"I Do"

Chapter 7

In the Cookie Jar

Disclaimer: I don't own this series or any other series. I am just floating an idea. I am making no money, nor plan to, off this venture. If you think of suing me over this, then grow up.

I would like to first personally thank all of those reviewing my stories. I enjoy reading your comments, and try to correct the grammatical errors I miss with my final read-through as well as my spell checkers. The suggestions you all make will help make this story better for everyone to enjoy, as well as allow my to fix some plot holes I may unintentionally leave. If you find any, let me know, and I will correct them and repost the chapters.

Please feel free to review, and make comments. If you find a spelling or wordage mistake, feel free to let me know. Thank you.

Also, please check out my other stories. I try to keep a constant level of dedication to all of them.

Misato sat at the desk in her temporary office, staring down at the three pilots before her.

Rei was there after finally being ejected from her EVA. It had taken the MAGI four hours to breech her firewall and hack through her restrictions to override her control of Unit 00.

But it did come at a cost.

The maintenance crew did say they could have the progressive knife removed from her parking space and the concrete repaired by the time she got home.

If she ever went back there.

The damage Rei had done when Asuka refused to come outside nearly rendered their apartment unlivable and condemned, which was then made worse when the dinner Shinji had been preparing caught fire and wiped out the kitchen.

They had heard that PenPen had been recovered safely from the locked fridge.

As of now, the building was being repaired, so they were forced to move into a new complex.

All three pilots now sat before her waiting in judgment. All three were wearing plug suits: Rei because she had been piloting, Shinji and Asuka because they had been...unpresentable...when Section 2 brought them in.

"Does anyone have anything to say?" She was trying to be calm. However, when you're left in charge and a hundred foot machine goes tearing through town and tears up your home because you can't control a quiet and shy girl...you tend to be...difficult.

"Um...I don't know why I'm here, Misato."

She fixed her gaze to Shinji. "Well, I have reports on a shitload of damage to the city and my apartment because of you, Shinji."

"Anata was not directly involved in this."

"Like hell the baka isn't involved in this!"

"Both of you...QUIET!" screamed Misato. She took a calming breath after she closed her eyes. Letting it out, she looked up to see Shinji had his hand raised. "Yes, Shinji?"

"I think Asuka is possessed by an Angel."

"WHAT?"

"She tried to seduce me, and we know the real Asuka would never do that."

"BAKA! I'M TRYING TO SAVE YOU FROM THE DOLL!"

"Asuka, be quiet!" Misato took another cleansing breath. God, I need a beer! "You, flunky!"

One of the fourteen guards by the door raised his hand. "M-m-m-me, Ma'am?"

"Yes, get me a case of cold beer; the good stuff. As well as a steak dinner, some fries, and a nice cold glass. NOW MOVE!"

"EEP!" The guard tore off to the cafeteria, which had received an earlier mandate from the temporary Commander of NERV to now carry those things.

God help them if they didn't have any.

She motioned to the other guards, and the group was split off into three separate cells. She knew whoever talked, Asuka would just interrupt and most likely try and assault Rei. So, separation was best.

She went into Rei's room, deciding to start with a person most likely to keep calm. "Okay, one last time. Rei, I want a full explanation about what happened."

"I had been having a bad feeling about Anata's safety. When I contacted Section 2, I watched as Pilot Souryu attempted to take liberties with my husband. As both you and Dr. Akagi were not willing to assist me, I was forced to take matters in my own hands."

"And how did you contact Section 2 from inside your EVA?"

"My EVA was equipped by orders of Commander Ikari to be mostly independent in case of security breaches. As such, it has independent access to communications, as well as the ability to isolate itself from outside control."

Misato blinked. "And why was that done?"

"You do not have proper clearance to know that."

Misato's head hit the table. As she stood back up, she rubbed what she knew was going to be a big bruise. I'll ask Ritsuko about that after I eat. Better hurry, I wanna have that steak and beer before I have to deal with Asuka. Mmm, steak and beer! "Okay then. Then can you explain why you married Shinji."

