smile graced his lips when two figures displayed in his mind. "It's the first time I've ever meant this much to anyone, the first time that someone actually came to visit me at the Hospital besides the doctors. More so, you guys came every day… I felt so special." The blonde continued to monologue, his right palm by then flatly placed against the glass separating him from the outside view.
"Thanks," he whispered.
He stood there a few more hours, watching the rain pour, as it mysteriously seemed to ease his mind into peace. Eventually, however, Nokoru decided he had to sleep if he wanted to have enough energy for the following day, as the girls would surely be hassling him to ensure themselves he was fine.
Of course, he wasn't angry or irritated with them… how could he get angry at such beautiful faces that were clearly worried about him?
He was, in fact, a little happy that they cared, but very disgusted with himself for making so many girls, and especially Suoh and Akira, that worried about him. It made him feel horrible that he wasn't able to take care of himself and thus end up becoming the cause of all those sad faces.
He didn't want to have tons of bodyguards surrounding him at all times, and Suoh would be greatly disappointed with himself if Nokoru did that, after all, it would mean the blue-haired student wasn't doing a good job as a bodyguard… truth be told, however, the 5th-grader was better than all of the others put together, but all of them had a life, and the blond boy did not want to be a pain in their necks, making them be with him at all times while neglecting themselves… Suoh included.
Besides, Nokoru was pretty much used to it by now, and he absolutely loved the feeling of freedom he had ever since the need for bodyguards surrounding him was dismissed when Suoh entered his life.
"I haven't forgotten your promise, Suoh, but you have to be present for Nagisa-jyou and the others that need you too. I hope you realize that…"
And with that thought in mind, the blond President of the CLAMP Campus Elementary School Student Council drifted off to a world where he could forget about his responsibilities for a while.
END of CHAPTER 6 – RAINY MOMENTS (INTERLUDE)
A.N.: I thought I'd never get through with this! Believe it or not, even if it was the smallest chapter, it was also the HARDEST to type so far!
Well, next chapter, PHASE 2: DEPRIVED will begin, with even more dramatic moments for Nokoru!
See you then!
Syaoran-Lover KaiLi signing out!