A.N Ok heres the second chapter. Just want to say thankyou to everyone who has reviewed so far. I'm glad that you are enjoying it. This story is going to be an emotional roller coaster and will most likely be a very long story so I hope you're all willing to stick with it for the long haul. A special thankyou to Cheerybroody and Kase who helped me out with this chapter and of course to Jess who helps to preserve my sanity well at least what little of it I still have. Looking forward to hearing your thoughts on this latest one. The next chapter has been started and should be up in the next few days.
A Time Best Forgotten.
Part One.
A Man Who Is Lost.
Lucas left the house knowing where he had to go he didn't relish the thought of going there but knew that he had no choice. He had to tell him. He couldn't let him hear it from anyone else; it was nothing short of a miracle that the media had not already found out. He knew all to well that once they did none of them would receive any peace. The thought was enough to make him physically shudder.
All too soon he was pulling into the drive way of the modest house on Fitzgerald St. He glanced at the drive ascertaining that there was only one car in the drive. If he was going to speak to him about this then he had to be on his own, Catherine needed to be out. He let out a sigh of relief as he saw his brother's truck resided alone in the drive but could not force himself to get out of the car. He knew what he had to do but the very thought of going in there and telling him something that he knew would stir up a lot of unresolved tensions had his gut twisting into knots.
He saw movement at the window and caught sight of Nathan peering out at him quizzically obviously wondering why he still sat in his car five minutes after pulling into the drive. Slamming his hand down onto the dash in frustration he tried once more to find the words for what he had to tell him. Finally sighing heavily he stepped out of the car heading towards the door where Nathan already stood holding it open for him.
"What's going on man?" Nathan said by way of greeting.
Lucas tried to be as casual as the younger man as he knocked fists with him but failed miserably. "I have to talk to you," he blurted out without preamble.
Nathan looked at him quizzically. "Ok man but do you want to come in first or do you actually want to have this conversation out on the porch. This is obviously something big so I'm thinking inside might be the better place for it."
Luke said nothing but walked past his brother and into the house. He went straight to the living room waiting impatiently for Nathan to join him.
"Take a seat Luke," Nathan said gesturing to the leather sofa.
"Ah no I think I'll stand," Lucas said watching as Nathan sat. He started to pace back and forth wondering how he was supposed to start this conversation.
"Lucas for God's sake man will you just spit it out already. You're making me nervous."
"Uh yeah before I do though. Are you here alone? I mean Catherine isn't upstairs is she?"
Nathan was seriously starting to have concerns for his brother's sanity at this point.
"Jesus man this is starting to sound like some really lame mafia movie. Let me guess you're about to tell me that you killed somebody and you have to leave the country." He laughed at his own joke waiting for Lucas to join in but instead the older man simply stared at him in disbelief.
"Nathan this is serious."
"Yeah well that much is obvious. So like I said spit it out already. No wait I bet I can guess you had another night on insanity, with a healthy dose of drunkenness and managed to get Taylor pregnant again."
Lucas barely even looked at him. "Nathan for fucks sake will you just shut up and let me speak. I did go over to Taylor's this morning…"
"Oh shit," Nathan broke in "It's not Zach is it? I mean the little guys ok?"
"Zach's fine," Lucas said "But they had a visitor."
Lucas watched as Nathan visibly tensed for a moment before assuming an air of forced nonchalance.
"Oh really and who was that?" he asked deliberately trying to keep his tone light while inside his stomach was churning as his brain kept throwing one name into stark focus. But it couldn't be her, she hadn't been back in this town for years, in fact more to the point it wouldn't be her. She had moved on with her life and left this town and everyone in it for dust.
"It's Haley," Lucas finally paused in his incessant pacing standing in front of Nathan and studied him intently looking for some sort of reaction, but Nathan had become an expert at masking his feelings over the years and Lucas could see the shutters coming down over his eyes hiding everything he was feeling at that moment.
"You came all the way over here just to tell me that? Well man you may as well have saved yourself the trip. Why the hell should I care if she's back in town? She's nothing to me."
"Nathan you know that's not true."
"Don't you dare stand there and try to tell me what I do or don't know Luke. She left; she forgot about everyone here, you, and me, Brooke, Peyton even her family for fucks sake. In all these years since she left how many times did she actually come back to see her family or anyone else? I'll tell you how many a grand total of none. Peyton died and she didn't even come back for her funeral so don't you try to tell me that she gave a shit about anyone other than herself. She wanted a life as a big music star and she got it and she forgot about everyone else. So if her and her darling hubby have finally decided to grace us with their presence well good for them but personally I couldn't give a shit."