"It was the class assignment."

Misato's eyes grew. "Um, Rei, you do realize the assignment didn't mean you had to get married. Just pretend."

Rei blinked.

She blinked again.

She blinked for a third time. "But Commander Ikari informed me that I should take all assignments and treat them as if they were real."

Misato just sat down, rubbing her head as she felt a headache come on, and not from the minor injury she had from her face-fault earlier. "Um, I don't think he meant stuff like this."

Rei blinked for a fourth time. "Oh."

She then began thinking. I was not to actually marry Anata? Does that mean he is confused about the assignment as I am? Does he not wish to be married to me?

No, Anata has shown...happiness...in being married to me. He merely lacked the aggressiveness to move forward without confirming my readiness, or is unable to notice the signs that I am ready. Anata is happy with this marriage.

Am I happy?

Yes.

But I am still holding back. I am unable to tell Anata what I am. Will he hate me?

This is confusing. I must deliberate more on this issue before talking to Anata about what I am. "I will not be divorcing Anata."

"Um, you do realize you don't need to be married, right?"

"Nevertheless, I chose to marry Anata. Unless he chooses not to be with me, then I see no reason to destroy our happiness." She thought out her next question, wanting to shoot down any reservations that may come up should Commander Ikari or Vice-Commander Fuyutsuki return into power. "Has this adversely affected my sync ratio?"

Sighing, Misato opened up the folder she had brought with her. "No. In fact, your sync ratio hovered between 110 and 120 while you were going to help Shinji."

Rei's eyes widened to their furthest. But an Angel can only sync up to 100. Does that mean...I am human? "Is their any other objections to my continued relationship with Anata?"

"Nope. I am going to interview Shinji next. Would you like something to eat? If so, tell it to the guards, and they'll get it for you."

She left Rei to contemplate her future, not really certain what would happen once Gendo was released, or the Vice-Commander returned in a few weeks.

Assuming Rei's little walk didn't make him return early.

"...and that's why I think something is wrong with Asuka. Maybe she really is possessed by the next Angel." Shinji had just finished explaining his whole story, though Misato asked him to skip everything from his very first memory until just before the class assignment.

Misato just stared. Part of her wanted to laugh at it. Another part wanted to cry. And yet another demanded she stop staring and start eating and drinking again. As she finished off the can of beer she had been currently chugging, she tossed it behind her, as a guard handed her another can fresh from a cooler. "So, just because Asuka was trying to have sex with you, you figure she is possessed by an Angel."

Shinji just nodded in agreement, as if he has just informed you that a cloudless sky was blue during the day.

"And why, Shinji, would an Angel want Asuka to sleep with you?"

Shinji blinked. "Why else would she sleep with me?"

Misato opened her mouth to answer, but knew what she had to say wouldn't be fit for his young ears. Well, Rei did give you high marks. But Asuka doing that... "Good point."

She turned towards the door. "Have Asuka taken to Dr. Akagi. I want a full and thorough medical workup to confirm or deny she is under the effects of an Angel."

"Yes, Ma'am."

She looked towards Shinji. "You and Rei will have to stay on base, but you can take the quarters usually reserved for touring dignitaries." As Shinji left, she couldn't help but add a parting thought to mess with his head further. "Just be careful you don't knock her up, Shinji!"

He stopped, paled, and fainted.

As she cracked open the beer, she began to tear into her steak and fries. "Still got it!"

"I AM NOT POSSESSED BY AN ANGEL!"

Asuka had been screaming so much, the doctor's had switched to ear plugs while drawing blood samples and running scans.

Misato was riding a high buzz after all the high quality beer she had with her meal, deciding it would be more fun to just tease the prisoner...I mean, patient, instead of interrogate. "So then, explain why you were wearing something even I wouldn't wear and trying to fuck Shinji?"

"I WAS NOT TRYING TO FUCK THE BAKA!"

"Then please do explain why Section 2 surveillance shows you...testing his waters?"

