Chapter 16

All Fun and Games Until

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Ritsuko snorted as the medical staff finished applying yet another wrapping on her arm. Turning her pained stare towards the person on the next bed, Ritsuko delivered a look that would kill if it could. "Damn it, Misato. 'It's not like it'll go mad and try and kill us all,' you said.

"When are you going to learn to keep that damn mouth shut?"

"Hey!" said Misato, as her arm was slipped into a new sling. "How was I supposed to know that would happen?"

Ritsuko began to mumble. "Bad luck bitch, need to shoot her."

In her mind, however, she was somewhat filled with joy. With her injured as she was, that meant she would need to be ... pampered. What's-his-name never pampered her. Hell, none of her old bed warmers ever pampered her.

But now, she'd have her studly husband at her beck-and-call since she would be too injured to do much for herself. And from what she had heard, her new husband was quite attentive when his wife or wives were incapacitated.

"Now remember, ladies," said the female doctor watching over them, "you'll need to take things very easy for the next few weeks while you heal.

"That means no high impact exercises, quick movements, or anything that could aggravate your injuries."

Ritsuko blinked. No, Misato just did not take away my happy times! "What about sex?"

The good doctor sighed. "With my husband, that would barely raise the heart level. But assuming you have a good one, then that's a no."

It was only the tightness of the wrappings on Ritsuko's body that kept Misato from being shot by her own gun.

Toji looked quietly out of his bedroom door. Ever since Hikari had taken him inside Unit 03—he still had nightmares of what she did—something strange had been going on in the Suzuhara household.

Hikari had been leaving him alone.

For two nights straight, the Fourth Child had been able to get eight solid hours of uninterrupted sleep each night.

This was not a good sign.

Finally, he tracked down his demon...wife, sitting in the kitchen, quietly making a meal.

Despite the massive sirens going off in his head, Toji decided that the smart thing to do was talk. "Um, Hikari, is everything okay?"

"Yes, why do you ask, dear?" came the near emotionless reply.

Upon hearing this, most men would have run out, tried to think of what they may or may not have done to upset their wife, and worked on how to pay for the extremely expensive "I'm Sorry" gift.

Now, while Toji was not the quickest person on the planet, he had seen enough sci-fi to know something was seriously wrong with his world. So, he came to a simple conclusion.

His wife had been taken over by an alien parasite and was planning on how to end the world.

Problem was, he had no clue as to whether the parasite was on her now, or had fallen off inside Unit 03.

"Well," he stumbled, not really certain if his current situation was a good thing, "you haven't dragged me into the bedroom, or on the table, or in the bathtub, or on top of the—"

"Well, you see," said Hikari, "since I'm already pregnant, I can't exactly get more pregnant, so there's really no need to continue such activities."

Toji blinked. "Um ... okay."

"Good," said Hikari, closing the matter. "Now go get your books, so we can study. After all, eventually you will need a better job, and killing Angels will only tide us over so far."

It was the first time ever that Toji had been glad to do homework.

Shinji found himself doing something that he was getting to do more and more lately: walk home happy.

Not that he would complain about such. It just meant he'd have to dust off his SDAT a few times a week.

He had only had an Angel battle last week where he didn't have to do anything. Rei negotiated with it, she lifted Hikari—who was wearing a trench coat for some reason—into the plug. And a few hours later, the thing stopped working.

Sure, Unit 03 still hadn't started back up yet, but Toji was alive, and that was what meant the most.

"Excuse me?"

Shinji turned to face a tall woman, who was standing before him, a silk-wrapped bundle at her side. "Um, yes?"

"You wouldn't happen to be Shinji Ikari, would you?"

Shinji nodded, too happy to worry about such trivial things as the possibility she was sent to kill him.

"WAH! MY GRANDSON-IN-LAW IS SO MANLY!"

Shinji Ikari, meet Nodoka Saotome.

Ranma sighed as Rei brought Shinji back to life. "Mom, did you really have to kill him?"

"I'm sorry," she said, currently holding Asuka for dear life. "But when I saw the handsome man who had not only won the heart of my new granddaughter, but married her as a second wife, I just had to hug such a manly boy."

She continued to hold Asuka as she turned towards her son. "And I heard you were manly enough to get married two more times!" she squealed.

Ranma shook his head, long since used to her actions. He turned his attentions back to Shinji, as he slowly started to move again, Rei smiling, but not stopping her CPR.

