"I Do"

Chapter 10

Lady's Man

Disclaimer: I don't own this series or any other series. I am just floating an idea. I am making no money, nor plan to, off this venture. If you think of suing me over this, then grow up.

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As the EVA battle raged outside, the shelter offered a safe place for the citizens of Tokyo-3 to stay.

"I'LL KILL THAT LITTLE BASTARD!"

Well, safe if you weren't named Toji Suzuhara.

You see, currently, he was being cuddled by his new wife...something he had learned about two hours ago, along with the fact that apparently that document Rei had had him sign yesterday was not for just getting his sister into NERV's hospital.

His father; Keitaro, and grandfather; Toji Sr., were facing off against Hikari Horaki's father; Densuke.

Somehow, Densuke had managed to sneak his shotgun inside the shelter with his other two daughters.

Hikari, unlike her husband, was taking this dream and holding onto it as hard as she could. When Rei had asked her if she wanted this, Hikari had only glanced at the papers in front of her to confirm they were marriage certificates.

She had her Adonis!

Now, she no longer needed to live vicariously through Asuka.

Tonight, she claimed her nookie!

Well, first she needed to decide where they would live. True, with the three incomes from the patriarchs, they could afford a good size apartment, and rent had become cheaper lately for most of the dwellings in Tokyo-3, almost as if people in general were afraid to live here.

This confused her. Did this place not grant dreams?

Well, Asuka was still a frozen and bitter bitch, but that might just be because she wasn't getting any.

Had Rei not come out of her shell after becoming—in her words—one with Shinji?

Maybe Asuka just needs to break down and ask Rei if she can borrow him.

You see, no one had informed her exactly what had happened a few days earlier Asuka had tried to "borrow" Shinji without permission. She had been away in la-la-land imagining ending up with Toji just like Rei and Shinji had.

"Big sister?"

She turned to face her siblings: Kodama and Nozumi. "Yes?"

"How many nieces and nephews will we have?"

Now, this snapped Toji's attention away from the dangerous weapon being brandished by his new father-in-law, and while he wasn't quite as dangerous as perhaps Shinji's dad, some of the plans he was detailing about "fixing" the boy who had stolen his daughter's innocence did seem painful...if he was awake.

Hikari put her finger to her chin. "Well, I always wanted a big family. Maybe ten kids, minimum."

TEN! Toji's face paled. He didn't piss himself when his father-in-law tried to kill him.

But ten kids... He might grab the gun himself and do it first.

"Ya here that, Densuke; ten grandchildren!"

Densuke seemed stunned to immobility. In his mind, the idea of massive amounts of grandchildren to spoil was fighting his desire to kill.

Kill versus grandchildren...he was going to need to think on that one. Maybe he could kill Toji after the ten grandchildren were born.

"Damn it, son! How'd you plan for your kid to support a wife and ten little kids?"

Keitaro stood there for a moment, scratching his head. "You're right. Boy'll need a good job. Even our salaries won't help too much. Hmm, he'll need either a farm, or be a big uppity-up in a company." He snapped his fingers. "Boy, you need to start studying. We need you to enter Neo-Tokyo University in...three years sound right for a bright student, Dad?"

Toji Sr. thought on that. "Well, I suppose that could work. The big companies always hire the smartest ones they can find. Add to that our life insurances, low housing costs here at Tokyo-3... We should be able to pull it off. We'll just need to secure an apartment complex first. After all, I doubt all those youngins will want to share a room.

"Remember, Father," said Hikari to her new Father-in-Law, "I said at minimum."

Her dad sat in a nearby chair, vacated by a person not wanting to be accidentally shot. "Fine, I'll kill the little prick after you guys are done having kids."

Toji just wanted to cry. He'd beat up the person who placed him in this hell, if he didn't know Rei could so kick his ass.

Misato stared at the screen. It had been five minutes since the Angel had absorbed the three EVA units.

Not one word...

Not one movement...

Not one beer...

Oh, some flunky was going to get it now. She had been without a beer in a bad situation for ten minutes.

Sure, she might very well end up canned for losing three multi-billion yen battle robots. But damn it, she couldn't think to well when sober. Without the help of her drunken spirit guide; Lin-Ran, the pink panda with dumbo ears, how could she hope to face such a challenge?

As that thought finally hit logic, Misato promised to no longer try strange medication left in the medicine cabinets in the NERV VIP quarters. True, they made the foreign beer taste great, but it really led to bad decisions later on.

Kaji... Why did she ever hook up with him?

Then there was that Ranma guy. To think, she actually thought he turned into a girl who looked suspiciously like Asuka.

