Chapter 14

Devil's Due

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Home. This is a place that is supposed to fill one with a safe feeling.

For two males, a breached nuclear reactor filled with stomach-bursting aliens would feel safer than home.

This was why they were where they were. A few candles offered illumination as they ate their meals.

The saké and hard liquor did help ease the tension.

"So," Shinji said, a slur beginning to form in his speech, "this kind of stuff happened to you before?"

"Yep," said Ranma, now working on his eighth serving from the Italian place they had purchased their dinner from. "After the Tendo engagement got shifted to Biki—don't tell her I called her that—she made a deal to solve everyone's honor using an Amazon marriage law, which actually worked seeing as how the UN apparently recognized Amazon sovereignty. I ended up with three wives.

"God, did that suck."

Shinji blinked. "What happened?"

"Well...one was named Xian Pu. She stayed with me for a year, and we had a pair of beautiful twin girls. But...she had to go back to the Amazon Village to assist with the rebuilding of the area. She did write me that they formed a tribunal to govern the area. Last call I got a few weeks ago said that she was now married to a guy named Browser."

"She divorced you!"

"Nope. Still married, he just can't touch the other wives until he defeats me."

Shinji of course couldn't understand this, but resolved to look up Amazon laws when he had the time. It sounded like something Rei might use, and he didn't want to be unprepared. "And the third wife?"

"Ukyo divorced me and married Konatsu; who is a guy who dresses up as a girl. Apparently, our married life just wasn't what she'd thought it'd be." He took a long sip from the liquor bottle. "Wasn't my fault she wasn't the one always kidnapped."

Shinji sighed. Well, I doubt his new marriages will be that bad. "Um...sir."

"Shinji, call me Dad, Pops, or Ranma; never call me sir."

Nodding, Shinji was once again cursing the Kami that chose Gendo as his father. "Pops...about Asuka..."

"Don't worry, Shinji. I ain't blaming you for this mess. She's too stubborn like me. Eventually, her little plan will blow up in her face. Just treat her well, as we won't have a problem. At least you ain't a Kuno or a Hibiki; those would have been...just wrong."

"WHERE IS THE PERVERT?" screamed Asuka.

Misato sighed, rubbing her head as she looked at the redesigned apartment, having been joined to the empty one next door so Asuka could live with her Father and still keep Misato from being lonely.

Not that she considered Kaji company. She wanted a conversation that didn't include the phrase "So, wanna do it" every other sentence.

Her current company was sitting at the table with her, enjoying dinner, minus the angry redhead who was anxious to enjoy her honeymoon. Ritsuko and Maya were sitting on opposite sides of Nabiki, who had ordered and purchased the fine takeout they were enjoying, and Rei was to Misato's left, enjoying the vegetarian platter she had received.

Not that Misato had forgiven her for using PenPen as an alien probe. But, when the person you want to suffer is married to Asuka, there really isn't anymore that you can do to them.

Speaking of angry redheads, Asuka was currently sporting a robe, which did little to hide the negligee that she had on underneath; another part of her plan to convince Shinji to "join the dark side" as it were.

"Ms. Nabiki, Mr. Ranma isn't avoiding us, is he?" asked Maya.

Now, while many would think Maya was a lesbian by her haircut, her clothes, the fact that she lusts after Dr. Akagi, they would be wrong. You see, one bad experience does help turn you off of guys.

But having one that changes into a hot redhead with large breasts that make Ritsuko look like a flat-chested smoking tomboy does tend to help matters along quite nicely and alter orientation from lesbian to possible bisexual, with possibility for further expansion depending on performance in bed and equipment used.

In short, this was a guy she could get behind...or in front of...

Okay, so it'd been long enough to forget that bit.

Nabiki set her tea down, having long since finished her large portions. After all, as a Saotome wife, she does need lots of energy for fighting strange assailants, kidnappers, and the occasional guy trying to pick her and Ranma-chan up at Lady's Night. "No, he probably took Shinji somewhere for a heart-to-heart. We can go get them at any time."

"Oh," said Rei, wondering how Nabiki would know where Ranma and Shinji were, as they had had no contact since they had disappeared from the conference room. "How do you know their current location?"

"Oh, that's simple." Nabiki then reached into her purse and pulled out a small device with an LCD screen. "I've got him LoJacked."

"WHAT?" screamed everyone, including the now feeding Asuka.

Smiling, she explained. "Well, when you lead the kind of life we do, you tend to need to know the current location of your spouse, so I put a tracking device in his pigtail."

"Then let's go get them!" cried out Asuka as she finished her plate of food.

And they opened the door to leave, well...after Asuka got dressed.

Of course, their plans fell through.

"Halt, I seek the wench of the foul knight, Saotome!"

The group stared at the person standing in front of the door. "It's a midget," said Misato.

"I don't believe that's politically correct," said Ritsuko.

"Damn it, which Dwarf Kingdom do you represent," said Nabiki in a stressed tone.

The others looked at her, then back to the person at the door.

Yes, he was an honest-to-God dwarf from the magic kingdoms.

"If it will help, this girl is his daughter," said Rei, seeing an opportunity to rid herself of the red devil for at least one more night.

