A.N Ok so latest chapter is done. I was waiting to get another opinion on it before I posted but its been one of those nights where no one has been around to have a read so I'm just going to go ahead and post it and hope for the best. Enjoy and make sure you leave me reviews. The ones that I got last time definitely encouraged me to get this chapter wrote and posted. Thanx to everyone who reviewed.
A Time Best Forgotten
Part One
A Puppet and Her Strings
Taylor looked up at Brooke once more checking to make sure that she was indeed reading. If she truly wanted to help Haley then she too needed to know the true horror of the Keller marriage. Unlike her Brooke had not had prior cause for worry and what she was about to read would surely come as a shock to her. Not that she personally could care less about Brooke Davis but unfortunately she now knew more than ever that she was going to need her help. God she hated this having to turn to Brooke Davis of all people for help. She would have been perfectly content to never see that bitch again and now here she was inviting her into her house on a regular basis, allowing that woman to be around her son. The very thought of it made her sick to her stomach.
Brooke looked up at that moment regarding her quizzically as she saw the way the other woman was studying her. Without a word Taylor turned her attention back to the book in front of her. She had nothing to say to Brooke especially when every time she looked at her she was reminded of the way she had spoken to her before she had left town four years ago. That woman was nothing but a bitch and if it wasn't for Haley she would have preferred to forget that she even existed.
Picking up the book she once again began to read. The entries now were much shorter and had lost the desperation of the earlier ones. Now the recounts of her day to day existence were almost clinical in their descriptions. Haley had obviously accepted that this was her life and it would be that way until the day she died. The only time there was the slightest hint of emotion was when Haley described the love she felt for Chris and spoke about the good times. As hard as it was for Taylor to believe there were what Haley considered to be good times and Haley seemed to cling to those moments almost desperately making the slightest gesture into something so much more than it ever would be to someone involved in a normal loving relationship. The excitement she expressed when Chris would tell her that she had done a good job in her latest concert or told her that her hair looked good went above and beyond anything that Taylor would have ever expected from such a simple gesture.
The other worrying aspect as far as Taylor was concerned was the isolation Haley seemed to feel even when she was on the stage. There would be thousands of people out in the crowd worshipping the very ground she walked on and all Haley could think about was what they would think of her if they knew the truth. Taylor had read the magazine articles over the years labelling Haley as a celebrity that preferred to stay out of the lime light only now it made a lot more sense. She could definitely understand why Haley had cut herself off from the rest of the world, the more Taylor had read the more apparent Chris' brainwashing of his wife had become. It seemed as if Haley could barely think for herself anymore. It was almost as if she was nothing more than a puppet with Chris tugging on all of her strings. She seemed to truly believe that he was all she had in the world. He had convinced her that she was dirty and no one from her past whether they be family, friends or merely acquaintances would want anything to do with her. She was especially convinced of how disgusted Nathan would be to see the woman she had become.
Reading this journal was making her physically sick and yet it was as if she was unable to tear herself away from the horror of it all. It was almost like witnessing a car wreck, no matter how much she may have wanted to turn away some ghoulish sense of curiosity would not allow her to stop before she had seen it all and knew everything that her sister had experienced. It was the only way she could help her and help her she must because without help Haley would never have any hope of recovery.
God I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so scared I might lose Chris. Last night he threatened to leave me. I can't let him do that, he's the only thing I have left, without him I'd be so lost. He helps me so much, not only with my singing and music but with every aspect of my career, my life really. I try so hard to be the perfect wife but somehow I'm still lacking. There is always something that I'm not doing right. I don't know why I can't be the perfect wife for him. I just seem to constantly let him down.
But last night was the worst yet. I truly thought I was going to lose him. He wanted me to….God it kills me to even write it but he brought this other girl home with him and told me that she would be joining us for the night. I was so shocked and I didn't know what to say. I tried to talk to him alone and tell him that I wasn't comfortable with it but he refused to listen, saying that I had forced him to do it. If I wasn't so boring in bed he wouldn't have had to go and find someone else to liven things up. I tried to tell him that I would do better but he was so determined. Then he threatened that if I didn't do what he wanted then he would leave me. Hearing him talk about how alone I would be and how no one would want anything to do with me was one of the most terrifying things I have ever heard. I looked into his eyes and I could see that he meant every word that he was saying. He took us into the bedroom and the things he made me do I could never have imagined I almost thought I was going to be sick. Chris seemed so excited at first as he made us kiss and sat beside us his hands stroking over our bodies. The look in his eyes was one that he used to always look at me with, pure lust but I haven't seen that from him in the longest time.
