A.N Sorry it has taken so long to get this up everyone. I started new job this week and unfortunately it eats into my writing time but I've stayed up till 4am finishing this so Tracy and Will you better be grateful. Show me how grateful by leaving a review. LOL. Ok well I will try to update during the week but if not it will be up next weekend. Enjoy this chapter and let me know what you think.

A Time Best Forgotten

Part One

The Power Of Words.

He drove towards the house unsure of how he should approach this situation. He had woken up that morning with the knowledge that he had to talk to Taylor. There were no two ways about it. She held the answers to the questions that plagued his dreams and haunted his every waking moment. He knew from Lucas that Haley was still refusing to come out of her room and be around people so he planned to use that to his advantage. He didn't think that he was prepared yet to actually see her face to face. Not now and perhaps not ever. It wasn't only the thought of what damage had been inflicted upon her that he knew would be so prominent when he looked at her but there was also the fear of what he would see if he looked into her eyes. He was certain that there would be recriminations and blame and he already held himself responsible from what little he knew, he didn't need to see her to feel that.

His mind was swirling as he pulled into the drive way, there were almost too many thoughts to be able to take in all at one time. He desperately tried to pin down just one, allow himself to focus on just one aspect of this fucked up situation but he couldn't do it. Every time he tried the swirling mass of confusion would once again take over and he could barely see what lay directly in front of him with all the images crowding his mind.

Looking at the house he wanted nothing more than to simply slam his foot down on the gas pedal and get the hell out of there. He noticed Taylor's car was not in the drive and assumed that she must have actually parked it in the garage for a change the way Luke was always nagging her about. Nathan briefly smiled to himself sometimes his brother could be such an old woman. Worrying about what might happen if a storm came and the car was left out in it although from what Nathan had seen he wasn't sure that there would be any noticeable difference. Between the dents and the rust not to mention the cheap paint job he didn't really see how much more damage a storm could do.

He glanced up to the window almost expecting to see her peering out at him again but the window was empty and he heaved a sigh of relief. With any luck he'd be able to get in and out of there without her being any the wiser to his presence. Walking to the front door he rang the bell and waited for her to let him in. Several minutes went by and there was no response, he sighed impatiently she had to be home. He went around to the back door peering in he saw the back of a blonde head hovering at the fridge. Pushing the door open he stepped inside.

"Hey Taylor, look I need to talk to you about…." He stopped as he saw the figure freeze at the sound of his voice and immediately realised his mistake.

He had seen her on TV so many times with her hair dyed blonde and yet it hadn't occurred to him for even a moment that the person he had seen was exactly the person he wanted to see less than anyone at that moment. He wasn't ready for this, he knew from speaking to Luke that what he was about to be confronted with was bad and even with all the images that his mind had conjured up over the past few days he still was not sure that he wanted to see the reality. She started to turn and he had to fight against the urge to shut his eyes and avoid the moment just a little bit longer. If he could just stave off this moment then maybe something would happen, something that would prevent him from having to see her. He had been haunted by her face for eight long years and now the moment had come when he would see her again.

Everything seemed to happen in slow motion as she turned around to face him. She kept her head down but it wasn't enough to completely hide the damage that had been inflicted upon her. He could see that she had difficulty moving, her left arm was in a sling but there was no sign of plaster. Luke had told him that she had a broken arm and looking at her it was obvious that it was in the upper part of her arm. She wore a sleeveless long white silk nightgown and he gasped audibly at the sight of her skin so pale next to the white material. The material flowed against the contours of her body and he was struck by how thin she had become. He could almost swear that he could see the bones of her hips jutting out against the material.

He looked at her hand and saw she held a cold compress obviously meant for her arm. He moved towards her wanting to try to help her, they had yet to speak a word to each other. She watched him coming towards her almost as if she was in a trance it was only when his hand touched hers as he tried to remove the ice pack that she snapped out of her state and almost jumped backwards in her haste to get away from him.

"What are you doing here?" she said so quietly that for a moment he was sure that he must have imagined it. She looked up briefly meeting his eyes with her own before quickly moving her eyes back to the floor.

"I ah came to see Taylor. I wanted to talk to her."

"Well she's not here. You should go; I'll tell her that you came by and have her give you a call when she gets back."

"I wanted to speak to her about you. I wanted to know if you were ok."

"Well as you can see I'm fine," she snapped.

His eyes took in the bruising showing on almost every part of her exposed skin and the assortment of other cuts and scrapes. He struggled to hold in his bark of laughter at her absurd statement. How she could claim to be fine when the visible evidence made a mockery of every word she spoke? Did she think he was a fool or that he would actually go along with what she said just to keep the peace? He waited for the anger to rise within him but it wouldn't instead he felt a hard lump form in his throat. The longer he looked at her the harder it became, he could feel tears forming in his eyes and angrily dashed a hand across his face. He needed to channel his emotions in another direction and looking at all of those marks flawing what once had been flawless skin he finally found the emotion he was looking for.