"Screw this," said Asuka, tired of being kept from her rightful prize. "Möko Takabisha!"

And thus, the golden blue chi slammed into the dwarf and knocked him off the walkway, and down the ten stories.

The group then went to the guardrail, looking as the dwarf was now embedded in the roof of a minivan. "Is he alive?" asked Maya, not wanting to have killed a mystical creature.

"He'll live" said Nabiki dismissively. "It'll take more than that to kill them. Guys are thick-hided. You learn what they can take when they kidnap you a few times."

"Should we be worried?" asked Ritsuko, now beginning to question exactly what Rei had done to her. After all, if kidnappings were common for those near Ranma, she needed to know if she should start making bullets from the scrapings of the Lance of Longinus.

"Not really, they're kind of slow. Just watch out for the Parakeets. Now, those bastards will kill you in a heartbeat just for chirping wrong. By the way, whose minivan was that?"

Misato smiled, knowing the neighbor who owned that car. "Don't worry, he's an asshole." As the came off the elevator and walked past the moaning dwarf, she continued. "So, what all have you been kidnapped by?"

Meanwhile, inside an abandoned part of NERV, three people were trying to start a maturation process as well as create three new bodies.

The fact would have gone unnoticed by anyone, had the three people in question been in their old human bodies.

As such, three EVAs would have attracted attention, had anyone in security actually patrolled these areas.

Ranma was still working on that schedule when his daughter decided to demolish the junior high.

But it was funny to see the blue EVA using a long pole to type in the commands.

In the end, this was all Kyoko's fault.

In the beginning, the other EVAs had merely assumed her tales of a hunk from the future being Asuka's father were merely drunken tales from a drunken EVA.

The fact that he did exist and that Naoko had been able to tap into the MAGI system to find out...physical details...had proven that maybe the rest of her stories were true.

"Hurry up, will you," said Kyoko. "I'd rather be enjoying him again before Third Impact."

"Hold your horses," said Naoko as she began the search for their stored DNA.

"That's the whole point," said Kyoko.

The two other EVA's blushed, not that you could tell with their head armor blocking the view.

"Besides," Kyoko pointed out, "aren't you two interested in old what-his-name?"

"The vows were till death do we part," said Yui. "I'm dead, we parted, and now I'm moving on."

"Yeah," said Naoko. "Gendo's a lousy lay, anyway."

"Yeah, he's... How do you know what kind of lay Gendo is?" asked Yui.

"Can't talk, trying to be reborn here," quickly said Naoko, realizing that Yui really didn't know how playful Gendo was when she died. Save that little tidbit for later.

"They are hiding out in my old apartment," said Rei.

That was exactly where the tracker was pointing them towards, as they stood outside the door to where Rei used to live.

"I don't give a damn," screeched out Asuka as she threw open the door and prepared to claim her prize.

But what awaited them was by far a horrifying sight, which made their blood curdle.

"Wastin' away again in Margaritaville!"

Ranma and Shinji were singing karaoke...badly...in off-pitch voices made worse by the drunken state.

"Looking for my lost shaker of salt!"

Where the two had managed to get a karaoke machine at this time of night was left unasked, though Nabiki did promise that when she had the time, Ranma was going to empty out everything he had in his subspace pocket for inspection.

"Some people say that there's a woman to blame!"

And like that, the two further infuriated the women watching.

"But I know, it'll be made my fault!"

"BAKAS!"

The two males looked towards the door, spotting the women that they were married to.

"Uh-oh."

Back in the apartment, things began to progress forward again.

Rei, Ritsuko, and Maya were enjoying some tea at the table.

Misato was drooling over the karaoke machine, already planning on purchasing some music so she and PenPen could resume their singing careers from before Shinji's arrival. The boy has no taste in music.

Nabiki was with Ranma in their room, as she was reading him the Riot Act, as she had not liked the fact that he had gotten a fourteen year old boy drunk off his ass.

But what really threw people off was that Asuka was alone in her room with Shinji, and Rei was smiling.

Ritsuko decided to breech the topic. "Rei, why are you smiling? I thought you hated Asuka, and she's probably having sex with Shinji as we speak."

Continuing to smile, Rei explained. "I discovered Anata's supreme ability in bed is because his berserker self sees me as an Angel, and thus desires to defeat me in the bedroom. I must admit I enjoy those defeats."

"Okay," said Maya, "and?"

"I hypnotized Anata to see Asuka as a greater threat tonight."

They were cut off as the door to Shinji's Lovely Suite was thrown open as Asuka prepared to run for her life.

But as in most dramatic scenes, she tripped and fell, which allowed her to be dragged back into the bedroom. "NOOOOOOOO!"

The older women turned towards the smiling albino. "She will be defeated in a shorter amount of time than me, and thus lose her bragging rights as the supposed "better wife"."

Ritsuko shook her head. "That was devious, dangerous, and truly evil, Rei." She raised her cup towards the girl. "I am so proud of you; I wish you were my daughter."

"Thank you, Dr. Akagi."

Maya just shook her head, wondering what the hell possessed her to not file for divorce.