I tried so hard to do what he wanted and to make it special for him. I did my best to act as if I was enjoying myself, trying to make all the right noises and smiling and laughing. I could feel his eyes on me knowing that he was watching my every move it was all I could do not to throw up. In my head I was praying for it to end but outwardly I was loving every moment of it.
Finally it ended; Chris barely looked at the other girl as he told her to leave. When he came back into the bedroom I waited for him to join me in the bed but he simply walked over to stand beside it. I knelt up to kiss him and was unprepared for the slap that came flying at my face. I fell back onto the bed as he screamed at me telling me how disgusting I was and he couldn't believe I would do such a thing. I tried to tell him that I only did it because it was what he wanted but it was like he didn't even hear me.
He punched me so hard that I threw up then pushed my face down into it asking me what it was like. Did I think it was disgusting? I nodded silently and he told me that now I should understand how he feels about me. He told me I was nothing but a dirty whore and why on earth would he want me when every man and his dog had had me and now it seemed probably a lot of women too. I told him that I only did it because I thought that was what he wanted but he laughed when he heard that and told me I should just be grateful that at least he still feels enough pity for me that he lets me stay here.
His voice was almost hypnotic as he told me to imagine what Nathan would think if he saw what I had just done. He would know just like everyone else that I'm nothing but a filthy whore. God he didn't want you before when you were little Miss Perfect just think how he would feel about you now. He would send you packing just like he did the last time except this time he would slam the door in your face instead of just closing it. Those were the words he used and I knew that they were the truth, not that it really matters anymore. My marriage to Nathan feels like another lifetime ago. I no longer allow myself to think about it.
For just a moment I wanted to scream at him and tell him that it wasn't true but I couldn't do it because I know that he's exactly right. How could Nathan…. How could anyone love me after the things I've done? Without Chris I would have no one. Almost as suddenly as he had started he stopped yelling and stalked around to his side of the bed undressing quickly. He got into bed and turned away from me throwing my hand off when I tried to touch him. After he fell asleep I cried for ages. I don't know what to do to make him happy anymore. I'm so scared that I'm going to lose him one day.
Several weeks went by before there was another entry.
I'm so happy at the moment everything between Chris and I is so perfect. I had to go to rehearsal and when I got home Chris had cooked me an amazing dinner. He told me that he wants us to go away together to have some time just for the two of us then he gave me a present. It was the most beautiful shawl, just the kind of thing that I wanted. The colour is a beautiful shade of turquoise green that he told me brings out my eyes and it is made of the finest silk. I absolutely love it. He gave me a pile of brochures for holiday destinations and told me to pick one. I can pick anywhere that I would like to go and it will be just like a second honeymoon for us. I'm so excited trying to decide where we should go. I think it would be so great to go somewhere with a beautiful beach….Maybe St Tropez. Can you imagine it, just me and Chris on a gorgeous beach drinking cocktails and making love under the star?. I have to go now and choose where I want to go but I'm just so excited I had to share this news with someone and I guess these days you're the closest thing I have to a friend.
There was no entry for more than a month after that and Taylor could only assume that they had gone on their trip and things had been so good that Haley had not felt the need to write. Finally there was a short note saying how much she had enjoyed their time in St Tropez but there was little of any note in it and Taylor hurriedly skipped ahead a few more pages.
I can't believe that I messed things up between us again just when things were going so well. As has become almost a regular occurrence lately he cooked dinner for us. I could see that he was really excited about something and assumed that he had finally had some good news about a gig.
We sat down and started eating and he told me that he had a surprise for me. When I asked him what it was for a moment he acted all secretive but I could see that he was bursting to tell me. Finally he got up from the table and brought back a piece of paper covered in his handwriting. There were a heap of addresses scrawled on it and little notes beside each one that I couldn't quite figure out.