Then there was the horror of her loss as Ms. Mardi Gras 2007. Oh, her mother would be so disappointed that she had failed the family tradition. She never even made it onto that final cut of the Girls Gone Wild video that year.

Oh the shame. Lin-Ran would never forgive her if they knew.

"Ritsuko, I need a brilliant and expensive 'Save the World" idea from you now!"

Ritsuko blinked, shooing away the nameless tech who was selling her a new stash. "A what?"

"You know, like that big-ass laser you made to kill the Fifth Angel."

Ritsuko blinked. What had she done with that, anyway? She knew she wanted it back in R&D to try and get it stronger and smaller. Did she sell it on E-bay to finance her habits? Did Gendo use it to draw on the moon again?

Damn, she hated being in the spotlight like this. She was stone sober, no drugs in her system, and with a full night's sleep.

She couldn't work like this. She had no moon pies, no coffee, no Maya to tease about her questionable sexuality with occasional flirting, suggestive comments, and random touches. "Um, drop every N2 mine we have into it?"

Misato thought for a moment. "BRILLIANT!" Before she ordered it, she stopped. "Um, what would that do to the EVAs inside it?"

Ritsuko pretended to think about it. She really was in desperate need for coffee. "Um...they'll be fine."

Misato nodded and began to assemble the teams needed. It would take roughly twelve hours.

Ritsuko, meanwhile, went off to find Maya. Coffee and harmful flirting was always good to start off the day, and then she would figure out a real solution.

Inside the null universe, Rei looked around for Unit 01. Seeing it far away, she adjusted the body of Unit 00 and ejected what remained of her umbilical, sending her unit moving forward at a slow pace. After she was certain she would not overshoot her target, she shut down the systems to conserve energy.

In five hours, she would be reunited with her Anata.

Inside the null universe, Asuka looked around for Unit 01. Seeing it far away, she adjusted the body of Unit 02 and ejected what remained of her umbilical, sending her unit moving forward at a slow pace. After she was certain she would not overshoot her target, she shut down the systems to conserve energy.

She would save him first instead of the doll, and he would forever be grateful to her.

She leaned back in her seat and waited.

Shinji had no idea others had followed him into the Angel. He had gone into emergency conservation mode as soon as he realized what had happened.

Not that he minded, mind you. In here, he was safe from angry redheads, demanding purple-heads, and the pawing of his new wife.

Here, it was peaceful and quiet. No sounds, no nagging, no other people.

He was alone.

"Thank you, God."

He leaned back into his seat, reveling in the solitude and silence. So, I am saved by an Angel...who knew?

Shinji was jostled awake by an impact. Bringing the systems online a little, he was soon disheartened, damning God once again for doing this to him.

He looked left, seeing the active eyes of Unit 00 as it held his left arm.

He looked right, seeing the active eyes of Unit 02 as it held his right arm.

He brought everything back up to full power.

He needed out of here...NOW!

Once again, the three EVA pilots sat before Misato again in their plug suits.

Misato wasn't mad that they killed the Angel. No. When Ritsuko had actually managed to figure out the odds of returning the pilots alive with her plan, Misato had just about shot her.

She wasn't mad at how they escaped. A good rainstorm would wash all that Angel blood away, and they could always rebuild that part of the city.

No, she was mad that after they had burst from the Angel's shadow sphere, Unit 01 took off running, before it was tackled by Unit 00 and 02. The two units then proceeded to play tug-of war with Unit 01, which soon devolved into a fist fight and later a knife fight between the two female pilots.

"Okay," Misato began. "We know you are not under the control of Angels, so be quiet Shinji."

He lowered his hand, not really certain of any other reason that could explain the behavior of his female pilots.

Smartly and for his continued safety, he decided to keep quiet about that fact that both girls currently had a hand on opposing thighs.

Yes, Shinji knew this had to be hell. And he was certain pain was only a heartbeat away if their hands ever met.

"Well, would someone please explain that fight?" Misato was beginning to be stressed. Ever since Shinji had gotten married, she had been going through days like this.

Maybe she really did need to order Asuka to get laid.

Rei began. "After I entered the Angel, I was able to bring myself into contact with Anata. Afterwards, he initiated his AT field in a style I am unfamiliar with. This caused the Angel to be killed from the inside. Afterwards... I am unsure. It is possible that we entered a berserker state like Anata is capable of."

"Yeah, that's it. Not our faults the EVAs were out of control!" chimed Asuka. Hmm, he really has a developed thigh.

Shinji just continued to stare straight ahead, never looking away from Misato, trying to ignore the feelings generated by the two female pilots. If they had tried to kill each other inside an EVA...what would they do when their hands met? He figured he had maybe a minute more, and could only hope they didn't try and see if they could get blood from a turnip.