He stood up and started to walk out of the room but Lucas followed reaching out and grabbing his arm.
"Nate stop," but Nathan kept walking. Lucas tightened his grip spinning him around to face him.
"He hit her Nate, that bastard beat her up and he…" He took a deep breath and continued in a quieter voice "He raped her."
Nathan froze turning away so Luke wouldn't see the emotions flooding his face. Taking a deep breath he turned back "Well what do you expect me to do about it?"
"What do I expect you to do?" Lucas asked incredulously "I don't expect you to do anything. I just thought you should know."
"Fine well I know now are we done?" he said impatiently.
Lucas stared at him for a moment before exhaling heavily. "Yeah we're done."
"Good then why don't you get the hell out of my house? I have things to do."
Lucas stared at him for a moment longer before turning and walking to the door.
"Call me if you need to talk," he said.
Nathan ignored him staring intently out the window.
After Lucas left Nathan tried to go back to the living room to watch TV but he couldn't focus on the screen. His thoughts were a whirling mass of confusion. Standing up abruptly he strode towards the door grabbing his keys as he went.
He drove aimlessly for hours but eventually he ended up there. Even though he had not consciously admitted it to himself he had known all along that that was where he was headed. He parked his truck on the opposite side of the road and stared across at the house. It felt as if there were elephants doing acrobatics in his stomach at that moment as he found himself looking for any sign of her. He could see Taylor's long blonde hair through the downstairs window as she danced around the kitchen with Zach while she made his lunch but there was no sign of Haley. He didn't even know what he was doing there but something inside of him had forced him to come here. Lucas words echoed repeatedly through his mind He raped her. Surely it couldn't be true the Haley James that he had known would never allow herself to get into a situation like that. The man was her husband for Christ's sake what sort of husband would do that.
He could feel the anger coursing through his veins but it was being overshadowed by a stronger emotion. Guilt. The question that kept repeating over and over in his mind was could he have done something to prevent this and the overwhelming answer was yes. His mind flashed back to that day that he had come home and heard her voice on the answering machine she had sounded so lost and alone and he knew she was crying as she asked him to call her back. But he never had. All those years and he had never called her back. He could feel the guilt gnawing a hole in his stomach. He could hardly breathe there was no air in the car impatiently he hit the button that would put the window down. Leaning his head against the dash he sucked in deep lung-fulls of air, trying to calm his racing heart.
A hand on his arm caused him to jerk up in surprise as he was confronted with Taylor standing beside him.
"So are you going to come in or are you going to sit out here all day?"
He stared past her to the house wondering if he had the courage to step through those doors. Out of the corner of his eye he saw movement and looked up at her window, the same one he had climbed through on more occasions then he could remember. She stood there looking out at him as his eyes locked onto hers, the shadows of the room preventing him from clearly seeing her but instinctively he knew that it was bad. Whatever it was that he couldn't see it was bad. His fist clenched in his lap and then without warning she turned and walked away from the window. Taylor tightened her grip on his arm drawing his attention back to her.
"Nate are you ok?"
"I uh…. I have to go."
Fumbling he tried to turn the key in the ignition but it was to no avail. Finally succeeding he shook Taylor's hand off his arm and barely gave her time to remove her arm from the vehicle before speeding away. He steered his truck in the direction of home but found himself driving straight past peering over at the drive. Her car was parked there and he sighed knowing that he couldn't face her until he had a chance to get himself under control.
Pulling into a parking space ten minutes later he sat staring out at the waves crashing on the shore. The day that had started off filled with bright sunshine had now darkened considerably. He could see dark thunderheads rolling over the horizon as the wind lashed the trees further up the beach and knew a storm was brewing. Opening the door he stepped out shoving his hands deep into his pockets as he walked towards the shore. The rain started to fall droplets stinging his face but he ignored it continuing to walk. Her face flashed into his mind but he couldn't get a clear image every time he saw it, it was distorted with bruises. Despite the glimpse he had caught of her in the window he had been unable to clearly see the damage to her face. But what he saw in his imagination surely had to be worse than the reality. What he didn't know was that his imagination had barely scraped the surface of how bad it truly was.
So much had happened between them in the past and he had truly thought that he would never see her again. He had accepted that fact long ago and had moved on or at least he had told himself that he had. Now when his life had finally seemed to be getting back on an even keel she was back. When Lucas had come to him that morning with the news that she had returned for a moment all of the old feelings and longings had come back but then he had done what he did best and he had closed himself off. Determined that no matter what else Lucas had said it would not affect him and then those words had escaped his mouth, the words that had torn apart all of his defences, the words that told him that she had been abused not only physically but sexually. No matter what had happened between them in the past nobody deserved that.