I asked him what it was and that was when he shocked the hell out of me. He told me that these were addresses of properties for us to go look at. He wanted us to buy a house. I was totally confused, didn't understand why he would want to give up our beautiful apartment. He told me that we needed to upgrade and that we needed the extra space. I told him that this place had more than enough space for the two of us but he told me that it wouldn't be the two of us for much longer. I sat there shocked as he reached under the table and pulled out a paper bag, reaching inside he pulled out two items. The first one I recognised straight away it was my birth control pill, I gasped as he laid it on the table and he laughed as he saw the look of terror on my face.
"Now Haley," he said still smiling at me "did you really think I wouldn't find out?" I cowered in my chair as I waited for the inevitable attack to come but he merely continued to smile as the second item came to rest beside the first. To start with I didn't recognise the box until I looked closer and saw the clearly printed words. Home Pregnancy Test... 100 percent accurate….
My heart felt as if it was trying to escape through my throat as I looked at him not knowing what to say. He pushed the box across the table towards me and told me to go into the bathroom and use it.
I asked him what the point was when he knew that I was on the pill but he just gave me this funny smile and told me that I was wrong. He had found my birth control pill weeks ago and had a friend of a friend make up a fake one. The packaging was the same but what was inside of it did nothing to stop me getting pregnant. He laughed again as he saw the horror on my face. "Think about it Haley," he said "the way we've been going at it lately our baby could be growing inside you even as we speak."
It was as if my mouth had a mind of its own as I began to speak barely pausing for breath. The words came spilling out and I had no control over them. I told him that there was no way I was going to bring a baby into this hell and that if I was pregnant it would be the worst thing that ever happened to me. The whole time I was screaming at him he just sat there smiling at me almost serenely and I'm sure that I felt what it was like for my blood to run cold.
Taylor read on and on barely able to comprehend the horror of what she was reading. When finally she finished she slammed the book down onto the table causing Brooke to almost jump out of her chair in shock. She looked at her questioningly but Taylor was in no mood to answer questions. She jerked out of her chair and took off at a run inside storming up the stairs and into Haley's room. She walked to the dresser ripping the clothes from the drawers madly as Haley looked on in shock. After every drawer was empty she turned her attention to the closet pulling every article of clothing from it throwing shoes across the room as she ransacked the room.
"Taylor what the hell are you doing?" Haley asked getting up from the bed and walking to where her sister was trying to make sense of the destruction that she was being confronted with.
Taylor didn't answer though instead turning to the bed and yanking the covers from it tearing the pillows open so that feathers floated around the room. She heaved the mattress off the bed but still was unsuccessful. Finally she stopped and turned to Haley breathing heavily.
"Where the hell are they?" she asked.
"What?" Haley asked genuinely confused a definite fear in her eyes as she looked at the wildness in her sisters gaze.
"The other journals," Taylor screeched "and don't bother denying it because I know damn well that there would have been others. I know you Haley and there is no way that you wouldn't have continued to write them. So where the hell are they?"
Haley visibly blanched, "You read them?" she asked incredulously. "Oh God Taylor please don't say you read them."
"Yes I read them Haley and you know what I'm glad I did. It helped me to understand why you're so completely fucked up but you need to show me the rest. I can't help you unless I know everything. Show me the damn journals Haley. Help me understand."
Haley's face lost all semblance of colour as she sank down to the floor. "Get out Taylor," she said quietly at first but when Taylor continued to stand there her hands planted firmly on her hips she began to yell. "Get the fuck out Taylor; you had no right to read those. It's none of your damn business."
"None of my business have you completely lost your mind," Taylor screamed at her. "Of course this is my business you're my sister and there is no way I can pretend that I don't know what has happened. I'm trying to help you Haley."
"Well who the hell asked you to?" Haley demanded. "I sure as hell didn't."
Taylor looked at her wanting to continue the fight but she knew deep down that it would get her nowhere. Haley had changed a lot from the girl she once was but one thing remained true and that was her stubbornness. She turned to look at her once more before leaving the room.