Misato finished her can of beer. "Fine, we'll enter that, as well as the possible berserk state was also based on possessing Shinji, now... Why are you two staring at each other like that?"

Time was up. Their hands had met at Shinji's crotch. Now, he was pale, only praying for either a quick death or they didn't use his manhood for another game of tug-of-war.

"Let go of Anata's crotch. It is not yours to touch."

"Like hell! The baka is mine!"

Shinji just stayed quiet, praying with every single hope he had left.

"He is my husband. Therefore, he cannot be yours."

"Like he would be satisfied with a doll."

"Anata is very satisfied. I am the one often falling asleep first from exhaustion."

"WHAT?"

Misato just stood up, walking over to the bickering girls, who had yet to either notice her approach, or remove their hands from the threatening position that could lead to Shinji becoming a eunuch.

When she was directly behind Shinji, she bent down and fiercely pinched the open ears of the offending girls.

To Rei's credit, she did not cry out.

Asuka, however, had no such tolerances. "OW! OW! OW! What the fuck!"

After Misato had forced both girls to release Shinji and stand up, she led them to the other side of the table, and took a seat near the now calmer Shinji. "Now, I don't know what the fuck is going on here, or why you two can't seem to make peace, let alone why Asuka now seems to find Shinji so attractive, she can't stay away."

"I DO NOT LIKE THE BAKA!"

Misato smirked. "So you were grabbing his crotch during this debriefing for other reasons?"

Seeing Asuka pale and blush at the same time, Misato considered the point won.

Rei didn't. "Pilot Souryu, I am not willing to share my husband. If you wish, I could find you a better one. Perhaps Mr. Kaji or the Commander."

Asuka went into mental evaluations.

I want Kaji.

The Commander...who the hell would fuck that old fart.

Somewhere, a smoking blond doctor currently high off her ass sneezed, which caused her brunette assistant to launch into a series of dirty thoughts.

She is offering me Kaji. I should take it.

I mean, why would I want the spineless dork over a true man like Kaji? I mean, who cares if he chose the doll.

He chose the doll.

He is staying with the doll.

He is making the doll pass out first during sex.

You see, while Asuka could realize that she was getting a great deal with the suggestion of getting married to Kaji—which was currently causing Misato to scream and rant at the First Child for offering such a thing—she couldn't let go that that would be losing to the First Child.

Asuka Langley Souryu doesn't lose.

And drawing upon a foot-in-mouth technique that she assumed she had inherited from her crazy mother instead of her missing father, she spoke. "Fuck that! I want the baka! No way he could be happy with a doll like you! He needs a real woman!"

Unfortunately, the other people in the room had not heard her. Shinji had darted out earlier after Misato started yelling at Rei for her suggestion. Misato was currently banging her head on the table, and Rei had left to file a marriage license between Misato and Kaji.

Smirking at her apparent victory, she left as well. First, she would stop and call the courthouse to ensure no marriage agreements for her existed or were allowed to exist. Then...she would find her baka.

"Who lives in a pineapple under of the sea?"

"Sponge-Bob Squarepants!"

Gendo squinted. Yes, he now knew that apparently the Angels had made allies of the sea creatures and given them human abilities. It seemed as if the Angels had been planning this longer than he suspected. Perhaps the Dead Sea Scrolls were actually their plans for invasion.

Well, he could take care of them all, once he got better. No sponge, smurf, talking bear, or purple dinosaur would stop him from getting what he wanted.

Shinji had run as fast as his feet could carry him, past the EVAs being secured, past the strange sight of Dr. Akagi in a rasta hat, past Kaji coming out of his father's office, and into the one place in NERV no one would ever think of looking for Shinji.

He was currently hiding in the fourth stall in the Women's bathroom that he came across after running for five minutes.

After locking the stall door, he sat down, not worrying about the stank smell coming off the plug suit he still had on. He knew he should have changed and showered first, but that would have let them near him.

He was scared. Now Rei, he could understand her a bit. She was new to this sort of stuff—as was he—and she was enjoying the relationship.

Hell, even he would admit that the sex was near perfect...well, what he could remember. He seemed to be blacking out more during it since Rei told him she was part Angel.

But now...Asuka was after him.

First was the scene in the apartment, where she just about raped him.

Then there was her reaction to him inside the Angel.

And just now, she had just about ripped off his pants and taken liberties with his thigh while being debriefed.

Shinji didn't know what was going on. Since Rei was sleeping with him, he ruled out a practical joke.

But what was he to do with Asuka chasing after him? How was he supposed to deal with this? Why was she after him?

So, he sat on the toilet, trying to figure this out, and hoping he really was safe from the weird women.

Asuka stared at the computers from the security office. She had traced Shinji to a women's restroom on the twentieth floor. Rei was currently stuck in an elevator between the first and second floor with power cut off.