Though Ranma had to admit that he didn't know tongue was required now.

"SO MANLY!"

Ranma winced. Right; I forgot Rule #28: never take your eyes off Mom.

Asuka however was currently reassessing what she believed about her family. "Can you let me go now?"

"Oh, sorry dear," said Nodoka, letting the girl loose, allowing her to fall onto the floor and begin the painful process of making certain all of her bones were back in place. "So, when can I expect great-grandbabies?"

Shinji immediately paled upon hearing that.

He knew Rei could not get pregnant.

He forgot all about Asuka.

So, he handled it as well as could be expected.

"Shit," he muttered, before he passed out back to the floor.

And once again, the universe was balanced. Toji happy meant Shinji had to be miserable again.

Asuka took such a possibility in stride.

"HAH! I beat you, doll!"

This was soon replaced by her normal fears of ever being a parent.

Soon, she joined Shinji on the floor as well.

But to be fair, she'd beat the hell out of him for knocking her up after she dealt with the issue first.

Nodoka took the news well.

"Oh, he's so manly for the girls to be competing to carry his child first!" She had been a little upset that it took Ranma over a decade to give her grandchildren.

It was nice for her to see that today's generation had their priorities straight.

Ranma paled. "God, not again."

Nabiki sighed, before she grabbed the phone. Looked like she'd have to ask Kasumi to grab some pregnancy test kits on her way to the Saotome home.

"Well?" asked Kyoko, as the three EVAs once again gathered before the lone computer terminal in the room.

Naoko smiled. "By this time next week, our bodies will be ready!" she proclaimed, images of her and a certain pigtailed head of security dancing in her head.

Kyoko jumped up, nearly punching a hole into the ceiling and bringing the cafeteria down on them. "THANK YOU GOD!"

Now, was the common thought between them, how do I keep these bitches away from my Ranma?

Kaji sighed once again as he was running from yet another cute girl, Misato's collar on him beeping to let him know that certain hormone levels were beginning to reach dangerous levels.

Really, it's like she doesn't believe I have any self control.

We've been married for a while now, and we have yet to enjoy a honeymoon night. I could understand if she was worried about the others walking in on us.

But the others are seeing more action than I am.

Shinji's seeing more action than I am!

Seriously, Misato has no faith in my... Hello, pretty lady!

He was soon taking off again as the collar began beeping.

"You awake yet?"

Shinji slowly began to come to, weird dreams involving him being beaten by Asukas that every time he hit them; they'd break into two new Asukas and start attacking him, falling to the side. "What happened?"

"Well," said Ranma, "looks like you got hit by the modified Grandbaby assault from my mom."

Shinji blinked. "Um, is Asuka ... you know..." he said, not wanting to say that he might have just knocked up his favorite new daddy's daughter.

Something told him that was not a sociable acceptable question to ask.

Ranma sighed. "They're being checked now."

Mentally, the man was kicking himself. The main reason him and Nabiki had waited so long was because she hadn't been ready to be a mother.

Shampoo wanted kids immediately. She said it was family tradition, but Ranma had to wonder if such a tradition was true, then why was Cologne only a great-grandmother.

Ukyo had wanted them at first, but that desire waned when it wasn't her constantly being kidnapped.

Like it was his fault the Faery King had wanted to kidnap Nabiki and not her.

Nabiki was more afraid that she would fail her own children, as she had issues from constantly comparing herself to Kasumi.

After all, growing up with Kasumi could make anybody seriously question their own parenting skills.

I'm just glad my other daughters aren't near this place. Ranma was seriously hoping that his twin girls were at least living a somewhat normal life in China.

Of course, so enthralled in his new responsibilities as a father to a teenager, he forgot to make certain that his daughter and her new husband had taken the proper precautions not to begin making a family.

As both males began to curse their very existence, the girls filed out of the bathroom, being led by a pale penguin, who had witnessed humans doing things that he never wanted to see again.

"Well," started Ranma, "hit us with the details."

"Pregnant," said Asuka, smiling at Shinji, glad she had finally beat Rei at something, and wondering if this would make Shinji go easier on her in the bedroom.

If he didn't, she would start Operation: Beat His Ass Like A Drum.

"Pregnant," said Maya, somewhat surprised that she was with child. I do hope my health plan covers this.

For those wondering, the NERV Health Plan was very simple under Gendo. If you got sick, you better die, because they didn't cover anything.