"I should have known this was the sort of thing that little punk would get his thrills from. He was a weak ass little shit of course he'd beat up a woman to try and make himself feel like more of a man. That fucking scrawny son of a bitch I should have pounded him when I had the chance."

"Stop it," she said quietly but firmly.

He ignored her and continued his tirade stalking over to the table as he did so with a sweep of his arm sending all of the plates crashing to the floor. "What sort of man does something like that to his wife? Actually no don't answer that. I know exactly what sort of man does that and he isn't any sort of man he's just some slimy fungus that should have been obliterated the moment he first showed his ugly little poser face in this town."

"Stop it," she finally resorted to screaming at him. "Don't talk about him like that. He's my husband and he loves me and I'm not going to listen to you talk about him that way."

"Haley he's a fucking rapist for Christ's sake."

She turned away her emotions bubbling around inside of her. It had been so long since she had allowed herself to feel anything and now she could feel so many things trying to fight their way to the surface. She desperately dug her nails into her palms trying to get away from everything that he was saying she knew that if she looked at her hands now that there would be little crescent shapes imprinted there. She blocked his voice out and felt the calmness begin to overtake her once more.

"Haley listen to me for fucks sake," he said slamming his hand down onto the table causing her to turn her almost dazed eyes in his direction. "I just…." He paused for a moment almost as if unsure of how to continue or perhaps afraid of the answer that he would receive. "I just don't understand why you would stay with him for so long. Hell I don't get why you married him in the first place."

Finally his words seemed to break through the haze she was in and she turned an almost hateful gaze in his direction.

"You don't get why I married him?" she said incredulously. "Why the hell do you think I married him Nathan? You more than anyone should understand the reason. God you are the reason. You Nathan, you pushed me into his arms. That night that you turned me away you pushed me back to him. So if you want someone to blame for your own feelings of inadequacy then look no further because you've found him. You see him every time you look in the mirror Nathan but I guess I should be thanking you because you led me to the man who loves me more than anyone else ever could or would. So thank you Nathan, thank you for leading me to love."

"Oh no way are you going to pin this on me. I never told you to marry that bastard. How can you say that he loves you? Have you seen yourself, seen what he did to you? I didn't do this Haley you did."

"You don't know what you're talking about," she screamed at him. "He loved me he didn't turn me away when it got too hard. He didn't turn me away so he could pursue his own dreams. That was you Nathan."

He lunged at her seeing her whole body tense but was beyond caring. How could she blame him for this? He grabbed her uninjured arm and felt her body go rigid in his grasp so different to when he had touched her in the past and she had practically melted into his arms. Holding her arm he pulled her into the downstairs bathroom holding her in front of the mirror.

"Take a look at yourself Haley, look in that mirror and tell me that someone who could do this to you actually loved you."

She kept her head down refusing to look up at the irrefutable evidence he was presenting. Grabbing her chin he lifted it till she was eye level with the mirror.

"Look," he demanded but her eyes remained closed.

"Haley just look please," he said his voice taking on an almost pleading tone. Against her better judgement she opened her eyes taking in her own appearance in the mirror briefly before meeting his eyes reflected back at her from where he stood behind her.

"Now tell me again that someone who loved you would do this to you."

"He did, he does," she insisted stubbornly and he dropped his hands back down to his sides defeated.

"If that's what you believe then there's nothing else I can say but one day Haley you are going to have to accept the truth. If he truly loved you he would never have done something like this," he said brushing his thumb lightly across her almost healed lip. He waited for her to speak hoping against hope that something he had said had got through to her but she remained silent and without another word he turned and walked out the door.

As soon as he reached his car he got in slamming his hand down on the dash replaying her words over and over in his head. She blamed him for this and while that would have been enough to deal with in its own right what was so much worse was hearing her thank him. Listening to her thank him for bringing Chris and his perverted version of love into her life had torn him apart inside. Those words were like a knife through his very soul hearing her use the word love in reference to that slimy little bastard was almost more than he could take.

He was so angry at that moment he could barely see straight. It was almost like there was a haze distorting his vision he blinked rapidly trying to clear his sight and saw the familiar car making its way up the street towards the house. Taylor was almost home and as much as he had wanted to speak to her less than an hour ago he now knew that she was the last thing he needed. He'd had his fill of the James' sisters for that day and he sure as hell didn't need Taylor badgering him about the events that had just taken place. She would know with one look at him that something had happened and he definitely did not need to rehash the whole thing now.