Asuka could only twitch. "They were videotaping me?"

"Of course. You were informed that Section 2 keeps constant surveillance on all pilots."

Asuka felt the twitch worsen, as well as a full body blush develop. "Oh."

Misato held up a video cassette. While not the actual one that was made of Asuka trying to...seduce...Shinji, it would only add to her torture of her second charge. "Yes, quite an enjoyable view. My, my, I never knew you would be so daring. Imagine, ripping off his boxers. I didn't know you were that hot to trot."

"I-I-I-I wasn't doing it to sleep with him." Think, Asuka, think! You need an excuse!

"Oh, really? Mind letting me know what you were doing that lead to this little...fiasco?"

"Um...it's classified?"

"Wrong answer, Asuka. Ritsuko, I think she needs one of them berry enemas?"

"Eep!"

"I think you mean barium enemas, Misato. Hmm, I think we might gain some knowledge from that. May have to double the usual dose."

"Ack!"

"Don't forget a full colon exam! Never know where an Angel might be hiding?"

"NO!"

"Then of course I will need lots of blood work done for her. Why, I doubt she'll have anything less than forty...fifty needles poking her inside an hour."

"LET ME GO!"

They kept this up until Asuka passed out from fear. They already knew why she had done it. They just wanted to hear her say it.

This was going to take a while.

As the three EVAs stood in their cages, they would normally be quiet. After all, they had no reason to talk to each other...

...until now.

"So," said Unit 00, talking in a way only Angels and perhaps paranoid people wearing aluminum foil hats could hear, "has your son synced yet since his marriage?"

Unit 01 gasped. "MY SON GOT MARRIED!"

Unit 02 nearly jumped for joy. "I knew my daughter would come out of her shell!"

Unit 00 giggled. "Not Asuka. He's married to Rei."

"WHAT?" screamed the other two EVAs.

"Yep," said Unit 00 with a distinct amount of glee in her voice. "And from what the memories suggest, your son did quite well for his first time. Really scored higher than his father ever did."

"WAH! MY SON'S SO MANLY!"

"WAH! HOW COULD MY DAUGHTER FAIL!"

Unit 00 smirked as best it could without scaring the techs working on it, as it listened to the other two EVAs chatter on about their respective children. Yes, good to finally see her fall down a peg.

Omake by Lord Raa:

Shinji managed to get away from the crowd of women that were following him during his mandated exercise break.

He turned a corner, panting hard.

"What's wrong with everyone?"

"Anata, is that you?" Rei asked in a concerned voice.

"Rei-chan!" Shinji smiled. "I'm glad to see you."

"What is the matter? Why are you here?"

"All these women keep chasing me," Shinji explained. "Plus I heard Asuka say 'If you want to date Shinji, then you must defeat him in erotic combat!' I'm scared!"

"I will not let them hurt you, Anata." Rei opened her arms and warmly embraced her husband. "I will give you this to defend yourself against perverts."

Shinji blinked as he was handed a mallet.

"Rei-chan?"

"I have been informed by reputable sources that a mallet is the best weapon for fending off perverts. Observe."

Ritsuko stalked around the corned, intent on making the male pilot her boy toy. "Come out, come out wherever you are, Shinji-kun."

"I think not, Doctor," Rei interrupted with a swift mallet strike.

:PANG:

Ritsuko fell to the floor, twitching.

"See, Shinji-kun, it is most effective."

"But is Dr. Akagi going to be all right?" Shinji asked. He just wanted to be happy with Rei, not hurt people.

"Dr. Akagi will recover. Observe," Rei smiled. "Shinji-kun, are these your clothes?"

Ritsuko shot up like a spring loaded meerkat. "What? Shinji-kun is naked?"

"See, Anata? Dr. Hentai is alive and well."