"You know that I only want to help don't you Haley?"
Her question was met with silence and she left the room knowing that she had once again failed in her attempts to help her sister.
Haley sunk down onto the mattress now laying on the floor her mind swirling with memories. As much as she had tried to block it out everything that had happened in the time leading up to her return to Tree Hill came flooding back into her mind.
Flashback
She walked into the house and found Chris sitting on the couch the room around him resembling the site of a tornado. Cushions from the sofa were torn open pieces of paper littered the room, broken glass was scattered across the floor and in the midst of this carnage sat Chris Keller calmly sipping a drink, the only clue to his true emotional turbulence the glint in his eyes.
Running his eyes over her body he smirked. "So my darling wife it seems you have been keeping your true talent hidden. All this time I thought your skill lay in singing, well that and whoring, but it seems you were holding out on me. Who would have thought that you were such an accomplished writer of fiction?"
Haley looked at him completely confused as she tried to make sense of his words but her mind remained blank. She could feel something gnawing at her sub conscious as if deep down she knew what this was all about but she couldn't quite get a hold of the idea. The alcohol she had drunk in the limo on the drive back from the recording studio was making it difficult to think as she stared at her husband waiting to see what she had done this time. These days she didn't even both trying to deny it when he accused her of her supposed latest atrocity. She knew now that no matter what she did he would always find something that was wrong, something that she needed to be punished for and so she stood patiently waiting for his explanation.
She had known before she had come home that she would be beaten tonight just as she had been every night for almost as long as she could remember. She didn't even know how long it had been since they had become a daily occurrence all she knew was that this was what her life was and there was nothing she could do that would ever change it.
Sometimes she wondered about the people around her, the studio execs, promoters all of these people who professed to have such an interest in her. How was it possible that none of them had realised the truth of her life. She knew that Chris was always careful to hit her only in places that would be easily covered with clothes and for those odd occasions where he did slip up she had become an adept liar easily spilling forth what she believed to be plausible excuses for the bruising that would appear on her skin.
Chris had definitely been canny in so many aspects of her life. From an early time in her career he had ensured that she never spent any real length of time with anyone apart from him. Backing singers, musicians, recording execs all passed through like ships in the night never in her life long enough to form a real relationship with her and soon she stopped even trying. It was pointless when Chris was in control of every aspect of her life.
He had decided very early on that he would manage her career and this had given him carte blanche to control everything that went on in her life. He now not only knew what she was doing in every moment of her free time but also was in command of her career in its entirety. He managed everything from what songs she would sing and where she would perform to the clothes she would wear on stage and the items that would be present in her dressing room before and after a show. Like most managers he would decide who she would give interviews to but unlike any other manager she had ever known he would also decide what fans she would sign autographs for and had control of every dime she earned. Very early on in their marriage he had convinced her that it was best to let him handle all of their finances and so he had taken the cards from her, had ensured that all of the accounts were joint and then systematically deposited all of their content into other accounts opened only in his name. She could barely remember the last time she had been shopping for her own clothes or make up, Chris had bought it all for her, buying only the things that he approved of.
She looked at him sitting in front of her on the sofa still smiling that ridiculous half smile and was hit with the knowledge that somehow this time it was worse. No matter what had come before it, nothing would compare to what was about to happen.
Chris reached down between the sofa cushions pulling out something that struck fear into her heart from the first glimpse she got. The leather binding was so familiar, he had gotten hold of one of her journals, her eyes darted around the room mentally calculating the hiding places of the other two journals that still remained in the house. She had been careless recently by not taking them to the bank vault where the others were kept but her paranoia had grown so much recently that she had become convinced that the staff of the bank were probably reading their content and she had been too afraid to show her face there again, scared of what she might see in their eyes.
"What is this Haley?" he had asked her his voice oddly quiet, as his eyes had bored into hers.
"It's nothing Chris really; it was just me being silly."
He stood suddenly moving across the room to stand in front of her. Opening the book he began to read deliberately toning his voice to be high pitched and whiny.
Last night Chris made me give him a blowjob. Why can't he understand how much I hate to do that? I think it's the most disgusting thing ever but I knew if I didn't do it then he would beat me. Hah who am I kidding he'd beat me no matter what.