As he watched she flashed her headlights at him indicating that she wanted to talk to him and that was enough to spur him into action. He started the engine revving it hard before taking off down the street praying that Taylor would take the hint and not follow him. His actions had made it more than clear that he didn't want to talk now and he hoped that she would for once show some tact and mind her own business. Reaching the end of the street he looked into his rear view mirror and sighed with relief as he saw that her car was no longer in sight. She must have pulled into her drive her need to check on Haley obviously outweighing her insatiable curiosity. He slowed the car down slightly driving at a more sedate pace knowing that he was in no state to be able to drive safely at this point. He could barely think with all the images and words swirling through his mind. All he wanted was to get home and drink himself into a stupor maybe that would block it all out.

Finally he pulled into the driveway grimacing with distaste as he saw Lucas' truck parked in the drive, his brother and his nephew sitting on the step waiting for him. Sighing heavily he got out of his truck walking reluctantly to where they sat trying his hardest to paste a smile onto his face as he saw Zach looking at him expectantly.

"Uncle Nate," he said excitedly, "I stayed at Daddy's house last night and Mommy came around before and she said that I can stay again tonight."

"Wow," Nathan said doing his best to inject some enthusiasm into his voice as he spoke to his nephew. He could feel Luke's eyes on him but deliberately kept his gaze averted unsure of how much of his confused emotions were still swimming in his eyes. Lucas was one of the few people who could read him with just a simple look and he didn't need him turning his razor sharp gaze on him at that moment.

"Hey Zach," he said perching the child up on his shoulders as he entered the house. "How about I get you something to eat and you can watch the new DVD I got for you. How does that sound huh?"

"Good," Zach said wiggling around excitedly.

"Now how about we get you some cookies and soda," Nathan said.

Zach giggled "Mommy doesn't let me have soda she says its bad for my teeth."

"Well," Nathan said lifting him down from his shoulders. "I won't tell her if you won't."

Zach considered this for a moment before turning to look at his father. "Daddy will you tell Mommy that Uncle Nate gave me soda."

Luke dragged his intense gaze away from his brother looking briefly at his son. "No buddy I won't tell her, but you can only have one glass ok."

"Ok," he agreed cheerfully.

Nathan did his best to appear nonchalant as he moved around the kitchen preparing his nephew's snack but he knew he wasn't fooling Lucas. He could feel his eyes on him everywhere he went and had to fight the urge to snap at him but knew he could not do that for a couple of reasons namely the fact that Zach was there but also the fact that he didn't want to give him any opening to initiate conversation. But he knew that this sort of avoidance would only work for so long and sooner or later Lucas would get tired of waiting and begin to ask the questions that were written all over his face.

Zach wandered away leaving the two men alone and Lucas seized his opportunity. "So you going to tell me where you've been?" he asked.

"Don't see how it's any of your business," Nathan responded with a shrug.

"You went to see her didn't you?" Lucas asked but the question was phrased as more of a statement and Nathan knew that he didn't really expect an answer he had already formed his own opinion of the day's events in his own mind.

"I've seen that same look in the eyes of every person who's seen her over the past few days, hell I saw it in my own eyes when I came home and looked in the mirror. "So she wouldn't talk to you either huh?"

Nathan gave a short sharp bark of laughter at his assumption. "Believe me I almost wish she hadn't," he said partially under his breath.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Lucas asked incredulously. As ridiculous as it was he almost felt a little jealous that the only person that had been able to get through to Haley was her ex husband. Here he was her supposed best friend since they were eight and he had barely gotten a word out of her and Nathan had succeeded where all others before him had failed. In some respects he knew he probably shouldn't be surprised and that he was probably being unfair to be upset about this, he knew he should just be grateful that she had finally spoken to someone but judging by the look on Nathan's face it didn't appear that whatever it was that she had said had been something he had wanted to hear.

"What did she say?" he asked quietly not sure that Nathan would tell him or if he did that it was something that he wanted to hear.

"She told me that he did it because he loved her," Nathan told his brother hesitantly and was surprised to see Lucas nodding his head no sign of the shock or outrage that he had been expecting his statement to be greeted with.

"That's what she said to me too," he said quietly.

"Yeah well I bet she didn't tell you that it was your fault," he said harshly.

Lucas' face finally registered the surprise that he had been looking for as his mouth gaped open and he seemingly searched for the words to ask what he needed to know. But before he could say anything Zach reappeared in the room carrying two envelopes in his hand.

"Uncle Nate what are these?" he asked holding them up to him. "Can I open them?" he asked hopefully.