Omake by Shadowbakasama:

Misato just stared. Part of her wanted to laugh at it. Another part wanted to cry. And yet another demanded she stop staring and start eating and drinking again. As she finished off the can of beer she had been currently chugging, she tossed it behind her, as a guard handed her another can fresh from a cooler. "Thanks, I don't think you need to hang around. Just do as we discussed."

The guard nods and hands her something before leaving the room.

"So, just because Asuka was trying to have sex with you, you figure she is possessed by an Angel."

Shinji just nodded in agreement, as if he has just informed you that a cloudless sky was blue during the day.

"And why, Shinji, would an Angel want Asuka to sleep with you?"

Shinji blinked. "Why else would she sleep with me?"

"Well, from what Rei was bragging you've got the equipment and the skills to give a girl a really good time" Misato said leaning forward over the table letting Shinji get a good look down her shirt.

She's wearing the lacy red one today! Shinji thought as he felt his nose start to bleed.

"I had the three of you separated so that I could get all the facts without the others interfering." Misato says while getting up and coming around the table towards Shinji. "And I'm going to verify all the facts." She says unbuttoning her shirt. "Including these allegations that you're hung like a horse." Now she was out of her shirt and looking down at his lap looking at his package making a tent in his pants.

"Uh oh." Shinji says his mind being overwhelmed by his hormones and all the beer he had drunk. (Misato shared with him, getting the interviewee drunk is a time tested interrogation tactic.)

"I'm also going to check out these claims of Rei's that you can keep going for hours." Now Misato was unzipping the back of her skirt and kicking off her shoes. "Of course both you and Rei are new to these matters, so I'm going to give you some tips that will help you satisfy Rei." She said as her skirt hit the floor.

Shinji was squirming in his chair from having a stiffy stuck in his shorts.

Misato, seeing Shinji's problem decides to help by undoing his belt and zipper as he sat there frozen is shock. "Your pants look like there too tight, why don't you take them off and get comfortable on the bed."

"But-but, what about Rei?" Shinji asks nervously standing up out of the chair.

"No need to worry, I met her rental fee. We've got all night to ourselves." She says while dragging his pants down. "Since I'm in command I was even able to get rid of the guards and have the cameras turned off." And she pushes Shinji onto the bed.

Then she turns to get something from her bag, giving Shinji a good look at her tight rear end.

"No one to interrupt, and no one to her you scream." Misato says turning around with a riding crop and a set of handcuffs in her hands. "By the times we're done you'll know all sorts of fun bedroom games."

Shinji makes a break for the door screaming "HELP!"

But no one came and they were locked in.

Omake by Innortal:

Misato could only stare at the now empty and destroyed hold of the commissary of NERV HQ. "What the hell happened? What did they take?"

"That's just it, Ma'am." The flunky paled quickly. He really didn't want to have to tell the Temporary Commander this, as he might very well get shot simply for being the messenger. "They took the beer."

Misato twitched, her hand sliding down to her gun. "How...how much?"

"Um...all of it, Ma'am."

Misato drew her pistol, loading a round in the chamber, before holding the gun into the air. "If the thief and the beer are not found in one hour, someone from the security detail last night dies. Is that understood?"

"Yes, Ma'am!"

As she left, the guards began to talk.

"Why the hell did we have thirty thousand gallons of beer on hand, anyway?"

"What I want to know is who the hell would steal thirty thousand gallons of beer in the first place."

It was left unsaid that that somebody had to be someone other than the Temporary Commander.

The techs were speechless. Unit 02 was collapsed over the walkway. It appeared to be snoring and mumbling, but not in a form of dialogue the techs could understand. The LCL pool it was kept in was littered with busted kegs that had once contained beer.

Unit 00 tried not to giggle and cause more of the techs to die of early heart attacks as she listened to Unit 02 mumble in her drunken coma.

"Couldn't get over her damn hang-ups."

"Never get any grandchildren."

"Too much like her dad."

Unit 00 did resolve to question the MAGI system on this "Ranma" person Unit 02 kept referring to as Asuka's father. Damn drunk keeps talking about traveling through time to get some nookie. She's crazy like her daughter.