Gee, I wonder how that happened. Tee-hee.

Quickly, she made her way to the bathroom. She had him now!

Omake by Hawk:

"Major Katsuragi. Why have you summoned me? I was just about to become one with Anata, the first after school." Rei inquired as she strode into Misato's office. Her inquiry started out slow, calm and neutral, but finished in a plaintive near-wailing.

She had obviously been looking forward to becoming one with Shinji after a long boring day at school. The note in Rei's voice only served to convince Misato that she was doing the right thing. Anything that good... Well, she'd just have to see for herself just how good Shinji was.

"Rei, do you remember a discussion you had with Ritsuko about four months before Shinji arrived, about Type T equipment?" Misato inquired, ignoring Rei's question.

Rei mentally wailed at going nookie-less for a while longer, but assumed an outwardly professional guise as this was apparently a work-related issue.

"Yes. As my synch ratio had been more or less constant for a substantial amount of time, somebody over in R&D theorized that matters could be improved by installing Dual Controls in the Evangelions and having somebody with better synch ratio control the EVA with me. This was supposed to assist in raising my own synch ratio. As the only other trained pilot with a synch ratio exceeding my own at the time was the Red Devil stationed in Germany, the project was put on hold." Rei replied, a spot of actual emotion creeping into her voice as she referred to Asuka as the Red Devil, but otherwise she remained completely professional.

"Excellent. Well, when we got three pilots here in Japan, a Type T prototype entry plug was rushed through production and we just got it delivered." Misato revealed.

"You mean I get to pilot with Anata, Major Katsuragi?" Rei asked happily, imagining all sorts of activities that could be preformed in an entry plug. The LCL reeked, but ever since first getting married to Shinji, she had been wondering what it'd feel like to make love in LCL.

"That depends, Rei. There are two pilots here with better synch ratios then you: Shinji and Asuka." Misato countered, causing Rei to pale even more.

"Depends?" was all the paler-then-usual-albino managed to get out.

"You two kids kept me up all through last night. You're very vocal, Rei." Misato said. "Anyways, I've gotten curious. I want to borrow Shinji for a night." Misato revealed and Rei instantly regained her former coloring and then some, her cheeks getting flushed in anger, her eyes blazing with determination. She opened her mouth to tell the Major just where she could shove that particular idea, when Misato continued speaking. "Or I could make you and Asuka test the new plug. A couple of hours a day for a month ought to be enough to raise your synch ratio."

Rei paled again and stumbled backwards, staring in horrified shock at Major Katsuragi. A couple of hours a day? For a month! With the Red Devil!

"Or I could have Asuka and Shinji test the new equipment, they seem to get along better then ever lately." Misato mused, a prospect that made Rei fall to her knees.

Anata alone with that woman, several hours a day, for a month. She'd rape him over and over again!

"But if I can borrow him for a night, I'll let you and him test the new plug instead." Misato finished.

Alone with Anata, several hours a day, for a whole month...

"Make sure you return him in the same shape you received him, Major Katsuragi." Rei instructed Shinji's guardian.

Omake by Lord Raa:

Shinji had run as fast as his feet could carry him, and was currently hiding in the fourth stall in the Women's bathroom that he came across after running for five minutes.

After locking the stall door, he sat down, not worrying about the rank smell coming off the plug suit he still had on. He knew he should have changed and showered first, but that would have let them near him.

What was he to do with Asuka chasing after him? How was he supposed to deal with this? Why was she after him?

So, he sat on the toilet, trying to figure this out, and hoping he really was safe from the weird women. The pilot allowed himself a deep sigh as he tried to figure a way out of his nightmare.

The stall next to Shinji flushed and soon he heard the sounds of someone washing their hands.

"Who's there?" Shinji asked, panicking as he realized he had now no escape route.

"Shinji-kun?" a familiar voice called out.

"Ibuki-san?"

"Shinji, why are you in the women's toilets?" Maya asked. "I didn't think that you were like that."

"I'm not here to peep," Shinji protested. "It's Asuka! She's after me!"

That puzzled Maya. "After you?"

"Yes!" Shinji insisted. "She keeps trying to have her way with me!"

"I find that hard to believe, Shinji-kun," Maya scoffed.

Shinji opened the door to the stall and scanned the area for signs of trouble. "Is it safe?"

"It's safe, Shinji-kun," Maya reassured the pilot.

Taking a deep breath, Shinji stood up and made his way to the sink. As he washed up, Maya was able to see his taut ass through the vinyl of the plugsuit.

Quickly checking her purse, Maya smiled. "It's very safe, Shinji-kun, I've got extra strong condoms…"