Chapter Three

It was two in the morning and Remus was sleeping soundly in his oversized chair when Sirius appeared in the fireplace. He was still fully dressed from the previous day and his hair was pushed messily out of his face. Remus did not stir.

"Moony?" came his hushed voice in the darkness of the living room. It did not take Sirius long to spot his friend collapsed in a seemingly uncomfortable position in his favorite armchair. Walking to his side, a smile on his face, Sirius said his name again.

"Remus Lupin?" He knelt down beside the wizard. Remus' light brown hair looked somehow richer under the glow of the fireplace, Sirius noted, and his face looked peaceful. It was unfair, he decided, that in sleep was the only place Remus could relax. He also scolded himself. After all, he hadn't reacted well to Remus' news. News…but was it really news to hear? Sirius had to have known that Remus was gay far before that evening. They had slept together on a number of occasions already, the last time only a few nights ago after the wedding. Thinking back, he had initiated the intimacy in the first place, not Remus. What that was supposed to mean, Sirius didn't bloody well know. But it had to mean something, right? He would think on that later, as Remus' eyelids were fluttering open to reveal large amber eyes.

"Sirius?" he asked, his voice only sounding mildly surprised. Sirius brushed his hand across Remus' cheek and he bent his head to nuzzle him, but Remus pushed him away.

"Get out of here Sirius. Don't know why you've even bothered to come," came the exhausted mutterings of Remus. Sirius backed away from him slowly, processing the words.

"Moony I need to talk with you. I want to apologize."

"Fuck it," said Remus as he folded himself into an upright position on the chair. "Do you have any cigarettes?"

"You know I do," Sirius said with a wink as he lit two and handed one to Remus. "Anyway I'm sorry for my reaction."

Remus stared him down. Not the response Sirius had expected.

"It surprised me is all, mate," he ventured.

"It surprised you to hear that I'm homosexual when you, Sirius, are the man I've been sleeping with on and off for the past two years?" Remus countered, his eyes a steady glare on Sirius. "I find that impossible to believe. So I have to ask you a question," he took a breath. "How do you feel when I've my cock up your arse?"

Sirius burnt himself on the cigarette butt as he gripped it in his fist. "Bloody fuck!" he yelled from the pain and shock of the injury. Remus' face was annoyingly impassive.

"Careful. You'll wake the neighbors," he said calmly. "So Sirius. How does it feel to have me fucking you up the arse?"

Sirius eyed his friend carefully as he thought back on all their nights together. Of course he had enjoyed it. Every second with Remus had been like none other with any woman, even the most experienced and skilled. "I don't know."

"Did you like my mouth on you? The fact that I was swallowing your come?"

Sirius was shaking, Remus' raspy words bringing excitement to his groin. But he would not falter under the sexy hypnotism of the man before him. Sexy hypnotism? Jesus, it was already taking effect.

"No I didn't like that, Remus," Sirius said, thinking this must be the best route. Denial.

"You didn't like choking me with your cock? I liked doing it to you. Fucking your mouth, coming inside you, Sirius," Remus closed his eyes and sighed. "Mm. It feels so nice to have you beneath me."

"Erm."

"I want to fuck you right now."

"Oh my god."

"Something wrong?"

"No," Sirius stammered, moving involuntarily closer to Remus, who was moving quite voluntarily closer to him.

"No?"

"Damn you Remus!" Sirius yelled as he closed the distance between them and grabbed Remus' arms forcefully. He thought he saw a flicker of pain or fear in Remus' eyes but he didn't care.

"Have I made you angry?" was all Remus asked, his amber eyes intense, his pupils wide.

"Yes!"

"Why is that?"

"Because now I'm bloody hard for you, you stupid git!" he said. "Now I'm gay, that's why. Now I think I may be in love with you." And Sirius kissed Remus deeply on the mouth. Their lips opened to each other and their breathing escalated to desperate sighs. Remus moaned into Sirius' mouth as he pushed their bodies closer together. Sirius brought them to the floor in one swift motion.

"You did all that on purpose, didn't you?" Sirius asked him, panting slightly as he removed Remus' sweater vest and began on the unfastening of shirt buttons.

"Well you hurt my feelings and I'm not one to sit aside and not get mine," Remus said. "I mean, I usually am, but not this time. Not with you."

Sirius stopped with the buttons and looked up at Remus. "The other day you said you loved me."

"No I didn't."

"You did," said Sirius raising his eyebrows. "And now that it's clear that I feel the same way…"

"You don't have to say that, Pads."

"Don't have to say what?"

"That you love me when you don't. It's enough just having you. I don't need the complete package. I never have."

Sirius leaned in to trace his lips over Remus' jaw line. "The complete package?"

"Yeah. You know. Monogamy. Fidelity. Love. I don't get that with you and it's fine. Just use me, Sirius. I want you," said Remus, finishing off his own buttons and moving to undo Sirius'.

"No," Sirius said and he moved away, standing up from the floor. "I don't want you to think I use you."

"But you do and I don't care."

"Of course you bloody do! I'm not daft and I'm not blind. I can see the looks you give me when I'm with someone else. The other night with Rosmerta! You couldn't keep your eyes off me. Don't act like you don't care."

Remus sat quietly on the floor, unsure of what to say next. Sirius was pacing now and it was making him nervous.

"Fine. It does bother me."

Sirius stopped and turned, his eyes hazy from his lack of sleep catching up with him and the slow decline of his erection. It was strange to hear the words coming from Remus so casually, with such nonchalance.

"But it doesn't have to if it means having you just sometimes. Just once more," continued Remus. His voice was near the edge of something, about to shatter. His shoulders were hunched forward now; the quintessential "Remus" pose, and his eyes were focused on the floor. The act was so obvious to Sirius now that it was over. The purposeful taunting, the act of confidence with words so intimate. Remus was more bothered by Sirius sleeping with other people than he dared to admit. That much was clear.

"Remus," Sirius began, reclaiming his sitting position on the floor beside the now catatonic Remus. "I came here to apologize and look what's happened." He smiled.

"Fuck you Sirius," said Remus. He stood up from the floor and walked to the fireplace, folding his arms impatiently. Sirius stood as well, following him closely. But he did not accept the floo powder Remus held out to him and he did not lower his eyes when Remus glared at him in annoyance. Instead, Sirius wrapped his arms around the friend beside him and rested his cheek on his shoulder.

"Get off of me."

Sirius held him tightly, now tracing warm kisses up Remus' neck.

"Are you so thick as to think I could possibly still want you after what's happened?"

Sirius just hummed into Remus' neck, his arms now moving in tiny caresses across his back and shoulders. It felt nice so Remus didn't try to hard to push him away. Somehow he just couldn't find the words.

"Say it, Sirius," Remus demanded.

"I'm gay," said Sirius from the nook of Remus' neck.

Remus grinned at that and decided that, just this once more, he would succumb to his friend. Just this once more he would allow himself to be used. Besides, it wasn't the most horrible thing in the world, shagging Sirius Black.