The thought of the other mans hands on her had kept him awake many nights after she had first left and then when the news had come through that she was married it had felt as if a part of him had died. The hope that had been burning inside of him even as he told himself that he never wanted to see her again had flickered out in that instant. But never in all the times that he had imagined him touching her had he stopped to consider the possibility that it was anything but what she had wanted to happen. The knowledge that those hands had hurt her in ways that he could not even begin to imagine tore at his gut. The times when he had been with her they had been passionate but there had always been love there and that love would never allow them to deliberately hurt the other person. The way her hands would caress his skin, the way her small body fit to him and he had been so scared the first time they had sex that he would crush her. All these thoughts and memories crowded his mind. How could anyone deliberately want to hurt her like that? Sighing he stopped staring out at the grey stormy waters. He couldn't keep thinking like this the memory of that message left on his answering machine kept playing over and over in his mind until finally he forced it out.
Opening his mouth he let out a yell of frustration. "SHE MARRIED HIM. IT WAS HER CHOICE." The wind caught his words tearing them from his mouth and carrying them away to parts unknown.
He was soaking wet by this stage and turned back to walk in the direction of his truck. He drove back towards his house his mind blessedly blank. Pulling into the drive he walked unhurried towards his front door, he was already dripping wet what difference would a little more rain make.
Opening the door he could smell the aromas of dinner cooking. He glanced towards the door to the kitchen as she exited wiping her hands on a dishcloth.
"I was wondering when you were going to show up," she said with a smile.
"Uh we didn't have a date tonight did we?" he asked slightly confused. "I thought I wasn't seeing you again till next week,"
"Well I thought I'd surprise you, things have been so busy at the hospital the last few days that I feel as if I've barely laid eyes on you let alone anything else." She said with a playful grin. "Now why don't you go have a shower while I finish up? You look like a drowned rat although I will say that you make a pretty damn sexy drowned rat."
He turned and walked to the stairs obediently heading for the shower. He needed a chance to prepare his mind for a night in Cathy's company. He had thought that when he arrived home that he was back to normal or as close to normal as he was likely to get but he had barely even been able to look at the woman he had been seeing for the past eight months let alone speak to her.
The hot water beat down onto his back as he tried desperately to forget everything he had learned that day. He could barely believe that he was not in the middle of some insane dream surely this sort of thing didn't happen in reality. This didn't happen to people he knew this was the kind of thing that you saw in movies or read about in newspapers. It happened in low class areas amongst people living in trailer parks not in New York City, not to the rich and famous. Not to Haley.
Turning the jets off he stepped out of the shower briskly towelling himself off before going to the bedroom to find some dry clothes. He pulled a pair of jeans from the drawer before grabbing a t-shirt and tugging it over his head. He ran his fingers through his damp hair before walking downstairs determined to put the day's events out of his mind and simply concentrate on Cathy.
Walking into the kitchen he saw the table set complete with candles flickering brightly in the dim room and sighed. It was going to be a long night that much he was certain of. But he would try; he would try not only for his sake but for Cathy's. Sure he knew he didn't love her not in the way that he should but he also didn't want to hurt her. They had enjoyed each others company over the past months and he was not about to throw that all away now.
She sat opposite him chattering away during dinner and he forced himself to concentrate on her words. Her eyes danced in the candlelight as she relayed yet another anecdote of the antics of one of the hospital orderlies. Finally he found himself no longer having to pretend interest in what she was saying as his mind cleared and he simply allowed her words to wash over him. When they finished dinner he stood starting to gather their plates and glasses to take them to the dishwasher. As he reached over to take her plate she grasped his arm.
"Nate why don't you leave the dishes until tomorrow? I can think of much better things for us to be doing."
Her image flashed into his mind but he forced it away.
"Oh really," he said "well then why don't you show me?" Yes this was the answer sex. Sex had always worked in the past when his mind was working overtime. Surely it could be the answer again.
"I intend to," she said standing up and sliding her arms up around his neck tugging his head down so that she had access to his mouth. She traced her tongue gently around his lips and heard his groan as his arms slid around her pulling her in hard against his body. He kissed her hard forcing her mouth open and sliding his tongue inside exploring every crevice of her mouth.
"I think we better go upstairs," he grunted as he felt her small hands sliding up underneath his shirt.