Chris stopped there and looked at his wife. "How the hell could you do this to me? After everything I did for you this is how you repay me. You write lies about me. What the hell were you planning to do with them? Oh let me guess it's not enough for you to be a famous singer you thought you'd turn your hand to a life as an author too. All I've ever done is try to love you and help you to be your best. Do you really think anyone else could have loved you the way I have? Do you think your pretty boy big shot basketball player would have stood by you when he knew the truth about the sort of person you really are. No one else could have loved you Haley but I did and this is the thanks I get. Lies all lies." He screamed his temper finally getting the best of him.
Grabbing her frail body in his hands he tossed her as if she were nothing more than a bag of trash across the room, her body slamming into the wall temporarily knocking the air out of her lungs. As she stood there slumped over gasping for breath she heard his words. "You're nothing but a trashy little whore. I gave you everything and for what? What did I ever get out of it? All I got was a washed up career and a whore of a wife. You destroyed everything for me, everything I worked so hard for and it's all gone because of you. Well I'm not going to let you take anything else from me. That's all you've ever done is take, take, take well that's over now. You're never going to get the chance to take anything from anyone ever again. Ok maybe I did hit you a couple of times but it was only because you made me do it, just like you're making me do it now. Do you think this is how I want to live my life? Do you honestly think this is the sort of marriage I wanted for us when I asked you to marry me? Well it's not none of this has turned out the way I wanted it too. Why couldn't you be who I wanted you to be?" he yelled his arms waving around as he appeared to finally lose the last shred of sanity he was still holding.
His fist slammed into her stomach causing her to double over in pain unaware of the next attack already aimed at her body. His kick caught her legs knocking her to the ground almost immediately being followed up by his boot connecting with her stomach. She felt bile rise in her throat followed quickly by the contents of her stomach spilling out over his boot. This only served to enrage him more his boot slamming over and over into her stomach. She could feel her ribs crack, hear the terrible crunching sound and in that moment she doubted whether she would ever make it out of there alive. I t wasn't the first time in the past seven years that she had considered the possibility of death, the frightening thing was she thought about it on almost a daily basis and the thought no longer filled her with fear instead she felt almost a sense of relief that perhaps it would all finally end.
Any dreams she had once held for her life no longer existed all she wished for now was for it to end. His voice went on and on telling her how they would be together forever, how she would never be away from him. Reminding her again and again of why they ended up together. Finally he had stopped, demanding that she give him a blowjob. She knew that things would only get worse if she refused but she simply could not get up onto her knees to do what he wanted.
End Flashback
Coming out of her reverie Haley lay on the mattress staring dry eyed at the ceiling. It occurred to her to wonder why she didn't cry. She wasn't even sure if she still had the ability to cry, it was so long since she had last done so. She knew that most people would consider her to be some sort of emotional recluse, too scared to allow herself to feel after so long of denying herself. She was sure that if Taylor or Brooke knew that she didn't cry they would immediately ship her off to an asylum certain that she was no longer in control of her faculties.
Downstairs Brooke placed the book down on the table leaning forward and allowing her head to rest in her hands. It was all just too horrible, and she knew that she had barely scratched the surface of what had happened. The second journal still lay on the ground where Taylor had dropped it as she rushed inside and Brooke desperately wished that she could simply leave it there and pretend that it didn't exist, but she knew that was impossible.
She could only hope that whatever this book held that it couldn't be as bad as what she had just read. If only she knew that the story was about to get a whole lot worse and nothing she had read so far would prepare her for what was to come. Besides at least she had been at least partly prepared for what was inside these journals. Taylor had read them knowing only what she had learnt seeing Haley's injuries after she had arrived back in Tree Hill. It must have been shocked her to her core reading what had happened to her during the years since she had last seen her. She was slightly surprised that Haley had allowed her to read the journals at all but assumed that Taylor must have taken them from her room while she was sleeping.
As both women sat pondering their own senses of guilt neither was aware of how just how much they had in common in terms of their knowledge of Haley's predicament. For now they blamed themselves but how long would it take for that sense of blame to be turned on each other.