Nathan took the envelopes from his nephew visibly blanching as he instantly recognised Haley handwriting on one and what he was pretty certain was Taylor's on the other. I guess now I know where Taylor was he thought grimly to himself. She must have brought these here while I was at her place.

He looked down at Zach seeing him still watching him expectantly. "Sorry Zach maybe next time these ones are sort of private."

Zach did his best pout hoping to make Nathan give in to him the way his father so often would but Nathan remained firm and eventually he gave up running away to play in the living room. He knew Lucas was still watching him and dragged his gaze away from the envelope that was practically burning his hand.

"You and Zach have to go," he said without preamble.

"Nathan what is it?" he asked gesturing towards the envelope he held.

"I don't know," Nathan replied honestly "But I have a feeling whatever it is it's not good."

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay? We can put a DVD on for Zach and that will keep him busy for at least an hour if I know my son."

Nathan shook his head, "No I need to be alone."

Lucas looked at him intently for a moment before shrugging his shoulders. "Ok well if you're sure."

"I am," Nathan said with quiet certainty.

Turning towards the living room Lucas called to his son, "Zach come on we have to go."

Ushering them out of the house a few minutes later Nathan finally was left on his own but only after promising Lucas that he would call if he needed to talk or whatever.

He looked at the envelopes still clutched in his hand and silently debated which one to open first. Finally making a decision he ripped open one of them gasping when he saw the picture that spilled out. The burn depicted was so gruesome, marring what once had been such smooth soft skin, skin that he had touched on so many occasions in the past. He tried to push the image out of his mind dropping the photo to the floor as he regarded the second envelope warily.

Cautiously he opened it almost as if afraid that the contents would jump out and bite him. Peering inside he saw a single sheet of paper folded into quarters reaching in he picked it out gingerly holding it between his thumb and forefinger.

Unfolding it slowly the words Dear Nathan seemed to almost jump off the page at him and he sank down to the floor knowing that he needed to sit while he read this. Taking a deep breath he began to read.

Dear Nathan,

I almost don't even know why I'm writing this as I hope you'll never have to see it. For so long I've had so many thoughts swirling around in my head and I decided it was time to get them all out onto paper.

So much has changed since I last saw you, that night when I came back from tour hoping to set things right with you. You nearly broke my heart when you told me that you had signed those annulment papers. I never ever thought that you would sign them and to have Dan bring them well for a moment as strange as this may sound that gave me hope because I couldn't believe after everything that he had done to us that you would let him be the one to bring them to me. Guess that hope was wasted thought wasn't it. It would seem that you mended your relationship with your father after all.

After you sent me away that night and told me that it was all over I didn't know what to do. I'd quit the tour determined to go back to school and leave the music thing till I was a bit older or maybe give it up all together if it meant being with you. So I did the only thing I could think of I went back to the tour and Chris, Michelle and all the rest of them.

I know you probably still don't believe this especially since I ended up married to him but I promise you Nathan nothing ever happened between me and Chris while I was married to you.

When I returned to the tour he was such a good friend to me Nathan. I was a total mess and he took care of me and I guess I tricked myself into believing that I loved him. He told me so many times that he loved me that eventually I started to believe it. I needed to believe that someone loved me. I needed to believe that I wasn't unlovable.

I guess I was naïve Nathan, the signs were there from very early on but I wouldn't admit to them. Even now I portray this happy little wife up on stage and out in public while inside I'm dying.

The reason I'm writing this Nathan is because I'm scared about what's going to happen in the future. What I haven't told you Nathan although if you're reading this now I assume you know is that he beats me. So I'm writing this to explain to you that no matter what it seemed like Nathan I never stopped loving you. I'm putting this letter away somewhere safe and I'm going to give instructions that if anything ever happens to me that you get this.

I hope you've found happiness Nathan because I truly believe you deserve it. This has been the longest year of my life Nathan and I honestly don't think I would have survived it without my memories of what a marriage and real love could be like.

I'll always love you Nathan.

Love Haley.

The piece of paper fluttered from his lifeless fingers to the ground. Immediately he picked it up again looking at the date. She had written this barely a year after getting married. Even then she had been afraid for her life.

What the hell had changed in the six years since she had written this? That woman that he had spoken to today had been so adamant that Chris loved her and yet supposedly that was the same woman who had wrote of the eternal love she would always feel for him. How could this be possible? His confusion was almost more than he could bear. He dropped the letter to the floor once more and stood walking to the window and stared unseeing out into the back yard. He no longer knew what to think.

Picking up the photo he stared at the image of that cigarette burn on her breast then slowly tore it into shreds he never wanted to see it again. It was emblazoned onto his brain anyway. There was no way he would ever forget it.