Now under Kozo, the health plan had some benefits.

They now stocked Tylenol in the medical stations if you had an owie.

Anything worse and you were on your own. NERV just didn't have the budget yet.

"Pregnant," said Nabiki, a little pale at the surprise.

First thing tomorrow, NERV is getting a daycare center, pregnancy benefits; the works.

If Nabiki Saotome wanted them, not even SEELE would stop her.

"Pregnant," said Ritsuko. Well, at least she'd still get her pampering. Of course though, with two other pregnant wives, she might have to share her time, but at least she didn't have to worry about her new hubby leaving her.

Ranma would make a much better father than ... um ... who was he?

Oh well, guy was obviously poor breeding stock. Glad he didn't have a kid. I'd remember if he did.

"Pregnant," said Kasumi.

"Kasumi," said Ranma, "what are you doing here?"

"Well, they told me what was going on, and it sounded like such fun!"

Ranma sighed. Looks like him and Tofu were going out drinking tonight. After all, Ranma was three for three.

Rei stepped out of the bathroom. "I am confused. What does it mean when the image is the red haired baby in the green and black dress?"

Everyone blinked.

Misato paled. "Um, Rei; that means you got Pebbles. That means you're pregnant." How the fuck did Rei get pregnant and I didn't? She must have swiped my stick. No way could I have gotten a Bambam instead of Pebbles!

No one questioned Kasumi about why she got the Flintstones Pregnancy Test kits.

Then again, those who questioned Kasumi tended to end up getting sent to the NERV infirmary. Many suspected it had to do with her handing out free coupons to Dr. Tofu's clinic nearby, and then her giving a surprise visit to her husband.

"Okay," said Kozo, setting out some Scotch. "Explain how Rei is pregnant?"

Ritsuko was still too stunned on her own pregnancy to fully investigate things.

Me ... pregnant. Me ... pregnant!

Maya had been numb, mumbling about the fact she should have known better than to sleep with a male.

Pregnant before twenty-five! What will society think of me?

Kasumi Ono had been unable to offer much assistance.

Oh my, I have so many baby showers to plan.

Lucy was currently outside stealing the football once again from her friend Charlie's path.

Shit, I think he broke his neck this time! RUN!

Tofu had tried to help, but he broke four ribs, three legs, and dislocated a man's nose before Section 2 took him out with a dart.

Perhaps sitting him next to Kasumi had been a bad idea after telling him he was going to be a Father.

So, that left only one person well versed on Rei's particular make-up to help.

"I have no clue," stated Rei, wearing an old lab coat that said 'Ikari' on it.

Kozo blinked, wondering why that view looked so familiar to him, before shaking his head clear. Bad thoughts, very bad thoughts, very bad thoughts that'll cost me my job and life. "Are you certain?"

Rei nodded. "Yes. It appears that I am with child."

"How is your ... husband ... dealing with it?"

Rei smiled. "He is taking this news well, according to Papa-Ranma."

Shinji just stared at the head of Unit 01. "You just couldn't kill me, could you? No, you had to make me suffer."

Unit 01 might have responded, but she was both giddy at the fact she was soon to be a grandmother, and that soon, she would be human so that she could give her son some half-siblings.

"Papa-Ranma?" asked Kozo.

"It did not seem appropriate to call him Father, and as you know, I have no genetic Father."

"Ah," said the elder Sub Commander. Why me?

In a poor hospital on the other side of Japan, a machine showed slightly improved brain activity.

However, this interrupted the janitor's nap. So, the machine was quickly unplugged.

Ranma sighed as he withdrew several thousand yen from the ATM. Already, Section 2 had filled him in on several establishments that would allow a fourteen year old boy in to drink, had karaoke, and a decent cab service to a safe hotel to sleep it off in.

Man, why is it I have to do this stuff?

Ranma didn't want to take Shinji out drinking. The boy should be having fun.

Of course, the boy also piloted the only defense against the Angels, and was currently expecting two children from his wives; one of which who had been recently seen sharpening a butcher's knife.

Shaking his head at the image of his daughter acting more like her comatose step-aunt, Ranma shrugged, before heading out of HQ and to the apartment to pick up Shinji. Doc Tofu would meet them there.

After all, it was a simple Tea House named Pretty-Girl...something.

"Hmm, wonder if I've been there before. That name sounds familiar.