He slid his hands inside her skirt pushing it down off her hips so that it pooled on the floor. She pulled her shirt off so that she stood there in nothing but her bra and panties and a pair of high heeled sandals her lips never leaving his. He picked her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist as he made his way up the stairs. They reached his bedroom and he kicked the door open lowering her onto the bed as he followed her down. Lifting himself up from her momentarily he removed his shirt dropping it to the floor as her hands eagerly undid the button on his pants. The zipper scraping against his erection as she impatiently tugged it down. He had to restrain his groan as she quickly pushed his boxer shorts out of the way and stroked his throbbing length.
He slid a finger inside her panties stroking against her moist core and felt her squirms of pleasure. Her tongue traced along his jaw and he sucked in his breath. This was what he needed; he needed just to fuck and forget about everything else, to lose himself in the woman beneath him. He grabbed a condom from his bedside table before positioning himself at her entrance. He started to slide himself in as he felt her hand grip his face turning him so that he was facing her. He kept his eyes closed pushing against her tight entrance. He heard her voice saying his name and opened his eyes looking at her and froze. Oh God what was happening here? He could no longer see Cathy's face staring back at him instead he saw her. He saw Haley her face bruised and battered as she looked at him accusingly. You let this happen to me he heard her voice telling him accusingly in his mind. This is all your fault. How could you Nathan? How could you? Her beautiful face no longer flawless but marred with bruising.
He jerked back trying to refocus his vision but still her face floated tauntingly in front of him. You did this her voice echoed over and over again. He felt a hand come up to rest on his arm and stared down at it terrified of who would be on the end of it.
"Nathan?" he heard Cathy's voice ask almost pleadingly. "Nathan what's wrong?"
"Huh," he said as he finally focused on her laying on the bed looking up at him quizzically, her eyes full of concern.
Her image flashed once more through his mind and he visibly flinched.
"Ah I'm just not feeling very well. I think it must be something I ate. Yeah ah come to think of it that burger I had at lunch really didn't smell too good."
Her hand came to his forehead immediately slipping into nurse mode as she heard his explanation. "You do feel a bit hot," she said "perhaps you should get some sleep. I'll stay and make sure you're ok."
"No," he said abruptly causing her to look at him with hurt in her eyes. "I mean what if it's not food poisoning. I don't want to give you anything. Besides I don't want you to see me throw up."
"Nathan," she said patiently "I'm a nurse I've seen plenty of people throw up."
"Yeah but you're not here to be a nurse and ah how will I ever get you to sleep with me again if you spend all night emptying my sick bucket? I have an image to protect you know," he said trying to laugh it off even as his gut churned and he wondered if maybe he really was going to throw up.
He had to get her to leave, he needed to be alone and he needed to be alone now. She was still looking at him doubtfully obviously unsure whether her conscience would allow her to just leave him when he looked so ill.
"Look Cathy I promise I'll call you in the morning if I'm not feeling any better but I really just need to get some rest now so do you think you can see yourself out."
"If you're really sure," she said still not sounding convinced. "I don't like leaving you alone like this."
"I'm sure," he said abruptly before realising how he sounded. "I really appreciate that you want to stay but I just think it would be better if you go. I'll call you in the morning I promise."
"Ok," she finally agreed and he found himself fighting to disguise the sigh of relief that escaped his lips. She stood from the bed hastily gathering her underwear and putting it on.
"Well you should definitely get some rest and I'll speak to you in the morning," she said still sounding slightly reluctant to leave but to his relief she turned and left the room. A few minutes later he heard the front door closing and the sound of her car starting up and he fell back onto the bed heaving a sigh of relief.
What the hell was wrong with him? Why would her face plague him like that? Being with Cathy had been supposed to make him forget about everything but instead he had found himself more vividly reminded of her than he could remember being any time recently.
Standing up from the bed he stalked frustrated across the room. Going downstairs he walked out to stand on the deck and placed his hands on the railing staring up at the sky he doubted that he'd be getting any sleep tonight. He couldn't take the chance that he would close his eyes and once again her face would appear battered, bruised and accusing. What had happened to her was all his fault. No matter how many times he tried to tell himself that it had been her choice to marry the other man he knew that if he had wanted to he could have prevented it. What was worse was that he could have saved her from it a long time ago if he had just returned her call. He was almost as much at fault in this scenario as the bastard who had done this to her and no-one would ever convince him otherwise. Leaning over the railing he retched over and over again as everything he had eaten that day spilled from his mouth. Until finally there was nothing left but still he didn't stop as the bile rose in his throat. Finally it ended and he slumped to the ground racking sobs rocking his entire body.